Why Do Witches And Mean Girls Always Seem To Get The Man?

December 2, 2013 ‐ By Charing Ball

Evelyn Lozada

You know who has no problem getting and keeping a man? Evelyn Lozada.

The woman, whose frosty stare could turn even the most warm-blooded heart cold and who has scrapped with and thrown under the bus almost every single cast member of  Basketball Wives Miami can’t seem to keep the menfolk away. They love her enough to want to date her. They love her enough to put a ring on it. They love her enough to put a baby in it too.

But according to most folks, nobody wants a crazy witch of a woman. Men say they don’t like loud chicks or women who have no home-training. They’re not into girls that fight, throw tantrums or make crazy demands. Matter of fact, being a witch of a woman is the number one reason why single women aren’t married according to this widely-circulated article from 2011 by television writer Tracy McMillan:

You’re a B**ch

Here’s what I mean by b**ch. I mean you’re angry. You probably don’t think you’re angry. You think you’re super smart, or if you’ve been to a lot of therapy, that you’re setting boundaries. But the truth is you’re pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it’s scaring men off. The deal is: most men just want to marry someone, who is nice to them…

And yet, Lozada and her behavior continue to defy the odds. And it is not just Lozada, as many other designated witches, both on television and in real life, have little problem attracting members of the opposite sex in spite of their b***hiness. Like those “associates” we have, who on paper should be considered undateable. And by “on paper,” I mean popular opinion, including those “Men Don’t Date/Marry These Type of Women” lists, written mostly by men (or at the very least from a male’s perspective), which have become so popular on the Internet as of late. On paper, homegirl is the epitome of the selfish, shallow, eye-rolling, uncultured, always-with-an-attitude type of woman that is supposed to be an instant turnoff. However, everywhere you guys go, and more importantly, no matter the caliber of male company you happen to be in, the menfolk always seem to gravitate towards her neck-rolling, eyebrow arching, nasty attitude and she-devil persona. Even more curious, they are not just interested in her for the night, but most times they stick around as boyfriends, and one or two (sometimes more) actually stay around to become husbands.

Meanwhile, you, the proverbial nice, polite and well-mannered girl, continue to leave that same meat market sausage free. Even with your even-keeled, compromising temperament, which all the boys like enough to call and burden you with their troubles but not enough to date, it is you (and not her), who still end up alone in your place, eating half-warm Lean Cuisine and watching marathons of Extreme Hoarders: Animal Edition on Netflix. You do all this while you continuously wait for the right one to come along and acknowledge your good girl ways. Around the sixth episode of watching animal control workers in Hazmat suits pull the umpteenth mange-having, one-eyed cat from some old lady’s ceiling, you begin to shake your head at the prospects of your life and ponder to yourself why being oh so nice and all the respectfulness has yet to pay off. Do men like just like mean girls more?

I haven’t read the full book, so I won’t co-sign it in its entirety, but this excerpt from Why Men Marry B***hes, which appeared on the “Today” show’s website, speaks to one of the reasons why I think this happens. According to Sherry Argov, the author of the book, while the so-called sage wisdom, usually given by well-meaning friends, family, clergy, and yes, magazine advice columnists, might instruct women to act like Cheshire Cat-smiling servant for men, the reality is that men are into women who have no fear in being themselves and more importantly, demanding whatever it is they want out of life. As for all the eager to please ladyfolk, they end up coming off as desperate. Argov writes:

It’s human nature. Telling a woman to work harder to please is like telling a little kid to walk up to a schoolyard bully on the first day of school and say, “Here, take my lunch money. And you can have my cupcakes too. I’ll even throw in my lunchbox since you don’t have one.” Or, in a dating situation, “Here, take my body. And I made you a cake. Please be nice. Please marry me. I’ll even jack my butt up nice and high like they do in yoga. It’s so comfortable being upside down. Really. I just love it!”Just because a man sleeps with you doesn’t mean he’s thinking about the future. For him to think about forever, there has to be something he respects within you. Like a strong wit … and a strong mind.

In short, confidence. And it takes confidence to be a woman like Lozada. Folks tend to get it twisted and instantly think every woman who is obnoxious, demanding or uncaring about the general public’s perception of them are all grappling with low self-esteem. In some respects this is true, however, in some other instances, those women just tend to think very highly of themselves. And as with anyone who holds themselves to a certain regard, some b***hy mean girls are more likely to brim with the type of self-assurance needed to whitewash whatever character flaws they might have into something more interesting and alluring.

Now, I don’t say this as a way of leading all you good girls astray into believing that you must start hopping over tables and snatching folks up, a la Lozada, to snag a man. But rather, I say all this to cosign something that we always suspected to be true: h**s and witches stay winning. And they stay winning because they act like winners. Why shouldn’t they? Men, who it seems never have to grapple with worrying if their behaviors make them dateable, have been overselling their value for years…

MadameNoire Video

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Maxx Wiskers

    “Why do witches and mean girls always seem to get the man?” First of all they do not. This is a FALSE statement.

    There is one thing that is missing from this statement that would make it very true. These women would need to be really physically tight offering perfect wet friction in the right place and give very uninhibited animalistic sex very easily.

  • QueenOfLife

    Its crazy, because I was just thinking about this no more than an hour ago. Not about Evelyn specifically, but in general. Maybe thats why the guys that I do not like or not attracted to seem to like me more than anyone else. For example, over Thanksgiving weekend, I met a guy that I have mutual friends with. We all hung out after a party, but I wasnt trying to talk to him in any romantic way. I figured we’d be cool since we have similar friends in common. I sort of shut down his flirts, try to make it clear (in the nicest way possible hehe) that I do not look at him in that way, and Im not looking for anything, but this dude cant stop texting me lol He even says that I shut down his advances, so if I clearly am not attractive to him, why does he continue to try? Im never disrespectful, but I keep it pretty real, and I start to realize that the guys that I shut down seem to gravitate to me more than anybody else. I dont get it lol

    • QueenOfLife

      P.S I am not a mean girl or a bully. I dont go around trying to fight ppl or angry at everybody all day lol But like any other human, if I am pissed off or disrespected in any way, I’ll let my feelings be known lol 😉

  • DeepThinker

    This article makes it seem like Evelyn and others like her are winning. No doubt Evelyn is a very attractive woman and yes, she has even used her looks as her way to hustle rich men, money and a little bit of fame, but aside from that she does not appear to be happy or even know who she is at almost 40. Fake confidence and low-self esteem is what she does have. She equates her self-worth with her loubitian collection and how much attention she’s getting from a rich man than other women. Plus the “suitors” that have come through her life were not even hubby, boyfriend or good daddy material and they all treated her poorly. So where did her b**tchness get her? – Becoming a baby mama once again by a man who ducked being seen with her in public. Much less public about their relationship.

  • coolyfett

    very interesting MN…

  • heyheynow

    It sounds like you were comparing being the nice girl to being the “home girl” of course if you try to be there for every guy you like and just listen to his problems and don’t woman up and tell him how you feel you will probably think all mean girls have a man. I can be a bit of a mean girl sometimes and have had no problem getting a boyfriend but the thing is just because someone is a mean girl out in the streets doesn’t mean that she’s a mean girl towards her man.

  • Anesha Johnson

    The pretty bitchy h*e always snag “a man” but NEVER a good man. In Evelyn’s case, she got married, yes, but ended up a tragic basket case, and now knocked up prehistoric baby mama. They get the man, but can’t keep the man…..it’s sad because Evelyn is beautiful but but that’s it, and beauty fades…..

  • FromUR2UB

    Oh, c’mon! EVVVVVVrybody should be mad at Sarah Palin! She’s the stain that won’t come out. Damn spot!

    Enehway, bullies, b*tches, whatever you want to call them have two things going for them, usually: 1) people are half afraid of them because they exude confidence 2) when they’re not being caustic, they’re often funny, lively people. So as long as you’re not on the receiving end of their wrath or ridicule, they’re fun to be around. They go places and do things. It’s like the stand up comic’s jokes that are funny, as long as they’re about someone else.

  • NuI

    Who says women like that are winning? Getting knocked up with no benefits of marriage does not equal success. Being pretty does have its advantages however most of the women are past around. They fall into abusive relationships because when your depended on your looks you usually don’t have anything else to fall back on.

  • Missedwards

    I think it’s about balance. Overall, guys don’t want someone who’s overly sugary sweet ALL the time. They do want a good, well-mannered woman, but a little edge makes us interesting. But on the flip side, you can’t just be completely ratchet and unreasonable with it. That’s what drives men off. Men are turned on by assertiveness, (which is sometimes mistaken for bitchiness)…..but we must do it with class.

    • QueenOfLife

      I agree with you 100%, u said it all in a nutshell..

  • Chanda

    It doesn’t hurt that some (yes some) of these chicks are hot and/or the sex is off the chain. These type of chicks ain’t waiting 3 months to give up the cookie and if it’s good that fool isn’t going anywhere. But I agree with the confidence part.

  • Sasseynsweet

    Bullshit

  • stewwie

    Well if this was true; prominent uber-rich white dude’s would be cruising in their bentleys trying to pick up hood rats in the hood and the majority of hood chicks would be married to CEO’s….. lmao

    Come on, this is just confirmation bias on the writers part,….I have NEVER heard a guy expressing such desire. I think I can speak on behalf of all men when I say men are repulsed by women who act obnoxiously or pseudo masculine. A lot of modern women confuse being confident with being repugnant. Let me give you an example of a confident sister; Melissa Harry Perry is a confident, beautiful, intelligent and outspoken feminine black women. That is a woman any man can respect and want for a long-haul.

    As for Evelyn, she is pretty and we all know pretty girls and rich men getaway with pretty much anything.

    • Chanda

      I mostly agree but if the hood chick was undeniably pretty, hair done, and willing to move she might have a chance.

    • BabyBlue

      I love Melissa Harry Perry. She gets her point across without all the yelling and still remains a lady. I enjoy her show.

  • Della Lewis

    The author of this article rambled WAY TOO MUCH. I lost interest and stopped reading. All of the additional commentary was a mood killer for me.

    I guess as a self- professed “mean girl” I was interested in learning what the attraction is. But now I suppose I’ll never l know.

  • Karen

    But what TYPE of men are these so called witches attracting? It’s a case of quantity over quality in my eyes… #IJS

    • PleaseDOBetter

      Correct. Most women can attract A man, get pregnant, and become a wife. That doesn’t mean that he’ll stay attracted to only you, take care of his kid(s), or keep you as his wife. I would rather wait for quality, then run around and say that I have quantity.

  • o

    If I were Evelyn I would sue you all for adding my picture and name to an article no matter what you think my behavior should be. I thought this was a grown up site with grown up articles this article is just tasteless. Everyone is so quick to judge if you have had a temper all your life and was never taught how to maintain that anger you would act like her to no matter her age. Look at Kandi’s mom she exhibits the same behavior and some of you agree with her but shun Evelyn and they are doing the samething.

    • ARenee

      At some point, no matter what we were taught as children, we have to take it upon ourselves to do better. Evelyn is d**n near 40 years old. At her age, there’s no excuse to not learn from your mistakes and mold yourself into a better person. And by the way, no one agrees with anything Mama Joyce has to say.

  • Tonyoardee

    Good girls dont give you that excitement that gets your rocks off

    • ARenee

      This is a d**n shame.

  • Nigeria Riggins

    Good article! Loved your sayings.. too funny.

  • HomeBoy

    Same reason the nice guy doesn’t get the girl? lol

    • s.lee

      Please spare me the violin act….nice guys are looking for the SAME thing BAD guys are, that’s the reason yall get what yall want/deserve. Im sure you would fall over yourself if Evelyn walked up and asked for your number so PLEASE…get the girl? but what KIND of girl are you looking for? Some of yall “good men” want to use the nice game to get women in bed then wonder why she wasn’t worth your time or you end up with a kid and some messy ho.

      • SharonRose

        God calm down, it’s the truth the same way good girls are sometimes looked over, it’s the way good guys are looked over. I’ve seen the most sweetest guys ever who treat women with respect looked down upon same, just like a woman who carries herself well is sometime looked over for a so called bad b!tch”

        • FromUR2UB

          Well, sometimes the bad guys and good guys are one and the same. They’re good to some women, usually the ones who run over them, and shabby to the ones who treat them well. That’s why a lot of women can’t identify a truly good guy. That Jekyll / Hyde quality about them makes it nearly impossible to draw a line and say, good guys on this side, and the bad, bad boogeymen on that side.

          • Miss Sisie

            hit the damn nail on the gotdamn head!!

          • SharonRose

            I mean don’t some of us girls do the same, go after the ones who truly don’t deserve us the “bad boys” players. and half the time we know it, I guess it’s human nature, I say If you’re not going to treat me with respect, you’re wasting my time.

      • Keland

        Men shouldn’t be looking for girls.

  • She’s confident and witchy because usually she’s prettier than her plainer friends. In other words she gets away with having a stank attitude because she’s hot. Good looking people get passes for behavior ugly to average people do not.

    I’m not sure Evelyn is the poster child anyone would want to highlight for getting and keeping a man. There is something to be said for quality over quantity. I mean really, when you are a public figure who puts ALL your business on front street yet no one can say for sure who your baby daddy is . . . . who wants that?

    • Chey

      100% agree. She’s gorgeous, knows it, and doesn’t live by the same standards as everyone else lol. As do all the beautiful people…

    • Evelyn is hot for a chick pushing 40 or already 40 and not 100% African ancestry.Ochocinco made her into the sympathetic figure after head butting her into the spotlight,so now the captain save ems have to come out.

      • I don’t get what your point is. She’s a pretty woman. Her ethnicity really is irrelevant. I see women everyday who are even prettier. There are Captain Save’ems everywhere. The only difference between Evelyn and other women just as pretty is that she hangs where the ballers are. Hell a good hairstyle , some work in the gym, and some flawless makeup and you could pull them too.

        • QueenOfLife

          U got that right lol Throw in the proper attire with all of that and Im sure a regular female can pull em as well..

    • ARenee

      That’s exactly the reason. And let’s add that it’s a confidence booster for men who date these women. It doesn’t matter that she’s a witch, all that matters to some men is the fact that they can be seen with this pretty woman on their arms. Surely a man must be “The Man” if he can pull an Evelyn Lozada (*insert side eye here).

  • s.lee

    How bout you act like a winner and have confidence….no hopping over tables or from man to man needed…is that what you were trying to say MN??? I sure hope so…we don’t need “examples” like Lozada or anyone else on reality TV to tell us that. Be Confident and walk in a room like you own it, keep your morals and standards about you not takin no mess and games and men will respect and rise to the occasion, if he wont then he aint the one for you. But all women should be confident and not be pushed over…but throwin wine bottles wont get your point across any faster.

    • Mack

      The most attractive women who have an incredible tight&wet sex box and sex game are always going to get most men they set their site on at least while they have their looks. That’s just a fact of life. and a lot young men dream woman. The beautiful sex goddess. They might be sociopaths but they generally know how to act half way decent around the man they want to get. The relationship goes from 0 to 10 very quickly.