Is She Overreacting? Young Woman Says Her Fiancé’s Friendship With His Ex Is Inappropriate

January 4, 2014  |  



Dear Dr. Sherry,

I’m a 28-year-old woman who is engaged to the love of her life. My problem is my fiancé’s friendship with his ex. I know that he communicates with her from time-to-time. He says they are just friends, but a couple of the messages don’t seem platonic to me. He says she knows he’s just joking. Maybe I’m a prude or I’m too strict but I believe that when one is in a committed relationship, some jokes are just not appropriate to crack with the opposite sex. I mean, if I had a romantic dream about an ex, I wouldn’t share it with them as a joke because I’m engaged.

We’ve fought about this a lot lately, and now he expects me to be fine with it all because he said he would not encourage communication with her. In addition, he doesn’t trust me because I checked his Facebook and Yahoo mail account for evidence when he left them open. He has told me that he’ll make sure I have no access to any gadget of his – even a common laptop, which I use only when I don’t have mine.

Recently, I had a sleepless, panicky night all because of their friendship. My fiancé was very concerned and he suggested I seek counseling and put the wedding on hold until I overcome these feelings. I feel my reaction is normal and my request to either cut off all communication or to tell her to cool it because I’m not comfortable with the friendship isn’t really too much to ask.

Am I really overreacting?

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