Things You Should Know If You Haven’t Dated In A While
Maybe you’ve been married, or in a long-term relationship, or too busy doing volunteer work in a third world country to date for a few years. If you haven’t dated in a while, and jump back into it, there are a few things you should know (partially so you’re not offended by your first date!)
Social media is a perfectly acceptable place to find a date
If it’s been five-plus years since you’ve dated, then last time you were single, you probably immediately blocked anyone who tried to ask you out on Facebook or a social media platform. But don’t hit that “defriend” button so fast! Today it’s perfectly acceptable for somebody to ask you out, based on your statuses and photos. Even the “normal” guys are doing it.
Your date will know 20 people you know
Here’s where social media plays a role again: even if your date didn’t find you on Facebook, he’ll look at your list of friends to see if you have any mutual ones. And if you do, he might reach out to those people to ask how they know you and what they know about you. Don’t be shocked if you sit down to dinner with your date and he already knows the story of the time a bird flew away with your bikini while you were skinny dipping with your coworker in Cancun.
A guy might still be online dating while dating you
Men don’t see chatting online with a woman the same as asking a woman in real life for her number. So even if you’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks and things are going well, there’s a good chance he’s still actively checking his online dating profile daily and responding to messages, just to keep his options open.
Men are making decisions about you quicker
The reality is, if a man sees something he doesn’t like about his date—even if it’s a silly thing—he knows he can go home, get on his computer, and instantly be chatting with dozens of other women. If you feel like men are writing you off or making decisions about you quicker, it’s because they are. But don’t worry: online dating only makes the jerks more of jerks. Good guys are still good guys with level heads who know it takes time to get to know somebody.
You can make first moves
If you come from the school of thought that men should do the calling, the asking out, the first kisses etc. it’s time for you to graduate. Today, if you fail to initiate text conversations occasionally, or to ask a man to go out, that will be read as disinterest, and he’ll move on.
Married people might come after you
There is a large community of online daters who think flirtatious chatting, while married, is okay. A married man will, at some point, send you a message on some platform that will feel pretty inappropriate to you. Just know that he does it all the time, and your lecture to him on morality won’t change a thing.
Phone calls are for emergencies and long talks
Someone you are dating will contact you predominantly over text message. He’ll text you funny stories instead of call you to tell you them, and he’ll text you to confirm the time and place of a date. Phone calls are basically just for arguing, catching up if you haven’t spoken in weeks, and emergencies.
He’ll meet you at the restaurant
If you’re planning a first meeting with a man, he’ll likely suggest meeting you at the date spot. He’s not lazy: he’s considerate. With the rise of creeps online, men know most women feel safest meeting dates for the first time.
He’ll suggest drinks or coffee
Because so many men are online dating today, they’re doing a lot of dating—and that get’s expensive! To budget, men tend to ask women out for just coffee or drinks for a first date. If they like you, then you’ll get the dinner invite.
It’s okay to Google your date
He expects you to. Don’t sit down and list off everything you discovered to your date, but do a little search pre-date for your own comfort and safety! A perfectly nice guy might have a video on YouTube of him attacking a bouncer at a club, or an article about him embezzling from his company. Or, he might be famous in some way and just too humble to tell you! You never know what you’ll find.
Men will write just about anything
Hiding behind their cell phones and computer screens, men feel comfortable opening up much more and much quicker than they did when most communication was done over the phone or in person. A guy you’ve been on two dates with might text you to let you know what positions he likes best in sex, or a detailed description of his member. Perfectly. Nice. Guys. (Or so you thought).
The perpetual cyber dater
Some guys get so good at presenting themselves online—at being charming, intellectual and witty through writing—that they fear they can never live up to the impression they’ve created in person. There will be some guys who you’ll have weeks of great conversations with online who will never get around to asking you out. After a few messages, if a man doesn’t try to take things to the next level, he’s probably a perpetual cyber dater.
There are different types of matchmaking services
There are some legitimate, helpful matchmaking services out there. But there are a few that run things a bit unconventionally. Here’s how many work today: matchmakers are sent out to find attractive women. These women don’t pay anything, but are vetted by the matchmaker. The matchmaker will interview you, ask for photos of you, and present these to paying men—men paying a lot. Essentially, you have little or no say in who you’re matched with. You’re just a commodity.
Men will tell you what they want fast
Since dating feels like shopping today for men, some dates might tell you off the bat that they want to be married within a year, have children within two, take three vacations a year (and they’ll list the three places) and have themselves and their wife retire by age X. Just like they’d specify the color, age and make of a used computer they’re buying online.