Straight From His Mouth: Love lessons Taught To Me By The Important Men In My Life
If we’re being completely honest, I stopped celebrating Valentine’s Day about three years ago. I had enough of the holiday and felt it was better to mutually decide not to celebrate the holiday, bank the extra money, and look forward to a vacation in a few months. I don’t regret that decision one bit and if it caused me to miss out on dating someone who didn’t agree, I figured I really didn’t miss out on anything. However, when I think about that decision it reminds me of a lot of decisions that I’ve made over the years as it pertains to women. As I get older I realize just how much alike, and different, I am from my father. In the theme of Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d share some love lessons I received from my father (and other men) in my life throughout the years.
1. Be honest, even if you have to be brutally honest. One of the things I’ve taken away most from my dad was his inexplicable honesty. My father would stick hard to the truth even when it hurt. He thought a man should be of his word and he also believed that the truth was required. When it comes to women this is important because a lot of the pitfalls we have in dating come from trying our absolute hardest not to tell the truth out of fear of the outcome. However, when we’re honest with women what we find is that they actually are more responsive and you’d be surprised how many times they are in agreement with exactly what you want. I’m not lying, it’s perfectly okay to tell a woman that you’re not ready for a relationship or will never see yourself in a relationship with her. Go ahead, tell her, she may come back and tell you that she’s perfectly okay with the situation as-is.
2. You can get anywhere with a woman by telling them what they want to hear. This is probably the first piece of advice my father gave me when I asked him how to get girls: Just tell them what they want to hear. But I’m going to go a step further because here’s what happens to men, they purposely don’t tell women what they want to hear even when it’s not a lie. A man will love a woman with all his heart, know that he wouldn’t be the same without her, but will never open his mouth and say “I love you.” It won’t be until her bags are by the door and she is emotionally checked out of the relationship that he’ll utter those three words. A man will have it in his head that saying that too much is a sign of weakness and will follow some “give an inch, take a mile” mentality. In reality that’s not how she operates so tell her what she wants to hear.
3. It’s the thought that counts. I didn’t know what this phrase really meant until much later in life. At first I thought it meant, it’s not what you buy it’s the fact that you thought enough to do it. Nope! I was wrong, charge that to young age. You still need to buy something but it’s about her knowing that you put some thought into it. You can buy a woman a brand new car and it won’t matter if the color isn’t her favorite, or she told you she wanted another model, or there are features that would really fit her well that were overlooked. You have to go the extra mile as a man when you do things. Low key, that’s why women like cards a lot. They know that you had to read it and see if it was applicable to them. You couldn’t just grab any old card and give it to her, it had to be one that was special and meant just for her.
4. Do a little bit more than the next guy. This is one that I’ve kept to myself for a long time. The goal is to go the extra mile but you don’t always need to announce it. Guys sit around talking about women a lot. They always get on these kicks where they start talking about all the stuff they aren’t trying to do. I heard a bunch of men complain about not wanting to spend money on a date or spend a weekend night with their boo instead of out on the town. You know what I did? I stopped complaining about $200 dates and started going on them. I started spending a night in the crib with my boo instead of hitting up the club. And you know what happened? I was able to attract a higher quality of women and also keep them around longer because I did a little more than all the rest of the extra regular guys she had talked to in her past.
5. Opportunity sounds a lot like hard work. My dad didn’t teach me this one but I learned it along the way by talking to real OGs. The lesson here is that anything worth having is going to require some work. Most men like to have things fall in their lap. What they don’t know is that the typical stuff that falls in your lap isn’t really anything to brag about. You can’t really hang your hat on things that you haven’t worked hard for and the things that you do work hard for you appreciate more. Moreover, the really upper echelon of women, like the phenomenal women, like Michelle Obama, they’re hard work. They’re not high maintenance, they’re hard work. You can get a regular shorty off the block in her 5911s to hold you down without putting in a lot of work, if that’s what you want. But if you want the second half of your power couple, or you want the type of wife that lights up a room every time she walks through the door, you’re going to have to try hard.
These are just a few of the things I’ve learned over the years, but I’m curious about some of the lessons the male readers have learned over the years from men in their lives. Leave them in the comments section and tell us what you think about the five I listed here.
In a way, I feel like I gave up a few secrets that not every man knew about. I’m not worried, though, most men still operate under the guise that men shouldn’t take advice from men anyway.