Blonde Ambition: Are Black Women Aiming To Be Marilyn Monroe?

March 9, 2014  |  


Every once in a while in the black beauty world the blonde bomb drops. Celebs hop on the hair color trend and trade in their dark tresses for something a little fairer. When I was a teen there was Mary J. Blige, Lil Kim and Faith Evans. More recently it’s been Nicki Minaj, Ciara and Ashanti.

I’ll be the first to admit everything isn’t for everybody.  But for the most part when done right blonde on black can be very flattering. But of course whenever a woman makes a bold statement regarding her own beauty there will be critics to remind her she doesn’t make the rules. Because of course every woman who dyes her hair blonde wants to be a white-washed, sun-kissed surfer from Pasadena.

Now the truth is some of us look like fools. That trendy red lip or bubblegum pink pout is a fail for some. But the great thing about beauty is that it is in the eye of the beholder. And the quicker we stop letting everyone but black women decide black beauty for women, the better off we’ll be. Every woman that buys a pack of #27 remi doesn’t want to be Marilyn Monroe, just like every woman with blue highlights doesn’t aim to be Marge Simpson.

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t exactly understand women in general’s obsession with Marilyn Monroe. It’s not only black women; Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears and Mariah Carey are just a few of the artists who have portrayed the late actress in photo spreads or performances. Nicki Minaj did a small tribute to her in an issue of XXL magazine and even has a song of the same name in which she raps:

“Sometimes I feel like Marilyn Monroe, I’m insecure, yeah I make mistakes.”

I think Nicki makes a good point. I‘m willing to argue that many woman not only admire Monroe’s apple pie “all-American” beauty, but can identify with her story as well. Monroe’s story is that of many superstars: The tale of an industry that builds up celebrities based on their beauty (and sometimes their talent) and doesn’t make any extra effort to intervene while watching them inevitably breakdown beneath their demons. Maintaining the balance between inner and outer beauty is a struggle that all women can identify with: blonde, brunette and everything in between.

Blonde with blues eyes is just another fad like big booties and small waists and tattoos and piercings. Our community needs to be a little less critical about what one another look like and pay more attention to other underlying issues. The truth is every woman who wants to rock a blonde bob from time to time doesn’t have a secret wish to be white. I grew up looking at beauty icons like Lisa Bonet, Chaka Khan and Aaliyah. Marilyn Monroe was just one example of American beauty, not the only one and the sooner we allow little girls to expand their definitions of the word, the less eager we’ll be to accuse each other of self-hate just because someone doesn’t want to rock an afro and a dashiki. I’ll admit, some of us have some deep seeded issues, but some of us just get easily bored with narrow definitions of beauty.

I can’t argue that there are plenty of black beauty icons to go around from Lena Horne to Lupita N’yongo, but if blonde hair and blue eyes are what some of our women look up to, does it honestly have to be that deep? Will we crucify women who tan their skin and crop their hair in an effort to look like Lupita if that’s what we begin to glorify? I don’t think black women or any women for that matter aim to be Marilyn Monroe as much as they aim to just be seen as beautiful. And as long as we keep allowing the media and corporations to decide exactly what that means, the longer we will chase it whether it’s blonde hair with blue eyes or hydrogel inflated booties. What’s most important is that women are able to embrace the many definitions of beauty and not just what the media, a man or their own “brothers and sisters” tells them is acceptable.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

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  • anonymouse

    Here’s what I missed in your other reply- you asked why would I buy hair when I already have hair? I typically buy curly hair and without risking burning my scalp, hair, or ears……I find it easier to buy the curl pattern I would like to try out and be done with it. It’s not often that I buy straight hair, but I’m not gonna apologize for it should I do.

    It wouldn’t matter how often I relax my hair or any other Black woman does… will never resemble a white woman’s hair/texture and we don’t want it to. Even the hair that we purchase doesn’t come from them, so to say that we’re unconsciously trying to mimic them is off.

    To answer your question as to why Black women wear weaves or straighten their hair and refuse to wear their natural hair, you need to ask….what is ‘natural hair anyways?. Your friend that’s blonde and natural…..well, she’s not. Hair color contains some of those same chemicals that changes texture by loosening the natural curl. And as I’ve stated in my other post, most of the so called natural products are focused on enhancing and softening that curl.I wouldn’t consider that ‘natural’, but at least I’m not lying to myself about my intentions.I mean, what’s the point of using heat to straighten your hair and then look down on those who straighten theirs chemically?

    Ok, now I’m sure that you’re a guy! You ask, why can’t I just wash my hair and oil it?? lol! I don’t think that any race of women can do that, but Black hair is overall different. You have more variety in styling that any other ethnicity and I don’t understand why taking advantage of all that you can do with it suggests a deeper issue. I’ve seen the pics of these girls who claim that they are ‘natural’ and they have these cascade of curls..etc, but they don’t show girls like me whose texture isn’t quite like that. If I oil it to soften, isn’t that not its natural texture.That’s sort of contradictory, isn’t it?

    Yes, Black women are judged harshly and lately it’s by Black men. Could you explain to me why Black men see fit to discuss and criticize what’s on a woman’s head. it doesn’t concern them and they need to quit.

    How did we get from blonde weaves to Black people being experimented on.?

    Boys sag because they think it’s a ‘style’.Same as when 10 yrs ago, many Black girls wore micro-braids, but there are some styles that are considered classic and go beyond ethnicity and culture and straight hair is one of them. it’s just a style and I don’t really see a lot of people around here just wearing straight hair.

  • mainstreamisoverrated

    I must say too,that she was not a natural blond AND I have seen BLOND blacks.

  • mainstreamisoverrated

    Uhhh I see these celenbmen wearing blonde and putting s curls in their hair…..

  • E-Starr Poet

    It’s ashame that Black Women are aiming to portray a white woman who was a sex object; she had privileges due to her race that women of color will never receive. I truly enjoyed when women of color embrace their natural hair look. It represented power and pride!!! So sad today they rather imitate their white barbie.

  • ms stacye

    If you like being a blonde….BE A BLONDE.
    If you like wearing virgin Indian hair down to your waist…WEAR IT!
    If you like rocking honey colored contacts…ROCK EM!
    ***Point is, DO YOU, F what others have to say. Blond hair color has been around forever—it ain’t going anywhere anytime soon! Yes, some people don’t look as good with what the choose to wear, but it’s their decision. I’m sick of people telling black women “you need to be more like this…” “stop acting like that…”, then when some women get defensive, they throw out “bad attitude”, “bitter”, “self-hate”. SMDH. The world is your oyster. You only have ONE life to live….do what the F you wanna do!
    Be Blessed!!

  • olddude

    F&ck the new Marilyn , why can’t they just want to be themselves with their own natural beauty. Im not saying don’t dye whats growing out of their heads , color all ya want (yes purple too ). But don’t go out and spend $$$ (not my money) on hair that was once on someone else’s head not so long ago , and sew it , or even better/worse, glue it onto your own dome and say that you “wanna change it up!” Cancer patients, older ladies w/ thinning issues or burn victims are left outta this discussion . I’m STILL waiting for Jennifer Anniston (sp) to rock an Angie Davis fro to her next big party , as our women will suddenly grow 3 feet of hair overnight for damn cookout .

    • oopsshesaidit

      why stop at hair? how about make up, firm fitting clothes, eyebrow arching, mannies and petties, teeth straightening and whitening, jewelry, etc. Who are you to tell People what they should spend their Money on how how they should appear. Just because your hair is natural doesnt make you beautiful nor natural.

  • Just saying!!

    Oh and by the way, these mainstream celebrities aren’t necessarily going blonde because they’re bored. If anything they should be bored with the blonde hair. How long has it been Beyonce? They go blonde and stay that way for a gooddddd while so I don’t buy the “switching it up” excuse. Rihanna maybe, because she’s always doing something different, but many of them just go blonde and stay there.

  • Just saying!!

    Right, all these mainstream black celebrities are wearing blonde hair because they’re bored, not because they’re trying to appear more mainstream. -_- how the heck are you being different and daring if everyone else is doing it? I’m not going to say every black person that wears blonde hair hates themselves, but there are far too many women obsessed with white features to try to diminish it to “they’re just switching it up!”. Sorry but it IS that deep. I don’t buy it.

    • Just saying!!

      But I do agree that the obsession with Marilyn Monroe is ridiculous and unhealthy. Ugh everyone wants to look like someone else and then we all look the same. Smdh

  • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

    That woman went through hell. She was a Mind control victim. Why would anyone want to pretend to be her? She wasn’t even her true self. She was programmed. Why not just be yourself?


    Let’s say I believe you…And?

  • Allie

    No, actually I’m aiming to be Lianne La Havas, but that’s another story. Nice try MN.

  • Vicki Winn

    MM is dead!

  • Junebug123


  • matias59

    Worshiping tits is very white and especially very European American trend and there is strong correlation with conservative pseudo puritanist attitude. Progressive, liberal and mental freed people don’t worship tits as much. No need to wonder why e.g French people have claimed that American white men are becoming more and more infantile.

  • chanela

    “But for the most part when done right blonde on black can be very flattering” Done right=light skinned

    • grace

      Yeah fully agree

  • Jules

    If you research MK Ultra you will realize why women in the industry who are regarded as “sex symbols” wear the blond hair or have to pay homage to Marilyn. You will also realize that those ‘fools” in our black communities who idolize these puppets are wasting money running in the beauty shops getting blonde weave without understanding what’s really going on, and how the industry use these celebrities for their agendas. Research Marilyn and you will see that she was used/brainwashed to do certain things based upon this sex-kitten image. As someone posted, she wasn’t really blonde (her whole image had to change). The black women never pay homage to Dorothy Dandridge either, and this Marilyn Monroe crap makes me sick everytime I see a beautiful sister looking like a fool.

    • Missy Kissy

      Dorothy Dandridge didnt really have a signature look like Marilyn Monroe. So even if and when you saw Black women paying homage to Dorothy you may not recognize it. I mean that with all due respect. Now Billy Holiday on the other hand definately had a signature look, especially with that flower. Ive seen many Black women pay homage to her.

  • 9Boots

    BW can do what they want including dyeing their hair blonde, ect. The only time I have a problem with it is when BW believe they have to do this to be beautiful. There is a difference between being adventurous and being brainwashed.

    Marilyn Monroe is the first ultimate *sax* symbol, embodying everything that Hollyweird represents: glamor, glitz and *sax*-appeal. In order to be “the it girl” in entertainment you must sell *sax*. It is no coincidence that Beyonce, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Lil Kim, Madonna, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Paris Hilton, Anna Nicole Smith, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, etc. have imitated Monroe. They want her fame.

    However, Monroe was the first celebrity programmed *sax sl@ve*. She symbolizes the evil that is present in the entertainment industry. These women purposefully imitate her, they know what they are doing.

    “Hollywood is a place where they pay you 50,000 dollars for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul” Marilyn Monroe

    If want to know the truth about Marilyn Monroe and *sax* kitten programming go to Vigilant Citizen dot com and type in her name.

  • Missedwards

    The fact that there is even an argument shows insecurity among us. I’m not even talking about women who rock the blonde hair, weaves, etc. The insecurity comes from the people that take offense any time a black woman alters her appearance in any way. If I wear weave, contacts, blonde hair, am I any less black thank the woman rocking the natural? Do I not love my people the same? Please…. Everyone doesn’t want to be another race. Sometimes trying different looks, is just that. And sometimes it actually IS flattering.

    • PleaseDOBetter

      Right. Sometimes, it’s just not that deep but yet people want to turn it into something more than what it is.

    • grace

      There’s only a argument because black women are stating their opinion on why THEY PERSONALLY DO SOMETHING and someone is telling them they are wrong, I don’t even get how that works

  • KeepingItReal

    No….. Black women are aiming to be like JFK….of the USA.

    • KeepingItReal

      *prezident of the USA

  • Tina ClarksvilleNashville Hunt

    Omg, most people color their hair to create a different look. I can’t wear blonde but I can wear honey blonde. This site it seems to me promotes self hate within black women. I read a lot of articles and a lot of the originators comments. Not good. Others color their hair bc they don’t know any better, but I will not bash them. I would simply talk with them.

  • Asky Askerson

    Very bad job on this one. Your author doesn’t even know the difference between a trend and a fad and ends up insulting two groups of people because of it. You’ve basically created an issue and spent a bunch of time explaining why it is not an issue.

  • ok

    Before Marilyn was Marilyn Monroe she was Norma Jean……

  • Savannah

    My issue is not that one and only one woman happens to like how she looks as a blonde and dyes her hair. It’s not about someone’s personal preference being blonde hair and blue eyes. My issue is that it seems like everybody dyes their hair blonde but never darker, society claims ”Gentlemen prefer blondes”, ”Blondes have more fun”. I also only seem to hear compliments to blue/green eyes… It always seems like brunettes, brown eyes, dark skin, certain darker features are never complimented or desired. I’ts about the undenying fact that in society people seem to want to get as ”white” as possible not because of preference but because brown = ugly. It’s about the fact that Marilyn Monroe had many abortions, drugs problems, affairs with married men, etc., and it was all forgotten and forgiven because she as the blonde bombshell, but if this was Oprah or Michelle Obama or another darker woman she would be labeled and remembered as ghetto, trashy, hoodrat, etc… It’s more than just ”I wanna try something new, I’m gonna die my hair” or ”I’m gonna try blue eyes on Halloween / on this photoshoot”. It’s about girls knowing that brunettes are beautiful too, brown eyes can be sweet, adorable and pretty, dark skin can look glowing and fabulous. It’s about people being good or bad due to their personality and not being treated like their God’s gift to mankind because they ”won the genetic lottery” and get to have pure white skin instead of being ”poop brown”.

  • pickneychile

    Marilyn Monroe is constantly idolized, but I’ve read a bio on her and the lady had some serious issues even beyond the obvious drug abuse. I would not idolize her!

  • tysandsnyc

    You hit this right on the spot, sis! Women have been faking for centuries, but as soon as a Black woman fakes it, SHE HATES HERSELF! {Eye Roll}

    Just for the record, a person can genetically have dark skin and blonde hair, although it’s rare. But then again, NATURAL red heads are also rare, but yet, no one questions a White girl and her self-identity when she buys the red hair dye in a box. And so are green eyes, I believe. But yet, when a White girl buys that, she’s not questioned. Black girl does it, SHE HATES HERSELF! {Eye Roll}

    Yes, for SOME, blonde hair and colored contacts might look odd on Black women, but so did the majority of fashion back in the day. Pants on women were considered “odd”, short hair, etc.

    I personally adore when Asian and dark Black women rock blonde, since it’s something outta the norm that we don’t see a lot in these cultures.

    They have progressed with fashion, just like everyone else, and do not have to be team natural either just because of their race and/or skin hue. Gotta problem with that? Then the problem is you and not them. It’s 2014 for crying out loud and we’re still telling people what they can’t and cannot wear for the most irrational reasoning known to man.

    I’m out!

    • jackie

      Great comment.

      • tysandsnyc

        Thanks. :-}

    • lovechild

      I wish I could upvote your reply a thousand dam times!

      • tysandsnyc

        Thanks, love. Lol


      How many black people born with blonde hair, almost none, what you are talking about is a genetic anomaly. People can be born albino too is that something you want to include? Is that something to strive for? The self hate runs so deep with you.

      Someone help this girl please…

      • HUgrad13

        The Melanesians are a group whom predominantly have dark skin and Blonde hair. The phrasing genetic anomaly is false, its more like a rarity. But not an anomaly.

        • Justine

          Personally I question the level of self love of someone who so readily declares another to be self hating because they dont adhere to their ideas of whats right or acceptable. Perhaps they are the one self hating. You educate him/her hunny

          • WOAHNOW

            Justine just stop it from the Carribean YOU KNOW bleaching is a big thing, this is not me being strict, why are black people so ignorant? I KNOW you know better, and you know what I’m talking about, you are choosing to stay stupid. You’re a coward BYE

            • Justine

              I do not talk about bleaching because I do not indulge, and I do not know all the reasons why persons do it. Besides, I do not find it relevant in this context. When I talk about hair colour i speak from my own personally informed perspective. There was a recent documentary done on bleaching in which persons indicate that they bleach because it is a current dancehall fashion fad. Who I am to bash that? To each his/her own.
              I do not go around casting labels on others because they do something different from what I do. That is there own choice, their own body to do what they wish.
              So by your own reasoning, because I fail to label these persons and declare how much they must hate themselves for making temporary alterations to their appearances then that makes me stupid and a coward?
              Again I will say my dear, examine yourself and your perceived level of self worth and self appreciation. If you are confident in who you are and in what you do, then there is no need to go about categorizing others. #Peace

              • WOAHNOW

                You’re being silly. You want to say oh someone bleaching is doing it as a dancehall fad? If you want to sit by and not say anything them by my guest, thank goodness, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks etc did not just say “oh well” but don’t tell us who deal in reality that we need to examine ourselves.. WE HAVE. You are refusing to face the music. What you have said about bleaching is RIDICULOUS. We live in a world where everything affects everything we don’t live in a vacuum. If someone is painting their nails you can be pretty sure the reason is because they want some color on their nails. If someone is bleaching their skin IT’S SAFE TO SAY THEY WANT LIGHTER SKIN. I can’t deal with your, who knows why? You are being silly for the purposes of arugments its true we can NEVER know what someone is think NEVER, but via actions we can deduce it, anytime you say you know someone is upset (which I know you have said) its not true because you can never know what someone is feeling but we can make educated guesses and assertions via past experience, common sense, facts & trends. So stop with that who knows CRAP, your wasting both of our time with that. You want to live in a fantasy world, ignorance is bliss. Stay blissful. If you know something is wrong in the community and you know this is negatively affecting you, your family and future generations, you should be appropriate. I am comfortable in my skin. Those who know should teach. I know, and I am speaking it. You are one of the herd that is satisfied with the status quo, while our community is spiraling out of control. Turning a blind eye isn’t helping anyone. Our brothers are locked up, being shot down without repercussion, our sisters are being told they aren’t beautiful, being reduced to body parts in the media, but yes Justine.. live and live lets not try and identify issues when we see the effects of media & society on our brothers & sisters. I’m the one with the problem right?

          • jackierobinson

            JUSTINNNNNNNNE, I absolutely agree. It’s the ones who accuse others of self hate who actually have issues with their race. These people will force their beliefs on others, claim to love blackness, while belittling other blacks. If you love your race you respect those of your race. It’s one thing to talk about and discuss your beliefs; it’s another thing to dog those you claim you love simple because they disagree. I have no respect for them

        • tysandsnyc

          Red hair is a rarity too, dear. And so is green eyes.

        • WOAHNOW

          Let me start off with saying the existence really has nothing to do with anything. So this rare group of people exist, so what, is that they reason why a MASSIVE % of black women wear weaves, straighten hair etc? NO! And YES it is a genetic anomaly a variation that has held up like hemophalia. I love how people say this like it changes ANYTHING. It does not,. When you guys want to really talk and not try and distract then lets talk. Please explain what this group has to do with the abundance of BW wearing weave in American, bleaching in America, why most black celebs get whiter skin and blonder hair.Educate me, please make this connection

      • Tsk

        Lol! Lemme go get these spiral rods in my B27/-27 Remi blende so tht i’ll have wonderful bounces for the office tomorrow. It aint so deep at all young one. I love me endlessly, A girl just wants to look a lil diff sometimes.

        • WOAHNOW

          Strap that weave in, my friend! Ain’t no shame in your game! You will look like the old Miley Cyrus! Go head

          • Tsk

            Ha! Nah, I’ll look just like the me that I am.

            • WOAHNOW

              LOL I guess!

      • tysandsnyc

        You know, Google can be your best friend too, if you just type it in the box up and RESEARCH!

        Solomon people are known to have brown to dark skin and a blonde hair admixture. Plus their have been cases of Black Americans/Africans being born with blonde hair as well.

        Plus if you Google even further, you will see many instances of gorgeous little children in Africa, who have no Euro mixture, being born with blue and green eyes. It’s science, dear. Maybe you should read up on it sometime.

        • WOAHNOW

          LIes! LMAO please get real with yourself, google is your friend, black people wearing weaves has nothing to do with these people. Black people aren’t born with blonde hair and green eyes, give it up. It’s not science. Why does that make you feel better to say that? I know it does, you know it does. You just revel in saying “hey black people can have blonde hair too guys!! See? We can do it too! Look at us 0.00001% can have green eyes yes 1 billion blacks have brown eyes & black hair but some can have a funny colored eye! Please notice that!” You sound foolish even inherent in your statements it SHOWS how much you value white features! Those thing are nothing to aspire to. Guess what! All people in my family have brown hair brown eyes and that is what I am proud of! That is beautiful

          • Trendsetter

            Your last sentence says it all. You want the ENTIRE black race to think you do. You do not want them to think and dress for themselves. Let people have options when it comes to appearance.

            • WOAHNOW

              “All people in my family have brown hair brown eyes and that is what I am proud of! That is beautiful”

              How does that sentence indicate that I want the entire black to think like me? How does that say I don’t want people to think & dress for themselves? Really? You are SICK. I said my family is brown/brown and I’m proud of it. You really are a housen*gga. You think because I am proud of being black I somehow impacts you. and you’re white i d o ls. You’re insecure about it. You don’t like being black and are making up things that aren’t there. Where have I said anyone has to think like me? Where have I mentioned clothing at all? Where have I mentioned clothing at all? You need deal with your issues and get help, this is not about me this is about YOU. Do what you want, I don’t control anyone but understand why you do it and what impact it has on young black girls when everywhere they turn it’s reinforced that, their natural hair is to be covered at all times which sends the message “you aren’t good enough as you are or as you were born” That is the fact. Don’t worry you can be unique hipster chic people and not one of “those black people” and hopefully those white people will invite you to their social gatherings. I can picture the thick framed kooky glasses right now…Did I get it right? Yup. Bye.

              • Trendsetter

                Because you would not have made that statement. You said what YOU are proud of and you sentence any black woman that dyes their hair blonde as a self-hating individual. You NEVER said you want people to think and dress for themselves. One commented that she just wanted to do something different and then you STILL told her that it is so much deeper than that. You consistently deny individual thought and accuse people of lying if it does not fit your truth!!! I do not like it when black people use the term “good hair” and personally I think that perms are unhealthy and I have never liked weaves BUT I know BW do not always try a style or a color because they want to be white. But there are alternative ways to straighten your hair if you choose to do so. But black people have been wearing there hair in straight styles (down their neck and back, not permed) since Ancient Egypt…this is nothing new. Now we have a group of afrocentric people who automatically assume if they do not style their hair a certain way or strictly date within their race then they do not love being black and it is simply not true.

                • WOAHNOW

                  No stop trying to make it something its not you can equate the pride of my families looks to wanting everyone to think like me, that does not even make sense. But nothing you have said is logical. Another illogical thought, because I did not explicitly says I want people to think & dress for themselves it means that I don’t?? OK well I think you hate darkskin people because you never said you like them. (see how dumb that is?) I don’t deny anything. Why can’t I state my opinion about it like you do? Is it because it applies to you why you are taking it to heart? Why are you battling me? Because you have some vested interest in being white. You keep trying to say that black people have blonde hair, straight hair Notice you mention Egypt, Egypt is in Africa but many historians will say they aren’t “black” and were clearly mixed, many hypotheses about them being mixed with people from countries that are now considered middle eastern and european. Looking at them its evident

                  • Trendsetter

                    I am not trying to battle you. I am merely telling you your view of the world is not so cut and dry. Everybody is not insecure about their race because they alter their original hair. You seem to think that EVERYONE who does (except white people) is not proud of who they are!!! Everybody has a right to an opinion but an opinion becomes ineffective when compared to the TRUTH. YOUR TRUTH IS NOT THE STANDARD. Humble your ego and look at the big picture.

                    • WOAHNOW

                      “You seem to think that EVERYONE who does (except white people) is not proud of who they are”

                      Nice try, you keep lying on the sly like I won’t call you out on it, styling your hair is not a concern, when a large number (majority) of women with a history of oppression are sewing bone straight hair to look like their former (possibly current) oppressors that is cause for concern. Now I think it applies to every race that would do it, I have not mentioned white women because they don’t alter their hair to look like black women on a wide scale. If 8/10 white women you see on the street were rocking afros & braids CONSISTENTLY for nearly all their lives do you think people would not be talking? They aren’t doing it, I know it hurts you, I know you love to try and use that dying hair example but its not equivalent. Actually if BW were dying their own hair I don’t think it would even be an issue with anyone…. TBH

                    • Trendsetter

                      Lying about what? And white women do alter their hair color and that is what this topic is generally about. Then you keep making it about race when it is not always that. The truth is Afros and braids are not considered the standard of beauty by the WORLD. Men in general have always been attracted to women with long hair or hair that lays down. Women do it to attract their mate not just because they hate who they are. In ancient Egypt it has been the same way and yes they may have been mixed but so are BLACK AMERICANS. And no it does not hurt me that white people do not wear afros I have never been attracted to women with afros, may bye some braid styles but I don’t want a woman whose hair is as short as mine. I am not against it either but I am not attracted to it.

                    • WOAHNOW

                      LOL finally what I have been waiting for! I KNEW it was coming (surprised it took so many comments) “black americans are mixed!”

                      Self hating people always say the saaaame things, that is why I have an answer for all of them, it’s like clockwork, the white powers have a hold on our (well your) minds for real and you guys don’t even know it. “we’re not really black anyway we are mixed” “Black people have green eyes & blonde hair”, “I do it for fashion”, “you’re too pro-black”, “I have indian in my family” “I’m latino, creole, french, chilean, indian, black (quickly),Trinidadian, Native American and….”

                      So do why do lesbians wear weave? Old widowed ladies? People going shopping with no make up, jogging pants, beat up shoes at walmart that wear weave? (I see it ALL the time & you have too) It;s NOT to impress men.

          • anonymouse

            I went 2 school with a chick that had 2 Black parents and she had blonde hair and green eyes……….it does happen

            • WOAHNOW

              Nope, (If this is even true) her parents weren’t actually black, they were USA 1 drop black if anything. Black people don’t make blonde hair & green eyes, unless it’s dyed & contacts. And I probably won’t be replying since MN is deleting comments now. So sad. It shows the state of black people… can’t hear the truth. As a people I guess a large section just aren’t ready. It’s astonishing how many black people on here are just desperate to say black people can have blonde hair and blue or green eyes. Y’all just want so badly to hold on to it, even though you know 99.9% of black people have black hair & brown eyes. But somehow if we say we can have green eyes & blonde hair it brings you guys comfort.

              • anonymouse

                I have no reason to make it up because I didn’t even like the girl. I’ve seen her parents and they’re regular looking Black people of my tone, not ‘mixed’ looking.
                Natural blonde hair is a rarity in whites as well and I was only giving an example of a Black person that I know is not albino and has those particular characteristics. I’m not desperate to believe anything….my cousins’ father has green eyes, it doesn’t make him or anybody else with non-typical Black features special.

                What I am tired of is people implying that if you look like this or wear your hair in this manner, then you’re not Black enough. You can’t define a person’s Blackness by their decision to straighten their hair or color is or if they were born with those features.

                • WOAHNOW

                  Your story is not true, sorry, it just does not sound right. Besides true black people don’t make blonde hair even mixed often don’t. So I don’t believe you. The things you say give you away, ie: pointing out “blonde hair is a rarity in white as well” (which is false BTW ). It’s not as popular, but it is nowhere near “rare” you can’t even say it’s “uncommon”. That whole (false) statement is irrelevant as well. But it just shows your motivation. For some reason you want to (try) and establish that black people can have blonde hair. Why? I don’t want to make this too long but if someone said black women don’t generally make beef stroganoff you would never go and debate and look for examples of black women making that dish, and bringing in irrelevant things like saying that dish is not a popular dish anyway (see the parallel to your comment?) Why wouldn’t you do this? Because it is not important to you to establish this fact, BUT for some reason it is important to you (maybe even subconsciously) and lots of other people on this page (as you can see) to stress and look up rare examples of black people having blonde hair.. because it is important for you. Actions speak louder than words when you say the opposite of your actions, your actions are what I believe.

                  Sorry if it is “tiring” for you. No one said anything about judging someone on the features they were born with! (Where is that even coming from?) You throw in things that you have imagined, that was not even said to try and make your argument appear to be stronger. Stop it. Please stick to the facts. Live your life, if you want to wear your blonde hair and want to pretend that it has nothing to do with race and that it does not impact other black people or young black girls (and their self esteem) GO AHEAD. Fact of the matter, it does though, no matter how much you deny it, no matter how much you don’t want anyone to say it, no matter how much it tires you. It’s happening. Sorry.

                  • anonymouse

                    I really don’t care if you believe me or not because it’s not that big of a deal. In fact, it wasn’t a big deal to anybody else who knew her…it was more like, ‘ok, that’s your hair and eye color, you’re still whatever’. You make it sound like I’m saying that Black people are coming out of the womb in large numbers
                    with blonde hair and that’s not at all what I said.Yes, it’s extremely rare but I only pointed that out when you were adamant that it was impossible for Black people to have those hair and eye characteristics.Again, not a big deal cause I never liked her anyways.

                    Most of the white blondes that you see get that shade from a box or a salon. Natural blondes are rare. And if someone said that Black women didn’t make that particular dish, you bet I would look to prove them wrong and give examples. Your analogy doesn’t work because it is not assumed that beef stroganoff is exclusive to White people as blonde hair is.

                    I don’t wear blonde hair and I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of it because people have always said that because you’re Black, you can’t wear that. Sofia Vergara is a naturally blonde haired Hispanic woman and she could barely get an acting job until she colored her hair Brown, which is what people are more comfortable with Hispanic people having. That’s as dumb as you telling me that me possibly coloring my hair invalidates my Blackness. I color my hair red….are you saying I still have a problem with being Black?

                    • WOAHNOW

                      OK I’m glad you don’t care because I don’t believe you. I know genetics and black people, Chinese people & Sri Lankan don’t grow blonde hair. Eyes are a different thing, but we don’t, no matter how much you stress it. If they are then they have a mix somewhere and have. Latino people grow blonde hair because they have white blood in them.

                      Natural blondes are not rare, stop deluding yourself, I see kids in the school all the time, those parents are not dying their children’s hair, you want to believe that but its not true, it’s not even uncommon. (what does that have to do with this topic anyway? Can you please make that connection?) You are right my analogy is not an exact one but it is appropriate it the fact that th food is not exclusive to white women is irrelevant. The Point of my analogy is 1) you don’t harp on something you don’t deem to be important a secondary point was the fact that you are saying that its a rare trait is meaningless (what does that have to do with anything? even though it is not true)
                      Again, you have a point in your head and you keep arguing it with yourself. I never said it invalidates your blackness.
                      I said it has a racial component, it’s “not just fashion” and I also said it has an impact on the people around you and young black girls that see it as well. That is what I said. Take it how you want it. If you dye your hair red no I would not necessarily think you have a problem with being black, it’s a combo of things, did you straighten it as well, then I might say hmm. I would listen to what you say and what you do. I wouldn’t judge someone solely on their hair, but its a good indicator of where someone is coming from… when I see a girl with natural hair no matter what color its dyed, you have an idea of who she is, straight weave you have another idea, blonde weave… the bells go off. But of course it’s just an indicator, other actions etc is only when I would evaluate someone. But everyone does it. Black man in a suit or even just button up shirt and pants at his waist you kind of have an idea of who he is, t-shirt and jeans a little loose you have another idea, pants sagged low, white tee, sneakers, big open, ball cap and you have an idea of who that guy is. It’s just the fact and most often you are right. the same is true for women, sorry but only a certain woman wears a blonde wig/weave. Do you think business women, conscious women, successful women wear multi color weaves? (Just asking)What traits do you see in all these women that are successful? ie, intelligence, CONFIDENCE, PRIDE, SELF WORTH…

                    • anonymouse

                      You’re just harping on the blonde hair when red is just as ‘unnatural’ in Blacks, but that’s acceptable and more comfortable for you. I think the problem is you and your acceptance of what white people consider as ideal beauty. And you do judge people based on their appearance and that’s not right.

                      You may see white children with blonde hair, but the majority of them will have darker hair when they are adults.Natural blonde hair/blue eyes adults are a very small percentage of the population. I brought that up to point out that although it’s their so-called standard of beauty,most white women achieve the look through I guess they have a problem also and are influencing young girls wrongly as well?

                      So, tell me, what kind of a woman wears blonde hair or weaves? I do relax my hair and buy hair. I have no problem with it and although you refuse to believe it, it has nothing to do with having a issue with my Blackness. I’m going to tell you what a successful woman is and that is one that doesn’t let others’ perception of her to affect her in any way.You simply can’t tell someone that the hairstyles that they’re wearing is some kind of a racial statement because it isn’t true. You’re really worried about the wrong thing.

                    • WOAHNOW

                      LOL I’m not harping on blonde hair, like I said “no matter what the color” yes that included blonde, what I mean is when there is a color change and a texture change that is when bells go off. Yes like everyone else I judge people on how they look, you can keep lying and pretend you don’t but YOU DO. So does everyone else, why can’t you be real? Would you go to church or a job interview in jogging pants and a stained shirt? Don’t even answer with a lie and say some BS like “it should not matter” because you know it’s not true. Actions (which include how you dress) tells you something about who you are, not everything, but it does give you some info. So right or wrong it’s human nature, you evaluate everything by appearance, food, people neighborhoods, cleanliness of any item… please be honest for once….

                      I’m really curious as to what makes you think I have accepted white as the standard beauty? You say that and I am actually stating the opposite repeatedly. Speaking out against blonde hair & straight weaves is showing that I am REJECTING it. You defending is showing you ACCEPT it. So please, I really want you to TRY and explain to me how I have accepted white as the standard of beauty when you’re defending the practice of people changing their own features they are born with and covering it up with traditional white features… I’ll wait

                      Again you mentioning white women is irrelevant, that is how they are born, there are lots of blonde people, period, you trying to say their hair darkens is ridiculous. You don’t know that and even so they still have blonde hair and streaks etc. No I don’t care what white people do, unlike you who uses what they do as a template for your actions and your life, (clearly) but white girls are not on the receiving end of racism, blonde hair is natural to white girls so it is not a foreign look, dying hair is not a common practice in white culture like weave is in black culture, there is not a racial component to it- in that the trait is native to their OWN race not an OPPOSITE DOMINANT race as it is in black girls, black women are underrepresented in the media as beautiful and dying hair to match a woman who is of a different race, who is overrepesented in the media will give a complex to a black girl and obviously NOT a white girl. For example Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus have all been blonde & brunette, but a white girl can identify with all of them they are all the SAME RACE. They don’t have to dye their hair to look like Britney Spears, if a black girl wants to look like Britney she is NOT the same color and the first thing she is will do is to put on a blonde straight wig. You are being SILLY when you try and equate the mental effects of a white girl seeing their role models with blonde hair (which is ZERO) vs a black girl that sees her role models with blonde hair (which is VERY DAMAGING to the PSYCHE). Can we have a real conversation or are you that in denial and actually believe that white girls and black girls have the same experience in dealing with blonde hair??

                      I don’t doubt your blackness with your weave, it’s so common it’s PART of BLACK CULTURE not just females, males are accustomed to it too.. men know that your wife/GF is most likely going to have straightened hair or weave. It is actually unusual to see a black woman with natural hair.(Side note: since you love to compare yourself to white women, notice they don’t have to differentiate between their natural hair & adopted hair? actually no other race does…) You aren’t hearing me, I’m saying it’s rooted in not approving of your own hair, and the cycle continues, on a conscious and mostly sub-conscious level. I’m not blaming you or dogging you, this is what you are BORN into, and that is what I am talking about, what made you decide you are going to BUY HAIR when you have hair on your head? or straighten it? (I’m assuming consistently, not just a once a year thing) it’s our culture, and your daughter/neices etc will probably do the same thing. So will mine. She will understand “this is what I should do my hair as it is NEEDS to be changed to be normal”, but like you she won’t say it, she will think it subconsciously and just do it, it will be NORMAL, like you if you tell her this fact, she will deny it and say she has no problem with anything. That is what systemic racism does. It makes you accept a foreign, even odd practice and have to believe it is NORMAL. It will have you even argue defend this practice. You think I am wrong and attacking you, you can’t even see I am on your side and thinking about your well being. I understand. All I am saying is that hopefully we will break this cycle and that straight hair and blonde hair is NOT the standard of beauty and that you or any other black female don’t have to buy hair or straighten it. I know you think it’s just a choice but you think the huge majority of black females just happen to be making this same choice and there is NO systemic reason behind it? Be honest with me.

                      Like I CLEARLY said I need more info than just hair to judge someone on what kind of person they are.But I’ll bite, I’ll specify a blonde WEAVE, I would doubt she is conscious, I would doubt that she is going to be a CEO. I would be right 99% of the time. Sorry for this long comment.

                    • anonymouse

                      You’re so off base, it’s almost funny except you truly and honestly believe in this conspiracy theory. You’re one of those people who refuse to even consider that they may be wrong. i’m not making these things up to feel better about myself, you really need to do some research before you come to these absolute conclusions that you have arrived to. You said so many things, I may have to make a second post later to address it all at a later date. First of all, let’s get this thing straight………I don’t think about white people or white women enough to compare myself to them or to justify any action of mine, ok? You want to invalidate my statements by dismissing it as a ‘white women to it too’ speech and that’s not the case. Black women are judged so harshly for things that other races of women do and nobody says a thing. And I want to know why is that?

                      I think that you’ve accepted the white standard of beauty because you stated that my red hair/weave wasn’t a problem, but the blonde is an issue. Red hair in the white world. is not considered as ‘beautiful’ and has negative connotations and that’s why you and others don’t vilify or question Black women if their hair/weave is that color. And you’re very much misinformed if you believe that weaves are more common to Blacks than hair coloring is to white people.It is noted and accepted that ‘blondes have more fun’, ‘gentlemen prefer blondes’…etc, that’s why they’re lightening their hair, but of course you don’t believe that so…….

                      I said this on another thread and I think it’s relevant here-people need to stop making a god out of beauty. Everyone is not beautiful and that’s ok. I said that to say this-people need to stop looking at others to validate themselves and how they look.If little girls are looking up to beyonce and nicki minaj, that’s the problem right there…..not the color of their weaves.

                      I last relaxed my hair 3 months ago and before that it was over a year. It’s not about my natural hair being abnormal or unacceptable….I personally prefer for my hair to be more easily managed and that what it achieves for me. There were no curls for me and all of the product on the natural hair care aisle talk about enhancing, achieving, and bringing out these alleged curls, so I suppose they’re still not embracing their true selves.

                      It’s really not that deep, people straighten their hair because they simply want to. Again, you’re seriously worried about the wrong thing.

                    • WOAHNOW

                      Ugh I’m being moderated now, well it was a good discussion i hope you got the email LOL

                    • WOAHNOW

                      You say off base. I say on point. I think it’s sad that you call it a “conspiracy theory” that right there just told me how in denial you actually are. Most people will admit that black people have been on the receiving end of torture from white people, from s!avery, to the Tusk-egee experiment, James Marion Smith’s work on ens!aved black women and others (I can’t think of off the top of my head, but there was another sypphillis one & more) along with sterili-zations of black people that were still happening up until recently, with K@trina, with the stand your ground BS, with black people getting substandard treatment at hospitals, and having the po-lice not come to your area because they don’t care. All of these PROVEN FACTS crimes against black people, Tusk-egee only ended in the 70s!!! Literally treating us worse than dogs experimenting on us and infecting us with disease etc YOU THINK THIS IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY???? I hate to say it because you seem nice but you are too far gone to be helped!! If you think the “experiments” have stopped, they haven’t they might not be blatantly giving us diseases or physically torturing us but the social experiments are still happening. Whether you want to believe it or not. The truth is in your face but you can’t see it.

                      Black women are not judged harshly at all. No other race does what black women do as far as hair. You won’t admit it but it’s true. You say you don’t think about white women yet compare yourself to them in the same breath! A lot of white girls wear their natural color hair, you might want to believe a ton don’t but they do! Look at all the brunettes do you think they dyed it brunette? Some do yes ,but a lot of white girls wear their hair as is. Same for latin girls, indian and asian virtually all wear their hair as is. The only race that will CONSISTENTLY and DRASTICALLY alter their hair is black women. End of story. It’s the truth. Black women will do this old/young, tall/short, dark/light, f@t/skinny, poor/rich, from a fast food worker to a businesswoman, going to the gym to wall-mart to a funeral to a graduation. On a given day most if not all black women will have their hair straightened or a weave. There is no comparable practice in any other race of women.

                      I don’t want you to misunderstand me I never said red hair/weave is OK (read my comment again) I said natural hair dyed any color does not really impact me and I repeated that again the 2nd comment. A good friend of mine she is natural and her hair is blonde (well it comes out that copper tone I guess) and I don’t question anything. If she put on that platinum blonde straight weave I would think what’s up? Might want to scroll back up and read it again

                      You make a good point about kids not looking up to Bey & Toxic Mynaj but even if you took them away, regular black women are doing the same thing, really a given day I often don’t see any black women in natural hair, not even my family! So it really does not make a difference

                      I am not a person that refuses to consider I’m wrong. Like most people, of course I think I am right, but I am open minded and that is why I am having this discussion with you and reading your words and seeing if anything makes sense to me and incorporating what you say into what I think. If I was hard headed I would just state my point and call it a day.

                      You too aren’t considering good points though. You aren’t answering this question “Why are such a massive proportion of black women straighten their hair or wearing weaves to make their hair so unlike their natural hair?” Do you think this is just because they all want to?

                      There is a reason you think your hair is not “manageable” you can’t just wash it? Because that is all you need to do, you DO find it unacceptable…. Why do I say that? Because all of those “things you have to to make it manageable” are because you find as it grows out of your head…… what? Why can’t you just wash it and oil it? See? There is a reason for why you feel that you have to “manage” your hair.

                      (I know you know that) occurrences in large numbers are not just a “simply want to” If nearly everyone in a school had diarrrhea they would suspect a source! Imagine if someone said oh they probably all just had happened to have it. The amount of black women altering your hair is not just a choice. You aren’t thinking about it logically, all the evidence is in your face. The same thing can be said about black men in the “th-ugg” uniform, do you think so many black boys are sagging their pants just because they all decided they “want to”? Just because you aren’t forced by gu-npoint or verbally DOES NOT always mean you are making a “free choice” it just seems that way….

                      I really want to know your perspective on this question, so I will repeat “Why are such a massive proportion of black women straighten their hair or wearing weaves to make their hair so unlike their natural hair?” Do you think this is just because they all want to?

      • Trendsetter

        It can be an anomaly but it can still be appreciated by other black women that have seen it. Stop putting people in a box. These wannabe revolutionists call every body a self hater if they not “black enough.”

        • WOAHNOW

          I’m not a wannabe, I’m just being real and realistic. I’m not putting anyone in a box, stop living in denial. Stop pretending that black people aren’t hurting and engaging in unhealthy practices that weigh on their mental & physical health. Stop pretending like you don’t know what I am saying is true and that I have not struck a chord with you (which is why you have replied to all of my comments) Stop defending yourself against me to cure your own insecurities because you know this applies to you and you are afraid of that. Just stop it altogether. Stop trying to appeal to whites even when they can’t see it or hear it by pretending that that race does not matter, stop trying to be a housen*gga on the low and not one of bothersome people that are being to pro-black. You aren’t a trendsetter your a follower.

          • Trendsetter

            I don’t live in denial. Some of what you say is true but you act like everybody thinks the same way and can’t do things just because they want to. You stuck a chord with me because you are a typical person who criticizes everybody who does not fit your idea of “blackness.” Everything is not black and white as you claim it to be. I would never try to appeal to whites I am just in support of people having a choice without being ridiculed. If being pro-black is being an extremist like your self then I want no parts of it. I want black people to be accountable for the things that TRULY hamper our race. Not beating people over the head because they dye their hair the same color that white women dye their hair who are NOT blonde.

            • WOAHNOW

              “Not beating people over the head because they dye their hair the same color that white women dye their hair who are NOT blonde.”

              You tried it again, sorry but I won’t let it slide, I will call you out on that flawed, irrational thinking everytime:

              White women with brown hair dye their hair blonde to look like white women with blonde hair

              Black women with black hair dye their hair blonde to look like white women with blonde hair

              THAT is what it is, own it Trendsetter OWN IT. See it’s not me forcing you into anything, are those 2 sentences false? if they are, please correct them. Are they convincing you of anything? NO. It’s just the facts outlined. I know you don’t like the truth, but that’s what it is. Using hyperbole like extremist and ridiculed are not distracting anyone. You feel that way because you have egg on your face, it applies to you and you feel like you need to explain yourself. You don’t, just own it, that’s all. Be ACCOUNTABLE, trust and believe the effects are very widespread and very detrimental don’t downplay it.

              • Trendsetter

                Wow… I know its true. But we are debating the reasons that they are true. The motivations as you say. And I guarantee you that you cannot sum up all those motivations as self hate or wanting to be white.

                • WOAHNOW

                  Yes motivation

                  White women with brown hair dye their hair blonde to look like white women with blonde hair

                  Black women with black hair dye their hair blonde to look like white women with blonde hair

                  These statements have motivation BUILT IN so please explain yourself

    • grace

      Ugh I love this reply honestly, bitter negros need to take their anger out somewhere else

  • UB Class of 2013

    This argument is old and tired ! If a black woman wants to have blonde hair with red lip what does that have to do with Marilyn Monroe ? I do not relax my hair so I have curls. I dyed my hair blonde 2 months ago and I’ve been receiving complements from everyone (black, white, hispanic, mommas, daddies, etc). Is it my natural hair color ? Of course not.With my features I can rock any hairstyle/color. I’m young and sure I’ll dye my hair back black one day

  • blackgold

    As a brotha, PLEASE sista’s take the Lupita Nyongo route. I sincerely mean that. Black people as a whole forgotten that there was a time when we said “Black is Beautiful.” Lets get back to that. I have NOOO problem with sisters goin natural.

  • sixfourfella

    So when black men date white women or non black women it’s due to self hate, but when black women wear blonde weaves and get blue contacts, it’s what again? I’m trying to understand,, cuz what it is looking like, y’all are acknowledging that this white woman is beautiful and y’all are copying her. Either way y’all can’t have it both ways,,,

    • Anzaloqq

      I’d go one further and say it’s more self-hate than interracial dating ever was (which is more about time and chance IMO) when black women perm or straighten their hair. The cop out excuse is that their hair is more manageable but how is something more manageable when it costs over $150 a month to maintain? Natural hair is the cheaper alternative and black men like me love it.

      • Ralph Harris

        Excellent argument. I often wonder the same thing when black women argue wearing a weave is a protective style and it’s easy to maintain. I think to myself how is purchasing an expensive designer weave easy to maintain when more than half of the black women I see rocking weaves look a total mess. They walking around with a bird nest on their head thinking they look good. No they don’t. They look a mess.

        • empress123


      • PleaseDOBetter

        I appreciate your point and perspective, but I am going to respectfully disagree with you on this. I feel like this is one of the new divisions within the Black community, especially for Black women – women who wear their hair natural (attributed to being more afrocentric) vs. relaxed (less afrocentric). It is a gross generalization to state that Black women who relax or strengthen their hair have any less love for themselves because of the way they choose to wear their hair.

        I think sometimes we want things to be that deep, when really they aren’t. For example, I don’t wear makeup. Does that mean that I love myself more because I don’t need a face full of makeup to present myself to the world?

        • Elle Bee

          true. I don’t hate myself because I perm my hair. It’s because my hair is THICK AS F!!! Maintaining this would be expensive and ain’t nobody got time for that

      • tysandsnyc

        Permed hair IS more manageable than relaxed hair, sis. Let’s call a spade a spade!

        • Jackie

          Im currently natural and I find permed hair to be more manageable. But shhhhh, we’re not allowed to say that or we hate ourselves.

          • tysandsnyc




          • empress123

            I am natural and found the whole permed hair process to be more high maintenance! Never understood those who find it more manageable.

        • WOAHNOW

          Yes! Great use of words *_* a spade a spade? You must be a white troll!!! yes permed hair is so much better than yucky natural hair! that coarse, disgusting nappy ratty hair is so hard to deal with and no one should have to deal with that filth! Yuck! Black hair is GROSS. Lucky we have strong chemicals that we can put in our hair and have it look long and straight like white women! Problem solved!

          • grace

            I dunno you just seem really bitter. What is your opinion on black men who are obsessed with dating white women? And I will say its a fair few of you, even in music videos it’s count the black girls, so what is your opinion on that stuff?

            • WOAHNOW

              I dunno you seem really stupid. My opinion on BM obsessed with dating WW is that its from the same source. It’s mental brainwashing that white is beautiful. When Young Berg said he does not do dark butts I SMH and went in too. It’s foolishness. BM & BW are told constantly that white is beautiful and the closer you get to whiteness the better you are. We try and get close and hope they want us. The same thing with the videos and its a cycle I don’t know which comes first, do BM want a lighter girl with whiter features because that is what he sees? Either way, it just reinforces this because then BW see this and think “if I want to be desired I have to now look whiter with weave, light foundation” etc. and the cycle continues. (not to mention all the white media that we watch the reinforces it) Look at the “black female celebs” and look at the videos that black men create, that we celebrate. Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, Tami Roman, tamar Braxton etc all went from dark to light and blonde. Rap videos: lightskin girls as the “good looking girl” dark girl might be the dancer shaking it. People get on Kanye for choosing Kim but won’t stop wearing the weave when they all come from the same brainwashing. I’m not bitter, I’m informed. Get like me

      • sixfourfella

        Thank you for your response

    • PleaseDOBetter

      In both examples, I would have to understand the person’s motivation for their choices before I labeled them as self hate. Oftentimes what I see with interracial dating (with both Black men AND Black women) is the tearing down of their race/culture to uplift their non-Black partner’s race/culture possibility because of negative dating experiences had with members of their own race/culture. Another observation is that people interracially date to escape the negativity within their culture while not looking introspectively about the dating choices they need to make to pick better partners – regardless of their race/culture. To me, that is self hate.

      The women who wear blonde weaves and blue contacts-same deal as above. What is the motivation for this behavior? Even though I am a Black woman, this is not an example that I can speak to because it is not something I nor the Black women in my circle engage in.

      • sixfourfella

        Thank you for your response.

  • lovechild

    Marilyn Monroe wasnt even a natural blonde….blue eye and blonde combos have been a white womans obsession forever and a day.

    • Terrence

      The entire point of this article was lost on you. Marilyn presented the ideal image of not only white beauty but beauty as a whole. Now black women are trying to replicate her manufactured standard of beauty which is a difference from what black women look like. Just face the facts lady, black women suffer from self hate.

      • lovechild

        I know exactly what the article is stating. My point is natural blonde doesn’t even exist amongst most white women naturally. The fact is not every black woman that colors her hair is self hating, what if she colors it black or brown is that self hate, must black women stick to those colors only? Or should she not color at all. Prejudge not and get to know somebody’s mindset first. Oh and dont forget there are actually black woman with natural blonde and red hair, as stated repeatedly in many replies

  • BabyBlue

    People still praising h*es Huh? Smh

  • Pingback: Blonde Ambition: Are Black Women Aiming To Be Marilyn Monroe?()

  • Vee

    American women of African descent had white women publicized as icons …. so to me …its not so surprising that we grow up influenced by that. We just need more balance. Thankfully, thanks to all the advances we have created today, our following generations will have more of that.

    • tysandsnyc

      This is true.

  • FromUR2UB

    “And the quicker we stop letting everyone but black women decide black beauty for women, the better off we’ll be.”

    Black women adopting a haircolor that most people in the world don’t grow, is not a demonstration of black women accepting black beauty, to me. Nene Leakes, for example, would probably look considerably younger if she returned to her natural hair color. She’s not a youthful looking young woman as it is; the blonde hair may as well be grey because it ages her. Queen Latifah’s is the best I’ve seen because ithe coloring is not stark and harsh. Most black women aren’t getting it right. It tends to make people look cheap or poor because it’s not a classy look on most; . Your blonde hair definitely makes you stand out, but not in a good way…kinda the way hookers stand out. On dark-skinned people, it looks garrish and horrendous. It doesn’t create the illusion of making you appear lighter, if that’s what you were going for. Those are just my thoughts on the matter. You’re gonna do as you please, so don’t worry about it.

    • tysandsnyc

      Sweetie. A women wearing a different hair color than what she was born with has nothing to do with her racial identity and/or her self esteem. Red hair and green eyes are a RARE genetic feature, but yet, can you count how many narrow faced White women wear that too? Blonde hair even for White people is a minority in the world, but yet, you can count more blonde and brown and black heads. It’s called fashion, dear. Study its history! Thankfully, not everyone is as simple minded as you, or else women would still be wearing pants and would still be covered from head to toe in black like they were in the 19 century.

      • WOAHNOW

        LMAO Please stop, you sound ridiculous. That is not how black women are born and is not even a possibility. That is just like saying asian women who get their eyes done to look less slanted are just doing it for fashion. You are so in denial it’s not funny. Do you not see the picture above, look at the coloring, look at the blonde hair if you want to deny that this is an attempt to look more white you’re a liar and a coward. But do that by yourself, please and don’t attempt to belittle other people when they are speaking the (very obvious) truth. A person (man or woman) who puts a blonde straight weave on their head has some level of self hate, same if you wear blue eye contacts, that means you value that look and see it as beautiful. If a black man puts on a Robin Thicke wig is that OK? You think that is normal? Stop trying to defend your desire to be white, just admit it so we can all go about our business

        • Justine

          In the Caribbean where I am from, I would be called ‘browning’ as a general description. This just means tht my skin is a little lighter than most other coloureds. I AM BLACK, I LOVE MY ANCESTRY, I LOVE MY HISTORY, and I CERTAINLY LOVE ME SOME ME. But every now and again, I will install some #27 straight or curly hair. Not because i have self esteem issues cuz at 25 im certainly at the top of my game in terms of career, family and intimate relations. I am COMFORTABLE in my own skin. Wearing a blonde weave or colouring my own hair has NOTHING to do with me hating myself or having self esteem issues. Its simply because i love how it looks on me nd I know it looks d*mn good. I have no interest in being white. So stop trying to project your perspectives on others, perhaps u shld examine why you align persons fashion desires with their self image by looking into the limitations tht u have placed on urself. #BlessedLove

          • tysandsnyc

            Thank you, dear. I personally think the 70’s were one of the top moments in Black beauty of all time, but I also adore relaxed, manageable hair as well.

            We are the only groups who have options with our hair styling. We could rock it natural, permed, blonde, black, red, braids, twists, curly, wavy, etc.

            White women can only rock the limp wavy kind and that’s it. They could perm their hair (make it more curly), but the actual texture remains the same.

            People really do realize the beauty and the coolness in being Black.

          • WOAHNOW

            I’m sure you do, but notice you told me about your light color? almost a celebration? You should question WHY you love seeing yourself in this blonde hair? Do you think it’s a coincidence? What makes you think it looks “d*mn good” better than your own hair? If you think it’s just for “no reason” then you just aren’t in touch with yourself, you have not thought about it critically, you don’t change things you are happy with, that’s the truth. I don’t have limitations, I am awake and aware. Peace & blessings.

            • Barbara Mack

              Great article. I hate to read one-sided accusatory articles. I thought you discussed both sides fairly. Ultimately it comes down to the person and how they feel about themselves.

              • WOAHNOW

                Exactly my message is simple black people (men & women) straight from your mothers womb are perfect as we are. Without a white partner, without make up, weave or anything. We are the perfect image. Why this is a problem I don’t know. Why people want to hold on to altering ourselves just shows how s!avery and the media control our people. I pray we get out of this

            • Justine

              Not at all a celebration WOAHNOW. Was simply to highlight tht despite the classification tht others place upon me, I do consider myself black, I am black and I av no interest in being or appearing white. Yes I do know tht I look “d*mn good” in black hair too, I also kno tht i look “d*mn good” in my natural hair colour as well, which btw is not black, its actually a more light brown colour,….I guess if u saw me with my natural hair colour, you wld assume tht I colooured it tht way and tht I hate myself? Point to note dear, not all coloured ppl av black hair.
              Note also, tht i didnt establish a hierarchy in which hair looks “better”, I just said tht it looks good. #BlessedLove

              • WOAHNOW

                I actually wouldn’t assume anything. instead of listening to what I am saying you are going on the defensive and just saying wild things that aren’t true. Again i did not say you created a hierarchy I just said ask why you thought you look good in blonde and be honest. Definitely not all colored people have black hair, but almost all BLACK people do 😉

        • HUgrad13

          You realize there are actually Black people from around the world naturally born with Blonde hair. Its not common, but to say “That is not how black women are born and is not even a possibility.” is completely and utterly false.

          • WOAHNOW

            Who are these “black people” are they mixed? Are they true black people? What about albinos sure there are albinos born so should we justify people bleaching their skin? Those people are genetic anomalies. Not how black people are intended. Stop being insane.

            • Trendsetter

              Aboriginals. They live in Australia.

              • WOAHNOW

                Aboriginals are not black, shows how desperate you are to try and add whiteness and other races to black people because you think we aren’t good enough as we are. That is a complete fail

                • jackierobinson

                  Why arent they black? Because they dont originate from Africa? You must know that different parts of the world have different definitions for black people. Dont just assume that the American way of thinking is the only acceptable way to term black people. In Australia, Aboriginies are considered black. In parts of Europe, Sri Lankans and Indians are considered black. Or is this not correct b/c you and the American population dont have this same notion.

                  • WOAHNOW

                    Not white, darkish skin ≠ black! can you get that racist ideology out of your head? I am well aware that there are certain “black” people in places like Brazil and everywhere but not everyone dark is black. Did you seriously just say Sri Lankans and Indians are black? They aren’t this is not me saying that! Do you believe that? People follow racist ideologies and think they are being intelligent. It’s hilarious. Stop trying to make everyone black what it really is showing you don’t have pride. Do Chinese people say Japanese or Filipino people are Chinese? No do you know why because they know what they are they aren’t ashamed and they don’t want to say “hey they are Chinese too!” They have PRIDE. They say we are Chinese and you AREN’T. Most races do that, an Indian & Sri Lankan will NEVER say they are black, yet you are so desparately trying to claim them in a discussion with me. It’s really embarrassing. Your mindset is just so saddening. Have pride in black people. I can’t believe you used a racist Idea as an argument! LMAO Black people are DOOMED

                • Trendsetter

                  Oh but they are. Read this…

                  “ABORIGINAL AUSTRALIANS ARE descendents of the first people to leave Africa up to 75,000 years ago, a genetic study has found, confirming they may have the oldest continuous culture on the planet.

                  Professor Eske Willerslev of the University of Copenhagen, who led the study, says Aboriginal Australians were the first modern humans to traverse unknown territory in Asia and Australia. “It was a truly amazing journey that must have demanded exceptional survival skills and bravery,” he says.

                  A century-old lock of hair, given by a West Australian indigenous man to an anthropologist, has led to the discovery that ancestors of Aboriginal Australians reached Asia at least 24,000 years before another wave of migration that populated Europe and Asia.

                  Experts from the University of Western Australia (UWA) and Murdoch University were part of an international team that analysed DNA from the hair, and found no hereditary material from European immigrants to Australia. This made the man’s DNA a perfect candidate for looking at the history of Aboriginal migration.” Source is australian geographic. Google if you like.

                  I do my research and rarely debate blindly.

                  • WOAHNOW

                    You still are wrong, everyone is a descendant of Africa, did you not hear of that white racist man who was found to be 14% black and looked lilly white? Most everyone who does genetic testing will show African heritage. I know you desperately want to call them “black”

                    But you don’t even debate, you bring up irrelevant ideas! Let’s just say they are black for arguments sake…. NOW WHAT? What does that have to do with this article and what it’s talking about? Exactly NOTHING

                • Trendsetter

                  Oh but they do. Read this. Source is cosmo magazine .com. There are other articles that support this as well.

                  DNA confirms Aboriginal Australian origins

                  By Hamish Clarke

                  Cosmos Online

                  Aboriginal Australians descend from the same lineage as the first modern humans to migrate from Africa, DNA analysis has confirmed.

                  New Guinean children: The founding group leaving Africa 50,000 to 70,000 years ago may have had similar physical features, which were then lost elsewhere, say researchers. The new analysis shows that aboriginal Australians and New Guineans share a common ancestry. Credit: Peter Forster

                  SYDNEY: Australian Aborigines descend from the same lineage as the first modern humans to migrate from Africa, DNA analysis has confirmed. The find is a further blow to the idea that the evolution of indigenous Australians was marked by many migrations from Asia.

                  “We wanted to know whether the same ‘Out-of-Africa’ migration that was responsible for founding the gene pools of Eurasia was also the basis for Australia’s population… or were there several separate migrations?” said study co-author and evolutionary biologist Toomas Kivisild, of the University of Cambridge in England.

                  The Out-of-Africa theory argues that modern humans evolved in Africa 100,000 to 200,000 years ago and one group migrated out to the rest of the world between 50,000 and 70,000 years ago, replacing – and not mixing with – ancient homo populations already there.

          • tysandsnyc

            Educate HUGRAD! Educate!

            • WOAHNOW

              I know it makes you feel better but it’s not true are you talking up bleaching to look albino? Do you think black people wearing weave are referencing these people that they don’t know exist? and that we don’t even have proof of their existence? Are you just saying this to try and justify your love of whiteness? Can you deal with reality please? These one in a million people don’t represent who black people ARE. Get help, your mind is so tortured. These non arguments are ridiculous

        • Slim

          One can change their hair color from black to blonde and back. One can even change up their hair texture from kinky to straight and back. Someone having surgery on their eyes is a permanent alteration. You cannot compare the two.

          • WOAHNOW

            No I can compare the two, its not the act, its the MOTIVATION. What difference does it make if one is permanent and one is temporary, wearing a weave is temporary but if you wear it everyday is that “really” temporary in the true sense? Bleaching, weave, eye surgery, nose jobs, contacts its all the same motive. Please explain WHY I can’t compare the two

            • Trendsetter

              Everyone is telling you that you try to fit them all in one box. You have no right to speak for everyone when you do not know their true motivations!

              • WOAHNOW

                You can’t stop lying…. “everyone”? Do you mean you and 1 or 2 others? I’m only speaking for myself where am I speaking for other people?? Look how many people wear weaves and look how many guys think they have to be “hard” and a thug, of course it’s going to take a shift, we are all brainwashed to think we are “less than”. It’s reinforced everyday. I expected to get people like you.. “It’s just a fashion choice” Deep down you know it’s not true, but it’s hard to break out so you get on the defensive, it’s what wounded people do. I understand that, the Matrix movie is a great metaphor and most black people choose to take that blue pill and carry on in fantasy land hope for the best, that red pill is just too much emotionally for most. Carry on…

        • FromUR2UB


        • tysandsnyc

          Maybe you should get out more and STOP trying to box all individuals in a
          narrow contraption that you have called your mind, sweetie. Some
          people do have racial issues and other don’t. It’s not a “one size fits
          all” situation. The same way White women that get Black and Asian
          features surgically, are not trying to eradicate their lineage. It’s
          2014, dear. Not 1914. A lot more people are starting to have racial
          pride more so now than ever. Own it.

          I have spoke with MANY
          White people that tan and their number one complain is that they hate
          looking orange after they tan. They don’t want to look orange, they
          want to look brown or caramel. But sadly, tanning is the only way for
          White to get the darker effect that they somewhat desire.


          I agreed that “White beauty” is continuous forced upon our faces, but
          there are many of us that see past the stigma that the media is trying
          to brain wash us with and have signed on to our own mold of what
          beautiful is.

          I, for one, think dark skin and Asian is like 24K
          Gold while White skin is more of the cheaper, less pure 10K Gold
          bullc-rap that the “salesmen” are trying to hustle us into buying. Our
          lips, hips, and bone structure screams beauty, even when SOME of us
          foolishly like to be swayed and believe otherwise. The only flaw I
          believe most of us have are our noses. But then again, White people
          have big noses too and get them done up too. So… We really are
          number one when it comes to beauty. But some of us fail to see this.

          Back to the topic.

          Women are faking it all over, and
          we need to stop questioning their mental health and/or self pride just
          because they want to make some improvements here and there.

          You wanna rock red lipstick, do it. Blonde. Do it! Get your nose
          done. DO IT! Don’t let such ignorant people keep you from being happy
          with yourself, while White women steal every attractive features known
          to woman is the plastic surgeons office.

          • FromUR2UB

            Well, go on and be white so that no one will care about your self-hatred, either.

            • jackierobinson

              So sad. On another post you talk about being with God. On this post you insult.

              • WOAHNOW

                How is that an insult? Why the truth hurt so much? It wasn’t even rude

                • jackierobinson

                  Im not surprised that you dont recognize an insult.

                  • WOAHNOW

                    That is what we call a “non answer” is it because you can’t say HOW it’s an insult? Seems like it….

              • FromUR2UB

                Yes, a rock was thrown and I threw it back. I feel so ashamed (not really).

          • WOAHNOW

            Have race issues? We all have race issues. Now I get your whole perspective. See you have race issues whether you like it or not. I’m keeping it real with you,some of your perspective is good, but don’t be JADED. You are under the influence of white media all the time, wearing blonde hair is not a choice that is just a happenstance, the amount of black women with weave is astonishing, this is not a choice BW are making “just for fashion” Do you honestly believe that? When you KNOW the history with s!avery? When you hear people talking about nappy hair? When 90% of black women are stitching fake straight hair into their heads?? This is NOT a fashion choice. I know it’s hard but you have to face it. This is a PLOT, it is a waste of black women’s money, time effort and is taking a TOLL on the mind’s of little black girls who think FROM YOUNG the way they are BORN is not good enough. When they wake up in the morning they must strap this wig on their head to feel acceptable. White women don’t want to look black cut it out, they tan naturally and the historical reference is that if you were tanned (which is a natural occurrence) it showed you were rich enough to go on vacation. Most white women don’t tan and it has nothing to do with being black. Most black women wear weaves and it is about whiteness. I will say the same thing you said “don’t let ignorant people keep you from being happy with YOURSELF” you are beautiful AS YOU ARE, AS YOU WERE BORN, THE HAIR GROWING OUT OF YOUR HEAD UNTOUCHED IS BEAUTIFUL. Your message is really TOXIC. You are saying “don’t let anyone talk to you about looking less black, if looking like white women makes you happy and makes you feel accepted.. DO IT. The route to whiteness is a great way, white women alter their looks, so lets try to look just like them” LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

        • Shawndrea Rachelle

          Well I dye my hair because it’s boring to have the same hair your whole life. I’ve had black, brown, red, blue, purple.. I do it because it’s fun and certain looks go well with certain outfits and makeup.Nobody accuses white women of self hate when they dye, cut, add extentions and put chemicals on their heads. Why am I expected to have the same hairstyle my entire life? And about that Asian comment,.. well in that’s a permanent procedure. I can wash or grow dye out. And about the black men comment, there is no way in hell you can compare a woman’s and man’s struggles to be seen as attractive .

          • WOAHNOW

            There is a reason why you change it. I am not saying you have to heave the same hair style, white women don’t wear afros there is a difference with styling your hair and changing it’s texture & color completely to something that is not found in your race. Especially when the change is to that of the dominant race. Now do you see any other race changing the texture as consistently and constantly as black women do? You know about statistics right? You know when you see such a STRONG pattern that it can’t be denied and when they decide when something is not due to chance (that is how they do clinical trials) that is weaves and BW, the amount is not CHANCE there is a REASON, don’t pretend that this is just a style, its not. Please explain why women want to deny it, you seem somewhat logical and I want to understand. Do you really believe even with the knowledge that some women won’t leave the house without a weave even when they could be in sweat pants & no make up (so it’s not just about “looking good/presentable”) that it’s just a fashion thing like changing outfits? HONESTLY

            Why can’t I talk about a black men’s self worth and compare to a woman’s (not that I was) but why can’t I? Male or female, being called black & ugly, burnt, tar, crispy, wesley snipes etc it hurts either way and wears down on you. Contrary to popular belief black men have feelings too, and that is why you see black men act out in violence no outlet, no one to consider them

        • Trendsetter

          Stop categorizing people on your limited perceptions.

          • WOAHNOW

            This comment is pretty much useless

      • FromUR2UB

        If you’re going to argue with me about what’s right for black women, then don’t tell me about what white women are doing. It begs the question, “If they jump off a bridge, does that mean you have to do that too…sweetie?” Something tells me you would.

        • WOAHNOW

          Yup she is full of FALSE equivalencies. She seems to want to throw anything to defend looking less black, but the truth is on our side. I suspect the pain is too much for people to deal with, its evident, she wants to justify her hiding under warpaint and weave. But the fact never changes. It’s sad though

          • FromUR2UB

            This issue always proves to be a thorn in the side of black women who think they’re more glamorous as blondes. In every post, she’s pointing to white women saying, “Well, THEY’RE doing it!!” What does that have to do with the price of beans, and why am I supposed to care what white women do? Why does she care so much? Then, there are those people who want to name dark people in remote locations who are naturally light-haired (sunbleached, usually), as if that’s who they are and it somehow explains their bottle colors. Crazy.
            Then we always want to moan about not being accepted for who we are by whites and others. Hmmm. Yes, other races should be more accepting of who we are than we are about ourselves. That’s the way things work. If we accepted ourselves, we wouldn’t give a damn what others think of us, and we’d find that the impact on our lives is not so great.

            • WOAHNOW

              “If we accepted ourselves, we wouldn’t give a damn what others think of us, and we’d find that the impact on our lives is not so great.”

              I wish people would get this concept, look at all the women (not all but many) on here saying ANYTHING to defend altering yourself. It’s not even coherent. This is the point you are right until we start finding value in ourselves and not look to other races to see what they are doing and realize we set the standard for ourselves, this will never end

              • stoobee

                Astute observation.
                Each of us, all our lives, attempts to build an identity determined by others who themselves have not found theirs. We strive and fight, and object to our own God-given uniqueness in order to have what is on the other side of the fence, and when we get there, we step right into the same BS that we ourselves have in our own backyard. It is learning from early on to play the game, do the dance, and cover up. We are so fragile that God-forbid someone should see us as we really are. All our lives we have a paint brush in our hand whitening the outside of the building but leaving the inside full of death and decay. I am afraid our DNA is set like this at the core of our being, in degree, and we cannot fix it. This is our nature. This is us. This has got us.

                • WOAHNOW

                  Great comment all around

                  “It is learning from early on to play the game, do the dance, and cover up. We are so fragile that God-forbid someone should see us as we really are. All our lives we have a paint brush in our hand whitening the outside of the building but leaving the inside full of death and decay. I am afraid our DNA is set like this at the core of our being, in degree, and we cannot fix it. This is our nature. This is us. This has got us.”

                  This is something I have thought about. I think it might be the truth, but like most of the commenters on here the truth is too muchto deal with. That above quote is so scary because really when you think about it, what is the point then? We can’t even live authentic lives and our lives are just a masquerade…. Right now that is what it is, one thing that keeps some of us going (who aren’t living in complete denial like most black people) is HOPE. But if your above statement is true (which I think it is) then our existence is just going to be a perpetual cycle of pain, lies and dysfunction. Then you have to wonder if that is even serving a purpose.

      • FromUR2UB

        If you’re going to argue with me about what’s right for black women, then don’t tell me about what white women are doing. It begs the question, “If they jump off a bridge, does that mean you have to do that too…sweetie?” Something tells me you would.

  • Melody Carroll

    i sure dont want to be marlyin monroe

    • Ruby

      Marilyn Monroe is an idol. Despite all the drugs and being a sex icon, she shows people that you don’t have to be perfectly skinny to be beautiful. She taught me that even though I’m not skinny like a model, I am still as beautiful as any other girl that is.

  • lavendarbloom

    Marilyn Monroe wasn’t “Marily Monroe” !!!!

    • tysandsnyc

      You’re right! Marilyn wasn’t a natural blonde either!