It’s Not Always Physical! Signs You’re Having An Emotional Affair

January 6, 2014  |  
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Most people don’t go into a relationship plotting to have an emotional affair. In fact, most times they seem to just happen. Emotional affairs usually start out as friendships that, over time, grow stronger and closer, and in the end things start to cross the fine line between a platonic friendship and emotional infidelity. These affairs can start at work, online, and anywhere else where two people can become close. Here are 14 signs you’re falling victim to the trap.

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You complain about your man to another man

This is the fine line where a friendship can become an emotional affair. When you’re in a relationship, it’s not uncommon to have issues and fights and it’s not uncommon to want to vent to someone about them either. However, if you find yourself complaining to another man about your relationship, you may be doing more than just venting. You’re showing that your relationship is unstable and you’re almost giving this guy hints to make it all go away.

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Your man doesn’t know about him

Being in a relationship means being open about your friends and your activities with them. Surely your man knows about your girlfriends and your work partners, but if you find that you’re always avoiding saying this other man’s name, it’s probably because you want to hide it from your partner. Subconsciously you’re already feeling a bit guilty about the relationship that you have with this other guy.

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You’re spending more time with him

When you’re in a relationship you should be spending a good chunk of your time with your partner, and of course some of your time should be spent with your friends and family members. But, you’ve noticed that recently you’re spending more time than ever before with this other man. You’re heading to Starbucks every morning and you stop by at lunch just to say hello. Spending more time with someone other than your partner shows a growing interest and in most cases is the start of emotional infidelity.

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You communicate a lot

You’ve made it a point to be able to text, email, or call this other man, and while it’s normal to have conversations with your friends, when it comes to this guy, things are different and you do whatever you have to do in order to talk to him. You get excited when he texts you and you’re always eager to read his email replies. In fact, you’re often up late or up early in efforts to communicate with him.

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You treat him differently

Here and there we like to do nice things for our friends. Maybe you’ve traveled somewhere new and brought back a few gift items to give to those closest to you or maybe you’re one to always give random gifts. The problem arises when you find yourself doing more for this one man. Maybe you treat him to coffee every Friday and you also buy him little surprises as often as you can. As innocent as it may seem, this is a huge sign of an emotional affair.

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You dress to impress him

When you’re at the mall buying new outfits, you’re often wondering how this man will think you look instead of thinking about how your boyfriend will like your outfits.

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You compare your partner to him

One of the worst things you can do while in a relationship is compare your partner to anyone. However, ever since you and your friend have gotten closer, you’ve found that you’re comparing him with your man. Judging your man against someone who is supposed to be just a friend is a huge sign that you’re bordering on an emotional affair. It’s definitely time to take a step back.

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You’re always anxious to see him

It’s normal to be happy and excited to see friends who you haven’t seen in awhile, but it’s not exactly normal to be excited to see a man you’ve seen for the last few weeks, every single day. No matter how the encounter happens and no matter how long it lasts, you’re always at the edge of your seat waiting to see or hear from him.

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You feel like he “gets” you

When you’re talking to this other man, you really feel as though he understands your thoughts, feelings, and overall he gets who you are as a person. You feel safe and comfortable talking to him about almost anything but you know he will understand where you’re coming from. At the same time you think that the man you’re dating doesn’t understand you one bit, which makes you second-guess your relationship. This is a huge red flag and a clear sign that you’re having an emotional affair with this other man.

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You’re always having fun

When you’re with this other man, you two are always laughing, making jokes, and having a lot of fun together, and when you compare time with him against time with your partner, you realize that time spent with your male friend is a lot more valuable and memorable to you. This is a huge red flag that something is wrong in your relationship and you’re putting emotional energy into your friendship with another man.

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You share and keep secrets

During an emotional affair, it’s not uncommon for people to share secrets and information that they wouldn’t share with others, including their own partners. If you’ve found that you’re telling this man secrets and details about yourself that you haven’t even told your significant other, there is definitely something more growing. Keeping secrets with someone other than the person you’re dating is never ideal.

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You daydream about him

When you’re friends with someone, it’s not uncommon for them to cross your mind here and there and for you to wonder what they’re up to. However, when things have moved into the realm of an emotional affair, you may find that you’re daydreaming about this person and envisioning, imagining, and longing for what you and this other man may do or become.

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You subtly flirt with him

It’s not uncommon for people of the opposite sex to flirt with each other, but typically this flirting is just playful and is done for nothing more than laughs and lightheartedness. When you start touching each other playfully or flirting often, you and this man may be having an emotional affair without even knowing it.

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Others are questioning things

You know that things have gone overboard when other friends or coworkers are asking whether or not you two are dating. When other people notice that you two have gotten extremely close, you’ll find that you’re often explaining that you’re nothing more than friends. The fact is that others are seeing what you aren’t and they think that things are a bit out of line. Unlike most opinions, these are the ones that should not be ignored.

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