Premature Sex, Insecurity And Baggage: Reasons New Relationships Don’t Last

November 19, 2013  |  
new relationships fail

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It seems that we hear about the start of new relationships every day. But more often than not, we hear about many of them falling apart a couple of months, weeks and sometimes even just days later. Keeping any relationship together can be a challenge, but it’s an even greater challenge for new relationships because in most cases, a solid foundation hasn’t been established yet. Unfortunately, without that foundation, many couples find it difficult to make their love last and easy to chuck the deuces. Here’s a list of common reasons why new relationships fail.

new relationships fail

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Unrealistic expectations

Oftentimes we enter relationships subconsciously expecting things to play out the way that they do in those sappy romantic comedies or Disney movies. Truth is, things just don’t work out that way in real life. And I’m sorry if this bursts any bubbles, but there’s no such thing as happily ever after. Even if you’ve finally found the one, this does not guarantee that you guys won’t experience very tough times.

new relationships fail

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Sex is introduced too soon

Sex is pretty awesome when done in the right context. But when introduced to a relationship prematurely, it can certainly complicate things a bit. Taking time to get to know a person before jumping in bed with them doesn’t always ensure relationship success, but it can help you to avoid some early unnecessary headaches and heartaches.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Old baggage

Nothing kills a new relationship faster than baggage. It’s nearly impossible to form a healthy relationship with someone new if you’re still lugging around issues from past relationships. Let it go. There’s no space for it where you and your new boo are headed.

 

new relationships fail

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Miscommunication

Communication is a crucial component in any relationship, old or new. It’s pretty difficult to make things work when the parties involved are unable to understand one another.

“The most common source of miscommunication in any relationship is a very simple one:  people routinely fail to realize how little they are actually communicating,” writes Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson.  “In other words, we think we’ve said a lot more than we actually have. Psychologists call this the signal amplification bias (because we can’t resist slapping esoteric names on things – calling it the “I’m Sure It Was Obvious” Effect would be much more to the point.) Studies show that the vast majority of us tend to believe that our behavior is much more expressive than it actually is, and this occurs across a wide variety of situations.”

new relationships fail

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Lack of commitment

Most people in successful relationships realize that true love requires commitment—and not just a commitment to be monogamous, but also a commitment to love and to fight for this person long after the novelty and excitement of being with someone new fades.

new relationships fail

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The real person appears

In dating and courtship, we have a tendency to put our best feet forward and show only our best selves, which makes total sense. My Pastor likes to refer to these images that we show off to potential suitors as our “representatives.” But what happens when the couple becomes comfortable and the representative disappears? If the real person is only a slight deviation from the representative, nothing. However, when the real person is nothing like the person they pretended to be at the beginning of the relationship, major issues ensue.

new relationships fail

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Deception

Ahhh, deception! It’s horrible, but very common when it comes to dating. It’s hard for any relationship that has been built on a lie (or lies) to flourish. Trust is pretty difficult to repair in well-established relationships, but once the trust is broken in a new relationship, the odds are certainly not in that couple’s favor.

new relationships fail

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Insecurity

Insecurity is like a cancer to any relationship, because it’s an internal problem that negatively impacts both parties. True progress can only be made after the insecure person is prepared to admit that they have an issue and get to the root of it. The problem with this is that insecurity requires patience on behalf of the other party and sometimes new relationships aren’t strong enough to weather that kind of storm.

new relationships fail

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Lack of trust

Bad habits that you pick up at the beginning of a relationship are generally habits that you will continue to practice throughout the duration of it. If you start out not trusting your partner, checking his phone, combing his social media pages for clues about what he’s really up to and practicing other detrimental behaviors that exhibit a lack of trust, chances are, that’s what the entire relationship will be like. Relationships that lack trust are rather dysfunctional and become difficult to sustain over time.

new relationships don't last

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Incompatibility

Whether it’s physical or mental/emotional, the truth is that some people just aren’t meant to be together. Unfortunately, this isn’t always evident during initial encounters. It can sometimes take weeks or even months of dating before a couple comes to the realization that they simply aren’t a match.

new relationships don't last

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Outside influences

New relationships are pretty fragile and many times, we turn to family and friends for their opinions about our newfound love. Sure, our girlfriends and relatives care about us and in most cases want the best for us, but honestly, they don’t know everything.

new relationships don't last

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Lack of effort

Ever heard the popular saying, “What you did to get it, you need to do to keep it?” This couldn’t be more relevant than in relationships. As previously stated, in dating, we have a tendency to put our best foot forward, but when familiarity creeps in, all of those sweet things that we once did to woo our partners, we can start to get lax with. Don’t let anyone fool you; relationships require work. Finally making things official with the man or woman of your dreams doesn’t mean it’s time to sit back and become complacent. That’s when the real work begins.

new relationships fail

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Bad habits

Truthfully, we all probably have a bad habit or two that requires breaking. But unfortunately, some habits won’t appear until after a relationship has been formed. And if it happens to be a habit the other party has little to no tolerance for, things can go awry pretty quickly.

new relationships fail

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Money

Money woes can send a new relationship down the tubes in a variety of ways. Though many associate money woes with better established relationships, financial struggle can also present itself as a huge burden in new relationships as well. For one, dating is expensive. The cost of meeting for dinner a couple of nights per week adds up pretty quickly. In addition to that, not everyone sees eye-to-eye on who should pick up the check. Some are more traditional in their beliefs, expecting the guy to always foot the bill. Others believe that this sort of financial responsibility should be shared.

new relationships fail

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Time

It seems that people are more goal-oriented than ever before. Nearly everyone has something they’d like to do or accomplish. Climbing your career ladder takes time and dedication. At the same time, new relationships also require time and nurturing. Conflict sometimes presents itself when that time isn’t reasonably distributed.

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  • Hannibal

    I AGREE WOMEN HAVE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS, THEY EXPECT YOU TO BE 7 FEET TALL, HAVE MUSCLES, TATTOOS, NICE CARS, AND LIVE IN A MANSION. BUT THE MAIN REASON RELATIONSHIPS DONT WORK IS BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF SEX, YEAH I SAID IT! AT THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP, WOMEN ARE MORE FUN BECAUSE THEY WILL GIVE IT UP, BUT WHEN YOU GET DEEPER IN THE RELATIONSHIP, WOMEN JUST STOP WANTING TO MAKE LOVE TO THEIR MAN FOR SOME REASON SMH