For Real? You Think I’m Trying To Sleep With You If I Talk To You?

December 16, 2013  |  


For many women, cat calling is a normal part of life. We get used to, and sometimes  become insensitive to, the calls, beckons (and desperate) pleadings of men, young and old, who attempt to profess their love, interest, or desire to copulate with us. Men, on the other hand, rarely have to experience this. I doubt few guys I know have had to walk through a group of girls and fend off comments like “Baby, come here!” “Can I get your number?” or “Damn, shorty you fine. Let me stick it in your butt.” ( And yes, I’ve overhead this being said to someone, unfortunately.)

I’ve had men follow me for blocks and even get out of their cars all in the name of trying to get my attention.  The worse, however, is what happens if you don’t respond. We women have to learn how to ignore the “Oh, you think you better than us?” and the “You not even that fine anyway, b****h!” Dealing with street harassment and catcalling is something we learn from a very young age. Sometimes I’ve avoided certain areas, crossed the street, or purposely looked distracted just to avoid the uncomfortableness of being hit on incessantly.

Recently, I had an experience that really cemented the reality of this all.

After attending an event in Manhattan, my best friend Coretta, my sister, and I were walking behind two young men, who, like us, were making their way to the subway.We commented among each other how nice the men looked and how they had a really cool style. What I did next probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do being that it was late and these men were total strangers. Still, I decided, in support of spur of the moment “research,” that I wanted to pursue my idea.

I called out to the men, “Hey, do you mind if I asked you a question?”

The two men stopped and turned around.

“Sure,” they responded.

I continued, “What would you think if I randomly went up to you and started talking to you?”

One of the guys answered very matter-of-factly, “I’d think you were trying to sleep with me.”

Wait, What?  Haha Funny. This had to be a joke.

 I repeated, “No, I’m serious…. What would you think if a random girl came up to you and started talking to you?”

The other guy responded, “I’d think she’d want to sleep with me.”

“Do you mean  you think she’s interested in you?” I asked. I was trying to give him  benefit of the doubt.

“No, sleep with me as in she wants to have sex with me,” the other friend replied.

The two men looked at each other and nodded with approval. I, on the other hand, was flabbergasted. I muttered a quick “Okay, thanks” and continued walking. My sister and friend were also confused. Did they really just say that?

What surprised me was that I  only asked what would he do if a girl “started talking to you?” These men aren’t representative of all men, but their comment shows the cultural and gendered attitudes toward cat-calling. These men assumed that because a women “talks” to them she was basically looking for sex. This is not indicative of all men, but it is indicative of the cultural and sexist attitudes that exist towards women in our society. For men, cat calling is power. For women, it’s something else.

What if the switch was flipped and women started doing the majority of cat-calling and “hollering” that we are subjected to on a daily basis? Men might think it was fun at first…. lots of potential women “who want to sleep with them.” After a while, I’m sure they would start to feel very uncomfortable, nervous, and maybe even anxious? After a while, they’d want it to stop. They wouldn’t want to hear the ” you not that fine, anyway” or wonder “What if this girl doesn’t leave me alone?” What if this girl takes it too far?”

I thought back to those two men and how I simply walked away. Why didn’t I share with them my thoughts? Why didn’t I educate them on how wrong their comment was?

Honestly, there are times when I do appreciate the “You look beautiful today” or “Hey, Gorgeous” but no man should ever think that if I respond to him that I want to (or am trying ) to sleep with him. That’s just ridiculous.

Have you ever had a WTH cat-calling moment where you wished a guy realized how inappropriate his actions/words were?

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  • Keland

    “Have you ever had a WTH cat-calling moment where you wished a guy realized how inappropriate his actions/words were?”

    Yes, for the last 15 years.

  • Lisa

    I don’t have them often now that I am 30 but yesterday I was
    driving and a passing bus driver signaled me to roll down my window by beeping,
    I was worried thinking something was wrong with my car, but when he said “can I
    call you” with that phone shape with his hand I was so done! I wasn’t mad just sort of like okay, you know
    and I know I will never ever let you call me, so WHY waste my time?

    I had no idea guys thought so blatant like that but it makes
    sense for sure.

    I admit that I wonder if all the guys that strike up
    completely random conversations want to sleep with me. I think the answer is yes. Think about it. If you were to say to a guy that just
    approached you, hey, you wanna get a hotel,
    9.9 times out of 10 he is going to say yes, and be ecstatic inside!

    Got me thinking about all these dudes at work…Yuck!

    I am realizing I rarely get approached nowadays…and I am not
    mad at that.

  • Sagittarius81

    I was sitting at a train station and I was 6 months pregnant at the time and this guy walked up to me asking “can I come with you” and I said no you can’t come to work with me, plus I’m married and expecting our baby in 3 months!”, Then this thirsty dirty thang asked “when are you gonna get a divorce?” I got up and walked away from him and sat somewhere else. These guys out here don’t care if you got a man of if you’re a lezbian, they’re just desperate and it’s sad!

  • MarriedMomOf2

    Yeah, about 10 years ago I was wearing my sweat pants and a shirt to a nearby Seven Eleven to get some snacks and a cup of coffee for my husband who was had a headache. This degenerate POS male had the nerve to touch my butt and said he wanted to tap it! I slapped the p*ss out of him, ran home and told my husband, then my hubby saw him coming out of the store and punched the hell out of that guy while I watched. My husband was a Marine at the time and you sho don’t wanna p*ss off a Marine. The guy avoided me and looks at me with fear in his eyes until we moved to another part of town. God I hate the cat calls, especially when I’m with my daughters and I ignore them, the oldest one who’s 7 even ask why do some men act like that? I told her that’s what happens when you don’t have an education or common sense and don’t pay them any attention.

    • ChiTown Princess

      My husband would reacted the same way had some thirsty guy did that to me, luckily I never experienced that type of harassment. One of my friends had that happened to her while dropping her kids off at school and she was MAD and told that guy off. She was wearing jeans and a shirt at that time. No matter how good a woman’s butt looks or what she’s wearing, nobody should never touch her, that’s s3xual harassment. What’s also sad that some girls thinking those disrespectful cat calls are “romantic” and these guys keep doing it but not all of us women are flattered, that’s desperation. A simple “hello” would be better from these guys.

    • Raja

      Probably that’s the same degenerate POS that thumbed you and everyone else’s comment down. You have a good husband that will go after a fool who violated his wife. Glad you didn’t let him get away with that either I would do the same damn thing too if any guy or female touched my butt. Why do guys think it’s okay to just come up on a female like that as if she’s a prostitute, god that makes me mad. I’m glad my boyfriend asked me out the old fashioned way without resorting to all that cat calling crap!

    • Kim D

      I get them too, you would think that men would be more respectful when you have your kids with you, nope not the case they tell me how fine I am with m kids, even ask if I’m happy, happily married. Would take care of me and the kids you name it. I agree with most of you who posted above.

  • Shak75

    Was walking down the street and a man who looked like a 50 year old Vanilla Ice wannabe decided to walk with me. First he asked if I was a student at the nearby high school (I am 38 years old, and while I don’t look old, I dont look that young, and even if I were his old azz didn’t need to be talking to no high schooler). Anyway, I remained polite and kept my stride because I was a block from my destination. Then dude caressed my shoulder. I stopped, faced him and told him not to touch me. He acted like he was deaf, but I didn’t yell, instead I asked “why would you touch someone you don’t know? Don’t touch me.’ Well, I apparently hurt his feelings because then he said ‘You ain’t never gonna get with me with a funky attitude like that!’ I busted out with laughter as he walked off. This happened a year ago and to this day I am still stunned at the audacity of people.

    • Rana Campbell

      Just awful! I wonder if these men ever stop and think about how ridiculous their actions are!

      • Shak75

        I have a niece and I think about how scary being accosted by grown man at such a young age can be (I remember) – and even now… I just don’t understand why the men who behave in such a fashion can’t imagine what it would be like to know something similar happened to a woman they cared about.

      • Keland

        No, they don’t. That’s why they keep doing it.

  • CheckYaBishAndPopYaCollar

    From my experience, a woman doesn’t even have to say anything to a man for him to think that she wants to have sex with him, she could simply look at him and smile.

    And to all of the quoted comments, that’s just the typical disgusting, disrespectful behavior of a black man. Stuff like that is one of the reasons why some black women walk around with mean looks on their faces.

    • ok

      Damn right….one of my favorite stores is in a part of town where those type of men like to hang out at because they know that lots of women shop there…I always have my i-pod with my headphones in even when its dead…or i pretend to be on the phone so when they try to speak to me i breeze right pass them.. and i keep a straight face too…don’t you dare smile or make eye contact because that means your just ASKING to be harassed!!!!!!!!!!!

      • CheckYaBishAndPopYaCollar

        I know that’s right, hun. Sometimes I’ll shoot a quick smile but I don’t ever say anything. I do not have time for that foolishness.

  • Guest

    Yeah, leaving my older step sister’s house years ago. My sister, who’s on the heavier side, and I were walking to our car when 2 porch monkeys decided to start blabbing about how “fine” I was. Then the idiots had the nerve to start saying how they were “gone f*ck” and “it’s a fat girl too so it’s time for head”. Disrespectful parasites. And then had the nerve to ask why they couldn’t get a number. But we’re stuck up when we ignore this crap?? It’s not a compliment. Some people should not be allowed to reproduce let alone take up space.

    • KamJos

      Truly awful, but porch monkeys tho?