La La: At The End Of The Day, Women Have All The Power In Relationships

67 Comments
January 29, 2014 ‐ By

La La Book

We told you a few months back that La La Anthony was planning to drop a book of relationship advice for women and now that day has arrived. The wife of New York Knicks player Carmelo Anthony appeared on Good Morning America Tuesday to discuss her book, aptly titled The Love Playbook

Set up like a  playbook, the book advises ladies with play-by-play phrases such as “The ball is in the woman’s court,” which to La La means:

“We know we have all the power at the end of the day, but it’s about knowing how to use that power and really creating a happy life for yourself, for your household, for your mate, that’s what it’s about. They always say ‘Happy wife, happy life,’ women do truly have and hold all the power.”

La La goes on to advise women to have something of their own — an established career or hobby at least — to bring value to a relationship and adds that if “you can’t be yourself with a man, you can’t be with that man.” She said:

“That’s something I definitely stand strongly by. A lot of people say when you first meet someone you meet their representative; they come in as something else, but the problem with being someone else is you can’t keep that up….you might as well just be who you are up front.”

Agreed.

Check out La La’s segment in the video below. What do you think about her advice?


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  • Ifuaskme2

    Actually, at the end of the day, MONEY is power. What’s most fascinating is that it seems the only people who are writing these self help books are those who have no business doing so.

  • Kimberly Reese

    I saw LALa on the view she look great and I will read her book. But my spidey senses tell me that her an d Melo have their ups and down. I heard he is a player and he got a kid

  • DeepThinker

    Women have he most power when a man first expresses interest, she sets the standard for the nature of the relationship they are going to have. However, once that is established, the man determines the progression of the relationship. Once a couple really knows each other well and learns to compliment each others strengths and challenges, is when a women best uses her “power” to keep healthy balance in the relationship. Well this is what has worked for me :)

  • Pia

    Lala was on the view this morning and in her book she says don’t live with a man before marriage and don’t date a lot of years waiting for him to propose. Barbara Walters was like LA LA you didn’t take your own advice you lived with Carmelo and had a long engagement. She talking about if she could go back she’d do it differently. She would have taken the advice given in her book. Who writes a book telling women what they should do even though they didn’t do it?!? I hope no one gives LaLa a dime. She’s a fraud!

    • Jan

      Exactly ! I am over people , who haven’t studied human relationships or who don’t possess a marriage and family license in counseling telling women how to operate and act in relationships. That’s the thing about advice from other women, you hear it and then you don’t . Go to the Lord, your unbias and closest friend, and most of all consult yourself. I am not listening to anyone who doesn’t even live by the standard that they are suggesting to me. I am not saying be perfect, and I know she learned from experience. BUT? how you deal with your husband, man, boo, bae, cut buddy , or ex is your business. Everyone is different. Advice will always be subjective.

      • Yvette

        I need to settle down. I am here at my desk laughing out loud at “cut buddy”. I know what you really meant and I haven’t heard that in a long time! Thanks for giving me a much needed chuckle! I would buy a book written by you before LaLa. You are hilarious and on point!

        • Jan

          Thank you !

    • Zia Paul

      Clearly, it says that she learned from her own missteps, which is why she said she would have done things differently. Now, if she had said that she was the exception or that it was different, I would understand.

    • strategy

      I know plenty of women who have shacked up, either to marry or the relationship to fail, and they now advise other women to not shack up. Im married and never lived with a man before not even my husband. I dont see the point. I agree Lala in regards to that and not dating for too many years if you want marriage.

  • SisterTruth

    Yes, we have the power in dating relationships. There’s nothing new about that concept. Is she JUST finding that out? Maybe if she knew it before it wouldn’t have taken so long for Carmelo to marry her!

    • Jan

      lol ! YOU CAME WITH THE SHADE, BUT IT WAS THE TRUTH

    • Zia Paul

      If her man knows about all of her “enhancements” and she did it for herself, what is the issue?

    • PleaseDOBetter

      Whether people believe it or not is of no importance to me, but I read an article where Carmelo was interviewed in which he disclosed that SHE (not Carmelo) was the hold up for the wedding. While I agree with other parts of what you’re saying, it seems that she did exercise some power.

    • strategy

      Nice timeline

  • Chanel

    I dont like the concept of “who has the power” when discussing intimate relationships. Whether married or not. IMO that ignites a power struggle. I wouldnt want to hear or allow a man to think or believe he has “all the power” in our relationship. Just as im sure man dont like it either. What about balance? How can there be good communication and understanding if one person has all the power? And im doubtful of the power means having options. Because thats just a way to flip it to make it make sense. Power means control in most cases. So no LaLa.

    That said she is annnnnnoying. I read celebrity blogs and blogs like this in spare time and whenever i see her, shes annoying me. She wants to matter so bad. Ugh.

    • Jan

      oooh wee, I agree ! I am over power. What about reciprocity and mutuality? I am interested in those things. I want a relationship based on respect, friendship, honestly, and love. I understand some men need and like a submissive women, but what about doing what’s right and best for the relationship? everything isn’t about bowing down , i don’t know why people think relationships mean to control or diminish who you are, a good relationship amplifies who you are .

      • Yvette

        Preach Jan, preach!

  • Lance

    La La’s point is moot because very few women embrace power in relationships or of any kind because that would involve actual accountability and responsibility and it’s harder to blame men for all of their problems in life.

  • Ivy

    One week LaLa has a makeup line, the next week a fashion line now this week a relationship book. Just because you wear makeup doesn’t make you a beauty maven and just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t make you an expert. I read an interview where she said she had to push Melo to marry her. She was saying because she had the child she was ready to be a wife and basically gave him an ultimatum. Now why the hayell would I take advice from her? Lala, as you were honey. I applaud her for making money outside of her husband and not just being a basketball wife, but I don’t think she’s a guru.

  • postdoc

    LaLa theory applied once upon a time. When relationships were about courtship and building a life with a PARTNER. Today’s relationships are about sex, babies outside of marriage and/loving relationships, shacking up, etc. The only power many women in 2014 have is to know when to move on and many dont exercise that. I think women have given up on courtship and building solid relationships because men know that they dont have to put in the effort.

    • Yvette

      Wow I hadn’t looked at it like that. Unfortunately it’s true in a lot of cases. I can remember a time when having a child out of wedlock was not something to be proud of. It seems now days it is worn as a badge of honor.

      • karmyn

        You’re right, Yvette. It seems like these girls are so proud to call some man their baby daddy. They don’t even call him his name anymore it’s just “my BD this, my BD that.”

        • Yvette

          Sad but true. I remember an episode of LaLa’s reality show and Carmelo was making a rare appearance. Even though they are married now, he jokingly referred to her as his “baby mama” when he came into the house and greeted her and they both chuckled about it. At first I was a little taken aback that he called her that, but then I had to remind myself that she was in fact his “baby mama” before they got married. I would not have found that funny, but to each his own.

          • heyheynow

            right at first thought it was kind of cute….but some of my friends reminded me that that shid is not cute. When people have children first and then get married it almost makes me wonder is that child the reason you were married in the first place

  • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

    at the end of the day a man will only do what u allow & vice versa…if u accept bs you’ll get bs… u don’t need la’la’s book or any other book to know that.

    • MuscleMansWoman

      LMAO!!!

      • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

        lol

    • Yvette

      I so agree with you. It all boils down to what we allow in relationships and marriage.

      • gladys

        Marriage. What’s that?

        • Yvette

          Really?

  • blackrose

    Not to sound mean but she doesnt seem to have control of her own relationship. No woman can truly say that. We may think we do but a man will ultimately do what he pleases. I watched her show. She barely is around her husband and I dont think their careers is the only reason. Ill pass on a book from her. No marriage is perfect. Its hard. I know from my 2 years of marriage but i wont write a book about it. Also does she mention in the book how she turned herself into a kardashian clone to probably hold on to him

    • Zia Paul

      Both men and women can do what they please. lol. One just has more consequences than the other.

  • MuscleMansWoman

    Why do people say, “At the end of the day…?” It’s so irritating.

    • montgomerycountymommy

      You appear to be easily irritated. It’s just a figure of speech. Just know what’s an irritant to you is just ordinary to others.

    • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

      lol i’m about to say it

    • Val

      I agree, it’s trite. Just like “it is what it is”. It does get annoying. Lol

  • 1Val

    The ultimate relationship advice for women is when they love themselves they will NEVER be in relationships with men who do not adore them. And never accept behaviors from men that they would never take from women i.e. cheating, having another’s man’s baby, bad reputation, deadbeat parents, criminal backgrounds, being broke, giving them rides to work, beatings, meddling relatives, disrespectful friends, putting their careers/jobs first, getting fat, bad sex, no sex, etc…

    • strategy

      Enough said.
      I find that so many women will claim to love themselves, be strong and independent, but exhibit the complete opposite. My mother, for instance, educated, nice home and car, funny, life of party. But the men she dates are weak – deadbeat dads, no assets, no education, no ability to care of a home nor a family. If women choose better partners they will find themselves better off.

      • 1Val

        The adage of “show me who you sleep with and I will tell you who you are” applies to relationships. A woman’s litmus test in relationships should be would he tolerate his behavior from me. If the answer is no the man would not accept behaviors he is giving his woman then should NOT accept that behavior from him. And for goodness sake women need to learn how to cut their losses sooner and move on as quickly as men do. This site has a preponderance of articles of women blaming themselves for men cheating and leaving them, whining about men who left them, being confused by male behaviors without any examples of how women can empower themselves in relationships.

        • strategy

          I almost 40. I have always said women need to know when to end a relationship and know how to do so without any dragging their feet. I agree with your statement completely.

          • 1Val

            Women should end a relationship when their needs are being unmet. There is nothing wrong with women embracing the concept of selfishness in a relationship. Too many women are transfixed by proving that they know how to give love without being concerned with if/how they receive love in relationships.

  • Val

    Not every woman has the power in every relationship. LaLa’s perspective is from a privileged vantage point in that she has a somewhat successful career and other things going for her.

    But, for poor and uneducated women the dynamics of a relationship are probably the exact of opposite of what she’s talking about.

    • strategy

      Not every woman who maintains a great home and marriage or who recognizes the power she has in a relationship is privileged. Some of us ordinary folk know how to properly use our power to create and maintain our relationship.

      • Val

        You misunderstand my use of the word privileged.

    • 1Val

      Oh really? If that were the case wealthy and middle class women would never be in unhealthy relationships.

      • Val

        We aren’t talking about healthy vs unhealthy relationships. We are talking about having or not having power in a relationship.

        • 1Val

          Yes we are talking about healthy versus unhealthy relationships. If a woman lacks power in a relationship she is not in a healthy relationship.

          • Val

            Power does not necessarily equal a healthy relationship. Power simply means you have options. It means you can stand on your own.

            • 1Val

              Everyone has options but that does not translate to having power in a relationship.

              • Val

                Some have real options and some don’t. But, it seems you are trying to win a debate rather than have a conversation so okay.

        • strategy

          I guess I am confused. Not that you comment is confusing; I internalized -absorbed it the wrong way.
          Actually, I dont agree with Lala (for the most part) b/c I think society has changed so much to the point that relationships – serious, marital, etc.- have become a joke.
          It’s not about power. It’s about being with the proper person more than anything.

          • Val

            I agree that making the right choice of person is vital. The point I’m making is that power just gives you options. It doesn’t mean a woman will always use her options though, only that she has them.

    • kelly

      Exactly!

  • Sandia

    Carmelo Anthony looks like he doesn’t want to be bothered with her in EVERY picture. I have never seen the chemistry between them. She was agitated on her reality show because he kept rushing her off the phone and because they never spent time together. If she holds any power it’s not with Carmelo. He does not bend over backwards to make her happy. If she left he’d move on in a millisecond.

    • 1Val

      There are celebrities married for multiple decades who have not written any relationships books. Yet LaLa and other celebrites married less than a minute are now experts on love and marriage. Go figure.

    • GirlSixx

      Hmph I thought I was the only one who peeped this. I’m Sleep tho!!

    • DGal

      I haven’t watched her boring show for some time but it doesn’t seem like I’m missing much. I have an issue with women giving advice when she has spent more time as a baby mama versus the time she’s been an actual wife. IJS

      • Reigna

        That show was a straight snoozefest. I really hated her freeloading friends. It’s one thing to need help until you get on your feet, it’s another when you aren’t trying to better yourself and you’re comfortable being Lalas sidekick

        • Kimberly Reese

          she believe in helping her friends. Dice is my girl . Po is fakely like hell

      • Kimberly Reese

        yes her show is boring but you never see them spend no time together

    • Kimberly Reese

      true

    • KIR12

      Young, physically fit, average to attractive women and married women hold the power. Baby mamas and middle age (35+) women have ZERO power.

      • heyheynow

        well I guess lala holds the power according to your theory then and divorcees have no hope

        • KIR12

          That is correct. She was looking stupid as he1l and the blogs were clowning her daily about being a baby mama saying he was never going to marry her. He could have easily went a different direction and instead of her having her own show and now a book she would have been on BBW fighting looking like a fool. lol Melo made her. HE gave her the power she now has.

          It’s tough on middle age divorcee’s. Ask them if you don’t believe me. The one thing they have going for them is most are in a better position and are more respected than a common black baby mama.

      • Ifuaskme2

        What must Oprah and Michelle Obama think?

    • citizenrich

      This is random and probably not the best forum to air my views but I feel I must express myself:

      Black women are clever, wise and funny. Madame-whatever-this-site-is called is a guilty pleasure of mine!

      Not for the content but for reading the comments section.

      You girls crack me the F up with your biting remarks and witty sarcasm.

      Older black chicks should rule the world and I mean that as rudely and crudely as it sounds.

      Signed,

      Highly educated, master of the universe type, random white guy (not Jewish) lol

      • Sandia

        I’m not older whitee; now, EFF off!