Straight From His Mouth: How Much Do Men Let Weight Impact Their Dating And Social Activities?

January 20, 2014  |  


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Just the other day I went into the doctor for a quick visit. Part of turning 30 this year really got me to the point of thinking that I needed to make my health a priority. My doctor laughed at me and said I was perfectly healthy and not much was going to change in eight months that we needed to worry about unless I felt sick or something was hurting and would not stop. While he explained this to me I was still in a daze because when I first got to the doctor’s office they took my vitals; blood pressure, height and weight.

That’s when I found out that in the past year I had gained 15 or so pounds.

Just a little background, I’m not a big guy at all. In fact, 15 pounds looks good on me. (According to all my female friends…) The problem is that all men know that at some point your metabolism slows down and that’s when, if you’re not careful, you start gaining weight and you can’t stop. I left that doctor’s appointment and did what any other self-respecting Black man would do –I called my mama. She also laughed at me and told me that it wasn’t a big deal at all and I was just getting older. I told her that I wanted to lose it immediately before it became an issue.

However, the question of whether it would affect my dating life or have any impact on my social life, never really crossed into my mind. I’m not a gym rat so I have never been the type to be obsessed with myself aesthetically. I’d much rather live an active lifestyle than spend hours in the gym trying to get washboard abs. I imagine it’s not the same for women because I think their looks matter a lot more in the grand scheme of things. If I had to choose whether I’d be fat or broke, I’d choose fat every time. If a woman had to make that choice, things might get interesting.

That’s not to say that weight hasn’t gotten the best of men in the past. I have had buddies who gained a little too much weight by sitting around drinking and playing video games. They all of sudden didn’t want to go out as much and weren’t really into going on vacations where they might have to be in trunks or something sleeveless. I want to say that the weight bothered them but it was really the fact that they were insecure, and in that case, it could have been anything. To keep it real, ugly and fat dudes who have confidence can still pull any woman they want. A dude can be the second coming of Adonis but if he has no confidence it won’t matter. So yeah, in that case, the weight might have been the issue, but the real source of the problem was insecurity.

So for example, when it was rumored that Rob Kardashian curved a family photo shoot because he felt like he had gained too much weight, it’s not really about his weight. It’s his confidence. I also think that it’s not becoming of a man to tie his confidence to his weight all that much. Of course it’s important and he should be cognizant of the impact that being overweight can have to his overall health but he shouldn’t be thinking that he’s somehow doomed in the dating world. All in all there are other things he should be focused on. Are his affairs in order? Is he ready for a commitment or is he just trying to play the field? Above all else, a man has to ask himself one question every day, “Am I headed up or down?” And like I said, if he ties weight to that question, that’s just a problem in itself.

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  • Kristen

    I’m not attracted to dudes who are extremely in shape (body builders gross me out) and the same goes for dudes who are out of shape (this goes for fat and even skinny wimpy dudes with no muscle). I consider myself average, but I know if I don’t keep my own body in shape and choose to not eat healthy then my weight could get out of hand! I go to the gym about twice a week and I’m not a fitness nut. Balance! That’s all I have to say.

  • hollyw

    I don’t get it, he gained 15lbs… That’s not fat, whether on a male or female. But one things for certain about being overweight. Whether men are less insecure about it or not, they are more or less equally judged when it comes to a romantic partner…ijs.

  • Machone

    I work out regularly at the gym and I will never date a guy that does not maintain physical fitness. Black men are considered the 2nd most obese group after black women……

    • guest

      Thank you. Fat guys turn me off. No disrespect at all, but I hate a dude with a gut and big hips.

  • Tonyoardee

    My confidence allows me to talk so much trash on fat people that my fear of becoming fat keeps me in the gym and pumping iron to never be one

    • hollyw

      Lmbo what??

      • Kristen

        He may not be fat but he definitely has other issues lol