Advice for Sisters Who Get Too “Loud”

January 3, 2011  |  

Who is the “loud” sister? She’s the one everyone can hear cackling on her phone in the break room. She is the woman heard throughout restaurants. She’s the chick yelling across parking lots.

The perception of a loud black woman is that of an uncouth, ghetto banshee; and, while it could be entirely wrong, it’s what runs through the minds of people passing by the girl screaming into her phone. Perceptions derive from a series of impressions and are often the basis from which people are judged. The stereotype of the loud black woman is not going anywhere any sooner than that of welfare baby mamas. So, if unknowingly loud women want to be perceived differently, they have to turn it down. Well, at least until they’ve exceeded their goals…

If you are an intelligent, bright, level-headed sister that happens to project more often than necessary, adjusting your volume is not about changing who you are. It’s about playing the game to get what you want. However, if you are the ‘hood chick bumping your gums beyond loud at work, you may want to reevaluate some of the reasons you may be where you are in life. One of them could be that the voice you have “carries.” For whatever the reason, there are several of us who could use a deduction in our default volume. Here are a few tips for turning down the noise level and turning up success:

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  • innw

    Wow! It seems like when the topic is about black women, you white girls have a lot to say. But no one is talking about how some of you have no manners at all. I think you all are worse than some of us black women. I agree that some black women are loud but lets not overlook some of you trashy white girls. I'm just saying!

  • Darkesthourglass

    I hate being around loud people, period. So annoying. I'm the opposite. I'm the soft spoken and people tell me that I'm not loud enough. Not all the time but sometimes. So not all black women are loud. Instead of turning the volume down I need to turn it up.

  • Ms. Candie

    I visited a city and being White woman; I have seen white women get loud in Chicago on the phones. I have heard private personal conversations that shouldn't be spoken on cellphones, or on the metra train. IDK but White women are not exclusive to this. I have witness this myself A Woman period can or could be loud. Why does it have to color…..

  • Theresa K

    My niece has this problem BIG TIME!!! I think for her it's her way of being aggressive and trying to intimidate people. I have told her time and time again that it doesn't work and all it's going to get her is an a**whipping!! Nobody wants you yelling at them all the time. I also figured out that this is her way of gaining control of the conversation. Again, doesn't work with me.

    Now, I agree also with LaLa. I get loud sometimes (not in public) because I have a 10% hearing loss in my left ear. I try to keep on top of it though.

  • Jane Doe

    This article was very condescending… (Diana Ross weave ?)

  • my advice

    american's are too loud, and BLACK MEN are just as loud as black women.

    i think so many bull [warning] things black men do get over looked, they are just egotistical

  • LaLa

    They left one off the list. I am loud and at first I thought it was a character flaw that I had. No matter how I tried to "bring it down a notch" it just didn't work. Then I found out I had suffered hearing loss. With my hearing aids I can hear myself and others without being loud. I can turn the tv down and function like a normal human being. So all those years of my mom telling to lower my voice would have been solved had she just had my hearing tested. I am thankful every day despite the jokes from family; but, I can truly tell the difference.

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  • if anything be noble

    I'm sayin, Alicia A, I see it out… and at work. There are quite a few very loud white women on my job. They talk, laugh and curse at the top of their lungs and say obnoxious things that Black people — male or female — could never get away with, but it's "cute" for them since, I guess, they're breaking stereotype. White women out can be some the loudest women I have ever heard. And the filth that comes out of their mouths…

  • Mimi

    OMG OhPulleezze! I thought it was just me when it comes to Monique. I tried to support the sista but man, she's got to learn to tone it down! That and ask a more intelligent questions of her guests. Frankly, I've given up on her after her first couple of weeks on the air with all that screaming! UGH!!! Uh oh, I'm using caps. I guess I'm screaming too! 🙂

  • OhPuhleezee

    Someone needs to forward this to Monique. Her loudness is the reason I do not watch her show. It's not the only reason, but its the main one.

  • miamac

    ok. Someone must be listening to my prayers or at least my thoughts because this subject matter has become dear to me and my family. Two sisters are in an uproar and yes, one of the two is the LOUD one. I, too, am sick of the false justification of it being a result of being strong or in my sister's case, it is her just being her. So basically it may come down to us excluding her from family gatherings (at least at this sister's house) since girlfriend refuses to use the 'inside voice.' Who cares that she is blowing out our ears? For those reading this article and you are the LOUD one, pipe down, will ya?

    Need a good read? Well, if you ever tripped off of the outrageous, over-the-top footstomping services at a church, then you'll love my book, SAVED.

  • miamac

    Wrote a comment but it didn't post. So this is a test before I do all that typing again.

  • white women some are loud too amd obnoxiuos also.. lets dont make this a all black event.. you know it too!

  • miamac

    Whew, God must have heard my prayers and that of my sister. This is a very sensitive issue in my family right now, well between two sisters. You guessed, one is the LOUD one and the rest of us want her to turn down the volume! But like most LOUD broads (albeit it black or otherwise), they justify it as being ..yep, the strong woman or in my sister's case, the strong black woman. I think my sister too feels she is 'just being herself'. But not only is it 'ultra ghetto' it too is unfair to the rest of us. I think it has come down to her not being invited to our gatherings since she REFUSES to use her 'inside voice.' People, please read this article and turn down the volume. Peace.

  • Misa Su

    Agreed Phantom !

    I taught my daughter the same thing my mother taught me..


    That goes for your jewerly as well, she'd say.. your jewerly shouldn't make "noise". You can't fake good breeding. You can learn new behaviors..

  • The Phantom

    Every black woman needs to read this! There are just too many of them who confuse being loud and obnoxious with being a "strong, black woman." All you're doing is turning most men off.