Hi Damon,
I’m a 23 year old student and I started dating another student on campus, this guy is 29 and working on his bachelor’s degree like me. I know he’s a little older but we seemed to be in similar places in life, literally and figuratively, so I decided to go out with him.
Everything was fine but for our second date, I invited him to a spoken word event and I just so happened to invite my godsister to come along with us. Well, he didn’t like that at all. He made some lame excuse about something coming up and he left abruptly, didn’t even stay for the event. After that I couldn’t get in touch with him for weeks. Then I saw him during finals and he walked right past me like he’d never seen me before.
Finally, desperate for answers, I texted him a few days later asking “Why haven’t I heard from you? What did I do wrong?” I guess he felt sorry for me because he finally explained that he thought it was incredibly rude for me to invite him out when he knew someone else was coming.
So, that’s the first part of my question, was I wrong for inviting my godsister to come to the event with us? And then a few more weeks pass and I was in Miami with my friends. Naturally, we’re posting pictures of ourselves in bikinis on Instagram and all of a sudden he hits me up, asking how I’m doing and to send him a picture.
Of course I was wondering where he came from all of a sudden– and I asked him this but didn’t send a pic. My second question is do you think I should completely write this dude off or should I give him another chance?
– Was I Wrong
Dear Was I Wrong,
Every morning, my wife and I take our nephew to summer camp. He’s a good kid — respectful, smart, athletic, personable — but he’s still 12 years old. Which means he’s prone to do some 12-year-old sh*t every now and then.
A couple weeks ago, I walked into our kitchen and caught him attempting to open a packet of ketchup with a fork. (Yes, a fork.) Apparently, he tried tearing it open, but it wouldn’t work. So a fork was the next option.
I asked if he teared the package along the dotted lines.
“What dotted lines?
“The dotted lines in the corner of every ketchup packet. They’re there so you can tear there.”
“Oh. Never really noticed them.”
Opening a ketchup packet should be easy. Very, very easy. It’s only hard if you’re not doing it right. I thought of this while reading your email, because it has parallels to a relationship concept many people have trouble grasping.
The beginning of a relationship should be easy. The hard stuff comes after you’re in a committed relationship. But the beginning, the initial dating/fun phase, shouldn’t be work. If you find yourself having to work — feeling like you need to squeeze a square peg in a trapezoid hole — it’s a relationship you really have no business pursuing. After your series of strange encounters, I just don’t see a reason to entertain the thought of a second chance. Don’t worry about whether you were wrong or not. Just keep living your life, and stay away from those struggle packets.
Sincerely,
Damon Young
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.
