This Saturday I received a text from a friend of mine that read: “As my friend and bridesmaid, can you please not get pregnant before September? Thanks.” Before I even got to ask what prompted that message, my girlfriend went on to inform me that half of the women in her upcoming wedding are now expecting — “literally half.”
Immediately I felt bad for my girl — and simultaneously perplexed about what’s in the water back home. This was the third time within no more than three months that she was telling me another friend or relative she chose for her bridal party was unexpectedly expecting. And though these things sometimes happen — although something should be said for family planning here — three women is a lot, especially considering how long this wedding has been in the works.
My friend got engaged in July of 2012 and her wedding isn’t until September of 2014, which means these ladies essentially had a full two years to take care of this business. Now, suddenly one bridesmaid is due in March, the matron of honor in June, and the maid of honor in July. And though those due dates are all a few months before the actual ceremony that’s also crunch time for the big day which means the help the bride-to-be would have had from these very important people will now be shifted to tending for their little ones, and understandably so.
But that obligation to motherhood doesn’t feel any less frustrating for a blushing bride who has been dreaming of a time that would be all about her and this important step in her life and who now has to be sympathetic to the needs and concerns of new mothers in her circle as she prepares to jump the broom. Those were the concerns my friend laid out to me as dreams of partying it up in Vegas with her girls for a bachelorette party went flushing down the drain and she asked me: “am i being selfish?”
Without hesitation I told her no and said I sympathize with how she feels. Her upcoming nuptials are a very important time in her life and, unfortunately, now three of her closest friends will also be experiencing one of the most important milestones of their lives at the same time and it does take away from attention and assistance that was expected to all be directed toward her. Of course you can’t be mad your friends didn’t adjust their ovulation schedules around you or that they won’t have as much money to spend on celebrating your big day now because they have to spend it on their child, but to sum up the bad timing in a phrase, it sucks.
I, personally, keep having visions of Tia and Tamera on the first season of their reality show when an engaged Tamera basically had to cater to a pregnant Tia’s needs before her wedding day instead of things being the other way around, as initially expected. Tia seemed to have this attitude that her pregnancy was more important than Tamera’s wedding, and though I don’t want to get into an argument on the difference between bringing a life into this world and getting married, I think we can all agree that these are two of the greatest milestones in most women’s lives and you want to be able to celebrate each unapologetically with those closest to you.
Since all of these pregnancies are in their early stages, only time will tell how these situations will play out and what sacrifices will be made on whose end, but I’m planning to step up my bridesmaid duties from afar to help shoulder the burden for everyone and, at the very least, due my part to not be pregnant by next September.
What do you say on this topic? Is it selfish to be a little upset your bridesmaids are pregnant or is the frustration understandable?
