Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Am I Wrong For Still Loving Him?

March 5, 2014  |  


Dear Very Smart Brotha,

I’ve been having a hard time lately. I was recently in a long relationship with a guy that I really cared, and still do care about. He’s an athlete, is very smart and is loved by everyone. We were inseparable. When you saw one of us, the other wasn’t far behind.  Before I go any further, I want to stress the fact that those factors are NOT why I fell for him. They helped, but I would’ve loved him regardless of his social status. In fact, he had an injury from baseball that required a major shoulder surgery. I stood by his side, cancelled previous obligations the day of his surgery and made sure I was there with him that day. I stayed with him day in and out and even skipped out on my lunch break every day to check on him, made sure he’d taken his medicine, checked his blood pressure, changed his bandages, etc. etc. I treated him as if I were his wife; cooking for him, cleaning the house, ironing his clothes for him, the list goes on and on. In addition to all this, his family absolutely adores me (or so they say they do) and even after the break up we remain in contact with each other regularly.

I’m the type of person to admit when I’m wrong and when someone asks me a question, I’m brutally honest and I expect the same from my significant other. I never complained about him spending time with friends or having his time to himself. My motto for a relationship is “If you wouldnt want me doing it, you dont do it either. Treat me good, and I’ll treat you better.” Well he was amazing at first. We’d sit back and laugh at the girls that were sending him “thirsty” text messages together and just sit back and enjoy each other’s company. Then he started getting distant after about 5-6 months. Around this time, rumors began surfacing about him and his ex. And until I had reason, I acted like I had never even heard them. There were three instances that I asked him about her, and the only reason I asked was because those three particular instances had details in them that only he and I knew about. He denied all three and the last time I asked, he broke off the relationship. We still were with each other however, just without a title. (Stupid of me, I know) Soon after, pictures of he and his ex began popping up, never on his social media, always hers. But he SWORE up and down that they were strictly friends. We still associated with each other, and he still fed me “You will be my wife one day lines” and a whole bunch of other bullsh*t. We had mutual friends and I decided that I was going to go visit with them one day. He found out and flipped shit. Now at this point we dont associate with each other except for on a sexual level. He was my first and only sexual partner. He began calling me out of my name and going back to not speaking to me at all but he still gets upset by the things that I do, even though I’m not with anyone on an emotional or sexual level. My question is, from  male’s perspective, what do you think is going on in his head? Why do you think he did all this and still gets upset?

Am I wrong for still loving him?

Read Damon’s response on the next page.

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