Discover The Sixth Love Language With Your Partner

November 6, 2013  |  


From YourTango

All this time we’ve been thinking that there are only five lovelanguages. I mean, isn’t that what Gary Chapman writes in his book, The Five Love Languages? According to Chapman, the five love languages are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. I don’t like to be the one to differ with Mr. Chapman, but I think I might have discovered a missing language. The other day, I was talking about his book with my husband. I told him that I thought his own love language was acts of service. (As I often say, “Benjamin just about has an  when I clean the closet or make him a bowl of egg salad.”)

“Oh my God! Oh my God! You cleaned the closet! You are the best wife!” he exclaims. It really doesn’t take much to get him excited. Without question, my love language is quality time. Nothing makes me feel more loved than when Benjamin spends time with me. Benjamin could be watching me fold laundry, as long as we’re doing it together.

So when I told Benjamin that I thought his love language was acts of service, he paused and thought for a second. “No,” he said, “I don’t so. I think Chapman got it wrong. There’s actually a sixth love language.”

Benjamin blows my mind sometimes, because he says some pretty insightful things for a guy (ha-ha). I was all ears. “The sixth love language is silence,” he said. “I love talking to you, but what I love even more is just being silent with you.”

Many women would have been upset by what Benjamin had said, but I know him and I know what he meant. Benjamin’s need for silence confused me when we first met. I used to think that the way to connect was to have deep conversations about the nature of the universe and other profound spiritual, political, or sociological subjects. I thought it was important to sit with my partner and try to solve all the problems of the world. I quickly discovered that Benjamin is not that guy. He’s not a talker. In his kind and gentle way, he would let me know when he was saturated from hearing too many words. Sometimes I would be talking about something that I felt was important and he would just close his eyes in the middle of what I was saying. This was my not-so-subtle cue to be quiet.

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