Cubicle Confessions: I Took A Sh!t At Work
Cubicle Confessions is a new MN Business column bringing you real-life office horror stories from MadameNoire readers. This week’s topic is pooping at work. Do you go number two in the office or do you wait until you get home? Here’s what some of our readers said:
Kenya: Let me tell you I had an experience at work where I had to go to the bathroom and being stuck on a phone call with an irate customer that once I got off the phone let’s just say I didn’t make it, I pooped my pants like an infant.
Leslie: One time I had to go so bad I planned to go to the ladies locker room at my job…I stepped on the elevator but couldn’t hold it…I let out a deadly silent fart..the elevator opened to the second floor..and there stood 3 of my coworkers who were on their way back to the office from the weight room..they smelled my fart and I had no one else to blame…talking about embarrassed!! It’s been 3 yrs and they still won’t let me live that down…smh
Tess: Well, just last week I had to go terribly bad. But our bathroom is in the lobby/and quite visible to EVERYONE! So, knowing this, I went upstairs, someone was using that one. By this time, my farts are crucial. Stomach is flipping and I’m taking small steps. I decide to go to our other bldg. walk outside, to the next bldg, and a staff is cleaning the downstairs bathroom. Omg! I almost cried!!!! One more spot, I gingerly step upstairs…empty!!!! Yes! I laid the toilet cover down and prayed no one was outside, cause I blew that toilet up! Walked back to my main bldg just smiling and happy!!!!! True story!!!!!!
Donna: Well I had to use the bathroom at work I put an out of order sign on the door before I went in and let just say I kept the sign on the door so no one would hurt themselves when they walked in.
Jasmine: Sneak away to another floor so you can poop in peace. I was always grossed out by a co-worker from a previous job who would drink Dr. Oz style Kale shakes and eat whole grain for breakfast and lunch and then promptly blow the bathroom to smithereens. We only had one small, two stall bathroom in our office — but there were two others in the building. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why she would make us suffer every day instead taking a fart walk over to another restroom and “laying her burdens down” elsewhere. AND to make matters worse she would only stay until about 3pm, meaning she dropped her deuce and chucked deuces right after LMAO You could have waited until you got home!!!
Gregory: Sometime I wait until I get to work so I get paid to go.
LaShannon: I know someone who has a pair of “Sh!t shoes.” She changes her shoes when she goes poop cuz the only thing u can see under the stall is SHOES! Aint nobody gon point her out in the hallway…lmao
Jamila: Go to another floor, and blow it up! Then go back to my cube like nothing happened!
Kim: I can’t stand when people use cheap perfume to cover the smell. All that does is make it smell like cheap perfume and boo boo. I like to use disinfecting spray.
Stephenie: Yea if you’re not using cottenelle wipes after a dump…yo azz is nasty! Literally!
Malaika: I did! And boy I was glad I went! Only I kept flushing and well, u know the rest. So I waited till I thought the coast was clear. But run smack dab into my smiling co-worker who is patiently waiting to use the stall! I started to warn her, but then figured why prolong this obviously awkward moment any further. Lol
Tiffany: I have learned that it is not a good idea to eat Taco Bell for lunch during a workday.
Adonica: Keep a kit at work: disinfectant spray, personal wipes, air freshener, extra toilet paper and some disinfectant wipes. Women should have personal hygiene items in their purse anyway. If you can’t wait until you get home, try to find the least used restroom, wipe the toilet seat with a wipe, layer that seat and handle the biz. I never let my pants, skirt, nothing touch a bathroom floor anyway. Do a courtesy flush and flush again. Spray toilet–in and around–with sprays, freshen up, wash hands well, and dip out, hoping no one comes in behind you.