My Appreciation For Ratch & 9 Other Reasons I’ll Never Be A Proper Lady

October 23, 2013  |  

Every woman knows there are some unspoken rules about what it means to be a lady. A lady does this, a lady doesn’t do that. Everyone has their own version of “the rules.” Whatever they are, there are a few of them that I just don’t follow.

Source: Shutterstock.com

I don’t care about white deodorant marks

My friends always laugh at me because when I apply deodorant it’s six stripes for each pit. So, even if the deodorant claims to be invisible, by the time I get done with it, it’s clearly not. And I generally don’t make any effort to make them disappear. As a child who had to wear men’s deodorant when I hit puberty, my philosophy is it’s either see these white marks or endure the must.

panty line

You can look at my panty lines all you want

Now I’ll never look as bad as the woman in this picture because I don’t wear pants that are this tight, without a shirt covering my butt but I’m not a fan of wearing thongs every other day. So if you happen to see my panty lines through my jeans, it just is what it is. I remember back in elementary school it was like an obsessive game for people to see and let you know that they saw your underwear. Remember “I see London, I see France, I see ________ underpants”? But I learned long ago, from my grandmother, as long as my drawers are clean, go ahead and look.

iStock

I shave when I want to

I know some women are adamant about being smooth and clear at every possible moment. But me? Not so much. By late October, I’ve stopped shaving my legs for the year. And not really just legs either. I like to keep stuff clean and shaven but more so for hygienic and less cosmetic reasons. She’s got to breathe. But believe I wait until the last possible moment to take care of that.

Shutterstock

I’m anti bra

I’m sure proper ladies would never be seen outside of the house without a bra. That’s not necessarily the case for me. If I’m wearing a camisole or another tight shirt that won’t show my nipples, then no bra it is.

painting-nails

I can’t maintain a manicure to save my life

I truly envy women whose nails are always done, freshly polished with no chips to speak of. That is so far from my life. If I paint my nails on Sunday night, by Tuesday morning they look like I’ve been gnawing on them. Maybe it’s all the typing or maybe I live some type of reckless life, but either way, it’s a struggle to keep a good polish.

Source: Shutterstock.com

Heels are not my friends

I’m not going to lie, I’m short and a lot of times I feel pressured to wear heels when I dress up. But really they make me uncomfortable. There’s something about them that’s so unnatural and even dangerous. I always think, if something pops off, would I be able to run in these things? Not as fast as I would in some flats. Which is why I usually have a pair in my bag. But these days, I’m starting to forgo the heels all together. I can enjoy myself so much more if my feet don’t hurt and I’m not worrying about my safety.

Source: Universal

 

I love crude, lewd humor

When I tell you I love the movie Ted, I’m not joking. First my father and male teenage cousins saw the film and told me it was hilarious. Before I saw it, I just assumed it was just a guy movie. When I watched it for myself though, I was crying with laughter. The fart jokes, sexual humor and mild violence was everything to me. Really, I shouldn’t have been so surprised, they’re the same jokes I tell and laugh at in real life.

black woman throwing her head back laughing

I’m too loud

All the women on my mother’s side of the family, speak so softly it’s almost like they’re whispering in regular conversation. So it was no surprise that the women in my family stressed that a lady doesn’t raise her voice, until absolutely necessary. Apparently, I took after my father on the volume level. I’m a proud loud.

Shutterstock

I pick at my chin hairs in public

I’m sure real ladies don’t have facial hair. And if they do, I doubt they pick at them in public. For me, when I’m sitting idly in public and my hand happens to graze my face, if I feel a little hair, removing it becomes like a game to me. I have to get it! And I’ve often gone to great and very obvious means of doing so.

hood1

I have an appreciation for the ratch

I have very real standards of what is too much and what’s acceptable ratch. But sometimes I even surprise myself with the things I love and appreciate about that hood life. Would a proper lady practice clapping her booty in the mirror in the privacy of her own home? Probably not.

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  • mac

    Respect yourself.

  • LouLouB

    I wasn’t actually expecting to agree with any of these but I’m with you on the VPL for sure. I find thongs uncomfortable and the only time I’m going commando is to go to sleep!

    Chin hair though! Lmao

  • shaylynnvacca321

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  • Jayda Brown

    The pic with the lady with the panty line, it looks like her behind is eating her thong and khaki pants. (gobble, gobble).

    • Brooklyn_Beauty_Danni

      I used to work with an older chick that would wear the tightest pants on god’s green earth and then wear these panties that were even tighter…that ish is so damn nasty…ugh!

  • Ray

    Not doing these things does not make you ratchet. It makes it seem like you’re saying it’s okay to be ratchet when it’s obviously not. I don’t think you should be using these type of words either. How about speaking proper so we influence others to do so as well. We are already seen bad in the way we speak so we should change that.

    • Shawndrea Rachelle

      Who exactly are you trying to prove something to?

      • Ray

        Excuse me?

      • Alexis

        lmao

  • Excepcion

    Love this list. Love my life 🙂 … I dont know if this would apply to the author but for me an add to this list is taking less than 30mins to get ready to go anywhere. No steps missed 🙂

  • Aaliyah Noelle

    yeah i was 110% with the writter until i got to the chin hair page… have never had any chin hairs. yuck. other than that… i agree

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  • Alexis

    I’m sorry, you have enough chin hair that you can run your fingers over them and actually feel it and start plucking? I never understood women who let a bunch of hairs grow out on their neck and chin and upper lip, seriously.

    • Aaliyah Noelle

      my thoughts exactly!!

    • itsjustfordecoration

      -__- worry about yourself

      • Alexis

        So you think someone posted an article about not being a proper lady for the COMMUNITY to comment on just so I can worry about myself? Someone is feeling guilty…its ok if you don’t shave, I just don’t agree 🙂

        • bonniewill

          Shaddeeeeee LOL

  • YoNess

    Yeah ladies put on bras…I have a parent that comes sans the girl wranglers each visit and my eyes burn plus I feel harassed, it is just too much information. Pick them girls up and strap ’em down.

  • tiapett

    OMG me all the way! I’m so happy I read this (even though I hate flipping through all these pages) 🙂 Except the bra thing. At a 36DDD a bra is no longer a choice lol but I am so much happier being myself instead of trying to fit into a cookie cutter view of what a woman should be. Heels make my feet hurt and I go home early. i can party all night in my Chucks lol! God made us all different and we don’t all fit into one standard. All of our little personality quirks and differences exist for a reason and we need to be true to them in order to know what those reasons are IMO.

  • Alex

    LOL, I can relate to a few of these!

  • cryssi

    Okay, so thongs are not my thing….but my butt is too big to add any unnecessary attention by having panty lines….that’s why I swear by Hanes.

    No wedgy, no panty line, no worries

    Oh and I consider myself a lady, maybe not by The Queen of England’s standards, but a lady in my own right.

    Because minus one or two things, this list is my life lol.

  • TC

    Hahahahahaha, I swear this whole list was written about me.