Most people think about being engaged and getting married as a happy time, a time in which they finally get to settle down and be secure that they have found someone to love them. And in many ways it is, but there are aspects of the engagement stage leading to the wedding that make it stressful. In fact, studies have found that getting married is rated in the top 10 most stressful life events. In doing pre-marriage counseling with couples, I have often found that couples are surprised when they encounter these challenges and they think that something is wrong in their relationship. They might even doubt their partner or their commitment.
Why is it so stressful?
1. You might have fears and concerns.
Getting married is a huge commitment, a lifelong commitment, so it’s absolutely natural to have fears, concerns and doubts. You might find yourself having an inner dialogue where one part of you is saying “Of course I love him/her and want to get married!” While the other part is bringing up all sorts of arguments to the contrary, such as “I’m not ready”, or “how do I know s/he is the right partner for me?” You may even find yourself testing your love every day, looking for signs that this is the right move and that you really love this person.
What can you do about it? It is important to realize that most people have fears, concerns and doubts and that this is very natural. In fact, it is probably a good thing to have a realistic view on your relationship — knowing that a healthy relationship is not necessarily perfect. Realize that your confidence in your relationship will always go up and down. There will always be periods in which you feel close and in love and periods in which you feel more distant and this isn’t a testament to how much you love each other.
Read more about marital counseling at YourTango.com