Why Every Girl Needs A Girlfriend

March 12, 2014  |  

How many of you know a woman who is adamantly OPPOSED to having friendships with other women?  I know a few.

Women like that baffle me. I  don’t understand why these women have decidedly cast off an entire gender as being considered as a potential friend.

While we’ve all  had bouts with other women that may not have gone too well, friendships with other women can be highly rewarding and inspiring. There are so many women in my life who have had such an incredible impact on me and have played a important role in my development as a women in many aspects of my personal life, emotional well-being, and career development. My mom, one of the strongest women I know, is my shining example of the strength of a woman and all that can be learned from having one by your side.

There’ an old saying: “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” This couldn’t be any truer for me. My girl friends are my complements. There’s nothing like having a gal pal that truly understands all the idiosyncrasies of what it means to be a woman. Someone who can check you when you’re wrong or out of line. Someone you can complain to about guy trouble and who can understand from a female perspective. There’s also nothing like being able to call up one of your girls any time of the day to talk, cry, vent, laugh just because. Heck, we girls even have our version of “my bulls**** is your bulls****.” ( If you don’t know what I’m talking about click here to watch Kevin Hart and all of his hilariousness talk about his “best friend code”. )

While I love many of my close guy friends, my girl friends have a special part in my heart, not only because they get things about me that guys will never understand (such as how horrible PMS and period cramps can be), but also because at the end of the day we share in the beautiful and powerful, yet sometimes daunting experience of being a woman in present day society.

So why does every girl need a girlfriend? Though Beyoncé wants us to believe that girls run the world, let’s cut straight to the facts. America (and the larger world society) is highly patriarchal. We are systematically stigmatized and discriminated against in a variety of ways. Wage discrimination and the debate on women’s reproductive rights are just two of many issues that women have to fight to maintain on a daily basis.

Here’s what I think is the biggest reason why some women I know don’t like having “girlfriends”:

“Women are full of drama”

Some woman refuse to have other women in their “inner circle” because of the belief that women are gossipy, backstabbers, full of drama, or overly critical. Oftentimes, women are characterized as enigmatic, insatiable, unstable emotional creatures. Is this a fair generalization? No. Sometimes one’s actions at a given time are actually part of a much more complex personal profile that goes beyond gender.

With reality shows galore (you all know the culprits) that appear to be centered around cattiness and fighting among women, it can be tempting to agree with the sentiment that women are full of drama. Furthermore, media capitalizes off of women-bashing or portraying women in  a negative light. We’re saturated by the notion that women induce drama.

Maybe the real issue is that women are choosing the wrong women to call their friends and associate with. I know a lot of women who I think are overly gossipy, catty, or who I just don’t have a personal favoring for and guess what… They aren’t my friends. Do I say all women are (insert negative adjective here)? Nope.

Making extreme generalizations is the pathway to stereotyping and prejudice. As black women, we’ve come too far to not actively be supportive of one another. Instead of tearing each other down, imagine how powerful we can be if we rally around lifting each other up? Besides, who says men aren’t full of drama? Anyone can be anything, so concluding that a problem that is emblematic of all humans of one gender is quite flawed.

If we were to rewind back to the Women’s Movement era. we’d realize how the banding together of women around women’s issues, such as the right to vote, played an important role in changing laws and policies that negatively affected women. I believe in the power of  female solidarity. There is a lot that we can achieve if we women stop promoting trivialities that can cause splintering and fragmentation within our community.

In all ladies, I love my girl friends and you should too!

Are you a supporter of female friendships? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comment section below.

Rana Campbell is a self- proclaimed “digital butterfly.” Follow her on Twitter or Instagram or check out her website www.ranacampbell.com to read more interesting commentaries.

 

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  • NikzDPoet

    While I understand the viewpoint of this article, you have to understand the other side of the argument. I am one of those people who believe that some females are dramatic, but I only say that because of the experiences I’ve had. And the type of things I learned about girls in the process. Don’t get me wrong I believe in uplifting our gender, but there are actually a lot of females that ARE dramatic. Now if you’re like me, you don’t fully ignore females for the same reasons you mentioned: some things guys will never understand. But I have only found maybe 2 girl friends that actually uplift and empower me and don’t come with the beef. And my male best friend has been the best friend I could have above all, even with the downs. So even though we need to come together as a whole, that “show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are” goes along way, and some of us had our fair share I bad experiences to not wanna associate ourselves with those kind I people. But once again, not all of us avoids making friends with females just cause we rather be friends with males, I still give girls a chance. People who utterly refuse can be damaging a part of their femininity and overall growth as a women in society. So while you think we generalize about girls being dramatic, it’s also a bad generalization for your idea of the people who says that as if we all think how you described it ;).

    • Rana Campbell

      Hi, thanks for writing this great comment. i totally understand what you brought up here. Yes, alot of females can be dramatic. I do know that the premise I present goes alot deeper that what is seen at surface level. It’s good to get these discussions going!

  • Diva

    From personal experience I can argue both sides of this argument. I’ve been friends with women who are full of drama and competitive and of the flip side I have friends who are just amazing women who inspire me. I’ve even made that statement about not wanting to be friends with women. But as I got older I had to realize that I have to surround myself with the right kind of woman. The drama queens had to go, and now as an adult I tread lightly with who I call “friends” and stay far away from the ones who act like that. I learned along the way that drama is not for me and neither are women who cause it.

    • Rana Campbell

      So true. Thanks for contributing to the conversation!

    • Yvette

      Preach!

  • MM82

    As we get older, our circles become smaller and many times the pain of bad friendships gone wrong cause us to not want any new friends. But whenever I meet a woman who states that she doesn’t have any friends, I make it a point to stay away from that person. That woman is normally the one full of drama and hate but she believes that it’s everyone else.

    • Diva

      I agree.

  • Overseas Teacher

    I think law of attraction is very real, which is why I attract really good home-girls but sack at attracting really great guys. lol. Oh well. Anyways, I am a girls girl and I couldn’t imagine my life w/out my close knit of friends, especially by best friend of 14 years. Though it is difficult for a lot of people to find a genuine home-girl(s), I am always suspicious of women that claim they cannot have women friends. That just seems unnatural for a woman.

    • Dawn Farrior Meadows

      Forgive me if I’m wrong but I had a conversation years ago with a lady in Okinawa and I thought for sure you were her

      • Overseas Teacher

        No, sorry that isn’t me. 🙂

    • Rana Campbell

      Good point!

  • Blessin_

    I don’t have anymore girlfriends we simply just grew apart.

  • Trish Chasity

    Not always easy when women feel the need to copy, be jealous, and be against each other just to remain on top. If you are able to stay in touch and be friends God Bless. If not, find new people.

    • Rana Campbell

      Agreed! Thank you for commenting 🙂

      • Trish Chasity

        Love always