Ask A Very Smart Brotha: My Husband Does Not Like My Natural Hair…

October 30, 2013  |  

Maggie: What do you do when your dude and you are always fighting for stuff that happened in the past?

DY: Find out what the root issues are, and deal with them. If that doesn’t work, learn to let it go. And, if that doesn’t work, learn to let each other go.

Davina: I recently started seeing a guy who on paper seems perfect. However he is very rigid in his thinking and actions and he recently revealed in conversation that his father was extremely strict and abusive (verbally and physically). I suggested therapy but he is totally against that. My question is should I try and stick it out and see if I can get him to loosen up a bit or just except this is how he is and make a decision whether or not I can deal?

DY: If he’s already showing signs that he’s emotionally damaged and refuses to seek help, the answer is pretty clear. Again, if he agrees to get help, then that’s great for you both. But if not, you don’t need to stick around

Emma: I recently got back on the dating scene after a 14 year marriage and about 5 years working on myself. I have taken the advice of several reputable sources (Paul Paul Carrick Brunson, Shanel Cooper-Sykes, etc.) and really put myself out there. One thing that seems to be constant in my communication with potential partners is their OBSESSION with sex. Some of my first conversations have delved into favorite position, how long has it been and even butt/oral questions. Am I being a prude (a sign of the times) or am I justified when I run fast and far??

DY: It sounds like you may need to meet a new pool of men. If you don’t mind me asking, where are you meeting all of these middle-aged freakazoids?

Arhovist: My ex husband and I still have a close relationship, we have no kids Just a friendship. When dating, should I tell about this. Even if there is no hope of us getting back together?

DY: Maybe not on the first date, but if you think things may start to get more serious, you need to tell the new guy about that.

Naoka: what if you had a divorce? but you still love your ex husband….although you did feel as if he took you for granted……do you remarry or move forward… relationship is perfect…..everyone will have some type of issues,….go back or move forward

DY: Move forward. You got divorced for a reason, and after time that love you think you still have will eventually fade, and you’ll be glad you didn’t decide to get back together.

Syndie: I dated a guy back in high school 20 yrs ago. After we broke up back then, we never saw or spoke to one another. One day last year, we ran into each other and we exchanged numbers to catch up. After about a month of regular convo he starts asking for things. First it was a cell phone then he asked about my credit because he wanted a car. Of course I did not comply with his requests and he says it’s because I’m scarred. I was married for eleven years to an unfaithful man who eventually abandoned me and our daughter. Am I scarred or is he crazy?!?!!

DY: You sure this dude isn’t the person behind all of those Nigerian email scams? Seriously, you need to run, not walk, away.

Sarah: My husband and I had an argument over my hair. I went natural over a year ago and he has admitted that he doesn’t care for it. Last week I wanted to try something different so I tapered my hair. He was so upset, stating that I should have asked him first and that he dislikes short hair because it doesn’t flatter me. Was I wrong not to consult him first?

DY: This is always a tricky question. On one hand, it’s your hair and your body. But, on the other hand, people in serious relationships should be sensitive to each other’s wants.

In this instance, I actually think you’re both wrong. You were wrong not to at least mention something to him before you did it, and he was wrong to react the way he did.

More than anything, it feels like you two have some communication issues that need worked out. The hair is a symptom of a bigger issue.

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