Shady Shade: Are Straight Black Women Stealing Gay Black Male Language?

December 26, 2013  |  


Rashid Darden, author of Birth of a Dark Nation, the first in a series of novels about African vampires brought to America during the transatlantic slave trade, as well as black LGBT novels Lazarus, Covenant and Epiphany, has penned an interesting piece about what he feels is misappropriation between black women and black gay men.

In a post for the blog Dopalicious District, titled Culture Shock: How Straight Black Women Steal Black Gay Men’s Slanguage, Darden writes:

This week’s Real Housewives of Atlanta was quite eventful, and other blogs will give you a proper recap.  For me, seeing Cynthia Bailey give Mynique Smith an “education” in gay black slang made me uncomfortable.I am a black gay man and for years I’ve seen our culture and language appropriated by white people and by women.  On one hand, I can’t be too mad because that’s just the way culture and language works.  On the other hand, stop stealing our sh*t.”

To add more perspective, Darden, as a “straight-laced, conservative and somewhat square,” who only learned in junior high school how to say “y’all” in the right context, said that his first exposure to the black gay culture was at a D.C. black gay pride back in 2000. And it is through his exposure to gay black media like Noah’s Arc and The DL Chronicles, which he first understood black gay language. Darden explains the negatives of too much exposure:

How many of us have spent hours watching vogue balls on YouTube? When I first discovered them, I called it black gay capoeira. We had traditions. We had our own heroes. We had a language. As black gay culture entered the mainstream, during a period where I feel it was at a zenith, our culture was on display for literally millions of people. And because we were just so f**kin bada**, our culture became emulated by our allies and by strangers. When you look at Real Housewives of Atlanta, you sort of see what’s happening with black gay culture and language personified.”

As Darden points out, both Porsha Stewart and Kenya Moore have engaged in some pretty homo-antagonistic behavior, particularly publicly shaming their ex-lovers for being allegedly gay. Likewise, all the gay characters, which made up the RHOA supporting cast in the first few seasons, have been virtually erased. According to Darden, this form of misappropriation is an “insidious form of homophobia.”

He also writes:

I see it in my daily life also, not just on RHOA.  I see the most virulently homophobic black women pepper their language with “yes gawds” and “hunties” and more, all the while being unaware of the black gay origins of these terms, and clearly not respecting the culture from which they arose.

Say what you want, of course.  I am not here to be the language police.  But definitely think about what you say.  What you think you casually picked up in a hair salon full of women was likely dropped there by the baddest gay man you’ll ever know.

I will say (and have written before) that television, particularly reality television, has a particularly noticeable theme of “othering” gay black men in much of the same ways black folks are often “other-ed” on predominately white television shows. I feel that in many respects, the treatment of gay black male characters on television is dehumanizing as it doesn’t allow for them, as human beings, to have rich and full romantic and sexual lives, like the rest of the cast members. And let’s not talk about gay black women…rarely, if ever are they seen as “friends” on any of these shows (unless they can have hot bubble bath fondling scenes, a la, Erica Mena and Cyn Santana on Love & Hip Hop: New York).

But I have to say that I am intrigued by his thoughts on heterosexual norms, misappropriation and language. And I’m not certain if I buy into it completely. As someone who has lived mostly in predominately black communities, among black folks of various religious, ethnic, class and sexual orientations, my view is that since black men and women, for the most part, are raised in the same environments and in the same households, the creation of culture and identity becomes a shared experience. I can’t speak for “throwing shade,” but I, as a black woman, have been pointing out and engaging in “shady” behavior for as long as I can remember. Who is to say that what Darden might believe was birthed in primarily gay and black circles, wasn’t influenced by what their mothers, aunties, female cousins and grandmothers – or better yet, their heterosexual fathers, uncles, male cousins and granddaddies – used to say?

But who knows? I’m open to be “read.” Do you think that black women misappropriate black gay male language?

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  • Hasan-Can Arat

    I discovered this article as part of a discussion that went the other way (Gay men stealing from Black women). I appreciate your openness to be “read” and the fact that you actually care about us Gay men. As a Middle Eastern Gay man, I care about you too, and stand in solidarity with Black women as best I can; neither you nor I need to be “read” by anybody lol. Cultural exchange is beautiful, and there is a long history of Gay men and Black women finding strength among each other in marginalized communities. It’s not a story that is often told because that solidarity is often tenuous, highly personal/individual, and rarely reflected in the political sphere. People rub off on one another, and we can use that opportunity to find common ground and challenge hegemony, or we can make money off of it, use it to mock each other, then turn around and play the blame game (see some of the comments below). No justice, no peace, and as long as Black women and Gay men are brutalized by the prison-industrial complex, misrepresented by the producers of culture, denied access to crucial services, and just generally s****ed on, we have every right to be cautious about appropriation in the service of hegemony.
    But as a radical, I’m more interested in breaking structures than people. When it comes to Queer racism and Black homophobia, we need to check each other without wrecking those delicate bridges that our elders have so carefully built.

  • Tonyr35

    Wow, well as a mixed gay male, I see nothing wrong with any of you, me, or white gays even using any of the these terms or language. Certain things are worth nothing for the individual who may speak and engage in over exaggeration especially if they are mocking or poking fun at a specific person when trying to talk about something normal. I think perhaps people abuse this type of slang where it may make others feel uncomfortable. Professionally speaking you wouldn’t talk like this in a matter of business or serious nature however because of popular culture many people have learned what a lot of this is. I find it as embracing for any side of color. Still I can see how it tends to maybe offend some people when a white guy speaks non-stop black woman, are they abusing it, making fun or do they really see themselves as this tough female lead? It does say a lot about people and it’s worth bringing up in topic especially for those “laganga estranga’s” out there that don’t know how to zip it.

  • Non-Western-White-Lesbian

    huh just think about all those things that gay men – black, white or others – have “borrowed” from straight women over the course of decades and you will understand how weak the argument of “straight women steeling from black gay men” is. unlike this defensive response, Mannie made a lot of sense.

  • joe

    This is a dumb article.

  • PivotTable

    Eh. Not sure how I feel about the “misappropriation woes” here. Because gay black males are a hyperbolic and hyper-feminized rendering of black women. So. Ya know. Can’t we all just get along? 🙂

  • Janell Troupe

    Bc they accurately describe things so well. Slay the scene. Get your life. Yassssss *snaps*. I love it. They are so dramatic, and fun. My gays live it up, we always have a good time.

  • tegoguy

    Gurl Bye!

  • There are many aspects of the “language,” that can be attributed elsewhere. For example, A lot of the language is just an evolution of African American “language,” but as for what this article is trying to point out. I think it’s about time that people stop peeing on trees. If we follow the logic of this argument, than we have to also acknowledge that black people be “talkin white,”

  • ericamissamerica

    Um No. How are you going to steal from who is imitating you? Most gay men are a black woman on the inside. Where do you think the flavor comes from? No shade just keeping it real. We are all in this “Read Race” together. I love the The Kidz!

    • ericamissamerica

      I do use some terms. Let me not get that twisted and give my babies credit. I just want my babies to give credit where credit is due as well.

  • original*ijs

    does it really matter? i have gay friends and straight friends. stuff like that rubs off when you’re around ppl a lot. some of my gay friends use my straight friends lango bc i use it around them, we all pass it around

  • MissRayford Tee

    Why is this even a article issue or dilemma for straight black women.are we seriously givinglgbt a dictionary of words that they can claim.gtfoh!!!! This is sad.All words belong to everybody.They think its issue well move to Mars.cause i love wen the women i know say those funny phrases.Straight or lesbo.An i like when sumone like funky dineva talks lol.

  • taz

    …and where did gay black men get their “language” influences from? BLACK STRAIGHT WOMAN so please!

    • Hello

      And don’t forget white women. I am not white. Just pointing out the obvious.

      • taz

        yeah,woman in general…that’s where they get their influence.

  • Hello

    I agree with the last portion of this article. Much of black gay culture comes from straight black women and white movie stars. What is he talking about??? Especially ball and drag culture where the entire goal of many categories is to see who can be the best woman for the night……………..or the best white woman.


    F@G HAGS!

  • Guest

    The lesson Cynthia gave Mynique on RHOA this week did miss a critical point: “read” is part of the ball culture as presented in 80’s classic documentary ‘Paris is Burning’. Giving someone a read is indeed unique to gay male culture-lingo, but I do agree that a lot of the terminology used otherwise comes from our grandmothers/aunts

  • dreamer40

    The lesson Cynthia gave Mynique on RHOA this week did miss a critical point: “read” is part of the ball culture as presented in 80’s classic documentary ‘Paris is Burning’. If you haven’t seen it, this is a must-see that educated many well before its time.

    Giving someone a read is indeed unique to gay male culture-lingo, but I do agree that a lot of the terminology used otherwise comes from our grandmothers/aunts

  • guest

    but how is that when gay black men want to be straight black women!???

    • This comment is retarded!! If gay black men wanted to be women, we would all be trannies.. You sound stupid. The truth of the matter is that these f@g hags steal our sh1t.

  • I don’t care for either point of view or whom originated what, but there is no excuse for homophobic bias or homophobia from black heterosexuals towards black LGBTs, period. We are all black people, so we are all in the same collective boat when it comes to his anti-black society and world.

  • ch

    Language is influenced by everything. It is not owned by anyone.

  • Jasmine

    I kinda see where he is coming from. However, I feel like a lot of black gay culture has been influenced by women as well. A lot of gay men have women in their social circle. What do you expect to happen? That argument is kinda a “double edged” sword to me.

  • Politically Correct

    I haven’t read the article because the headline was ridiculous enough to comment strictly off of it.

    So gays have their own language? What kind of uproar would blacks be in if a website said “Do whites steal the way blacks walk?”

    It’s called the English language. How desperate are they for articles?

  • Tracy Hopson

    In every culture there is certain expressions,styles & language & when it comes to the QUEENS ENGLISH they have their own special unique vocabulary.

  • Asky Askerson

    I just find the whole concept of “stealing” a way of saying words or moving your body to be really, really embarrassing. If you mean it seriously. If you’re just joking around, then it’s whatever. But if anyone actually has legitimate feelings that anyone “stole” slang, then they need to get a life. If you don’t want people to “steal” your words, invent your own language.

  • Rudolph Beaverhausen

    While i find it complimentary and a sign of acceptance most woman I know who appropriate gay vernacular just come off like big drag queens. It makes me cringe when a coworker speaks that way and more often than not do it because in someway it validates their coolness. I and most of my friends don’t speak that way. To each their own.

  • Ms. Guest Lady aka Real Woman

    Hell no!!! Black gay men try to steal all of our Sayings, Style and Try to take our Black men. We wont have nothing messing with a Sissy Ni–a Two Snaps on that boo!!!

    • Another dummy! How can we take something that we already are. WE ARE BLACK MEN.. WE DO NOT BELONG TO YOU. If you cared so much about the competition from gay folk and trannies, you would get up and do something with yourself, lose some weight, make some money and get off section 8.

  • Marsha

    First, as a black woman, I don’t have gay male friends or gay males around me. I don’t believe in that because its a lifestyle I dont agree with but I’m not into bashing. There are female artists I love.who are too influenced by gay males to the point where the end up looking like tranvestites. No man can tell me how to be a woman but a lot of gay males think they can be.better women than women are so there is a jealousy there, another.reason I keep my distance.

    Second, “stop stealing our sht”? Darden, everything gay men do has been stolen from women. Most gay men select a female or females to emulate like beyonce, diana ross, tina turner, tamar, or some flamboyant woman in the family. Wearing OUR make up and OUR clothing and OUR stilletos (derek j) and most of all lusting after OUR husbands and boyfriends (despicable). So you are a being a hypocrite.

  • GymJunkie43

    Oh the irony. How can a gay black man say” stop stealing our sh**” when ATL has men walking around in makeup, handbags and stilettos???!!! Live and let live.

  • Ms. Gottabody


  • Jazz

    The guy who wrote this article is a HATER! As a g@y black guy, I must inform you ladies that: THIS IS HIS OPINION ONLY!! I love my Black girlfriends, and it is SUPER FUNNY to hear them “F@g Out”! Life is supposed to be about having a good time with your friends, thru both ups and downs! When me and my Sistas get together, we have fab times! The writer of this article is miserable!!! Smh

  • Jazz

    This post is kinda STUPID actually. First off, as a g@y black guy, I must say this: G@y black men have a HELL OF A LIST OF OTHER THINGS they NEED to be more worried about other than slang theft! The ONLY issue I have with this is people like Tamar Braxton who ACTUALLY had people thinking she INVENTED the slang (get your life) herself! Get ya life has been in the g@y community for YEARS!! Other than this scenario, black girls have been close friends with black gay guys FOREVER, and when you love someone and hang with them for a long time, you do kinda rub off on each other. I LOVE my beautiful black Sistas, so I don’t mind them using the language. It’s actually HILARIOUS to hear a Sista “Hag Out”! I love it…..xoxo 🙂

  • SugaSweet

    so what. gay men appropriate female culture but you don’t hear complaints. non issue here

  • kat 247

    Dnt no gay people had their own language

  • chocolatecitycom

    We are one and the same. Silly topic.



  • Ayisha Carnival Queen

    None of this language is cute for anyone actually, it’s annoying and makes me cringe.

  • Chicken

    They still need to show different types of gay black men. We all don’t wear make up and high heels.

  • MSpencer

    OKAY!!! I’m convinced contributing MN writer Charing Ball must have the most time on her hands! She writes some of the dumbest most “cringeworthy” articles I’ve ever seen on here.

  • Q

    Nicki Minaj started throwing shade and all the black girls followed. As long as they respect us and treat black gay men and trans women (LGBTQ) with respect, it’s ok. But unfortunately that not always the case. Much like others cultures taking over hip hop language and culture, a la Cyrus….maybe it’s a good thing. We are becoming “mainstream” lol and a part of pop culture..

  • nipplemuse

    just read it and here’s what i think • our straight black sisters can appropriate any damn thing they want whether they know of its origins or not, and whether they are homophobic or not. if it works for them, hey, more power to them is what i say. i’m for empowering women in anyway possible. we need to empower them more. especially the sisters. i’m NOT down with Darden on this one.

    • Jamal Vance

      I really am careful about who I label as homophobic. I understand that a lot of people don’t approve of homosexuality but they are not hateful and even may have a gay friend or two. Most people that are really homophobic I have suspicions about!

  • rainbow

    Yes it’s true but I think the exchange is mutual.

  • Alexis Morris

    I dont want to talk like a gay man or an atlanta housewife, but how are they gonna be mad because women are stealing their phrases? what about the pocketbooks, lipstick, and stilettos made for women, the fake eyelashes, nails, jeggings, etc!?

  • Danielle

    Hmmmm I guess I need a lesson in these phrases… cause I don’t know what the article is referring to.

  • Jack

    Black woman just hang around gay man to much and they start to pick up their habits. you see it all the time with accents.

  • Jamal Vance

    Mind you thats only one opinion.. Lol

  • Azucar13

    So the premise is that this guy has an issue because he thinks that Black women are copying Black gay men who are copying Black women?? So I guess Eminem should be mad at a Black rapper like mystikal who yells like he does cause he probably copied Mystical but you know. This is FOOLISHNESS!!

  • Black Rose

    Yes and they’re stealing they’re over done make up and weave styles too. Some black women be walking around looking straight draggish sometimes.

  • Seriously817

    Flamboyant gay men are modeling themselves after flamboyant black women, so I think this title has it backwards. You’ve been acting like the women you’ve admired for years and now you want to say someone is copying you. That’s cute. You’ve been read!

  • Chae

    A key point in the appropriation discussion is whether or not a group is benefiting from its own cultural impact with fair representations in the places where their cultural footprints are being placed. In that way, this gentleman has a point. I don’t think he expects language to not be shared, but it’s relevant to mention women who discuss and embody gay male personas can benefit from that, while eliminating many of the gay male supporting cast who deserve the same visibility (RHOA). I don’t think black women, black men, gay people, etc. want to “own” or have exclusive rights to their cultural contributions, but they want the fair representation that should come along with those contributions.

  • Staci B

    So, what is this man’s problem? I don’t get what the issue is here

  • Danielle Rivera

    Sorry folks but it’s actually the opposite. Gays have
    been emulating black culture for a very long time not the other way around. Yes,
    they may have tweaked it and gotten comfortable making it their own but they’re
    emulating us.

  • HowAboutWeDiscussRealIssues

    Are our lives really this unfulfilling that someone would actually write an article about this nonsense. Then gay people should only speak there “OWN”language….Exactly my point.

  • Pingback: Are Straight Black Women Stealing Gay Black Male Language? – My Blog()

  • J Mc

    not all gay men act feminine but for the ones that do they pretty much mimic black women, so whose jockin who?

  • LadyStr8

    If you hate black women, stop trying to be one! Stop putting on so much make up to look like a sistah when you really are a man, blurring the lines of sexuality is not cute.

  • Aaliyah Noelle

    yeah i agree but two things i hate…

  • kh

    Gay designers do not design for jerome and em. Gay men speak like black women.

  • kh

    What? Its the other way around. I always thought gay men whether black or white sound like black women. If this wasn’t the case then why dress up as women just be a gay man.

  • Jamal Vance

    First of all I would like to say I’m a young gay Black male, and I carry myself with the most class and confidence. I also have the most respect in the world for Black women being that I was raised by one. The opinion in the article is being expressed by ONE person. I know for a FACT that old Black women in the South have been saying “child boom!” “Get you some business” ect., for decades! Just like my grandmother always says honey, that’s like every old ladys favorite word! Are you serious? LOL!! Clearly the author has some personal issues and an anger toward Black women because I love going out with my girlfriends and I have no problem if the borrow the exagerations of language us gay Black men have created. Granted we did come up with certain ones like “coins” when referring to ones stash of money. Most of the manerisms are borrowed from Black women, from the neck swirling to the finger pointing! Obviously the author has been living under a rock with his issues.

    • Bakerman

      Sorry Hun I think “coins” came from old ladies also just like “change” samething.

      • Jamal Vance

        Fair enough. Regardless I didn’t like this article, back in the day in high school whenever someone bothered me my Black female friends didn’t hesitate to come to come to my defense. They were my first friends and still are. But I guess this article just shows us not everyone is a well rounded individual, no matter how popular. So he “tried it” with this one!

  • Tamara Johnson

    Are you serious with this? The relationship between gay men and black woman is a symbiotic relationship. Meaning each benefits from the other. Gay black men have been imitating their fabulous Grandmothers, mammas and aunties. They took our fabulous ways and made them even more fabulous. And we in return share this with them.

  • Y GM

    Oh please!! What do you think gay men are doing, some are more feminine that women are! They copy the tone of voice, switching hips, dancing, mannerisms and on and on of women all the time. Heck some want to be women, transvestites, transgender or whatever men are doing the same exact thing if not worse!! I

  • Necie

    If anyone should be offended it is women! We have these god awful men walking around with Loud Red lip stick, high heels, wigs, weaves, dresses, who is stealing from whom?

    if you look at old movies a lot of the terms Gays use are from a lot of these old movies, such as “spill the tea”! also a West Coast rapper named (dub) WC made a C.D called the Shadiest One.
    That’s a READ!

  • Antonia

    First of all, gay men stole sh*t from women, but exaggerated it to the max! So now when we imitate THEM we are thieves? Oh boy!

  • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

    The comments r funny as shat!

  • Will_Tha_Great

    He is telling the truth N that truth is about 2 make alot of people mad… 🙂

  • Felisha Crooks-Sweet

    I beg to differ… black slang originated from both of my countified grandmothers not from any gay black man. Sorry I was not exposed to any black gays until these recent television shows and thats the truth

    • Say that Felisha!!!! Real azzz Talk!!!!! You ain’t neva lied chile!!!

    • ladymjackson001

      BYE Felisha! LOL, sorry…I had to.
      But I agree with you.

  • gentle 1

    Gay men want to be with men. So what’s wrong with women of any kind speaking “gay slang” or whatever you want to call it. This topic of discussion is dumb.

  • Lady M

    Are we really having this discussion? There are more meaningful conversations we need to be having as grown women…

  • viv

    This is one sickening article hunty! Plus at my aunt’s Christmas party I was one fishy sista at the party, LBVS. Hey I have a few gay friends myself, and I watch Rupaul’s Drag Race, that’s where I got it from.

    • staygolden

      You have the words, but you’re using them wrong lol.

  • Guest
  • Cheryl Christopher

    Cultural appropriation. The word GAY used to mean “merry and bright”. I do not recall ANY homosexual asking anyone’s permission or approval to take it and run with it. Just like the RAINBOW, to my understanding, a gay symbol for inclusion and acceptance. I never got my memo. Now fit THIS into his argument of ‘stop stealing our sh*t’.

  • Lala

    Can’t one argue that many gays stole a women’s “culture” with many of the “traditions” they now practice?

  • Ashley

    I wonder if it were primarily black straight men using these terms would an article have even been written. IMO Black effeminate males stay stealing ish from women, but we are not complaining when we see them sashaying down the street in heels and a handbag. Its so sad that so many of these men see women as competition. That’s what this article is about.

  • A.J.

    They have it twisted, big time. We did not appropriate Black gay male slang; they copied their slang, as well as their mannerisms from us. Furthermore, a lot of these mannerisms are exaggerations of how they think Black woman act, which resemble stereotypes more than anything else. I think that the real question here needs to be why they think that they need to be so over-the-top in their portrayal of Black women.

  • Just saying!!

    This is interesting to me. I was thinking bout this the other (but not in terms of language). I was thinking more about personality types etc. Forgive me for my ignorance, but I assumed that black male gay personalities, etc were based on adaptations of black female personalities (including head rolling and finger snaps lol). I mean This doesn’t mean what they’re saying isn’t true, but it seems like the two kind of borrow from each other if that’s the case lol. As the author stated, the two groups have a shared set of experiences so that kind of makes sense. In terms of people like Tamar, you could use the appropriation argument, but I don’t see it a lot in my day to day life, and if its there I certainly don’t think anyone is doing it intentionally.

  • Name

    I think gay black males have appropriated their language and mannerisms from black women! A lot of expressions and inflections I hear from them are things I recall hearing from my granny and her peers in the seventies.

    • Exactly!!! They are copying Black women, they did not copy that shyt outta thin air. And its not unique what they’re doing.

  • 6in_walker

    Like really…Plz someone tell him that language is language no matter who speaks it. Since when are slang words dominated by one group of individuals. Just because you make the “Y” long in Heyyyyy or mispronounce a word in a way that you see fit does not mean that its yours to claim or to say that anyone is “stealing” it.

  • DA-BIG-D


  • NeeNee Nichelle

    the idea that black women are stealing black gay male culture and slang is beyond silly. its called embracing not stealing. and the credit always goes where it’s due. if thats the case then gay males misappropriate femininity and womanhood DAILY! I think in both cases it’s about being inspired and embracing aspects of other cultures. there is a difference between picking up certain traits of a culture you embrace and ridiculing or making fun of another culture that you don’t understand. if women were to be that petty, drag culture would be labeled as misogynistic, men dressing in women’s clothes with over the top hair and makeup while everyone laughs, and all at the expense of women. we could be be petty and take offense to any and every aspect of gay culture that mimics or mocks femininity but we don’t. that’s ugly. i think we need to embrace the appreciation of other cultures instead of promoting rhetoric like this that drives more of a wedge between groups of people.

  • Chaz

    Why did this writer even take the time out to write this article? He is talking about black females using words that supposedly black gay men came up with? LOL. Wow. You don’t see us black females going around talking about how much gay men wanna be women. How they go around calling themselves “girl” , wearing eyelashes, make up, weave, they get butt implants, breast implants… must I go on?

  • lockstress

    So ya’ll can borrow and wear our panties but I can’t say hunty??? Boo…get a cramp and complain for REAL!

    • Major


    • UmmNo

      As I sit here in complete pain waiting for this ibuprofen to kick in. PLEASE preach a word for the people on tonight.

      • lockstress

        Aw….girl I am holding your cyber hand!

  • Ummmm Gay black men have been fashioning themselves after black women for ages. I mean really they are walking around with purses and high heels meant for women. Hello! Too many act like sassy caricatures of black women. So he clearly needs to get over himself.

    • DA-BIG-D

      The real question or topic should be how black gay men are stealing straight black women’s husbands and boyfriends. BOOM!

      • Alton Osàyemí Osàdayó

        Really, DA-BIG-D? Not for nothin my dude (I’m assumin’ the D stands for D#$K, so Ima refer to you as dude), no gay dude can “steal” a woman’s man/husband/BF, or any of that, any more than a str8 woman can “steal” another woman’s husband, etc etc. While I do agree that quite a few gay guys can be tactless and disrespectful when it comes to flirting with men who are in relationships (especially str8 men), if a woman’s man was able to be persuaded into having ANY type of sexual contact with another dude, then sorry bruh, he wasn’t that str8 to begin with. No, this does not excuse the behavior, it’s still disgusting and shameful, however it takes two to tango. Same goes for the latter, if a woman’s man can pick up a “side b#$%h” so easily, then dude wasn’t into the main chick. Just my opinion. No disrespect to you.

        • DA-BIG-D

          I got you, bro. I am just being snide and facetious. But I am speaking to the very real phenomenon of married men w/kids or men with gf’s, leading straight lives to the rest of the world, while getting with dudes on the side and in the dark; usually hittin’ it raw. It really is going down like that. More than a lot of us want to admit.

        • DA-BIG-D

          You are hitting several nails on their heads with your statements. Very valid points. I know here in Dallas, the gay scene is such a bore. And some elements of it are confusing and sad. I didn’t grow up here. But the way that the gay minorities here regard themselves and their own unique culture, is just sad, trifling and pathetic. Whether they are black, mexican or Asian, all you see are these gay minorities chasing after white men; who certainly don’t esteem any of them at the top of their list of men to have. Black men are the last on their list and truthfully probably ain’t on it at all. And rarely do the blacks and the Mexican gays mix or have an ease of socialization with each other. Ain’t nobody ‘down for the brown’ here, not even the brown boys themselves. The black men that really desire and love other black men are like some sort of secret circle. You are just not going to find them at random when you go out. And the Mexicans are the same way with their group too. I am from the east coast where there was a distinctive, strong and unique black gay culture and the black men preferred black men. So you are right, in a lot of instances the gay dudes, especially the minorities where I am at, don’t even want each other.

          • rainbow

            Wow, I didn’t know

            • DA-BIG-D

              Yes. The American Black male’s self-hatred takes many forms and can be seen in so many different arenas. Even in the g4y lifestyle. But I think this is largely based on where you live. I have never seen anything like it is in Dallas.

              • rainbow

                Wow, damn shame

      • Gay men “stealing” “straight” men is an oxymoron you know this right? You ain’t got the body parts to “steal” a man who is truly straight. So please build a bridge and get over yourself. I don’t know why every gay person thinks straight people are secretly gay too and want they a**.

        • DA-BIG-D

          If you really think about it, nobody can steal nobody’s man cause you can never really ever have or possess another human being.

          • Yes agreed but its especially true if you ain’t got what the other person wants in any capacity. My husband can sleep soundly at night knowing I’m not checking for Ellen or Queen Latifah is any way, shape, or form.

        • mind_sayer

          THANK YOU!

      • RockStar

        Lawd why did you have to stir the pot with these straights? They already feel threatened by the gays and this is only adding fuel to the fire.

  • Sunshinegirl

    I didn’t bother to read the post, but did someone actually take the time to write an article on this topic?

  • Nikia D-Shiznit

    So, gay black men walk around looking and dressing like women, behaving in ways that are feminine or what they think women do…. But their language is being misappropriated? I cry why I see a limp wristed man in a dress and high heels saying “hheeeyyyy.”

    • Thank you! Will get their hair “did” like a black woman, false eyelashes, and a sequin top to boot but we can’t say “Read”? Imma need him to have a fabulous seat somewhere.

      • Jamal Vance

        The author clearly has some issues to work through. His attack on Black women doesn’t reflect all of our views. I said attack because that’s what I got from it. Mabe he hasn’t gotten any in awhile. Lol

        • I did read it as a c*nty attack. It’s like chile everything you think we stole from you, we let you borrow.

    • DA-BIG-D

      Good point. But of what you are speaking is some new isht. I am an old schooler. When I was younger, black g4y men may have been “soft,” but they were not walking around in heels and carrying purses. They still dressed like men; impeccable gentleman in men’s dress clothes.

    • Yeah I am gay

      You are so naive if you think that the majority of gay black men wear women’s clothes and act like b itches. You need to do some research or ask somebody before posting what is clearly an opinion. So not the truth. .

  • Shannon Sheree

    So wait, is it ok for black lesbians to use this lingo or no??? Because I am missing the point here!!

    • charingb

      And that’s an interesting point. Where do black gay women fit into the scheme of alleged culture theft? And how then do we know that the supposed appropriation isn’t from gay/bi/trans female to hetero female?

      • Amina Wilkins

        Ms. Charing, please do us a favor and capitalize the “B” when referring to our beautiful Black people. I would expect that from a “mainstream” publication, not one with a focus on Black women.

        My Black brothers and sisters and I battled in the 1960s and 70s for the dignity and respect afforded Caucasians / European-Americans. Don’t dishonor that in an underhanded way by denying us a simple capital letter. May not mean much to you, but it means a lot to us older folks who were “shooting in the gym” fighting for our dignity back in the day.

        Thank you.

        • charingb

          Ms. Amina, the conversation around the capitalization of the “b” in B/black is a long, and still yet to be widely agreed upon, point among our folks. Maybe that is another post/discussion for another day? Thanks for reading and bringing up this worthy topic.

        • Cheryl Christopher

          Thank you Thank you. We are so on the same page. I “ALWAYS” capitalize Black with all due Honor. It’s a proper noun as in a proper race, just like African-American, Asian-American, Native American, etc. So it means A LOT to the Enlightened Ones.

          • Kat

            Technically Black denotes race and African-American denotes ethnicity, they are two different sociological terms. And ethnicities are capitalized and race tends to not be. I understand capitalization and the point of being racially sensitive but why do we need acceptance culturally from a majority who doesn’t rightfully depict us or value us…just my two cents

    • The spectrum of Black lesbians are vast as human beings themselves. You cannot pigeon hole them into what they can do just like anybody else.

  • OhMeSoSassy

    I remember saying so much of this stuff as a 13 y.o. girl back in middle & high school in the late 80’s…. I had no clue what gay men said at that time. I think that the black gay community got their slang from what they thought black women talked like or from what they remembered from aunties & grannies… nobody invented anything!

    • DA-BIG-D

      Yes. There is some evidence that this language, culture, and mannerism swapping is cyclical. Black g4y men have and do get a lot of their idiosyncrasies from black women. And vice versa. Let’s work together black people: ALL OF US. But I will agree with Darden on what I feel are the c00nish and dehumanizing portrayals of black g4y men, especially on reality shows. You never see white g4y guys AS BAD AS Derek J and Miss Lawrence. From Andy Cohen to Anderson Cooper, the establishment makes sure that white g4y men are portrayed more respectably than black ones.

      • Antonia

        That is so true because I never new Andy and Anderson were gay until recently!

      • James

        I can understand what you are saying here but at the same time lets be honest people, NOT all but a good portion of white gay men present themselves more respectably than SOME urban black gay males. The fact of the matter is many urban queens use there sexuality as a vehicle to be “extra” or over the top to the point of overbearing behaviour. i feel that white gay men are portrayed as more “respectable” because they do not make their sexuality who they are as much as a part of who they are or could be.

      • staygolden

        Well Anderson Cooper is a journalist and Derek J is a hairstylist. Their professions have different parameters for professionalism. I think Don Lemon is a better person to compare a journalist to. Although it is true that there are almost never portrayals of white men who are wearing heavy makeup and heels on television, I can’t even think of one, and there are several black ones.

        • Ms.kelly

          Rupauls drag race

      • marquis2sade

        I flew down to ATL a few months back to visit a good friend of me, little I knew that he loves in the GAYEST BUILDING IN THE WORLD aka THE DARLINGTON Apartments (not that anythin is wrong with that); one night we proceeded to get some good Jamaican food in one of their on location restaurants, guess WHO made their GRANDE ENTRANCE? yep DEREK J himself, trust me when I say he looks worse in person than on he does on TV

    • Felisha Crooks-Sweet

      Absolutely, that is the truth!

    • LadyStr8

      Thank you Sassy.

    • staygolden

      Exactly. The slang word ‘carrying’ is definitely derived from a phrase my Southern family has been using for what I’m sure is centuries ‘carrying on’. And these hood queens need to calm down because they borrow from ‘hood black female’ culture in the process. You can see the influence goes both ways. They really need to be worried about the white queens and white women who are stealing the culture from both of us!

      • Hello

        Thank you. I have no problem with black women bringing the slang black. But um, these white women honay!!!

    • YESSSS HUNNY YESSSS!!! We talked just like this in the late 80’s copying our aunties, mamas and grandmamas and their friends. NEVER no gay Black man.

  • Kristen

    I’ve been thinking this for quite some time. I think it’s cool the black gay culture has it’s own slang, in fact I thought it was funny but I think it’s extremely weird that straight black women (seems like it started in Atlanta) have been talking just like the gay men. I even had a discussion on Twitter about when did it become in style for straight women to talk like gay men. I think the show that highlighted it the most for me was Married to Medicine (hated that was 99% drama 1% medicine). Quad and Mariah with their “Yaaaaaaas hunty” and all that got annoying. It’s like they didn’t have their own identity and they built a facade and language derived from black gay culture. “Hair laid to the GAWDS” gets me too. Like, STFU. I dunno. Perhaps everyone just wants to be over the top/fabulous and in the process the slang/lingo gets blended.

    • Being Real

      As a 30 something gay black man I find all this ” slang” over the top and extra queenie. Nothing worst than hearing a big burly bass tone, grown a zz man saying these childish unintelligent phrases. And to to honest this is more hood black gay culture.

      • Kristen

        I’m thinking the hype over these phrases will go down in a few years (hopefully).

        • js

          It’ll die down please know this is nothing new. As a straight woman whose best friend is gay, I was saying these phrases in the EARLY 90s. The gay scene is nothing new. Once the masses started using the lingo (such as throwing shade and you’ve been read, which we were saying long long long ago) I stopped. I don’t like trends. And that’s what it’s become, a trend.

          • Kristen

            I’m aware that it’s not new. What has popularized it is reality tv and social media which makes it EVERYWHERE and it multiplies, becomes a trend thus making it annoying.

      • Hello

        It actually is. There is a difference and I’m glad someone pointed it out.

      • HarryAzzhole

        Mmmhmmm nìgga u ain’t lyin nìgga

      • Bran

        Being Real, I really don’t see your point. “Extra queenie”….AND? Expressions of femininity are a facet of gay male culture, whether it’s a short skinny twink of a gay male speaking that way OR a “big burly bass tone, grown azz man”. “As a 30 something gay black man”, your self-hatred is surely and sadly showing. I also fail to see your point about this being more “hood black gay culture”… is there a bougie, middle class, or rich black gay culture too with its own lingo and expressions? The self-hatred shows (as gays and here as Blacks) when we try to “other” facets of who we are (or our overall cultures) as less valuable or worthy.

    • MissRayford Tee

      Are we not all human at the end of the day

      • Kristen

        No one is questioning anyone’s humanity.

  • Mae

    Tamar Braxton is the Queen of g@y phrases ugh

  • newdnewd

    Yes some women ( a lot) actually do steal the gay male language! I do I love my gay friends they are fab.

    • Mahogany Graves

      so true yaasss hunty lol it just sounds so good. its all love tho i love my gay boys!

    • Gay Black men copied black grandmothers, and their mothers and aunties. This thing that Black women are stealing from them is HILARIOUS!!! SMH. Next they’ll be saying we stole rolling our eyes from them. Please save the drama for your mama.

      • BobbyBrownsUnhingedLowerJaw

        SAY THAT!!! it’s a VICIOUS CIRCLE! ha!

      • yu mad

        EXACTLY!!!! at the end of the day YASS GAWD and HUNTY are all language used by OLD BLACK WOMEN in the day. These are not NEW WORDS or a NEW LANGUAGE like you speaking Spanish or Chinese….MY great grandmother was saying GAWD, CHILE, HUNTY, ETC….lol this is hilarious. Because THEY think its fabulous the way they do it its the only way….ok what!?! Thats crazy….

        • HoneybLex

          So true..,words spoken on the daily in most households, and definitely in the South!

      • newdnewd

        Bye Felicia

      • Ayisha Carnival Queen

        THANK YOU!!!

      • marquis2sade

        DEAD @ “save the drama for your mama” LMBAO…btw, I’m a PROUD GAY BLACK Man, hunty!! LOL

      • Ms. Guest Lady aka Real Woman

        You are so right. They steal everything from us. Women can’t have nothing to ourselves.

      • chaka1

        I was just about to say everything you just wrote. Black gay men have been stealing from older black women for years…

      • Justine

        Yes, my grandmother, aunts, and female older cousins have been saying “HUNTY” and YASSS GAWD” for YEARS. Also, my gay male friends repeat every catchy saying that I come up with. CHILE STOP REACHING!!!

      • Hello

        Keepinitreal…………….thank you for telling the truth and shaming the devil. They don’t blink an eye when white women appropriate their culture. ……… Madonna or Lady Gaga. I think this is just another example of hatred some of these black men have for black women.

    • Ayisha Carnival Queen

      Gay men steal the entire body language from women…

    • Hello

      But it’s not there language. Black women have been saying yaasss honey for years. The other day I mentioned something about shade. Then asked my mother about the term read and did she understand what it meant. My mother replied to tell someone off. Then she said, people have been using read in that context since she was a little girl. Gay black culture is black culture. It’s an artsy glam version of black culture.