Lovin’ We Lost: Eye Candy Crushes Who Were Taken “Off The Market” In 2013

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December 19, 2013 ‐ By

We would say that we’re happy that some of our favorite men in Hollywood found love, but we’re a little peeved that it wasn’t with us. How many tears were shed when Idris Elba let the world know he was no longer single? And after splitting with Ashanti, we were kind of hoping Nelly could be our honeydip. But alas, we weren’t as lucky as these ladies. Here are 10 men we used to give the eye to who were booed up or married in 2013.

fine celebrity men

WENN

 

Idris Elba

I think jaws dropped collectively when we didn’t just hear, but had to see that Idris Elba was dating makeup artist Naiyana Garth at the Harper’s Bazaar Women of the Year event a few months ago. He gave her his coat and everything! He would go on to confirm that he is indeed taken, and not only that, but he’s expecting a child with Garth. *drops head into hands and sobs*

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  • FromUR2UB

    What is it about Nelly that has some of you so crazy about him? He’s not good looking, and something about him just seems a little off to me. Maybe it’s his relationships with Kelly Rowland and Ashanti that make me think he’s just a player who boosts his ego by pursuing women who are too good for him and getting them to fall in love with him. But, I think those two loved him more than he loved them.

  • Aliyah

    Actually I don’t mind black men with Asian women. Asians are the best but I GET so pisseD so pissed when i see a black guy with a white girl and Hispanic girls . Why can’t white girls stick with white guys ?!! I thought white guys controller the world !

  • Aliyah

    Do u notice they are all either with white girls or Hispanic girls ? What’s so great about them ? I have white friends and nothing special about them . Not even their hair . I think my tightly curly hair is just as good. Plus they are celebrities so I don’t care . They are all good looking though . Eye candy.
    As long as my guy friend who I like doesn’t get with a white girl . If he does I will be pissed and I will go after the both of them.

  • NewYorkviaJamaica

    Whoa…are there no good black women available for these black men? Not playing the race card, but…!!!

  • Guest

    2010 Census stats are that 86% of married BM are married to BW.
    That is damn near 9 out of 10.

    Don’t let these media rags fool you.

    • imaguesttoo

      Let’s not forget that more interracial couples live together than get marry. Bm are almost as twice as likely to be in an unmarried interracial cohabitation pairing than to be in a married interracial relationship. So while 17% of black men in 2010 married non bw, more were cohabiting with non bw. This is according to the US Census

  • Babes!

    I’ll admit I did notice a pattern myself. I didn’t too much care to be honest though. I believe that people should feel/be free to be with whoever they want. But for those you did feel some type of way (no Future), I feel like it can be boiled down to wondering where the pics of celebrities dating women who look like them are. You see a number of Black celebs dating “non-Black” women. But just not so many “non-Black” celebs with Black women on their arms. In that respect, I can understand why an eyebrow would be raised.
    However, it is what it is. It’s silly, immature, and virtually pointless to hate (blatantly or secretly) just because “it doesn’t seem like anybody wants to date Black women” <—– essentially the overall message of most of these comments. If Black men (or others) don't want to date Black women, then they just don't. Period. Nothing anyone can do to change that. Again we date/marry who we want to. Get over it. And if that reality is too much for one to handle, there are plenty of bridges across America to solve the problem. Peace and Love :-)

  • That Girl

    See this is the problem. These stories right here. You know, I think preference is a small part of it. It’s things like this that plant this seed that makes some wonder “whats going on here”? Or some start comparisons. Its already enough that on the daily, we get reminded of how much an African Americans are valued whether it be in the media or society.

    Then you have these posts where the utmost ignorance in the African American community is displayed as something that one assumes represents us as a whole. The dreaded “we have to do better” bull****. Many of us are doing quite well. Job, educated, independent, well spoken whatever. However, no one wants to hear that because what overrules it is skin color and what is socially acceptable. What’s worse is when it comes from within our own community. Many of us already have to make the extra effort to prove that we are our own individual.

    Even though this is for entertainment its like an underhanded subtle reminder in some sorts. Yes, it can be ignored and you go about your business but some of it does make me think. Whether or not it affects me well that’s up to me understandably.

  • sunny568

    MN comments (many of y’all)–pretty disappointing on this topic, which was ORIGINALLY about fine guys being taken. Why is it a problem for a celeb to be with anyone they want to be with? Why must folk tear others down about people they will probably never be dating or seeing romantically in this lifetime??? Seriously. Just…let’s stop the ignorance, okay? A celebrity or an athlete or, I don’t know, your next-door neighbor’s auntie’s lawyer cousin choosing a partner that doesn’t look like you is NOT an indictment on you. Or even them (barring further evidence, like them publicly saying stupid things). Yes, we live in a culture that tells us many ugly things about ourselves and our looks. I live in it, too, as a WOC. But that said, shouldn’t we appreciate peoples’ right to choose their SOs and their lives? You have the same rights too. There certainly was a time when we didn’t.

    I’m still gonna be me and just as desirable to myself (!!!) whether or not such-an’-such takes up with this person or that. And I guess it’s understandable, that whole meme of “black love”, the history it comes from–that many of you are idealizing. But really, why deny new people, new experiences? And why hate on others who feel free enough to do just that? You don’t know how they feel in their hearts about black women, and really, even if they didn’t want us, why do you care? That’s not a person, brown, beige or polka-dotted, I’d want in my company anyway. I think that too many people let their hurt keep them in this place of desperation, prejudice and meanness. IR relationships are just as good as any other. Don’t like it? Don’t have one. Stop using other people’s love-lives as your only hope or validation! My sweet natural tan and someone else’s (or not) ain’t got much to do with the quality of the relationship I intend to cultivate. Cultivating any sort of love, be it self-love, or black love or whatever can’t be done on all this disdain and shade.

  • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

    ok let me see here…light…bright…d*mn near white & actually white…check check check & check lol…i ain’t mad or hatin just observing

  • newdnewd

    Idris broke my poor little heart lol

    • sunny568

      Lawd yes! Didn’t he realize we were supposed to be together (in my mind…and my bed, the floor…) XD

  • No name!

    Not one dark skin black woman. Makes me kind of sad, that the saying is true. Once black man make some money the go and get a white woman or high yellow. Stop waiting for black man black woman and find love out side your race as will.

    • toya

      preach!

  • guest

    To each their own.

  • Ledice’ Leach

    Tank is fine & he’s thick I saw him n concert.

  • hypocritical?

    Just like black women, black men are free to date, love and marry whomever they choose to. This is 2013! Some black women believe they should have the freedom to date out but don’t want brothas to have this same freedom. Hypocritical much?

    • That Girl

      You know what, I think its more than bw and bm being together. I think its more of how we become more divided because of portrayals of what is good, better or best. If a black male (or female) decides to date someone outside of their race that’s fine and good, but do it because you love that person. Not because you are saying a bm or bw is this or that. People are people. For a long while, people have been taught to look down on us. Worst of all, some of us look down on ourselves as a result. As an African American woman, I don’t care who dates who but we should care when we are generalized and talked about as if we aren’t worth anything because of stereotypical bs (loud, ratchet, ugly – which many people chop themselves up dying for our natural features anyway). Alot of the time people LOVE that kind of drama all because an educated has their sh** together person is boring. No joke, the thinking of many.

      There is already an assumption/generalization about African Americans. That is the problem. Why exactly do we have to see all of these guys that have dated outside thier race? Im sure there are alot of AA men who have married or date an AA woman but what happened here? Whats really going on?

      • That Girl

        I wanted to add, why not mix it up a little? Just seems to me that posts like this welcome race baiting because of how its targeted.

        • guest

          EXACTLY! You will never go on a “white” site – people magazine, whatever and see a celebrity couple profile where all the white men are with Asian, Latino, and/or Black women. Even though we know that plenty of them are dating/married to women of other ethnicities.

      • Guest

        Nothing but mass media propaganda perpetrating negative stereotypes because it serves the purpose of reinforcing misguided and inaccurate information.

  • lola

    mr letters to my sisters with love smfh

  • lola

    mr to my letters to my sisters with love smfh

  • Mini

    Its a Hollywood thing. But I don’t get it. Two successful black people together can be powerful and give u royalty status in the eyes of blacks and most importantly whites. Nobody white would have voted Obama in if Michelle was white and that speaks volumes. Also I feel like these non-black women view black men as settling for a black man only because his money. While black men see non-black women as up-grading. I feel like the average black man has it tough enough in the real world for him to cause black women to turn her back on him. When u have to have money for someone to consider u its not love. I bet non-black women in these relationships would have h3ll freeze over before they do anything financially for black men.

    • Guest

      ..”While black men see non-black women as up-grading..”

      Quite the massive generalization.

      Are you speaking for all BM in the diaspora or just BM in America, or BM in the media as celebs, or ????

      And not true..by examination of the 2010 Census in America alone.

  • Mia

    The only dude on here with an Africian chic is Adam Levine LMAO

    • That Girl

      LOL! Hilarious.

  • Trisha_B

    This post is just messy for no reason, i already know how the comments are gonna go. There are a lot of black celebs w/ other black celebs. I don’t believe the hype of “get on & leave your a55 for a white girl…” thing. The young minded fools will fall for that. But i see all the strong black celeb men are in relationships w/ other black women. Jay Z & Beyonce, Vince & Tamar, Swizz & Alicia Keys, Keri Hilson & her man, Eva & Kevin, etc. Even Kelly Rowland just got engaged to a black men. Black men aren’t just abandoning black women. That’s just what the blogs & media just want to push smh

    • 9Boots

      The fact that you can name names actually proves the point that black on black celebs are rare.

      • Trisha_B

        Not really. There are a ton of celebs that i could have put down but those were the ones that popped up in my head. It’s not rare.

        • 9Boots

          What is it that most black actresses in Hollywood are single/never married as opposed to their white counterparts?

          • Trisha_B

            Idk, why don’t you ask them -____-

            You have some weird obsession w/ black women & white men lol. You’re really passionate about that. I’m sorry you done had bad experiences w/ black men. But i see plenty of successful black relationships.

            • 9Boots

              No, I’m just pointing out how most BW stay in denial that BM are not getting married hence the high amount of single BW. Wake up.

          • sunny568

            Maybe because they’re busy working? Or *gasp* they’re not trying to get married?!? Believe it or not, ladies don’t live for weddings (or husbands, babies, etc.) Considering they’re also in Hollywood, home of the 15-minute celeb marriage, why should they want the potential burden of a public divorce? Who cares; they’re probably happier than you, chile.

            • 9Boots

              Sad, BW are staying in denial. They’re not trying to get married? They’re busy? Excuses. The common denominator is BM aren’t getting married. Wake up.

              • sunny568

                LOL denial?!? That’s sad you think that. Across demographics, there’s been a decline in marriages over the past couple decades. Additionally there’s less stigma towards divorce and/or staying unmarried. The average age for marriage in the US is now up to 29 yrs of age, fueled in part by people with higher education and generational gaps in income/ net wealth. Why is it that when black women also fall along those trends, out of all the subgroups of women, we’re to “blame” and it’s suddenly a “crisis”? Always the scapegoat, never the bride, is that it? Oh yes, the poor BW who according to you is desperate for marriage to a BM (presuming she desires only them, or men even) and will still be alone to cry forever until dot-dot-dot (This will probably be the part where you tell us to be less “angry”, “independent”, “controlling”, “mannish”, “loud”, “opinionated”, “picky”, “feminist”? Did I guess right? Do I win a prize? :D) Blah blah. Boo, I am awake and if you think any woman would take your advice or warnings seriously, keep dreaming! ~_^

                • 9Boots

                  Did I say BW are the problem concerning the low black marriage rate? The problem with BW is they continue to deny that 60 years of low marriage rates, high divorce rates, high OOW birth rates, high absentee father rates, high poverty rates is not an illusion or a “trend”. BM have made it quite clear via their actions that they are not interested in getting married to BW and supporting them. Also while the marriage rate is low across the board for all groups, the black marriage rate takes the cake at 35%. And out of that 35% only 25% of those marriages are black on black.
                  I see that you are upset. There are non BM out there that are ready and willing to treat BW as they are supposed to be, cherished.

                  • guest

                    So according to your own stats, a measly 10% of black men / women are marrying outside of race. Not nearly a concern to be pushing this agenda that BM don’t want BW – yadda, yadda, yadda.

                    • Kelly

                      Im sure that this will be deleted or pushed to the bottom.
                      No a lot of black people don’t understand the breakdown of the numbers. But here it is….. only about 35% of 100% of black people get married. Of that 35% of people, in 2013 22% of the men married interracially. That number has grown from 9% to 11% to 15% to 22%. So the trending is going up for black men. So when people say 85% of black men marrying black women they are wrong. It is 78% of black men who actually MARRIED in 2012 married bw. But remember, that is from a small number (35% of black folks) who got married. Now this is what black people don’t seem to grasp. It was 78% of bm marrying bw in 2012 down from 85% in prior years, down from 89% prior to that, and 91% prior to that. So do you get it? It is trending down now. By 2020, the numbers could be 50% of bm marrying will take on a wife of a different race. Trends people… pay attention to trends. This is what keeps white people winning. They look at trends. What happened 20 years ago, 10 years ago, what happened 5years ago, what happened last year. You compare to see trends. You analyze. It lets you know how to prepare for the future This tells you what the future will look like. You notice how white people are panicking about USA becoming mostly minority? Well when I leave out of my house, I see mostly white people. You see mostly white people now but they study trends and it tells them that things are changing. Black people don’t study trends, that is why most are never prepared for anything.

                    • Kelly

                      I meant in 2012 22% of black men married interracially.

                    • Kelly

                      Even though you see mostly white people everywhere, they look at the trends and they see things are changing and they wont be the majority. They could just sit back like black people do and say well I see white people mostly so I don’t care. No. they are paying attention to what is going to happen in the next few years by looking at what has been TRENDING over the last few years. That is what smart groups of people do. They look at what is trending to prepare for the future.

                    • 9Boots

                      Preach Kelly!!! You said it all.

                    • guest

                      Kelly, yes white people look at trends. But you should also be realistic in your prognostications. You are going on about what the number “could be” for bm marrying wm in 2020. Well it also could simply just hold steady at current levels. We have become a more tolerant open society, but what I see is that the majority of bm still prefer bw like their mothers.

                      As far as the small percentages of black people married, well that means that there is a large pool of available black men out there that are potential husbands! Come now – let’s be “glass is half full” people as opposed to “glass is half empty” / “dam near dry” kind of people. ;)

                    • Kelly

                      If the trending continues. Up to 50% of the NEW marriages for black men by 2020 will be interracial. This is 50% of that small 35% segment of blacks who are even marrying period.
                      Black women who overlook this are going to be DEVASTATED in years to come. Mark my words…..DEVASTATED.

                    • Kelly

                      Oops! Bad grammar. Correction:

                      If this trending continues, up to 50% of the NEW marriages for black men by 2020 could be interracial.

                    • 9Boots

                      Also you are not realizing that many of the 25% black on black marriages are those that married back in the 70s. Unfortunately as these baby boomers begin to pass, the marriage rate is going to plummet. These baby boomer marriages are at least 8% of the black on black marriages.

    • daw

      So the blogs and media are making up these relationships. You know too many black athletes and those in Hollywood are jumpubg ship. The number of black men dating non black women increases with his income. Face facts. The US Census Bureau supports this.

      • Trisha_B

        I didn’t say the blogs are making up the relationships. I said they push those relationships more. Interracial relationships are talked about more b/c of the comments. There are way more black actors w/ other black actors, or black singers w/ other black singers. But they don’t get talked about like the interracial ones.

    • Laine

      Like you I believe that the majority of celebrity black men are indeed in relationships with black women. However, you can’t deny that even those black women are very light skinned, and look like they are mixed with something. Even your own examples Keri Hilson, Beyonce, Alicia Keys etc prove that a little bit. Don’t misunderstand me, I believe “black” comes in many shades and colors, and the color of your skintone doesn’t determine how black you are and how black you yourself feel you are. However, the black celebrity men that are with “black” women, are with black women that fit more into the eurocentric standard of beauty. You rarely see them with black women with very kinky hair (and in that state), and/or very dark skin. You can’t deny that colorism plays an important role as well. I wish it didn’t, but sadly it does.

      • sunny568

        But let’s enlarge the discussion, shall we? I agree with the colorism thing being an issue for some men. But ask ourselves: is it necessarily a result of them having a type (i.e. light, “exotic”) or the industry they happen to be a part of? Proximity and shared interests often tend to be what draws people together, more than looks in my opinion. If you work within an industry or sector like entertainment which has long held and promoted negative views of darker-complected, non-caucasian women and their bodies, and one that continues to have a dearth of these persons finding success let alone work in that field (and those who break through often happen to fit a western mode of beauty), is it no surprise that you may see more cross-cultural/ interracial unions develop?

        So many of the commentators have been stuck on color–look at how many of the relationships shown involve people who work in or have high interaction with people in the same field. Honestly though, is it such an offense that a celebrity with money, access and name recognition has access to a greater pool of potential mates? It’s not there’s a damn slideshow of EVERY person they’ve ever been with! I believe you can find love with anyone you want to find it with, so what’s the problem? I might not be famous but the only limit on desire and love to me are found in the mind and mindset. Peace <3

        • Laine

          I agree with you and Trisha_B that proximity and shared interest play a role when finding a mate, and in the entertainment industry there aren’t a lot of black women. That’s why some of these black celebrity men wind up with the “lighter pallette of brown”‘ black women. However, celebrity men, due their celebrity status can have any woman they want, so to speak. If a black celebrity man wanted and was attracted to women that looked like Viola Davis, he would find a way to get that type of woman, and he would definitely not “settle” for someone that looked like Beyonce or Keri Hilson. Yet what we see, is that most of these men do go for those types. Why would they, if not for the simple reason that that is what they are attracted to, that that is their type.

          • Kelly

            Preach! Black women being in denial will be devastated in years to come.

            • Laine

              I don’t think black women are necessarily in denial. But what are we supposed to do? I for instance am attracted to black men, that’s my preference, my fantasy. I can’t change that, I can flip a switch and start to like white or Asian men, just because black men might not like me. I may not like that they don’t like me, but I can’t just flip a switch. And it wouldn’t be fair to some guy from another race if I would start something with him, when I really want a black man. That would be mean. At the end of the day, people are going to like who they want to like. Just like I can flip a switch, black men that are more attracted to non black women can’t flip a switch. The reasons for their attraction might me controversial (sometimes, not always), but still, you can’t change those feelings.

          • Kelly

            If a man wanted a Viola Davis type with a good body, educated and no kids they would find a way to get one. Yea, they only marry light, biracial cause they are the only ones around. Please they are the only ones who feel welcome.

      • Trisha_B

        I get what your saying. But look at the type of women that are in the entertainment business. You don’t see much dark skin, kinky haired actresses & singers. & these men, like more entertainers, date w/in their occupation. So they date who they work with, which happens to be light skin women, unfortunately

        • Brandi

          There are plenty of dark skin women who are inspiring actresses and entertainers no one knows about because they don’t make it. They don’t have the crossover appeal biracial or light skin black women do. There has been Jasmine Sullivan, Camillie Winbush (Bernie Mac show), Coco Jones, India Arie, Sevyn Streeter, Omarosa, Jessica White, the twin that follows the Kardashians around all the time,etc. I looked on a site where they showed the Knicks wives and girlfriends and majority of them were light skin/biracial/non-black as so many other entertainers/athletes. There are plenty of dark skin female athletes black male athletes can date, but they don’t. Look at shows like basketball wives, not many dark/afrocentric females on there. Regular non-black/biracial/light skin black women can catch the attention of these professional black men why can’t dark skin/afrocentric looking black women?

        • Kelly

          Keep believing that.

    • Brandi

      Did you see that recent study about online dating and racial preference? Most black men responded to black women the least and responded to Asian women the most. I can’t even bypass a forum or blog without seeing black men talk about wanting a “Whooty” or a Asian female. Saddest thing is black women responded to black men the most. It’s bothersome seeing black women beg for the attention and support of black men because it’s what we’ve been traditionally taught. Kelly, Alicia, Beyonce, Eva are the only one’s you can name it’s really sad. And they are not the every day black woman either, they’re rich and famous. I see plenty of black female celebrities with average Joes though, any race, but you aren’t gonna catch a athlete or rapper with a regular sista with that has a degree and a normal life. Professional black men and even the below average black men who think they’re entitied to quality women above their level don’t even have black women as the first option in their dating pool. How I see black men is that we share the same skin color but we don’t share the same connection.

      • guest

        You need to move. Where I live, there are plenty of black men dating and married to dark skinned black women. Maybe it’s a southern thing. But, it’s sad that you have this outlook. Also, take a break from the blogs, they will definitely skew your world view – much like watching t.v.

    • Guest

      Finally!

      2010 Census stats are that 86% of married BM are married to BW.
      That is damn near 9 out of 10.

  • Jessica Dailey

    Interesting pattern…it seems like if you are not White or mixed you are out of luck. I just cant with Black meN anymore, so White men it is. #happyeversince

    • 9Boots

      Don’t limit yourself to white men, expand your options to all non black men. This increases your pool of eligible bachelors.

      • Jessica Dailey

        Good point, I would, I’m just happy with the one I have. But I wholeheartedly agree! I think all Black women need to expand their options.

        • 9Boots

          Smart woman!!

    • marshefen

      This is still the entertainment industry. While IR are on the rise, 9/10 Black men are marrying Black women.

      • Jessica Dailey

        Well I certaintly have seen very few successful ones where I am marrying Black women unless they are super light or biracial.

      • Brandi

        May I ask where are you guys getting this 9/10 stuff, other than what you perceive or assume?

        • marshefen

          Well MN apparently didn’t want me to link to another website, but you can do a search on black men and marriage statistics.

  • Wow

    Who y’all kidding these guys weren’t even near our shopping carts talking about off the market, they have been off the market for sisters for a minute.

    • Kelly

      And black women are still sitting around discussing them. These black men are not paying them any attention and they STILL sweat them.

  • You’renotme

    Wow HIll Harper always on that BLACK POWER ish trying to uplift black girls and he got a non black smh I mean to each his own but come on man!

    • Valentine Joseph

      LOL, I had a similar thought in my head

    • Dr. Dubya

      Just a question: Should one decide who they will date first by race then next by whether they find them attractive? I mean when searching for a mate online should race be selected when I search, or would I be better selecting people that I share a bond with? Personally, I look for people with similar interests and if happen to be black thats great, but not required. I feel I’m pretty ethnocentric as well.

      • Boogie

        That is great for you… But with many brothas… The pool of women that they only consider look similar to the women on this list. In saying that, I went to two black colleges… So I know this isn’t the majority of brothas… But still… As a brown sis it gets to be annoying as this is often in the media…

        • Dr. Dubya

          Haha, if you look at the online dating post, you will see I have had my troubles finding black women to date.

          Lastly, my point was initially that since he is presently dating a white woman that doesn’t mean that he isn’t about lifting up black women. They don’t HAVE to be connected at all.

          • Boogie

            You’re absolutely right… No correlation between dating outside the race and uplifting your own. Regarding you finding a good woman to date… You will. When the time is right. And when you meet her, you’ll know.

            • Dr. Dubya

              Don’t get mad if she is Asian… :)

              • Boogie

                I won’t :)

          • jmjg

            I don’t think anyone here wrote a book on dating black men.

            • Dr. Dubya

              What?

      • jmjg

        No Sir. You get to do what ever you want to do. It is your right, but please remember that it is others right to not care. You owe black women nothing and black women owe you nothing. Let’s remember that in all things.

      • Laine

        Well, I am also on online dating sites, and I do select ethnicity (and other things like education etc) when searching. I just believe I click better with black men, I find them more attractive. And even though quite a few of the black men on those internetdating sites don’t want to date black women (as they state so on their profiles), the majority of the men that do want to date a black woman, are black. Does it make you less ethnocentric if you do date outside your race? No, not really. But I’m ethnocentric myself and I personally love to debate and discuss things. I believe the “ethnocentric discussions” would be different when I would have to do them with someone from a different race.

        • Dr. Dubya

          You should see the women’s profiles. Scandal has taken over. If you had a height requirement Hill Harper is out.

          • Laine

            Well, I don’t have a height requirement. But also don’t assume that every black woman wants a man that’s taller than 6′. Because than I’m going to assume that because you’re a black man, one of your requirements would be a woman with a gigantic booty. That’s ridiculous right? Stop believing all the lies that are out there about black women. Lies like we love thugs, he has to make 6 figures, has to be over 6′. It’s rubbish.

            • guest

              I do think black women in general have a height requirement. Would you be comfortable dating a man that’s 5’5″? Many, many women would not. I’m married to an awesome short man. My single friends really like my husband, yet they still state that they can’t get with a short man. I know they say you are attracted to who you are attracted. But, many women are throwing away a lot of potential mates just by this one criteria alone.

              I also think the booty requirement for bm is real too. But, no matter – black women have great asses! lol

              • Laine

                But a lot of women, not just black women want their SO to be taller than them. I am 5’4 myself, so no I would not have a problem with a guy that’s 5’5.
                The point I was trying to make, however, was not really about height or big booties. It’s about having these preconceived ideas about what a group will be like. And yes, there are certain cultural traits that separates groups from each other. But when it comes to dating, everybody should be treated as an individual. I have a feeling, and I could be wrong, that when it comes to black women, everybody lumps us into this one category. We are all loud, angry, fat, and have unrealistic and materialistic requirements for our potential SO. I can understand when and why other ethnic groups that don’t come in contact with us on a regular basis do this, but when black men do it, it’s annoying. Especially the black men that also don’t fit the negative stereotype that exist for black men. They don’t fit the stereotype either, but automatically assume that the preconceived ideas about black women are true.

                • guest

                  I agree with everything you just said. You, I’m sure will have no problem finding and keeping a quality man. Unfortunately, how black women (and men) have been portrayed in the media has done a lot of damage both within and without our community. All you can do is be yourself and you will attract men who recognize and appreciate your authenticity. God Bless & Happy Holidays!

              • Dr. Dubya

                Thank you! Some reality. I know a lot of Hill Harpers aint nobody checking for.

            • Brandi

              Black women are allowed to have physical standards too. Why are black women always told to settle for black men of any type as long as we have a brotha? I don’t see anyone telling black men to lower their standards for black women, and black men will curse you the slap out if you tell them to. We can’t want a brotha with a body like Lance Gross, but they sure will tell you they want their woman to try her best to look like Ciara, Nicole Murphy, or Pilar Sanders. We can’t want a man that’s financially stable, but they will sure tell you they don’t want a gold digger or a chick who can’t pay her own bills. I don’t like this mental game black men love to play in order to get what they want. Make black women feel guilty for having standards, but at the same time reinforce their standards on black women. Biologically MEN AND WOMEN WANT THE SAME THING. Men want a woman who’s physically appealing to them, education, and job, women want the same thing. But men will slice women apart for wanting what they want. If a black woman has her stuff together, good looking, in shape, has her own job and money can’t want a Lance Gross, then why can Jamal working at Wal-Mart want her type and people applaud him for choosing quality? Telling black women to settle but also telling her to prep because no one will settle for her because she’s below average is mental abuse to the fullest.

    • guest

      STFU! He can date ANYBODY he wants to! Go find a white man. Black women are constantly talking about how white men love black women. Go out there and find out if that’s really true!

    • guest

      In all fairness to Hill Harper, he did try to date Black women for years and they just weren’t interested. Even Sherry Shepard brushed him off. This is a problem with Black women. We don’t want the nerdy, nice dependable guy. We want the potential rough neck. Then we moan and groan when he does what’s expected – lie and cheat. By the time we wake up (and some of us never do) and are ready for that man who will treat us properly, he’s moved on and most likely to a white girl.

      I work in a graduate department for sciences. I see it all the time. The Black guys coming through there get no play from Black women year after year. Well these are men getting PhD’s in science. The white women are paying attention and they scoop them right up – funny looking clothes and all. Out of the last 5 Black men to come through the program, 4 married are engaged to white women.

      • Charisse A Hill

        I know plenty of Black women who would appreciate Hill Harper. That’s just a poor excuse to not date a black women.

        • guest

          He’s 47! How long must he keep at it? Just asking… I’ve heard him in interviews where he sounded quite frustrated that he couldn’t get play from Black women. Look, I’m as pro-black as you get. And I don’t care for the trend either. However, in this ONE case, I think there is more to the story than a Black man purposely seeking out a non-black woman.

          • jmjg

            Oh please. I have said from the get go, he has always wanted nonblack women. He just couldn’t have been taken seriously writing and selling his books if he was with one. Now, no one cares. Go on with your lives. Let folks alone. Live and let live, but stop looking for validation from black folk. You owe them nothing and they owe you nothing.

        • Dr. Dubya

          He has dated black women…

      • jmjg

        You couldn’t possibly be a woman. LOL! You just spewed a man’s line. Most women I know are married to the “nerdy” type and would have it no other way.

        • guest

          Actually, I am a woman married to a “nerdy” type – LOL. That’s why I know what I speak. I see this all the time with my single friends. They have these rigid criteria a man must meet before they will even give them the time of day. 6′, dark, swag, etc… They just aren’t checking for the Hill Harpers of the world. They immediately put him in the friend category. So they keep putting up with the “dogs” until they get fed up with the drama. Meanwhile, some smart woman has seen the “friend’s” true potential and locked him up. Smart women know it’s the Hill Harpers of the world which make great husbands and even better fathers.

      • Laine

        I’m sorry, but I just don’t agree with you that Black women do not want nice dependable black men. I myself am one of those Black women that would love a Back man with a PhD. And he’s nerdy? Great! So am !. And I know a lot more black women like myself. Of course there are certain black women that would prefer the “thug”, but I just can’t believe that the majority of educated black women want a du-rag, sagging pants, gold grill wearing black man after they are done with their education. That just sounds plain ridiculous to me.

        • guest

          Look, I’ve seen it TOO MANY times with girlfriends of mine. No they don’t want the du-rag, sagging guy. That’s too extreme. But, they want the guy who has such swag – the cute guy potential ball player type. Problem is that every other woman wants him too. He knows this, and ends up being a total player. My husband is a “nerdy” shorty – a cutie and a shorty. Most Black women wouldn’t even consider going out with him because he doesn’t meet the height requirement. I for one am glad, because I locked up a great husband and father.

          You’re right that once women get that education, they realize they should be looking more so at a man’s character than his presentation; they want to nice guy. The problem, he’s taken by then. I am already schooling my daughter to go after the nerd – stay away from the pretty boys, and she’s following my advice. She’s more into the engineering types than the b-ball players. The earlier black girls learn this, the better.

          • Laine

            But isn’t that the case for all women though, not just black women? I also don’t see a lot of attractive white women partnering up with average income nerds or geeks so to speak (not the Bill Gates type of nerds..:-)) I also don’t see white high school girls checking for the nerds, the techies in high school. They also go for the pretty boys, the athletes or whatever. Like you said, seeing the potential in guys that don’t fit the narrow standard of masculinity comes with education, with some sort of maturity. And that’s the case for all women, not just black ones. I hate that there is this inaccurate stereotype that only black women don’t see the potential in these sort of guys.

            • guest

              No, I don’t think it’s the case for all women. Like you pointed out, the white women were into the pretty boys in HIGH SCHOOL. This all changes once they graduate. They are taught by their mother’s to go after a man that will provide – first and foremost. A decent income will trump looks, preferred race etc. And they start looking for a potential mate much younger than black women do. I live near a major university in the South. Many of these women are engaged their junior/senior year – and getting married by their first/second year of grad school. So, those nerds that were all but ignored in high school are taken very seriously by these women once they hit college.

          • jmjg

            But maybe it is the group of women you associate with that are the problem. It is said, “tell me who you are with and I’ll tell you who you are.”

            • guest

              Well, let’s see – I’ve been happily married for well over a decade to a great man who is my best friend. The women I associate with are all career women (Master Degrees or higher), caring individuals who are active in their communities. So whatever you read from that – have at it.

      • Brandi

        Tell those nerdy black men to stop chasing after the Kenya Moore’s and the Draya Michele types. I don’t feel sorry for beggars being choosers. That’s pretty much the storyline of these “Black women paid me no mind because I was nerdy” black male “Boo Hoo” stories. 9 times out of 10 the nerdy black men wasn’t checking for the nerdy black women either. I have no sympathy.

        • Laine

          Exactly!

        • guest

          Not sure about this – you may be right. But from what I see, many of the nerdy types are loners. They don’t even get dates – let alone try to go after a Kenya Moore.

        • Dr. Dubya

          Really though? Beggars and choosers? What are you really saying? Because a man is educated he cannot be attractive? Aint nobody checking for Kenya Moore.

      • Belinda

        There are very few black people in science programs period when considering the total number of students. Should we all just pair off into twos like lab rats, attraction be damned? You notice those celebrities didn’t pick from the aesthetically unfortunate, they picked people they found attractive.

        • guest

          I would argue that what we find attractive has been terribly skewed in this heavy media driven society. To the point that many women think they should have an Idris or Michael Ealy and the men are after the Halle Berry /Kate Uptons. Keep in mind, these are people who have the cash to pay for trainers, plastic surgery, make-up artist, etc. It’s all an illusion. But regular joes and joans have fallen into the trap to think we all should look like these people. Well that leaves a lot of middle in the road (still good looking) people out in the cold. Turn off all forms of media in your life for a few weeks, and believe me you will start seeing the beauty that surrounds you were you are.

    • sunny568

      Really? You gotta be f $%king kidding…because there have never EVER been people in same-ethnic relationships who’ve ever been self-loathing or self-interested, nor folk in IR relationships with progressive views and experience in community activism around. Like, at all. Yes, how dare that enlightened man of color choose a person to date outside his sociopolitical/ census-taking identity! Doesn’t he know his little Harper is reserved for mocha ladies ONLY? Next, we’ll be having an integrated society or something…oh wait.

  • lookatthisbullsh!t

    Where are all the black women..Damnit Kayne: when get on he leave your arse for non black girl

    • Trisha_B

      Well Nelly girlfriend is black lol. She is mixed, but she’s brown skin lol…..But doesn’t Future need to be on the list? Didn’t him & Ciara get together this year?

      • lookatthisbullsh!t

        Yeah but they broke it of cause of some Ciara is a man rumors..and Belly keep saying he single so who knows with these celebrity

        • Trisha_B

          That rumor about the break up was real?! oh, wow!

    • guest

      So what??? Black men are not tied to black women and black women are free to date anyone they want. There are plenty of black women who say they don’t find black men attractive. There are many black men who say they don’t find black women attractive. So what? Get over it!

      • jmjg

        Yes. Let us get over it all. Let us stop thinking and believing that black people have to support other black folk in any way what so ever. Don’t look for black folk to be there for us period.

  • Dee Ree

    Pharrell’s wife is black and to be honest, I was surprised by that. Good man:)

    • Laine

      Hmm, I don’t know about that. Her last name is a very popular Indian name in the Caribbean. I read somewhere that she is from a Caribbean country originally? So I think she might be mixed, or dogla as we call it in the Caribbean…:-)

    • Laine

      I could be mistaken of course…

    • lookatthisbullsh!t

      She Ethiopian and French

  • Clara

    I notice a very distinct pattern or am I the only one who notices….

    • guest

      Lol . . . You’re not the only one. Just came from Necole B!tchie’s website and the comments sho’ got heated on the Hill Harper thread. Whew!

      • guest

        Black women need to get over the idea that they can lust after non-black men but brothas should not be able to enjoy the same freedom to date out.

        • jmjg

          Oh please. Some of you are the members of the walking dead. No one is trying to stop you all from dating and loving who you want, but some of you need to stop looking for blind loyalty from other black people. You don’t have it so stop looking for it from others. Live your lives and let other folks be.

    • Ruth Akuah Rockson

      I have also. But can’t say it…well what the hell, there is a lot of interracial relationship going on there. Hmm still scratching my head and thinking “what is going on”

      • Chas

        People are being with who they want to be with that’s whats going on….

    • Trisha_B

      Was this done on purpose? lol. I don’t really follow celeb relationships. But seriously? lol

    • Me

      Girl, I had to click through all the pages because I was like wtf? Do black women even exist? And mixed/exoticals don’t count!

      • guest

        LMAO at “exoticals” …

        • Natasha Barrett

          Lol! !!!!

    • JTerry

      Nah, I definitely noticed. It was pretty glaring. On one hand I know people can love who they want and you love who you love and all that, but on the other it’s just kind of disheartening to see all these beautiful Black men and almost NO Black women on their arm. But oh well.

      • Brandi

        Stop putting black men on a pedestal, and you won’t have to get your lil feelings hurt all the time when they don’t want anything to do with black women. It’s not hard to do. Black men aren’t the only men out here on the planet. I don’t feel sorry for black women who feel hurt when they see a good amount of black men with other races of women. No one told black women to commit to blind loyalty, to a group of men who doesn’t do the same for you.

        • maggie

          No one has to ‘tell black women’ to black men. Black women feel a spiritual, familiar, physical and chemical attraction to black men. And your statement minimized all that.

        • JTerry

          1. I don’t have anyone on a pedestal. 2. I’m not hurt in the least. 3. No blind loyalty, either. I won’t lose any sleep if every famous Black man decides to date outside of their race. So not sure what the snippiness is for but it’s all good over here. You have a great evening.

    • msstl1

      What did you notice that not ONE of the black men had a black woman? I guess you love or like who you love or like.

    • Leekesa

      Yes, there is a very distinct pattern??? Not one of these women are of color.. Nothing against dating interacially, but but it makes you wonder what’s going on.

      • sunny568

        What are you talking about? You might need to get your eyes checked, boo: several of these women were definitely of color. Unless you mean to tell me Idris’ gf, Pharrell’s wife, Tae, Chloe and Naya Rivera AREN’T of color? Or did you mean not AA (or categorized as such despite partial African descent)? And what’s going on is that we all live in a more communicative, broad(er)-minded world and century. Not as if groups of humans haven’t been comingling since the beginning of time…wake up and smell the coffee. You don’t mind if there’s a little sugar and cream in it, do ya?

    • Soul Sista

      Co-sign. It was the first thing I noticed.

  • Marina Calis

    You would think Madame Noire would have something better to write about other than couples who will be on their front page in a month either beat up or broke up! Come on…write about something that makes sense.

    • Trisha_B

      Beat up?

      • Marina Calis

        yep…beat up that’s normally how the interracial relationships usually end…Someone get’s beat up.maybe black men can only stand women from different races for a short while,temper’s flare and you will see one or the other on the front page not long from now with a black eye or a broken nose.Sorry but that’s what usually happens.

        • Trisha_B

          You can’t be serious smh

        • Desirea Long

          you sound stupid as hell..And how can we ask for equality when we can’t even give it to ourselves.I am a woman of white, black, and Native American Descendants. Does that make me any less woman?? Any less caring, loyal, and loving..I have never been hit by my a man black or white…so yea..you just sound stupid..

          • Marina Calis

            Please don’t contact me again

        • cjaquay

          mentally disturbed