What Would You Do For Love?

3 comments
September 27, 2013 ‐ By Charing Ball

Stephanie Smith

In the grand wisdom of one of our greatest blue eyed soul prophet Bobby Caldwell:

What you won’t do, you do for love/You tried everything but you won’t give up/In my world only you make me do for love what I would not do

That is some powerful loving right there. Although, at this point in life, my “love” life sounds a lot more like the prophetical words of two other blue eyed sacred scribes, Hall & Oates, who once defiantly exclaimed, “I can’t go for that! Nooo No can do…”

What I mean is, nowadays, that throw-caution-to-the-wind type of love we all like to fantasize about can put you in some pretty unlovely places – like in child support court, in prison, bankrupt, or in the clinic. As such, it’s better to draw boundaries in the beginning than pay the consequences in the end. But in spite of my personal battles with a wearied heart, there are still people who believe unfettered love still exists. And that’s not a bad thing – sometimes.

So in the spirit of ABC news correspondent John Quiñones, I would like to pose the question, what would you do – for love?

Scenario one comes by way of Terrell Jermaine Star at NewsOne, who reports on the kind of cute but mostly bizarre love story of Ivan Lewis and Sonya Gore of North Carolina:

In a very public admission of guilt, Lewis posted a photo of a hand-written note on his page that reads, “I Cheated On My Wife!!! (and she was ugly!!!).” But Gore told NewsOne that she was the author of the note, not Lewis. In fact, she says she was with him at his computer when he posted the admission on his page. “I wrote the post out myself,” she said. “Before he posted the post up, he asked me to marry him again on Facebook and I’m like ‘Well, if you want to put that on Facebook then you need to say that you cheated and put that on Facebook.’” Gore, 40, says she pushed Lewis to post the note to his page because she wanted him to feel the same humiliation she felt as a result of his alleged cheating. The Wilmington, N.C., native said she and Lewis wedded in February of 2010, but claims he began cheating soon after. Ten months into the marriage, Gore says they separated.”

Apparently, this is one instance where one of those “please like this to save…” armchair activist memes might actually have an impact. In all seriousness, it is hard to deny that there is a certain charm to this story about crazy people in love. Here is a dude, who has been an undeniable selfish hound dog and has hurt his wife plenty in the process. But after two years of active membership in The Playa’s Club, Lewis now realizes that the games played out here on these mean love streets get pretty old rather quickly, and that everything he was searching for, he had at home. Now he wants that old thing back. He is finally ready to hang up his pimp chalice, unlock his iPhone 4 and retire from the game completely. But is it just too late? It’s the half-witted scenario made of old romantic ‘hood classics like Baby Boy. But then I start to remember that I hated that movie…

I think the mere fact that she was sitting beside him, instructing him on what to do – and going as far as to write the damn note out for him – let’s me know that Ms. Gore has probably already taken him back, just not officially. Likewise, this very public grab for attention to save the marriage is just Gore’s way of putting the rest of you hussies on notice that Mr. Lewis will be off the market- for real this time. It’s also a way for you ladies to remember the man’s face when her wayward husband comes a’ knockin and send him right back home. Well, played Gore. Well played, indeed.

However, on the scale of things I would do for love, I have to give this a solid-not a snowballs chance in hell. I mean, the public humiliation thing I totally get; but I figured folks only get in the crazy bag when they are certain the relationship is over – not when they are trying to strengthen a broken relationship. Not to mention, her little humiliation plan might actually end up backfiring. Checking out his Facebook page, Lewis has been inundated with plenty of messages of support. If Gore thought Lewis was popular with the ladies before, wait until the sympathy messages starts coming in his inbox…I’m just saying.

Our next thought experiment comes by way of an enchantingly delicious tale of New York Post Page Six columnist Stephanie Smith’s quest to build 300 sandwiches in hopes of getting an engagement ring from her live-in boyfriend of two years. It’s like Cinderella, but in the kitchen. And instead of the Prince searching for you through every hole and crevice of the castle with a glass slipper, you’re making sandwiches for him. Lots of them.

My boyfriend, Eric, is the gourmet cook in our relationship, but he’d always want me to make him a sandwich.

Each morning, he would ask, “Honey, how long you have been awake?”

About 15 minutes,” I’d reply.

You’ve been up for 15 minutes and you haven’t made me a sandwich?”

To him, sandwiches are like kisses or hugs. Or sex. “Sandwiches are love,” he says. “Especially when you make them. You can’t get a sandwich with love from the deli.”

One lazy summer afternoon just over a year ago, I finally gave in. I assembled turkey and Swiss on toasted wheat bread. I spread Dijon mustard generously on both bread slices, and I made sure the lettuce was perfectly in line with the neatly stacked turkey slices.

Eric devoured the sandwich as if it were a five-star meal, diving in with large, eager bites. “Babes, this is delicious!” he exclaimed.

Smith has been documenting her adventures of winning a hubby – one sandwich at a time – on a blog called 300sandwiches. So far, she is nearly at the halfway point. In an interview on the TODAY show, Smith said the whole thing has really been tongue and cheek and that “if he wasn’t the type of guy she would make one sandwich for, she wouldn’t be making 300.” Eric, who Smith claims is a dead ringer for Alexander Skarsgård (however I think he looks more like Carson Kressley from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy), also made an appearance during the interview and told Matt Lauer that he planned on dropping down on one knee once that last crumb off of that 300th sandwich had been digested. He also said that he would have proposed to her even without any of the pomp and circumstance. What Lauer failed to do was follow up with the question, “Well why haven’t you?”

Listen, I have nothing against sandwich making for a loved one. Heck, I actually love cooking and would love even more an in-home guinea pig to experiment on with my recipes. And I’m a straight-up junkie for chick flicks with story lines like this. As a food blog, I would read this sucker all day! But the whole sandwich exchange thing sounds way too close for comfort to those other sandwich jokes people make about women knowing their proper places. And the more cynical side of me believes that to be intentional. Besides, how thoughtful is a sandwich, especially when you know that once you make it, you’re going to tell the world about how awesome of a partner you are for making one (or 300)? As the sandwich recipient, I have to say that I certainly wouldn’t feel special. Therefore, the whole making a sandwich in the expectation of a ring is not something that I think I would be game for – unless it gets me on the TODAY show, and the possibility of a book and movie deal too. In that case, keep the ring.

But again, I’m jaded on love. What about you? Would you make sandwiches and make a spouse beg for your forgiveness online – all in the name of love?

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  • young afrique

    relax…lol..”to each his own”

    • stac

      Exactly, I wouldn’t do it either but why fault the girl and look down on her for making some bomb sandwiches for her boyfriend.

      By making sandwiches for 3 months she will probably have him wrapped around her finger for the rest of her life. Not bad.

      And if he doesn’t marry her, she will have plenty of suitors knocking down her door. Not a bad plan at all.

  • Marina Calis

    I wouldn’t do either of these! The making sandwich thing seems a bit desperate and making some apologize doesn’t mean they are truly sorry.One thing I have learned recently is if a person cares for you it will come automatic…You don’t have to go through these extremes to win the favor of someone. I have don’t stupid things like in the past but I will never do them again.I just don not think someone should loose their dignity to gain love.I think that is the difference between dating a white guy over a brother.Black men tend to have some issues with their self esteem and make women do crazy things to prove themselves.That is degrading and no one should ever have to do something like this.White men however.(not all) do tend to be better at working hard to gain and keep your love.

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