Half On A Baby: “My Boyfriend Wants To Have A Child But We Have $100K In Debt!”

September 27, 2013  |  

Source: Shutterstock


From Essence

Dear Dr. Sherry,

My boyfriend of four years is adamant about us having a baby right now. He has a child from a previous relationship, but I do not have any children yet. I attend university part time and I’m in my last year of school. I have a full time job but my salary is not enough to support both of us and a child. We live separately so that means already have two sets of bills. Plus, he works as a painter, and his job is inconsistent, so he would be out of work for an extensive period of time if we went there.

We have an accumulated debt of approximately $100K, and three quarters of which is his. I am gravely concerned about having children right now, whereas he is very nonchalant about it. Our financial situation is the number one reason why I am not ready for a child, but he thinks that it is an insignificant issue. I am tired of defending myself and I do not know how else to explain it to him. I suggested that he talk to a good friend of his, but he said that he doesn’t need anyone’s input in his life.

What should I do?


In Debt

Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com 

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  • boop

    so he is interested in having a child, but not even getting married first, wtf!

  • young afrique

    this article is so inconsistent from the jumb….how do you owe 100k..are you both living way out of your means.

  • ok

    Oh..no mention of marriage, but he is SO SURE he wants to knock you up. Good for you for saying NO. and good for you that you are not living with him. QUESTION? How have yall racked up debt together? His debt is HIS debt. Your debt is YOURS. Ya’ll are not married. Don’t combine debt it if you don’t have to.

  • dddooonnnttt

    That’s your boyfriend. He cannot make demands of you. If you love him demand that he marry you, then you can have a serious talk about kids. Until then that’s a joke.
    I can’t even focus on 100k of debt, thats crazy..

  • kierah

    I don’t understand how “they” accumulated $100K in debt, when THEY are not married.
    Anywho, she should make sure she is consistent with her birth control in the meantime.
    He wants a child because he wants something to look forward to and be proud of, considering his life is currently off the rails. Children are no vanity object. This is too big of an issue for compromise.

    • slimthick86

      I was thinking the same thing! How can “they” accumulate debt when not only are they NOT married, they don’t even live together.

  • Beautynsoul

    You need to take care of you, and focus on your education. That child is going to disrupt your life, and if he’s that inconsiderate I would think twice about having a baby with him. A baby is lifetime. And why isn’t he asking for marriage first?

  • Candacey Doris

    He wants to lock her down. With a child and all that debt she won’t leave him. Please don’t have that man’s baby until he can show he has a real plan. In fact, stop sleeping with him now and make sure to watch your money!

  • Ms. Kameria

    He already has a child (issue #1), they’re already $100 k in debt (issue #2), and he wants to have another child (issue #3). She doesn’t have a very wise man, and she doesn’t sound too wise herself by being/staying with him.

  • Real Man