Forgive And Forget…Again: Is Infidelity Becoming The New Faithful?
In today’s societal relationships it seems as though love triangles are prevalent and the accepted norm. As we recall the relationship and love triangles of Love and Hip Hop New York‘s Tara, Amina, Peter Gunz, and of course, the ongoing saga of a relationship that is Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union, or Ludacris and Eudoxie, one can’t help but wonder if infidelity is the new faithful?
If you look at each relationship mentioned, the common denominator with the two situations include men who were openly unfaithful and each woman they are (or were) involved with forgiving them. When Tara boldly told Amina about her sexual encounters with Peter, Amina’s immediate reaction was what is to be expected from reality TV… tears, yelling and storming out. But then, shortly after her performance, she entered back in the room and kindly asked Tara, the woman her “husband” admitted to sleeping with, if she could have a moment alone to snap on him. From there, they talked, she ignored him for a few days, Peter apologized, and then the two kissed and made up for the time being; but we all know Peter has a special place in his mind, heart and pants for Tara. Not to mention, she is the mother of his children (though Amina is allegedly about to be the mother of his child as well…).
What is it about a man that makes it okay for him to be untrue to a woman he claims to love or have deep feelings for? To take things further, what makes the woman forgive him? It is my belief that a woman forgives her lover’s transgressions because she thinks she’ll change him; she’s comfortable with him and doesn’t want to start over, and in other cases, some women are prone to push monogamy on men when they aren’t ready. While there may be a plethora of other reasons why some women stay with philandering partners, these three top my list. Many women who are with men with wandering eyes have the tendency to think they are the answer to their infidelity, and she has the ability to change the cheating ways with what she does or who she is. But the hard truth of the matter is you can’t. The only thing you can change on a man is his diaper, and even then he’ll be resistant.
Complacency is something that becomes common with lovers. This happens when a person is comfortable with someone and they are comfortable with who they’ve shown themselves to be, so the connection instantly becomes a part of who they are; plus, the thought of starting over can be hard to deal with. You have to get accustomed to another person’s habits, and in turn, they have to do the same for you, and the truth is, they may not like who you are. So rather than stepping out and starting over, a number of women choose to stay where they are most comfortable, even if that means they stay wholeheartedly with someone who isn’t all the way there with them.
The last reason mentioned above is what I believe is one of the most common reasons men are unfaithful to women: They are forced into monogamy without being ready! So many men are involved with women whose biological clocks are ticking that they often pressure a man/men into commitment. How do you ask? By giving ultimatums, slightly mentioning marriage every chance they get, threatening to walk away with their kids, and so on and so on. And when a man knows he has a good woman but is not quite ready to fully commit, he does what he thinks she wants in an effort to sustain the relationship, but he also does what he wants with other women because he wants his cake and to eat it too.
While betrayal in relationships is nothing new, the cycle can be easily broken if women keep these simple things in mind: If a man wants to be with you he’ll be with you; if a man wants to be faithful to you he will, and if he doesn’t he won’t; and you’re worth more single than you are with a cheating man. Ladies, don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve in life and in relationships. If you know your mate is stepping out on you, know that the option to step out on him and walk into something new with someone better is always there…but it’s up to you to take advantage of it or not.
How many times has your lover, spouse or significant other cheated on you? How many times have you forgiven them? What is something you deem a dealbreaker?Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her in Twitter @Liz_Lampkin