How To Not Be That Annoying Couple At The Gym
If you and your partner want to get in shape and have become work out buddies, that’s great; but the rest of us go to the gym to take our minds off of things, including our love lives (or lack thereof). When working out with your partner in public, please refrain from the following — or else you will become that annoying couple.
We don’t need to be reminded that you have someone to look hot for. And we really don’t need to be comparing your amazing cleavage to our…perfectly adequate cleavage, thank you! On top of being jealous that you’re in a relationship. Wear your old track t-shirt and save the push up bras for the bedroom.
Don’t save machines
The first come, first serve policy still applies to you, even though you have a boyfriend. You can’t stick a water bottle on the treadmill next to you while your boyfriend lifts weights for fifteen minutes. If somebody needs that machine, it’s theirs’ and your boyfriend will just have to fend for himself.
Tone down the PDA
The gym is a place of torture! Not cuddling and nuzzling. We come here for endorphins, not serotonin and a slew of other hormone kicks. So get those on your own time. And away from the drinking fountain, thank you.
Don’t synchronize your workouts
This isn’t an Olympics performance: your left leg doesn’t have to lift in perfect synchronicity with his, and you don’t need to lift weights at the exact same speed. Try to be as independent as possible.
Don’t take couples selfies
Okay if you want to take one, the first time you two go to the gym together just to show your friends it’s something you’re doing now, do it but make it quick. But please don’t take daily selfies of the two of you on neighboring elliptical, or pose for the camera when lifting weights.
Don’t cheer each other on
“Oh yeah baby, you throw that medicine ball baby.” Nobody else gets a cheerleader here unless they pay for it in the form of a trainer. Please don’t make the rest of us feel like our workouts don’t count because we don’t have a personal cheer squad.
If it’s not a couples’ activity, don’t make it one
Don’t run on a treadmill together, or somehow entwine your yoga position, or aid one another when they really don’t need it. Everyone else is doing his workout on his own; you can too.
Relax; nobody’s hitting on you
There’s something about being out with your boyfriend that makes you extra wary of men talking to you. But you really don’t need to use the same cold shoulder you would at a bar, when at the gym. The guy offering you a towel really was just being nice. You look cocky if you respond with, “I have a boyfriend!”
Refrain from wrestling
If you two want to do a special activity together, stick to basketball or rock climbing. Nobody needs to watch a couple sweaty, pressed up against each other and rolling on the ground.
Don’t play matchmaker
So you and your boyfriend have spoken to this one nice, single guy at the gym a couple of times. And now you’ve decided he is perfect for the one nice, single girl you’ve also spoken to who hangs out by the bicycles. Introducing them to one another in that oh-so-suggestive way just makes it awkward for them to go to the gym from then on. If people want to make love connections at the gym, they’ll do it without your help.
Skip the Hot stretching
You know exactly what I’m talking about: the stretching where one person is on top of the other, practically touching crotch to crotch, simulating sex. Stretch by yourself!
Please. Don’t. Feed. Each other
It’s repulsive when you do it with spaghetti at a restaurant and it’s still repulsive when you feed your guy a protein bar as he’s pumping iron.
Keep quiet about your marathons
So you’re one of those couples who are always training for a 10K or a walk for an illness—that’s admirable. But don’t force people to admire you for it. You don’t need to announce, “We’re training for a fill in illness here walk” every time you step on a machine. You’re hot, you’re in a relationship, you’re a philanthropist—you’re perfect, we get it.
Don’t grunt. We don’t need to feel like we’re the audience to your 4play.