Would You Hang Out With a Guy Who Dates Other People?

113 comments
October 23, 2013 ‐ By Ezinne Ukoha
Source: Bravo "guy who dates"

Source: Bravo

I have been watching “The New Atlanta” (not sure what the motivation was for the name, there is nothing “new” about it) and it’s been a fun process getting acquainted with all the interesting characters that dominate the show.

I am now invested in the love triangle involving the dapper and self-professed man about town Vawn Sims, Africa Miranda, who with Vawn’s help is pursuing her music career and Alex Dilworth, the resident socialite who is determined to use her youth and “beauty” to seduce Vawn away from her much older nemesis.

Vawn is the kind of guy that would expectedly attract a harem of women simply because he has the self-confidence and the stamina to keep the opposite sex consistently on alert. He is handsome, successful and a smooth operator but most importantly he is aware of the effect he has on the ladies and like most men of his caliber, he uses it to his advantage. It ultimately becomes his weapon of choice and he wields it at his command, which can make him a somewhat dangerous choice in the dating department. He was compelled to write a book – “The Man-U-All Love, Need, Want & Hate,” and this piece of literature is supposedly a must read for all the women out there who regard men as an unsolved mystery.

I haven’t read the book yet but I doubt highly that I will have a light bulb moment after partaking of all the “wisdom” sprawled all over the pages. I did however get an in-depth summary of the message being conveyed so eloquently. In one of the episodes, Vawn decides to host an event where he and the guys discuss the themes illustrated in his book and he proceeds to declare himself incapable of being in a committed relationship. He proudly explains that as long as he is completely honest and open about his motives, he sees nothing wrong with casually dating multiple women at a time.

As a viewer, when we witness this, our hearts immediately go out to Africa, because they seemed like they hit off the night she came over to his apartment for dinner. He pulled out all the stops and set the tone for an effortlessly romantic time in his cozy apartment and she was just as dazzled as we were.

But as if on cue, right after their memorable date, Vawn displayed his penchant for stirring the pot when he gave into Alex’s vivacious nature and they both enjoyed a flirtatious session while attending a party later that week. Africa was in attendance and saw it all go down but stood firm while explaining to her perplexed friend and fellow cast mate, Emily Lipman that she was aware of the fact that she and Vawn were just “hanging out” and despite the electricity being charged across the room, she was confident that she was still the woman on top.

In a later episode, Vawn finally opens up to Africa about his reluctance to commit to her because he hasn’t reached that point in his life where he feels comfortable enough to be in a monogamous relationship. Africa takes it all in stride, but you can see the disappointment in her face. But she manages to summon the energy to praise Vawn for being honest enough to admit that he intends to still be a player even though he enjoys being with her.

After taking all this in, I started to wonder how many women tolerate this kind of behavior from the guys they are hanging out with. The fact that Vawn is honest about the fact that he likes to have his freedom is not necessarily impressive. It just demonstrates his lack of maturity and a certain level of pompousness that normally plagues good-looking men with a steady income.

I suspect a lot of women put up with these unreasonable demands because they like a good challenge and healthy competition and they hold out hope to be THE ONE the guy ultimately chooses. If both parties are on the same page, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with an open relationship or dating through revolving doors; but if you are stuck with a guy that you really like who doesn’t seem ready to be your one and only, I say keep it moving because every minute you waste with him could be time spent with someone more worthy of you.

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  • Cindy Wynn

    I think so many women are selling themselves short with this, friends with benefits, having threesomes and putting up with a man’s antics just to say they are with someone. You are worth far more than your weight in gold and deserve someone who wants to have a real relationship with you. Men will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Don’t let anyone disrespect you, men or women. Love yourselves first!

  • Beautiful

    I don’t fault Vawn for who he is. He has been open and upfront with Africa about who he is and what he is looking for. She unfortunately, did not believe him and is setting herself up to be heart. To be with someone like Vawn she need to set herself apart from his other women and keep her standards.

  • folamix

    My issue with Vawn was that their first date was at his place. Come on, take me out somewhere. You don’t want to be seen with me? And no he is not all that. BTW, Alex is not all that cute and she needs to get off that.

  • IslandGal2012

    I don’t feel for Africa, because she should’ve seen the BS coming from a mile away. Yes Vawn is a good looking man, but you can also tell he has air about him that screams I am not relationship material I am King of the jungle and I need to be wild and free. Not husband material at all. Africa had a choice between the playa, Vawn and the good guy Tribble and she went for the playa, so she should not be surprised is she gets played.
    Alex is an F’n troll not sure why she believes she’s all that, I mean she’s not attractive and her weave is atrocious, I mean Vawn even called her “puff the magic dragon” and her attitude makes her just ugly!

  • ItsMe

    He’s got EXCEPTIONALLY bad grammar…and he thinks he’s cool. Everytime he launches into one of his “philosophical”diatribes, replete with incorrect synax and grammar, we fall down laughing. Why would Africa even go there? Lose this guy

  • Summy

    It’s not that women want a challenge, they just fall hard, and the idea of pursuing something that feels right seems like the better idea to being alone (it’s nice to say the time wasted could be spent with someone more worthy, but the reality is that the time spent would likely be spent alone). As far as his honesty, well, what more can be asked for? It’s not immature for a guy to be like this in life (in fact it’s rather natural), it’s immature if he pretends he’s not. We may not like that a guy’s needs do not match our own, but if he is honest, we can’t be mad either.

  • Simba711

    If was on the same page as the guy, then yes. If both people agree, then more power to them.

  • Mariana

    I know Africa is an adult, but I can’t help feel a lil bad for her. She talked about her journey in the music industry and she just seemed so determined not to get sidetracked this go round. I HATE it that she fell for a nice body and weak game. Vawn is a douche he had the blond lace front over there basically asking her to tell him how great he is. Then got the nerve to go back and tell Africa she (Blondie/Alex) wasn’t saying what he wanted to hear. He’s a crass a-hole. I just hate she wanted him so badly all he did was feed her and she was in his bedroom. She’s 36 she knew what was up. You should NEVER be too accessible to a man. Don’t make it too easy.

  • word

    everyone should date other people until the serious conversation is on the table…If more women did that, the amount of great women holding on to losers would great decrease.

  • hotjupiter

    If you are interested in someone that is at a different point than you in their live life waiting for that to change is absurd. You set a standard for yourself and do not compromise. That’s the difference between a truly happy individual and one that is always seeking happiness. STANDARDS.

    • York

      Amen! Until you establish some clear cut standards, don’t even put yourself out there–unless you want others to establish them for you, and you’d better believe they won’t have YOUR best interest in mind! Men know an impressionable sheep when they see one!

  • deebeezy

    Africa is too old to be falling for this mess! I hope that after she sees this season she will see how silly she looks running after a man who has the mentality of a little boy.

  • OSHH

    Why do my comments keep going into moderation, there is no cussing or explicit language??????????????????????????

  • Kitty

    Ladies if your looking for a committed relationship this type situation is not for you. It should only be friends with benefits because your heart can’t get invested in this.Vawn is a player and not relationship material. The whole Alex thing would have made me kick him to the curb but that’s just me.Aint no man worth that disrespect. I don’t care how fine & sexy.The part that makes this tricky for women is the double standard. If Africa was dating multiple men he would run for the hills,so honesty wouldn’t work in her favor.

    • OSHH

      Not even friends with benefits though, that is a sure way to get attached to someone you already feeling a way about.

      • Lisa

        I agree with you, while you are in your friends with benefits situation, your new guy could see you out with that guy hugged up and determine that you aren’t available. but you really are because you are just sleeping with the other guy.

        What woman ever handles a friends with benefits situation well? I don’t know one.

        • Simba711

          Many women do. Every woman on earth is NOT the same. The world would be pretty boring if everyone was the same.

      • Kitty

        I get your point about attachment but women today have to learn logic over emotion like men do when it comes to a purely sexual relationship.Its not for everyone but it’s the best way to deal with a dude like Vawn. Play for a while then put him away until the next time.

    • Simba711

      That’s the part I don’t understand. Both folks should be allowed to do the same thing. It should not be a one way street. A open relationship should be fair game.

  • Gigi

    I have not watched the show. I’m not a fan of reality TV. However, Africa is from my hometown and alma mater. And if she anywhere near as beautiful now as she was then, I am sure she’s not hurting for a date. The fact that she’s made it this long without marrying probably means she isn’t drinking the kool-aid many men are serving.

  • Carter

    I found nothing romantic about that first date. That was a “come over and chill.” I don’t know why a grown woman would fall for that. And then become hooked on him because of that.

    • Lisa

      Yea the first date doesn’t qualify as a date, she let him game her because she wanted him so bad she ignored vital ish. Like the fact that he was spewing pure BS.

  • OSHH

    Where is my other comment???????????????????????????????????

  • Kay

    I have know idea why a women as beautiful and intelligent as Africa would entertain the likes of Vawn. I am sorry but I am sure there are plenty of guys who would be willing to give Africa the relationship she desires and will have the qualities she is looking for including commitment and monogamy. As far as Alex and Vawn no words for that…..literally i cant find the words that even describes how clearly fake and staged that relationship is. I personally was agreeing with Tribble , it was stupid and immature for grown men to be talking about women in the way they were. My heart breaks that these men who have children…young boys some of them think of relationships and women in this way. Only a fool would buy Vawns book and promote this kind of lifestyle. Men like him make me sick to my stomach, men who are not that great, not as much of a catch as they think they are but can talk their way into a lady’s bed. That is not a man with great qualities that’s a manipulator. Wish some women could tell the difference.

    • OSHH

      not only a manipulator but not someone of integrity or character….. just a selfish self centered narcissistic user, who is often incapable of loving anyone.

    • Carter

      The hardest thing to watch was a group of black men trying to convince the sole white man that it was okay to play with women’s emotions as long as you were honest. It was so disappointing to see that. And they probably have no idea how bad they look on TV. I just hate that this is how they portray fictional black men, and these were real men perpetuating that same stereotype. I also hate that I know there are black men who are absolutely not like them, but in this episode, the only person saying how ridiculous they sound was the white man.

      And R.L.’s reasoning behind why men cheat. I think he said something like, “the reason men cheat is because we now have women that want their daddies, but don’t have half of the qualities their mommas have.” Goodness…

      • It’sMyOpinion

        Couldn’t you see the difference between the “modern black man’s” mentality and the white guy’s? It was like night and day. Don’t get me wrong, Tribble seems like he’s played his games with women before, especially if he’s not used to being rejected and not having a girl. But he could not understand Vawn and his whack friend’s rationale. for the life of him. It just goes to show that whites and blacks value family differently (without going into a black log about the past). I don’t know who Vawn thinks he is, but it certainly isn’t much of anything.

        • Lisa

          These black men are what I call the “new negro”

          I encounter them often. Only want to text, want to sleep with you but haven’t earned it, just downright lazy imo and liars.

          I agree that Tribble has probably slept with women with no intention of being with them but I don’t think from his reaction that he’s carried on those relationships and gained a sense of accomplishment from having a woman that acts like that. Mental games, manipulations. What type of people enjoy that?

      • Lisa

        Yea, it wasn’t hard to make the white guy our “white savior” in this case.

        These ninja’s make me never want to date a black man from atlanta.

      • Alexis

        That last statement was pretty dead on ,though. In no way am I condoning cheating but women don’t act like women anymore. They are so aggressive and desperate to prove that they can play both roles (a man and woman) if they need to. But that wouldn’t happen if their weren’t a shortage of real men. Instead we deal with the same types over and over again that has created generational scorn. A lot of women develop a wall against certain men because they viewed how their mother was treated by men growing up. I

        • Carter

          That may be true, but my main issue was blaming someone else for your actions. If I cheat, it’s because I decided to. And I think that’s also the case with men. With everyone. People cheat because they want to.

          And his statement would also make more sense if men were cheating by getting in another relationship, meeting someone else that was better than the woman “that don’t have half of the qualities their mommas have,” but we know that’s usually not the case.

          • Alexis

            That is also valid.

        • Nope

          Water seeks its own level.

          • OSHH

            Not true in every case, in some cases with a certain type of man it is like predators and prey, a predator will go after what it knows it can take down the easiest, say a lion and a baby zebra as opposed to that same lion going after a full grown tiger.

    • Simba711

      I rarely watch reality shows, but from what I hear she choose to be in a relationship with this man even though he NEVER lied to her about who he was.

  • It’sMyOpinion

    Africa is a fool. She knew she couldn’t handle a situation like that. I don’t know why she played herself from the beginning. She actually tried to convince herself that what Vawn was selling her was cool. She was never ok with it because she always felt the need to defend it. At the end of the day, most women will settle for a slice of who they believe a “real man” to be, than love a sweet caring man with their whole heart. It’s her own fault.

    • deebeezy

      Preach!!

    • guest 3

      BOOM! I get why women don’t like Vawn and all over him but this is the bed that Africa made and layed in! She knew what Vawn as like from the jump! She even said in the 1st episode when they were in the studio together. She described the type of guy he was and said she wouldn’t go there with him. Africa is a good girl and i was hoping she would give Tribble a chance. I think Tribble is a little of a player too but i do think he would have no problem committing if they were to hit off. I’ve never really dated a white guy either so i can understand her naturally going for Vawn but a least choose a brotha that’s decent! She was fooling herself by telling herself that she could handle the situation with Vawn. I’ve been there once before but that was when i was young and foolish…Africa is too old not to know at this point what she can and can’t handle when it comes to certain situations with men.

  • Rashida

    I haven’t watched, but dude isn’t a prize…

  • Angel89

    Lol I’m a woman & I will never understand other women…you’d rather date & be committed to a man that tells you everything you want to hear just to get what he wants & later find out on your own (by going crazy, losing sleep, stalking social networks & always assuming the worst) that it was all just a lie, & in most cases forgive & try to work it out with the dog just to get played again..but not a truly upfront & honest man that will tell you what it is from the gate giving you the option whether to agree or just keep it as friends…would I personally ever date “him” no..but I respect men like him waaaay more than the cowards that have to lie & cheat to get what they want

    • Nope

      You pretty much summed up what I had trouble articulating.

      People don’t like it when I say it but I firmly believe that the reason most women don’t have consistent positions/arguments is because at the end of the day most women just want their way.

      • BabyBlue

        I hate to say this but, you’re right. I especially agree with the last sentence. I’m a woman and I still don’t understand women.

        • Nope

          So just imagine how most men feel.

          • BabyBlue

            Cold world

    • Nope

      When I was single, I was upfront and honest with women. Being single is being single. I wasn’t going to play relationship as a single man. How ridiculous is that?

      And the other side of this coin is always the fact that a woman can and will also disappear when someone else catches her eye/reappears in her life too, which is also her prerogative.

      • Lisa

        Do you think Vawn is upfront though?

        I don’t, but do think Africa should have done her research.

        Vawn’s whole vibe repels me though. That Rico Suava vibe is not what’s up and will only work on certain types of women.

        • Nope

          I’m going to keep it 100, I read the article but I don’t know who the hell any of those people are.

    • It’sMyOpinion

      Vawn is very honest, but his problem is that he isn’t upgrading these women. He isn’t putting them on anything new and different. He isn’t attacking their minds with highly intellectual conversations, or even exposing them to what a “real man” is supposed to offer. Vawn is nothing but an honest player. Of course, one cannot fault him for being up front. But, if he was all that he said he was, Africa wouldn’t be crying and upset about it all. She would be understanding, and happy just to get the time with him that she does receive. He doesn’t know how to take care of his women. If you’re going to handle plenty, you have to know how to move fluidly within every woman that you’re dealing with when the two of you are together. Or, he just have just told Africa that he just wanted to sleep with her. No strings attached.

      • OSHH

        “He doesn’t know how to take care of his women. ”

        nor does this type want to, it’s ALL about him dontcha know…..

        • It’sMyOpinion

          I agree. I know a guy with chicks from coast to coast. I’m not exaggerating either. Literally, a slue of women that he deals with on a regular basis. He isn’t a dog either. He is very handsome, smart, well traveled and read, and he is upfront. I could not believe the amount of women he deals with. He would always say “I’m honest, and I don’t lead them on. I tell them exactly where I stand with each of them, and I don’t allow them to go beyond their limits.” I use to think he was full of it- until I saw him in action for myself. Some of the most beautiful, smart, well traveled and cultured women were flocking to him. It was unbelievable. Why? because he is a man who is in control of his manhood and masculinity. He is an alpha, and his presence alone forces a woman to fall in line. I couldn’t believe it. He literally changes these women’s lives by giving them something they’ve never had before. I know it sounds crazy. I thought the same thing too. I’ve been knowing him for years, and the women can’t get enough. Heck, he’s even helped shape me into a better woman, and we are just friends. I guess they are out there. Vawn just isn’t one of them.

          • Alexis

            He helped shaped you into a better women, how exactly?? I am VERY interested..He’s basically convincing all these women that if you want quality, you have to share, because he’s high in demand. THAT SUCKS!

            • It’sMyOpinion

              It’s true. He and I are longtime friends. Never anything beyond that. Our conversations and his perspective are refreshing. It’s different because he has taken the time to learn women from a spiritual standpoint. It’s nothing surface level at all. Everything is based on the word and The Father.

              He isn’t sharing himself because he isn’t committed. He doesn’t ask these women for anything. They freely give it. It’s all because he is in control of his masculinity. They can’t help themselves.

              • admittruth

                He’s a narcissist. They are known to be charming, and they are the MASTERS of “mixed messages.” Men like this can be “up front” about their unwillingness to commit (also read as, NO ONE is “special” to them, ever, all women are interchangeable), but you only have his version of what is going on with these women. For all you know, he tells the “the truth” but looks at them lovingly, or tells them how he longs for it to be different, or just that he “doesn’t know” or “isn’t ready right now…” The phrase “right now” is big with this type. He might treat each and every one of these women like goddesses, all the while proclaiming it’s casual. Well, if you are a woman being treated like a goddess, what are you going to believe? What he says, or what he is showing you?

                In time, that will change. As he treats the women more poorly, because he has become bored and they are no longer a challenge, he will SAY the right things to keep them emotionally invested while SHOWING them the truth (that he’s indifferent and, often, cruel), and they will want to believe what he says is the ‘real’ him, and not what he does.

                Smart, discerning women with great esteem get fooled by men like this all the time, because these men are GOOD at what they do. And one of the FIRST tricks in their playbook is to “be honest” that they are players, because that puts all the responsibility for the relationship and the woman’s emotional response on the WOMAN, like the man’s leading her to think he cares had nothing to do with it.

          • Kay

            I am sorry, how does having multiple women help shape them into better women? I don’t blame just the man for this kind of thinking, I blame the women. It is sad when a women accepts she is not the only one and its okay. No women should ever have to share a man intimately or emotionally. I truly believe it has something to do with daddy issues. I find women who have active and consistent fathers in their lives tend to avoid this way of thinking. I am so glad my dad taught me the value of loving myself and showed through loving my mother and respecting her for 31 years how a man is supposed to treat a woman! My heart goes out to women and men who missed out on basic knowledge when it comes to love and relationships.

            • Alexis

              People don’t like to boil it down to “daddy issues” because it’s so cliche but if there isn’t a positive male presence in the household, you will not have some idea of what is acceptable and what is not. It speaks volumes about the typical black household because so many of our men and women are misguided when it comes to relationships. My parents are divorced and my dad has always had multiple women, thereafter. And they were NEVER quality. They were always easy gullible birds in distress. So i’m still learning myself based on observations.

              • Kay

                I understand what your saying. I know many of my friends when i was younger would say coming to my house was something new because of how my mother and father interacted. I consider it a blessing I was always able to see that because sadly its not the norm. Now I am engaged to guy who shares the same qualities of my father and hes an amazing guy… I knew he was a great guy because my dad would have talks with me, encourage me to not settle for just a cute face and fat pockets….but its the substance ,the characteristics that make a man amazing. Thats why I am so irritated by Vawn he clearly is extremely ignorant of what it takes to be a great man to any women. What I forgot is he has a son and I pray he is not teaching his son his unhealthy way and habits when it comes to relationships and women. If so…i hope women remember that face…cuz hell be trouble trouble trouble!

            • It’sMyOpinion

              I’ve seen the text messages and heard the voice mails. These women aren’t begging for a relationship because that’s not an option. They are thanking him for the time they’ve spent together. You would be surprised how many men women deal with men that aren’t real “men.” They are genetically male, but have no clue what to do with it. It stimulates a woman’s entire being when she comes in contact with a MAN. It’s supposed to be that way. When a man is giving a woman what she needs, she is definitely going to give him what he needs and fall in line with her womanly duties. If more men were men, then women would be much better off. Not the other way around.

          • Angel89

            I don’t mean to sound like I’m judging your friend or any of these women…but he sounds like a pimp..he’s actually dating/in a relationship with all of these women?? but it is ok because he knows how to “keep them in line” & “changes their lives by giving them something they’ve never had”??..lol I don’t know but maybe I’m missing something here…but on a “relationship” aspect once a man explains to you that he knows he will not be faithful to you & WILL be with other women in whatever way & you accept it he has no reason to “take care of his women” he’s taking care of them by telling them upfront that you won’t be the only one instead of them having to find out…again I wouldn’t date “him” but I’d rather know upfront so I don’t have to play the guessing game..by going solely by his actions & words that may be misleading & just take it upon myself to assume he wants more & we’re on the same page..but a man whose actions & words coincide I respect

            • It’sMyOpinion

              It’s cool. That’s the thing. He’s not dating them. He’s not in a relationship with them. It’s what he has to offer. He is a MAN. Not the kind that sleeps around, but he is what The Father designed a man to be. Girl, he is wonderful. He is like my brother. We’ve known one another since we were young. Trust me. I didn’t think it was possible. I use to think he was making things up, but it’s real. He is exactly who a man is supposed to be. I’m not just saying this either. Quick story: I was getting my eyebrows arched, and all he did was walk in to give me a hug because he was about to leave. I kid you not, about 20 women looked over at me and said “who is that?” I said “that’s my brother.” Girl, they began to ask me if he was single. What’s his story? How did I get a brother so virile and masculine? I was shocked. All he did was walk in and walk back out. They went on and on about how they don’t make men like that anymore. They didn’t mention his appearance not one time. It was about the energy he gives off.

              See, The Most High knows what he is doing. What a man possess is powerful. Everything starts with a man. Life, lineage, and women come from a man. When there is a man on the scene who is in command of who he is. There isn’t a lady or man in the room who isn’t going to take notice. Same thing with a woman. When you are in control of your masculinity and your femininity, others flock to you because you have something that they don’t. You are superior and they know it. They want to be in your space and soak you up. This can be on any level: romantic, platonic, or a brief encounter. They can’t help it. It’s how energy is transferred. If you study energy in people, it may make more sense.

              • Alexis

                The FATHER designed a man to take a wife and procreate, nothing more or less. This debonair woman puppeteer thing you’re talking about is absurd.

                • It’sMyOpinion

                  That’s not true. Procreation is the basic form of becoming “one flesh.” Man is was designed to work and cultivate the earth before The Father gave him woman. He then said “be fruitful and multiply.” EVERYTHING comes from a man. The FATHER deals with men in a totally different way then he does women. Men have a greater responsibility for The Father’s kingdom than women. Sins and blessings flow through the father. A lineage is destroyed because of the father. Nations are at war because of men. What you are talking about is a limited understanding of who The Most High created man to be.

                  • Alexis

                    I suppose my understanding could be limited to some since everyone interprets the bible differently instead of reading what’s actually there, that is if you’re into that type of thing. I’m an ex-Catholic

                    • It’sMyOpinion

                      It’s cool. We are all going to be on different levels. That’s what’s so cool about The Father, he communicates with us in ways that we understand. The beauty of this conversation is that we can respect one another and not name call. I appreciate your positive back and forth.

                    • Alexis

                      I as well. People can be so rude when they don’t agree.

    • B Cooper

      The situation with Africa and Vawn seems to be different. He did not get “honest” unti lafter she had already fallen for the okie dokie, which was on purpose as the poster Lisa stated earlier (just didn’t use old woman terminology) LOL

      • Angel89

        Lol I don’t know maybe we’re not watching the same show & on “reality” shows they tend to leave out the small details to make for more drama..but he stated from the beginning he didn’t want to be exclusive with her because he knows what he is & didn’t want to intentional lie & hurt her because she is a good woman & she reiterated many times the same things…”I’m not going to get too involved because I know he’s not looking for the kind of relationship that I am”, “he’s not my man, we’re just friends”, “I’m just going to take it (the relationship) for what it is” not word for word but close…Africa’s not an idiot or that naive that she believes she can change him or at least that’s how she appears me…but we all have our own perception of things

        • Angel89

          *intentionally

        • B Cooper

          The picture up top is of their first “date”. I thought it was after this “date” when he said those things to her you mention in the above post. And decided he needed to be honest.

    • Simba711

      Preach. I would prefer someone to be honest with me and let me decide if I want to stay or go. Do people always say they wish their partner was HONEST with them?

      • Angel89

        I do as well but it seems that most only want someone to be honest with them AFTER they’ve lied & proven that they can’t be trusted & don’t have your better interest at heart…lol a$$ backwards

        • Simba711

          Some folks in this world are some something else. lol

    • Simba711

      *Don’t people always say, “They wish their partner was HONEST with them?*

  • Nope

    I’ve never understood why women trip over men that you’re not even in a relationship with that are seeing other women. That doesn’t make a man a dog, it just means that he’s not your man. Exploring options is the whole point of dating, but so many women get soooo vested in just ONE person and do so very very early on. You can’t decide who or what a man wants for him.

    You don’t own one another anything at all prior to an actual commitment, which by the way is the whole point and definition of that word. And you’re likely not turning down attention from other men, so why should a man turn away other women.

    • deebeezy

      The word I believe you were looking for is ‘INVESTED’.

      • Nope

        I actually meant to say “vested interest”, but point taken.

      • Tracu

        You can use either term within the context of the sentence…

        • OneMiss

          Thank you! It really grinds my gears when the corrector needs correcting…& that is pretty often. Most of the time truly intelligent people see no need to correct someone’s grammar or spelling as long as it doesn’t take away from the point of what’s being said.

    • Lisa

      I agree it doesn’t make him a dog, but the way Vawn acts is something I don’t respect. He basically bait and switched it on Africa. Acting a certain way, then saying harshly, we ain’t exclusive

      And yup, I am one of the women that when a guy says hanging out, my antenna’s go up to determine what context he mean’s it in and I determine that he wants something casual.

      • Kristen

        Yep. In my experience when a guy says he wants to “hang out” he doesn’t want anything serious. If he did, he’d take you out on a date!

      • B Cooper

        Yes he DID use the old bait and switch.

    • Alexis

      Dating is another term for courting. Some of us women believe in traditional courting. However, in earlier times it was women who had many suitors and she chose by giving away her virtue. If a woman is “dating” a guy, she’s definitely seeing other men, at least she should be. But if she has sex with you, she’s letting you know that she chooses you, she wants to be serious. I’m pretty sure a man can decipher between a woman just giving it away for fun or sleeping with you because she’s offering herself for something deeper. The problem is these men are sleeping with several women at the same time and they KNOW women are becoming invested. Why can’t a man just check in sometime and let them know, hey, I don’t want to hurt you because I see that you are giving me more than what we bargained for, let’s restate the terms. Not that hard.

      • Nope

        “However, it was women who had many suitors and she chose by giving away her virtue. If a woman is “dating” a guy, she’s definitely seeing other men, at least she should be.”

        Exactly. I think a lot of women just got salty once the tables were turned and for men it became a buyers market.

        Most of what you say are fair points, but IMO a lot of men are upfront. They’re telling a woman what it is and what it ain’t, but oftentimes women falsely believe they can change that man’s mind through sex, food, gifts, etc. A lot of women have sex to be liked/keep a man’s interest.

        Probably my biggest complaint about a lot of women in general is that they they willingly play the game, and then complain about the rules after the fact and look for someone or something else to blame when ish hits the fan.

        • Alexis

          I understand what you are saying. Many women think they can change a man’s mind, sometime it will work for you, most of the time it won’t. But do you think it’s right for a man to take advantage of that market past a certain age? You can’t seriously think a woman in her late 20′s/early 30′s wants to just kick it. I would assume a man at that age is dating around to find a potential partner, not just habitually dating. you’re not in college anymore, people are trying to settle down. I don’t know if men make it THAT clear for women. Just saying, i’m dating other women is not enough. That’s what Eharmony and blackpeoplemeet is for, to try out several people and make a connection with ONE. This man is walking into a restaurant asking for a free sample of EVERYTHING on the menu then walking away stating he’s full.

          • Nope

            But men don’t seek out relationships, we usually just wind up there. So most men, regardless of age, are not dating to marry. We’re dating because we’re single, and will marry when/if someone we want to marry happens to come along. Dating is functionally different for men and women.

            • Alexis

              So you’re saying men aren’t actively seeking a relationship but will pursue one if the right women arises. If that’s the case, It is just arrogant/wrong for a woman to think she might possess those qualities to make you change you mind? That’s what Most women are doing, waiting for men to evaluate them to see if you will choose them. And you just admitted that if it’s the right girl, you’ll pursue it. So that whole I just want to date around/be single is a half-truth. That is what’s confusing women. As soon as you walk away from that guy who didn’t want to make a “commitment” he’s engaged to some hot 22 year old yoga instructor smh

              • Nope

                lol at hot yoga instructor.

                The thing is, a lot (most?) women believe they are the one for every man they like. So they are literally trying to make that decision for the man, and it’s a very biased decision.

                Yeah, a man could be brutally honest to a woman (which ALWAYS has an interesting reaction to say the least), but at the same time a man isn’t lying because they never say a woman IS what they’re looking for to begin with, that belief usually solely exists in a woman’s own mind.

                • Alexis

                  welp we need to stop being in denial. Just because you’re good enough for him to order Chinese takeout, watch a couple of chick flicks, attend the company picnic with you and bed you like you’ve never been bed before doesn’t mean he likes you. : ( what a world. Stop handing out girlfriend privileges

            • Yeah

              So true. My husband was not looking for a wife. Hell, I wasn’t looking for a husband, but we started casually dating (still openly seeing other people) and just decided that we wanted to be together. 5 years later and we never thought we’d be here lol

          • Blackhawk

            I’m a habitual dater.. i really don’t want to settle down right now.. and let it be known upfront. The problem is most women usually have a fun and exciting time with me and i kno how to make a woman feel special, so like most women they listen to their feelings instead of what their heads tell them. So of course many of them eventually get their feelings hurt.. so who’s really in the wrong?

            • Alexis

              you lol. You can’t present yourself as every woman’s dream man, it’s confusing. They think, hey he is really putting in a lot of effort, maybe he’s hinting he wants more. You can’t make every woman feel special and give them girlfriend privileges. Just like a woman can’t cook and clean for every man, it’s reserved for the person who deserves it. You’re being a tease

              • Blackhawk

                hold on lets define girlfriend privileges lol.. I’m just saying i’m very attentive i notice things like a new prefume, hair etc.. and make sure i compliment it or within conversation i remember simple details about whats going on in ur life and i’ll make sure i will ask u about the next time i see u.. i offer good conversation and lots of laughs.. maybe a few dates.. but i’m not out here tricking lol

                • Alexis

                  I know women are gonna be like whaaaaaat but seriously, you’re being too attentive “Am I wearing a new Perfume?!”, “Did I change my Hair?!”. You know d@mn well that there’s a bunch of articles titled “how to tell if he’s into you” #1 he pays attention to the small details.. lol do not tell me that my eyes turn hazel at sunset. That’s some real good game.

                  • Alexis

                    Here is the problem with this argument. Women are very emotional and bond with men through time spent together, no matter if they were genuinely trying to keep it casual and agree to the terms. How many men have actually “casually dated” women with NO protest, with no feelings getting involved? I have a feeling that these men are just moving from woman to woman because you they haven’t found anyone that’s willing to deal with that for the long run. So, are men really being honest with themselves and these women or are they just supplying an excuse to run through women without guilt or consequence? Because personally I don’t know ANY woman who is willing to be someone’s sleeping bag. Just roll it up when you’re done.

                    • Alexis

                      I don’t know why my post was added like i was replying to myself. This is my comment above

                  • Blackhawk

                    Well Alexis the next u are in ATL i just might have to see for myself.. ur eyes turning hazel at sunset that is..

                    • Alexis

                      lol funny

              • Guest

                Here is the problem with this argument. Women are very emotional and bond with men through time spent together, no matter if they were genuinely trying to keep it casual and agree to the terms. How many men have actually “casually dated” women with NO protest, with no feelings getting involved? I have a feeling that these men are just moving from woman to woman because you they haven’t found anyone that’s willing to deal with that for the long run. So, are men really being honest with themselves and these women or are they just supplying an excuse to run through women without guilt or consequence? Because personally I don’t know ANY woman who is willing to be someone’s sleeping bag. Just roll it up when you’re done.

    • York

      That’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s true. There are many “couples” that technically don’t exist, and “technically,” neither party has any say-so to the other’s activities.

      However, it’s quite normal to get upset when you see someone you’re not “technically” committed to hanging with someone else if you have an emotional attachment to that person, regardless of how open and honest each party is. The key is processing those feelings in the appropriate manner for your relationship status-and that’s not always easy, because emotions have a mind of their own! And they often trump any logical thought or discussion in the heat of the moment.

      In any case, relationship building is complicated and every situation is different. But obviously if someone specifically says “I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP”….well, you REALLY can’t get mad about anything that person does that illustrates that point.

      • Alexis

        Here is the problem with this argument. Women are very emotional and bond with men through time spent together, no matter if they were genuinely trying to keep it casual and agree to the terms. How many men have actually “casually dated” women with NO protest, with no feelings getting involved? I have a feeling that these men are just moving from woman to woman because you they haven’t found anyone that’s willing to deal with that for the long run. So, are men really being honest with themselves and these women or are they just supplying an excuse to run through women without guilt or consequence? Because personally I don’t know ANY woman who is willing to be someone’s sleeping bag. Just roll it up when you’re done.

        • Simba711

          There are many women who are OKAY with not being in a serious relationship with a man. Both parties prefer to be free. No relationship, just FWB. I know folks like this.

          • Alexis

            Being Okay with something is the same as saying “mmm, I’m not crazy about it, but it’ll do”.

            • Simba711

              Some folks should go beyond their backyard. The world is bigger than you.
              There are many people who love that kind of lifestyle. They do not want to sleep with only one person. They prefer many.

              • Alexis

                That’s fine if you want to have many lovers for your own satisfaction but we have a social responsibility to not spread disease which is another reason why it’s not a good idea to jump from person to person. At the end of the day people can do what they want but they SHOULDN’T because there are very real consequences.

                • Simba711

                  SAFE SEX is a must. Many folks sleep around and practice safe sex. They better if they know what’s good for them.

    • Breezy

      Sound like you like men other peoples men.

  • BabyBlue

    In my opinion Vawn isn’t that cute. His skin is extra dry. But, I’ve talked to this guy who “was about that life” and I said No (gosh, he was fine). He would get upset with me because I declined. He said “at least I’m telling you the truth. I could’ve lied.” I had to walk away from that foolishness. Yes, honesty is the best policy but it doesn’t always get you want you want.

    • DooMm

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    • CutieReppinNY

      Me either, he’s just not doing it for me, I’m not into bald men and I hate bad grammar. It literally drives me crazy. Vawn thinks he’s hot $hit, but can’t even get his plurals together. Talking about “this one INCLUDE women and “what she NEED” , Boy bye! I love to laugh at people that think they are so evolved, but let the simplest things elude them.

      • OneMiss

        So he dun wrote a book and dont een no good grammar?

      • Kay

        YES!!! I know 1st graders who can put a sentence together better than him! I am extremely confused because I am trying to figure out what is so alluring about this man. I have always been a sucker for a smart man who can articulate, communicate and commit. All this “dating multiple women” stuff is for women who don’t know better. Men like Vawn get away with these things because women let them! Thinking your evolved because you are dating a man “casually”. Please…..you know your mad, your feelings are hurt and wish he was yours and yours only. Vawn is the guy I would avoid at all all cost just based on his speaking skills! He would make me get him a hooked on phonics booklet or something!

      • FromTriniToBrooklyn

        My sentiments exactly!! I thought I was the only person who was bothered by his terrible grammar. He isn’t as “polished” as he thinks.

    • Lisa

      Vawn just has this “I know I am hot” and controlling vibe.

      He wants Africa to be all on him while he is all on other women. Africa is beautiful and nice and deserves better. Wonder why she didn’t just holler at the white guy because he seemed to like her for real.

    • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

      lol his skin is dry