Understanding Why You’re Beautiful, Yet Still Single

September 30, 2013  |  


Source: Shutterstock

From YourTango

I met this beautiful co-host of a radio show last night, and after I introduced myself, she admitted that she was single and wanted some advice. I had originally complimented her on the poise, professionalism and focus that she displayed during a very wild and crazy show. Although the show was crazy, she was the glue that kept it all together.  I could clearly see that she had a wonderful spirit, so what’s the problem? Why was she still single?

At that moment, the best advice I could give her, and that I give now to you ladies reading this, was to continue to invest in yourself, to be the best person you can be and not to always look for the man that society tells you that you are supposed to have–e.g., “I am looking for a man 6 feet 5 inches tall, 230 pounds, with black hair–and he must play for the Lakers.” Instead, be alert for the man who will work the hardest for you. Look for the man who knows how to run your bathwater, and who is conscious enough to add the necessary salt and minerals to baby your beautiful skin: “Honey, your bath water is ready and the temperature is 82.5 degrees Fahrenheit.”

I believe Ms. Radio Show Host partially understood my words of wisdom, but later, when I asked for her contact information, she stalled, and after a moment asked very politely why I wanted her contact information. She only gives it out for business; otherwise, she would have thousands of phone calls. Her hesitation made me pause and think for a moment. What had been a natural flow of events when networking now had me thinking, Why do I really need her number? On a deeper level, her hesitation is the main reason she is single, beautiful and sitting at home by herself without the love she desires. Her reasoning behind the question was, How do I know that he will not be blowing up my phone? I thought for a second and then responded that the only way I would ever, and more than likely not, blow up her phone would be if she were an extremely nice lady and there was a mutual exchange of energy. Meaning, I am not the type to keep calling a woman who does not want to be bothered. She assured me that she is very nice, and after a moment, I disclaimed that I did not think I would need her contact information at the moment because there did not appear to be any immediate business that needed her attention.

Okay, now let’s go below the surface. Here is the deeper meaning of what God explained to me hours later about why this beautiful woman, and so many like her, are still single. Matthew 13:14-16, in the 1970s Catholic edition of “The Way: The Living Bible,” says, “They hear, but don’t understand; they look, but don’t see!”  Although I was standing right in front of her, she was as blind as a bat, and although I was speaking directly to her she was deaf and mute. When you only let the worries of this world influence you, which God advises against in Romans 12:2, it blinds your ability to see the real and living substance in the spiritual world and within yourself. Essentially, although she could physically see, she could only see the temporal things of this world. True love, which comes from within, is only recognizable when your spiritual eyes and ears are open. She could physically hear and see, but in actuality she could hear and see very little.

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  • Sydne DiGia

    Maybe she wasn’t attracted to you and that’s why she didn’t want to give you her number.

  • Good Nicki

    *shrugs* maybe i’m just lost lol, i saw NO problem with the article. he didn’t walk up to her and say, “you’re single b/c of blah, blah, blah” she ASKED, which to me says in her mind she couldn’t understand what the problem was in finding a nice relationship. he didn’t inquire she was lonely, he encouraged her to continue investing in HERSELF but at the same time not overlook a great guy that can come along even though he’s not “mr. perfect”. i didn’t see the problem with him asking for her number but i believe he got a bit perturbed when she ASSUMED he’d be blowing up her phone just b/c she’s fine. i mean if i simply ask for contact information after having nice, CASUAL dialogue what’s the big deal. i’d look at her differently as well and i’m a female. i think we as females get so jaded that we think EVERY guy is gonna be a psycho stalker lol, not always the case. to me, hesitation IS the reason she’s single. you can’t say, “why am i single?” then turn around and say i NEVER give my number out unless it’s business related. how in the world can you find a mate like that? or even friends for that matter. *shrugs* but that’s just me

  • Megan

    This article confuses me. So she didn’t give him a chance… “him” being the husband that she could have potentially had because she was “spiritually blind”?? This is ridiculous. I am married, been married for 4 years. When I was single, I didn’t just give my number to any nice guy who struck up a conversation with me. I don’t blame her for being hesitant, ESPECIALLY given her profession. She has probably dealt with stalkers before. Clearly she didn’t find him attractive otherwise she would have happily given him her info. He needs to sit down somewhere and find himself a wife first before trying to teach the masses about how not to be single.

  • JustAshley

    No offense to the author, but the truth is there is NOT one woman on planet earth that would hesitate to give a fine guy her number- for the fear that he’d be blowin’ her phone up. She hesitated on giving you the number because she just wasn’t attracted to you-plain and simple.
    Attraction takes place on many levels. I’m not saying you weren’t physically attractive to her. That may or may not have been the case. What I’m saying is that you were not attractive to her on her personal scale of what matters.
    I’ve met many fine dudes who made me hit a double take when I’ve seen them however, after speaking to them- that attraction goes right out the window. It could be from something as simple as
    1.Beings a mommas boy….. or hates his mother….
    2.Seems very self absorbed and talks about how ridiculously good looking he is…
    3.Brought up his ex like 12 times in one conversation while we were discussing something totally unrelated
    4.Called his ex “crazy” like 12 times but couldn’t really explain what was so “crazy” about her. (Ladies if a dude is calling his ex crazy its usually because he either made her that way or she kicked him to the curb and he’s bitter.)
    5.Realization that you lack the same values
    In reality that hesitation you saw was a good thing. Otherwise why would you be interested in some chick who gives her number to every Tom, Rick and Harry?

    • guest

      Girl, you better preach!!

  • marie

    Some people really deep down inside want to remain single and just refuse to admit it, since “society” thinks it is equivalent to manslaughter.

  • Kath

    Puh lease, ain’t no societal dictate. Get you a tall, rich dude, esp. a rich one. If he breaks your heart, you should have several assets to smile on. Only a midget, broke lame would give the above advice.

  • kmac

    This article is totally ridiculous.

  • Hollybee

    The reason why many beautiful women hesitate to give out their number is because they are subjected to an unbelievable amount of aggressive approaches by all kinds of men. Not all men but enough for them to be a serious nuisance at times. Do not get me wrong – beautiful women, like any other, welcome flirtation and pursuit. But there are some men out there who will not take no for an answer if a woman isn’t interested and many become verbally abusive and threatening when their advances are rejected. For those sorts of men, giving them contact details is, in effect, leading them on and they don’t take kindly to rejection if their overtures are too much. Unfortunately, really good looking women seem to be subjected to a lot more of this sort of behavior than you would believe!

    So it is not about them being unable to see and hear – it is about them being wary.

    • hollyw

      You hit the nail on the head. According to most men, though, it’s all women’s fault. For every outcome.

  • whatup

    Look’s like La Toya Forever from Youtube and if that is her, she actually has a boyfriend.

    • beezy

      it’s def her!

  • Whoever wrote this article thinks very highly of himself…she wanted your advice, not you…smh

  • enlightenment

    I stopped reading when you added religion into this.

  • Trish Hewitt Conner

    There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting to give your phone number out to every stranger that asks for it. I see nothing at all wrong with how she handled it.

  • PeytonN

    I stopped reading when she asked this complete stranger about why she’s serious. Enough with these made-up stories already!

    • PeytonN

      I meant why she’s SINGLE!

    • I think he was on her show as a relationship “expert” so she wanted to pick his brain…only, he didn’t count on picking his face off the ground lol

  • McChris

    Wow, total bullshit. Essentially, this guy is saying that people should settle, and making judgements about someone’s openness based on their reaction to him (and using the bible to do it? Come on!) This guy has no idea what he’s talking about.

  • Caroline Nyambura

    Did she say she yearned for love? Did she say she yearned for your love? Oh how men of today are so full of themselves aka stupid. If she wanted your number or you, she would gladly give her cell phone number to you. I commend her for not giving you her number! And you didn’t even push so stop acting all self-righteous. You disgust me, you annoying little Ingrid! Get a wife and leave women who love their single nature alone. I am sure there are women out there who would die for your affection. Go to them. This woman doesn’t have the remotest interest in you! Sorry but it’s true!

  • Anesha Johnson

    I loved how he broke it down, what he was saying was she was physically in tune, but not spiritually in tune, so caught up with ways of the world, but blind to what was truly in front of her, she failed to even give the man a chance, to take a few minutes to listen and take in what the gentleman was saying, it just goes to show you that sometimes a person can be beautiful, but void, vain, hollow inside….

    • Caroline Nyambura


      • Anesha Johnson

        First off you sound very bitter, like a women fed up or scorned, but I’m not interested in your personal life, I obviously missed the mark as you put it, if you don’t mind, please tell me what you gathered from the article, or what I missed…..not being rude or disrespectful, but do not respond with bitterness….pls

        • hollyw

          The other responses to this article, I think, gave a good take on it.

          • Anesha Johnson

            Ok so what’s your point, ???

            • hollyw

              LOL what?? You just asked “please tell me what you gathered from the article…do not respond with bitterness…” and I said virtually every other response to the article other than yours explains this, in a pretty fair tone. Girl bye.

    • Sophie Accosi

      I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.This woman is not automatically “void, vain, hollow inside” because she didn’t give this guy her number. We also do not have both sides of the story, only his. For all we know, he was being aggressive and scary, and she felt scared about giving this man in particular her number. I’m honestly leaning towards the latter because of the insane jump he makes from “this woman hesitated to give me her number” to “this is why she’s single and will stay single, sitting alone by herself forever.”

      • Anesha Johnson

        I think you make some good points, but I’m still sticking to my post…..

  • hollyw

    I was really into this article, ready to give it a chance, until, “What had been a natural flow of events when networking now had me thinking, Why do I really need her number? On a deeper level, her hesitation is the main reason she is single, beautiful and sitting at home by herself without the love she desires.”

    WOW what a friggin leap. Almost got me, MN. Aaalmost got meh! Smh…

    • hbond2000

      That was a huge leap, and I can’t help but wonder why others haven’t noticed… smh

  • ATL Shawty

    This was deep. I’ve dealt with all kinds of men these past couple of years, and I’ve noticed that it’s better (in some ways) to be single, than have a Man. I have 0% Drama and it feels good. On the other hand, it does get lonely more often than not, but I just refuse to settle for anything and I’m going on 30. I know in due time, someone will come into my life when I’m least expect it. I’m done looking for love. I’mma just let it come to me and it won’t just be “lust”.

  • Dr. Dubya

    What he is saying is true. Many of the single women (who are looking) are in a place where they want to find someone and truth be told they would find someone if they let their guard down. I guess that shield is up after being hit on since the age of 13–never to be taken down until prince charming comes along. Often, I am asked why I am with a particular type of woman and I tell them, because SHE SAID YES.

    • hollyw

      I’m sorry, but that is such an impossible position to put women in. One instance, you admit that women have their guard up b/c they’ve been consistently targeted since puberty, but still ultimately blame beautiful women who are otherwise willing to and desiring to find a mate for their own fate.

      Could it possibly be that men will use any and every encounter, including professional networking (such as above), to hit on women? Should single women welcome and be open to these encounters, even if they’re directed towards a business mindset, esp. introduced by the male..? Do you not see the trouble inherent in your logic??

      • Caroline Nyambura

        The guy who wrote this is a mad man! He should be in a mental asylum!

        • Anesha Johnson

          Bitter much, lately

      • Dr. Dubya

        No, its completely true. It makes absolutely no sense. For this reason, I do not envy what women have to do. Women should be open to these encounters. I know a story of two lawyers who worked together, but she wouldn’t give him a chance. Finally, she gave in, who knows why? Turned out to be the greatest choice she ever made. I think you know who these two “lawyers” are.

        its completely illogical, logic! Welcome to the dating world. You have to remain open regardless of previous experiences. People aren’t all the same and experiences with one man, can’t be your basis for understanding future men. We are all different, I cannot base my experiences with women on the few who say no.

        • hollyw

          That’s exactly what I mean, YOUR experience as a man is what it feels you are basing your logic on. “Open to anything” only makes sense from a man’s perspective when applied to the real world. The woman’s version is more like “open to new things” or “almost anything” lol…ijs.

          I’m now single and def consider myself open, but think you and other men should acknowledge their male privilege and what it affords them. I also don’t think ‘relationship openness’ should take the place of professionalism or common sense, esp. when majority of bosses are male (we all know how extremely rare Michelle and Obama’s situation is, come on). It has nothing to do with past bad experiences or being “damaged”.

          • bluekissess

            I agree.

  • He assumes that she’s dying of loneliness and that there is something inherently wrong with being single.

    There isn’t. Rather being happy and single than codependent miserable and depressed but married. As a happily married woman I can tell you with perfect honesty that I would be happy whether I was with my husband or not. And that’s the place everyone should strive to be at.

    • misslove

      Exactly. I am finally the happiest I ever been at 28 and single. I was in a terrible relationship for 2 years, that was not a real relationship so technically I have been single since 2009 and just for the past 6 months I have grown truly happier than I ever been even happier than all those 7 years or so I was in relationships. I try to get my closest friends to strive for this too because I finally learned that a man can only add a bity to happiness you already have not give you your happiness.

      • Nikko Hill

        Right, don’t let a man complete you. You should be already whole.

    • Dubsco

      I believe she initiated the discourse by inquiring as to why she was still single.

      • He addressed her inquiry like singledom is something that needs to be cured.

        • hollyw

          You’re right. His response should’ve been, “Well, do you want to be single, or in a relationship?” or “WHY do you want a relationship”. This is what any worth their salt would’ve asked first.

    • bluekissess

      Well, how do you get there? Is it a career, is it making your own choices, is it being content, is it a car, clothes, fit body? The word happy has so many meanings.

      • Happy is purely based off of what YOU deem it to be. I can’t answer what will make you happy, but I can tell you that if your happiness is contingent on someone else then you are doomed for disappointment sooner or later.

        • bluekissess

          I never thought it was fair to put pressure on someone else to make me happy. But, what I’m facing is what I thought made me happy didn’t at the time so, I gave it up prematurely. A lot of trail and error is involved.

          • Personal growth makes you uncomfortable. Pain always comes when we are faced with those aspects of our selves that we don’t like.

            Dysfunctional relationships have a way of making us confront those insecurities, perceived shortcomings, and negative beliefs that we’d rather pretend don’t exist because on the outside we LOOK put together, hair done nails did makeup perfect.

            Too often women who get in and out of drama filled and degrading relationships look to blame him instead of the same broken mentality SHE brings to each relationship. If you get right from within no matter what you always win.

            • bluekissess

              Very true

    • Soffy

      I have a friend who’s single and she complains to me all the time about how miserable she is and no matter how I try to explain to her that being single is an opportunity to enjoy YOURSELF, it doesn’t seem to be working. She told me that because I’m happily married I can say anything. Even though I’ve tried to explain to her that I was just as happy (if not more so) before I got married she doesn’t seem to be getting it. She prefers to exude that “I’m so desperate for a man” vibe and doesn’t realize that she’s chasing all the nice men she meets away with her spirit. She prefers to blame her weight. Smh. The only reason I even keep trying is because I care about her and I hat seeing my friend hurt.

      • She’s insecure and unhappy with herself. I have a few parched girlfriends who seem to think I’m happy because I’m married and do not realize I got married because I was happy. My marriage comes easy because we know we are each responsible for bringing joy into our own lives.

        • bluekissess

          I always like your advice. Brilliant

        • Soffy

          I’ve started distancing myself from her lately because she’s since I had my son because she started lamenting on how she’s the only one left who’s unmarried and childless. I feel like she can’t possibly be happy for anyone else if she’s busy being envious.

      • Live_in_LDN

        The grass IS greener on the other side. I bet the moment she finds herself in a relationship, she will miss the freedom and be envious of her single friends.