Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Should A Woman Bring Up Marriage First?

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November 13, 2013 ‐ By Madame Noire
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Vanessa: Who should bring up marriage first the man or woman?

DY: Don’t worry about “firsts” once you’re actually in a relationship. Keeping score of stuff is for dating. If you feel like talking about marriage, talk about marriage.

 

Rochelle: if someone were having an affair for 12 years and now both parties are now divorced what are your thoughts of a true relationship happening now……..generally and from a guys point too

DY: 12 years is a mighty long time to have an affair. If they were seeing each other for that long, and still stayed married to their spouses, I’m not so sure if they actually want to be together that badly.

 

Jasmine: I just met this guy no more than maybe 2 months ago and we met only for a brief moment but I live in Texas and he lives in Alabama. What can I do to keep– how shall I say this– to keep me and him in a position where we want to be more than just friends. I will be moving back home within a few months, how do I know he will still be there waiting on me? Am I being clingy if I want to talk to him everyday? One more question am i rushing it if I tell him that I feel as if me and him meeting is like love at first sight. A little insight about him he’s in the army, he goes to school, and he’s a pretty good down to earth guy .

DY: When first meeting someone that makes you smile, its easy to get carried away. And I think that has the potential to happen with you. My advice? Relax. Talk on the phone with each other. Take things slow. And, mostly importantly, let him reciprocate interest.

 

Janet: Why do guys breath smell so bad?

DY: Because we’re always kissing y’all

 

Arielle: Do you think that a 22 year female dating a 43 year old male is too big of an age gap to work?

DY: There are exceptions to every rule, and, who knows? You two might be the exception. But, let me say this. If my 22 year old brother told me he was dating a 43 year old woman, a red flag would go up. And, if my 22 year old sister told me she was dating a 43 year old man, an even redder flag would go up. 22 and 43 is just too big of an age and experience gap.

 

Erica Why don’t most men show their emotions? Why do they not want to talk about marriage, goals, children, only just sex? Everything is I’m not ready.

DY: Cause that’s all some men care about. Also–and this must be said—many men have been socialized to not show emotions and not want to “talk things out” for fear of being seen as “weak” or “soft.” If you’re dating a man who seems to feel that way, you have to let him know that its safe for him to open up around you.

 

Megan: I’ve been in a relationship going on four years now. My boyfriend has not proposed. Every time I bring it up he says let him be the man and stop trying to be in control. Ive given myself until the end of this year before I walk away. We have a great relationship but Im tired of waiting. Am I wrong?

DY: No, you’re not. You want to be married, and he hasn’t shown that he wants to marry you. So, you need to be with someone who does.

 

Angela: As a man, Have u ever said hurtful things, things u regretted later to a woman you were dating seriously?? If so, how did u get back on her good side. Verbal abuse vs. Just some thing u said out if anger

DY: Yes, I have. I apologized and let her know it wouldn’t happen again. And (most importantly) I didn’t let it happen again.

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