10 Ways We Can Stop Fatherless Homes

17 Comments
January 29, 2011 ‐ By L. Nicole Williams

Fatherless homes are at the root of a lot of problems in the black community. Children born out of wedlock are more likely to grow up in poverty, attend poor schools and find their way to jail. This means 72 percent of black children are born disadvantaged. To keep living the same way and expect different results is the definition of insanity. In order to see a change, there must be a change in our attitudes and way of life.

Here are a few ways we can help retard the epidemic of single parenting:

1. Abstain from sex without commitment: Abstinence is the only form of contraception that works 100% of the time. Whenever you have sex outside of marriage, you are taking the chance of becoming a single parent.

2. Wear a condom or use birth control: Duh. Raw-dogging is just stupid unless you’re itching for a baby or STD.

3. Eat chocolate: Subduing sexual desires isn’t always easy and typically has to be replaced with another vice. Sometimes giving in to your sweet tooth helps.

4. Be a best friend to your daughters: Fathers set the tone for the type of treatment their daughters expect. When girls feel love and companionship from their fathers, they don’t go looking for it in a boyfriend.

5. Embrace real manhood: Real men have self-control and don’t measure their worth by a slew of sex partners. Promiscuity is for boys. It’s a display of weakness.

6. Limit hip-hop and rap music: The sexually overt lyrics in hip-hop and rap music promote promiscuity and irresponsible behaviors that perpetuate the cycle of fatherless homes. What goes in is what comes out. As much as you are what you eat, you are also a reflection of what you hear.

7. Stay focused: Keep your mind on the future and use your free will to make decisions that keep you free. When children come into the equation, they become the priority. Be selfish about what you want to accomplish and the type of life you want to create for yourself, unmarried and childless.

8. Pass on the Adult Videos: Pornography negatively affects the psyche in regard to appropriate sexual behavior. It is a vice that skews the way men view women and their worth.

9. Mentor a child being raised by a single mother: If you haven’t experienced the effects of being raised without a father, spending time with a child dealing with daddy issues can be enlightening. So much so that you make a point not to recklessly put your own child in the same situation.

10. Limit alcohol consumption around the opposite sex: Any type of drug use, really. Drugs lower your inhibitions and, with enough, anything with anyone goes. Drunken nights are just “accidents” waiting to happen. It’s not a matter of if but when.

Want to know more about LaShaun Williams? Check out her blog Politically Unapologetic, where she shares thoughts on pop culture, love and life. Follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun.

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  • tay

    Im a single mother it didn’t work out oh well its both the mother and fathers roll to provide both emotionally and financially for there children men always gotta play the woe is me roll when it comes to the money aspects if a woman can get up at the break of dawn get the kids off to school, cook dinner, help the children with there homework, clean the house, take them to there activities, and go to work on a daily bases why the hell shouldn’t a man have to pay with child support and then have the nerve to have excuses why they can’t get the children or like said earlier pawn them off on there mothers I do it all its not by my choice but these tired black men that want to be treated like kings but don’t wanna pull there weight in or out of the relationship at the end of the day its these men that limits there own rolls in these kids life us mothers don’t have a choice so we do it all play daddy and momma while they move on to the next playing family like the previous kids don’t exsist that’s why child support needs to be inforced to make these men wrap it up were gonna take care of ours regardless while there children become a distant memorie

  • http://johnthomaswinter.blogspot.com/ John

    A war has been waged on the family. There is an answer and dad your leadership is vital. If you’ve not had a father to model after who do you look to? Who do you make a role model so that you can be the best example to your children?

    Start here: Matthew 7:24-29

    It is a Gargantuan task to lead a family, but with the power of God supporting you, it’s an indispensable privilege. Let’s build our house on The Rock: The Word of God.

    Let’s choose to be those men!

  • Keep it moving

    I could not have said it any better myself.

  • Pretty Manny

    Again as I have stated up top if it is the women who are to blame why then does the man not share in blame when he decides to conceive a child with these same irrational, hard headed, stubborn women you speak of? Wouldn't you agree that if a man gets to know the woman, flaws and all, prior to engaging in sexual relations with that woman, then even a situation as sporadic as an unplanned pregnancy can end up not being a chaotic disaster. Men and women alike need to think before they engage in reckless behavior, however once the deed has been cast they both need to step to the plate and take care, physically, emotionally, and financially of that innocent child their recklessness has produced. And in the case where one parent is unfit (for whatever reason be it attitude, life style, etc) the other parent needs to work twice as hard to help that parent become a better person for the sake of his/her child.

  • Oooh Weee!!

    @golden_standard

    U r casting pearlz b4 swine, my dear. He can’t hear u, though. In hiz disordered mind, the Black woman iz ALWAYZ the problem. Draw ur own conclusionz. XD XD

  • Oooh Weee!!

    Okay, “Kreole King”… Where r ur “factz and statisticz” 2 back up that utter crap u just sat up & typed? Or iz that just UR inner b!tch talking?!?

    GTFOHWTBS. XD XD

  • Kreole King

    STOP BEING SO DELUSIONAL,

    The main reason black men don't stay is because of the black baby's mothers horrible attitude or messed up personality.

    Black men have been telling black women for years what the real issue is, black women just keep dismissing it, so until black women acknowledge the truth and fix these negative attitudes we well be in this mess, because no man wants to deal with that on a daily basis.

    • Pretty Manny

      Well this is the main reason one should get to know the person they are having sexual relations with before committing the act. Men (and sometimes women) don't take a lot of time to get to know the person they are sleeping with these days and then they feel like they have the right to complain when the baby is born and the other parent starts acting negligent. All this can be avoided if PEOPLE started using more SELF CONTROL, which unfortunately has become a lost art in our society.

  • verl

    YOU LEFT OUT:
    a) Never assume if you're pregnant, you'll always have HIM in your life. If he doesn't want you, a baby will NOT change his feelings.

    b) Physical attributes, e.g. naturally straight hair, light skin, eye colors other than dark brown, etc. should never be a criteria for getting pregnant. Those attributes will not make life easier or those involved happier.

    c) If he's giving you big bucks to shop with, later he'll expect you to pay a lawyer and add to his commissary.

    d) You CANNOT raise a boy alone. A boy needs a responsible male in his life, who is there on a daily basis, someone who is NOT a career criminal. A girl needs a father in the home also. He needs to discipline, check boyfriends, etc.

    e) If he has a huge sexual appetitie – beware! He might eventually molest the children. Know whom you are dating, living with and allowing to sleep in your home.

  • Just GEE

    Also, treat the man like you WANT him to stay, and most likely he will. All too often, after the child is born, the Mother will treat the Father like dirt, because she feels she can. Afterall, Once the child gets comes into the picture, the Mother has free reign to treat him like garbage, since the system tells her she can. It's not like he can leave her. If he does, he can kiss his wallet goodbye.

  • Robert

    Thank you LaShaun Williams for this article. I love this site, you guys are not afraid to educate and inspire your audience with positive articles.

    But can you do something for us, can you make being educated and motivated cool again. I will be glad when the age of "Thug Life" is over with.

  • Shah

    Those are NOT unrealistic goals. It is time for us as a society to really stop and look at where we really area. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and we are at epidemic levels right now. I will preach this message loud and proud, we must turn from our ways and turn back to God as a people!

  • sweetheart

    Good Article: )

  • menissance

    well, if their wasn't monetary gains for women who constantly give birth (child support which most women who are required to pay dont & goes unenforced and women are the mother so they should be responsible with supporting the child as well not just the man instead of living off of outrageous sums of CS) and cash rewards for keepin a man out the house (welfare) and if their was more women supporting fatherhood organizations that help and fight for equal rights women have over children that men do not and focusing on fixing the laws that allow spiteful, bitter, vindictive women from denying access to fathers who want to be apart of their childrens lives, u would atleast have more children atleast growning up with a father, maybe not in the home but still in their life

    • Hottestchick

      What this article failed to outline was the fact that the main reason women are becoming single mothers is due to DIVORCE, not bad choices. There is a 70% divorce rate across the board in America. I grew up in the suburbs my ENTIRE life and saw just as many if not more single white mothers with multiple fathers (not on welfare as was as on welfare) as the hoods have. Also, most children are not without a father because the mother is being vindictive. That is just an excuse deadbeat dads use because they look around and see what they are creating and don't want to do anything about it but make more excuses. The average single mother is NOT getting child support. Up until about 15 years ago, it wasn't enforced. I am 31 year old and don't know anyone that grew up without a father who's mother received child support. This article put too much of the responsibility on the female. Yes, I agree, a man can't do anything to you that you don't allow, but why is it (since you say there is so much money to be made off of having a child on your own) that the mothers are the ones staying 95% of the time and the men are the ones walking away? If the women were leaving too, then the problem would be an issue of abandoned black children which is not the case. Why do women stay and raise these children and the men walk away yet the women take all of the blame? There are WAY less single father's then mothers and in most cases of the single father, they just drop the kid of with their mothers and lead a single life anyway. MEN NEED TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES TO RUN AWAY AND STAY AWAY!

  • http://www.noweddingnowomb.com Christelyn

    Great job, LaShaun.

  • SUPNATMOM

    YES TIMES 10!!! Now let's put this in a song with some "beatz" and maybe we can get this message to the right people!!!