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From Single Black Male 

As of late, stories of side chick pregnancies and simultaneous engagements have become commonplace.  I personally know a woman who was sexually involved with a man who later told her that around the same time they were sexually involved, he had gotten engaged to another woman. The latest story from Ebony editor, Jamliah Lemieux, compelled me to write about this issue.

Long story short, Lemieux was in a relationship with a man for two years. Although their relationship was “on the rocks,” they continued to engage in intercourse. Five months into her pregnancy, he became engaged to another woman.  Can you say messy?!  This story, coupled with my friends’ stories (more than one of my friends has experienced this), and Gabrielle Union’s and Eudoxie’s stories beg the question, is this the new normal?

These situations also led to further questions like…

1)      If a man is in a relationship with one woman that he feels will lead to marriage, why not break it off with the other?

2)      If a man is in a relationship that will lead to marriage, does he think it is ok to have sex with other women until or unless he is married?  Does he not consider this cheating?

3)      What makes a man decide to marry one woman and not another if he still obviously has the strong desire to be in relationship with both?

To put it simply, this is not ok.  Men often justify this behavior by either saying the man was obviously not feeling the girl he did not propose to, or that the other woman wasn’t his “girlfriend.”  What does a title have to do with it if the “other” woman is getting girlfriend privileges?  Furthermore, simply avoiding a title doesn’t change anything in terms responsibility.

Many female commenters attacked Lemieux for not knowing she was the side chick, or that her ex was that serious about someone else. It is likely that Lemieux wanted to be pregnant by her ex, but if the ex did not want the same, why continue to have unprotected sex with her and give her false hope?  He knew she was in love with him , so why not have enough respect for her (and your new chick) to say, “you’re not the person I want to be with,” and bounce?

Read more about men and condom less sex at SingleBlackMale.org 

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