Somebody’s Sleeping In My Bed: Is Confronting the Other Woman Ever Okay?

218 comments
September 22, 2013 ‐ By Brooke Dean

Few things are more devastating than finding out your boyfriend or husband has been cheating on you. While most women would undoubtedly go ballistic on their man, other women also focus their anger on the other woman. Even though she isn’t the person that you’re in a committed relationship with, most women expect – or at least hope – that another woman would respect her relationship. Unfortunately, that’s giving the other woman too much credit. Assuming that this woman even knew that your significant other was in a relationship in the first place, it’s totally unrealistic nowadays to expect another woman to have respect for your relationship unless she’s one of two people: A relative or one of your friends. Maybe.

If the other woman is someone who you consider a close friend or, heaven forbid, your sister, that is the only time I would say that you have every right to confront her. After all, some woman that you don’t know is just a random chick who is screwing your man. But if she is a friend or a relative, she is someone you should expect to honor the trust that has been established in the relationship. Now, this doesn’t absolve him of any wrong doing either, but it’s almost worse when the betrayal occurs with someone in your inner circle. Him you can do away with, but it seems a little more difficult to get rid of someone you have to see at a family reunion.

So what to do if the woman isn’t a friend or relative? Let it go. I know it’s easier said than done, but confronting the other woman, in most cases, is pointless. There’s really nothing she can offer you except the sordid details of their affair  and that will only serve to hurt you more. Sure, it may make you feel better to give her a piece of your mind, but that is only temporary. Your true wrath should be directed at him since he is the one who abused your trust. She doesn’t owe you anything, but he most certainly does.

Men who cheat do so willingly. They may give you every reason in the book for it happening, but those are simply excuses he uses to avoid taking responsibility for his infidelity. At the end of the day, confronting her is like saying he had no control over his actions and it gives her way more power than she deserves. She may even thrive on the knowledge that she “got” your man, so confronting her may give her a thrill, while you’re still stuck reeling from a heartbreak. Even if she feels ashamed after you confront her, there is probably some part of her that has rationalized that what she was doing was okay based on any lies or information that he fed her. I’m sure he didn’t paint a beautiful picture in which you were the perfect mate and he just wanted his cake so he could eat it too. There’s a pretty good chance that he made your relationship to look like that was the worst thing going on in his life at the moment they met; well, that’s if he told her he was even in a relationship.

At the end of the day, whatever reason she had for engaging with a taken man is none of your concern. Most women who cheat with unavailable men do so at their own esteem level, so don’t lower yours to theirs by confronting them over a lowlife that you’re not sure you’re going to stay with anyway. It’s not her job to respect your marriage or your relationship, so decide how you’re going to handle him. Blaming her – whether she’s someone you know or not – does nothing but make you look like a crazy person who refuses to acknowledge that her man is a cheater. It’s hard enough trying to decide if he’s worth keeping or not; and if you come to the conclusion that he isn’t, then a confrontation with her isn’t worth it.

Have you ever confronted the other woman (or shoot, the other man)? How did that work out for you?

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  • The Guest

    One thing I’m curious about…what if you find out that you’re the other woman; do you tell the wife/gf? Personally I would want for someone to tell me, but some people may see that as making trouble.

  • mecocopa

    no man is ever worth fighting over when they cheat on you.

  • Justa

    Why go after the other woman when it’s the MAN who had the obligations to you and STILL broke them? The woman has no promise or obligation to you, thus she does what she does cause she doesn’t care about who she is hurting. Not saying she isn’t part of the equation, but the man is the one who is committed, not her!

  • Sunny KinkyandKonfident Gibson

    Okay…what about a situation where the other woman calls YOUR house to tell YOU that your husband is cheating with her? How would you handle that?

  • Ladybug94

    I don’t see the point in doing that. She doesn’t owe you anything. Now the man you are with is the one you should confront as he is the one you are involved with. Too many times women confront other women but let the man off scott free.

  • DeepThinker

    Several years ago I was anonymously harassed by a woman claiming to be with the man I was dating at the time. She would never state his or her name, but I eventually figured it all out with the hints she kept dropping.. Turns out the harasser wanted him to herself and harassed me to get me out of the way and it worked. I left him alone real quick. Some of my friends told me that I should have not allowed her to run me off, and let her win. This man lost his job and stayed unemployed for years. She ended up stuck housing taking care of him. “Losing him” to the other woman was the biggest blessing.

  • Kath

    I can’t imagine why anyone would want to confront the other woman or man, unless of course he/she is aware of the r/ship AND is a relative or close friend. If you are not contacted or attacked, there’s no reason to want to even think of a confrontation.

  • Youngdumblove

    How about being a side chick and not even knowing it? I always thought I was number one until my now ex-boyfriend admitted he left his child’s mother for me… Mind you I got pregnant 2 weeks after she just had his son smh. The signs were there women’s intuition never lies but you know when your 20 years old your young and dumb but at 22 I’m way smarter then I was years ago.

  • Nope

    These stories are exactly why I keep my peen where it’s supposed to be.

  • Layla

    My now (Ex) husband had an affair while we were married. For months..someone kept calling and hanging up and I had no idea who it was….but God has blessed us with intuition…so I went on the computer and I found that he posted his private parts online and soliciting one-night stands with random women. (Yes..I got tested and I’m fine thankfully). I was there while he was in Iraq for a year. When he came back..it was my last year in college and he wanted to have children, but I was trying to get my education so he told the OW that I didn’t want to have children. She said that I should appreciate having a good man and that I was being selfish. So I was willing to try counseling…but he checked out emotionally and left. The day our divorce agreement was signed and finalized…he had a baby with other woman. Of course..it hurt and he married her last than 3 months later. But…the lord works in mysterious ways..I moved..built a new life and now I’m in love with someone who’s been great thus far. My now (Ex) husband cheated on his new wife and now they’re getting a divorce. I say that to say this…sometimes we blamed ourselves for the affair but I realized although I wasn’t perfect..it’s apparent that he has issues of his own. That experience made me a better person and to know that my happiness is just as important as the theirs. After it was said and done…I realized…I wasn’t happy myself. Don’t ever lose yourself in someone else…

  • Jaye37

    This article and comment deserves a ladies night and cocktails!!!

  • Jaye37

    What I find funny is when the other woman attempts to tell you that the husband complained about the wife. He said you were this and you were that. I told this lady he told you what he had to so he could get what he wanted from you. What was he supposed to say..oh my wife is good looking, and takes care of home, and I love her!!!

  • Jaye37

    My husband had an affair we had been married for six years and I was eight months pregnant with our second child. I can’t say that I confronted the woman but she confronted me by first meeting in a parking lot and pretending to ask about my pregnancy, at the time I didn’t know her but and just thought she was a chatty lady that offered to help place groceries in my car. The next week she came to my door,and informed that she had been having a six month affair with my husband. At the time all I could ask is how do you know where I live? She said that she had followed my husband from work a few months before, but she id say that she had never been into my house, this was a relief. She claimed that she felt lie I should know what kind of man I was married to. I thanked her and asked her not too come to my house again. I called my husband, he came home at lighting speed, when confronted he admitted everything. I was devastated but committed to our marriage.
    After our son was born she showed up again to let me know that she was still seeing my husband, she called me every name is the book, y husband was present, but chose not to defend me his wife against this woman. In short the police had to be called, because as I was beating the crap out of my husband, she made the horrible choice to intervene. So I didn’t confront the woman because she didn’t owe me anything, but after the paramedics loaded her into the ambulance the police officer told me that he didn’t think she would make such a mistake again…you know confronting the WIFE!!!!
    My husband and I are still together, we had to split for a year because I was disgusted with him, after counseling and soul searching we did find our way back to each other!!!

    • Melyssa

      *Blink Blink*
      Wow you a better woman than me becuase I would have been signed them papers. I’m sorry — Fool me Once shame on you, Fool me Twice shame on me…

      • Jaye37

        Oh make no mistake I was in that mindset, it took a lot for me to change that mindset as well. During our year long separation papers were put in place. I took time too work on me mind, body and soul. At the end of the day, realized that I did love my husband, that was never a question, but he had to work on himself as well. This may sound crazy but he cheated and during our therapy he was able to explain why, and I understood. I don’t blame myself for his actions but I understood. Five years later our marriage and friendship is stronger than ever, but I weathered the storm!!!

  • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

    WELL, if I were not saved and I found out my “future” husband, whomever he may be, is having an affair, I wouldn’t bother calling the other woman because after all he is the one who lives in my house. On the other hand, if I caught both of them in MY bed, messing up MY sheets? Both of them gonna get checked with a little one, two and after I drag her a$s out the house, I’m going to grab those hot grits off the stove….

  • Ayisha Carnival Queen

    Never confront the. Other woman it’s a waste of time. Men aren’t worth it and neither are the women they cheat with

    • Chey

      God bless you! If this has not been proven by the crazy things that DA LADY LUV has been posting…

  • http://www.instagram.com/syncereb Bree VanDeKamp

    In essence both women are being used & played against each other. I always wonder why women tear other women down. I contacted my ex husbands “side chick” and it didn’t make me feel better. It gave me answers, that I could I had received from my spouse. Sucks but why she should respect me? He didn’t, so he deserves an easy woman.

  • Nya Jacobsen

    I was confronted by my ex’s wife. It didn’t work out well for her. How can I take someone’s marriage seriously if they choose to have a conversation via text message? Ultimately, we decided to break things off eight months after I confirmed we were still sleeping together. Her text messages to me and her yelling and screaming at him had no impact on our relationship. And I doubt if she feels better.

    • Is It 5:00 Yet?

      You felt okay being in a relationship with someone who was married? A married man cannot be fully committed to you…you didn’t think you deserved better?

      • Nya Jacobsen

        I dated this married man for four years in my early twenties. We broke up back then when he cheated on her with me. I got much satisfaction out of screwing her husband. He never stopped wanting to sleep with me after they were together. She didn’t care about my relationship so revenge is best served cold. Side rant. Me and my ex remained friends and when he saw me get into the worst relationship of my life he did what a good friend does. He reminded I deserve better. I would still be with that terrorist if my ex didn’t step in and support me both physically and emotionally. And when I was strong enough to move on, I did. He just helped my transition. I didn’t need or want another commitment from him. What if you fully committed to crazy? Maybe looser contracts are better.

    • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

      And you are proud of being second?

      • Nya Jacobsen

        Actually I was already in a relationship with someone else so he was second. And I’m always number one to me. But thank you for your concern.

        • guest

          Eewww

        • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

          If he was second because you were in a relationship then you are second as well. Its sad that you are actually bragging about you adultery as if you were proud of it. But hey, who am I to judge? After all Jesus did save Mary Magdalene so there is hope…

  • FromUR2UB

    I would only confront the other woman if I caught her in my home, or if she had the nerve to show up at my door…especially if she had an attitude about it. I would kindly invite her in, jump her, then call the police. One of the good things about cell phones is that it has pretty much eliminated harrassing phone calls from other women. My mom used to say that when women harrass the wife, it’s usually because she hasn’t seen the guy in a while and is ticked off.

  • Farrah

    I suspected my husband at the time was up to something, so I went through his phone and emails and found out he was cheating. I woke him up by hitting him in the face with the phone. After a lot of lying I didn’t believe, I called the woman and said she could have him. He had been plotting and planning to leave by squirreling away money, but me finding out sooner than they wanted didn’t allow him to have as much as he wanted to get together to leave me. I sent him packing that night. She called me a few days later, proud about the fact that she “stole my husband”. I told her she could have him, and I would check on them in 10 years to make sure they were still at the same social and economic levels they were at currently. We exchanged words and she hung up. I divorced him, he tried to get my money, but without me reading his paperwork, he signed away all rights. And I’m sure new chick was counting on me to bankroll their new life together. Oh, well. Fast forward 4 years and I bump into them in a grocery store. I and my beautiful new son are dressed to the nines, he and she both look like garbage, and he is even wearing the SAME outfit he used to wear around the house to play video games in! She recognizes me and walks away, and I yell after her; “Aren’t you going to say hi?” She doesn’t answer. Neither of them looked healthy. Turns out his mother disowned him, and they were living with HER mother, they didn’t have any money and still weren’t married, despite the fact that they were so sure that’s what they were going to do as soon as they got me out of the way. LOL. Karma is sweet.

    • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

      It sure is.

  • ChildPlease

    Speaking as some one who could be considered the other woman, I was dating a guy who lived with someone and had a whole other relationship prior to ours that I did not know about. She eventually found out about me and proceeded to stalk me and spread rumors but never once came to me to say I am dating this guy while your dating him. Meanwhile he is telling me she is an ex who has never gotten over their situation. At the time it was not hard for me not to believe him because he spent a 100% of his time with me either my home or his home, I met all his family and been to church with his parents and family reunions and all so how could I be suspicious. I think if she did come to me and we had that talk woman to woman it would have been a better situation. I did not find out the whole truth until she took it upon her self to sleep with my sister’s trifling husband and get pregnant and my ex became beligerent about how could she do that to him and all he did for her. Only then did I start investigating and find out he had two apartments one she lived in and one we would stay at whenever I was spending the night at his “home” and two cell phones. My point is you never know what that person who is supposed to be committed to you is telling the person they are cheating with and what they are telling you. So you cannot blame the other woman because she owes you nothing unless she is a friend, relative or associate and if you dont have that grown woman conversation and not the childish im gonna fight over this man convo you will never know the truth.

  • Tay

    Had the same thing happen to me. I guy I dated for a while came back into my life and I wind up getting a not so nice text message and subsequent phone call from his “wife” calling me names. She apparently knew who I was, but I had no clue who she was. She said he told her I was just a friend, knew they were married and just wouldn’t leave him alone. I assured her that was not the case and that he apparently wasn’t much of a friend since he never told me he was engaged let alone married. Our conversation ended amicably, but then she started calling trying to press me for details. I figured she knew he was a cheat before she married him and just wanted confirmation. Deal with him, not her.

    • swtchocolatykizz

      I’m just curious…. what’s a typical date like with a man who ( unbeknownst to you) is married? I left and divorced my husband for his infidelity. All married men & live-in beaus are unattainable to me. For instance, I have met men wherein they would call and when I finally called it would go to v-mail ( during the evening). And I just left it alone after it happened a few times( there was no vested interest so I moved on) something about the scene just made me he wasn’t being honestly. I have also had women call me after I called a man that gave me his number(these were women who lived with these men). I just feel that there are signs some not as obvious but signs nonetheless.

      • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

        You’re right, those are definitely signs. When I meet a man and he asks for my phone number, I ask if he’s involved in ANY way, married, living with, etc. If he says no and I give him my number, I then make it very very CLEAR, no woman, NO FREAKIN WOMAN better call me. If she does I will tell her straight up how we met and to deal with him personally. I don’t cause drama and drama better not come to me.

        • swtchocolatykizz

          Exactly! If you ask all the necessary questions in the beginning you really cannot do anymore than that. The other side of the coin is this, once you start talking and he acts uneasy about being asked certain question of his past( which may not necessarily be his past), he might be hiding something. If you just ask him where he grew up or where he lives and he’s giving you the run around….those are red flags. The thing is just letting these men know that you don’t want any part of cheating on his spouse/mate.

          • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

            Amen, that is the truth. Men can be very sneaky. If we know that we don’t want another woman’s man, we’ll know what to look out for and when those things come to light, we’ll be outta there. It’s just not worth it. I feel bad for the women who fall in love with a man who has lied to them, but I also feel at some point there had to be a sign that went ignored. And by then it’s too late. Love is not supposed to hurt. Betrayal is painful and a serious butt whoopin’ from the wife can be more painful. ;)

            • swtchocolatykizz

              Yessss! And of course there are always signs, subtle and blatant ones but if one doesn’t have convictions about what’s acceptable then it get’s glossed over. And as you stated some men can be sneaky but you got to out fox them. Otherwise one is just writing their own fate… it may trim down your dating options but you won’t have look over your shoulders.

  • kendra

    I am in the same boat, how do I take legal actions? she has sat in front my door in the mornings waiting for him to come out. She has done a background check on me and got my date of birth, my place of employment, where I was born and every other personal information and I want to take legal action to make it stop. Why would she want my personal info?!!!!

    • Candy

      Sat at your door . She asking for a$$ whipping. Take a restraining order out on her so when you tap that a$$ the law will be on your side.

    • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

      This is why men (and women) need not cheat. They never know what kind of crazies they’re bringing into the relationship. Not only has he put your life in jeopardy by possibly giving you an STD but now you got psycho chick at your door. And all for what? A piece of cooch? Now look at the hassle you have to deal with all because the man couldn’t keep his thing in his pants. In cases like this someone will either end up in the hospital, jail or dead. Make sure it’s not you. Leave that mofo because he wasn’t thinking about your safety when he started foolin’ with the crazy wench!

      • blkrose

        Yep!!! This is one of the main reasons I say you shouldn’t cheat…you never know how that other person is going to act once they’re no longer satisfied!

  • SuganSpice

    My husband cheated and he painted that ugly picture but she was very aware he was married and had a newborn baby. When I found out in my rage I called her. I just needed confirmation that had slept together (I only had emails as evidence of something going on). She of course denied it but my beef wasn’t with her. It was with him. I’m happy my family had taught me well. I had my nest egg and moved on with my life. He tried to make things work with that horse faced girl but at the end of the day he begged to come back. Too bad for him it was just too late. The hurt and betrayal was too much to bear. He lives his life with regret and prays daily that we work things out. I’m not interested because I know I deserve better. The other woman thought she could take a married man and from what I hear she is just as miserable as he is! You reap what you sow! Ladies we must do better. Respect other peoples relationships especially MARRIAGE!

  • Reese

    I wouldn’t know where to begin and probably wouldn’t want to hear all of the gorrie details. I’d just cuss him out and move on with my life.

  • No nonsense

    I went to the female’s job n punched her rite n the mouth ……had to go to court but I dnt regret it …

    • Rap Equal Actual Life

      Hope U don’t think it gonna stop him u can punch til ur knuckles r purple

      • Candy

        Exactly!!! She made her self look like a dam fool.

        • No nonsense

          & thank u for co signing something u dnt knw anything about I luv it ..

          • Candy

            You are so welcome!!! FYI never let anyone take you out of your character that’s when they feel they have won!!!

        • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

          As long as she planned to handle her business with her man, Im sure that punch was very satisfying and she probably doesn’t regret it. To each her own

      • No nonsense

        I ddnt explain the whole situation so u dnt knw wat lead to her beat Dwn but thanks for taking time out to give your opinion like I said I dnt regret my decision

  • lucy925

    My friend was the other woman for about 6 years. To be honest, she basically was his wh*re as there relationship was strictly physical. It was disgusting and made me look at her totally different. I know she struggled with self esteem but I could never imagine being a side chick, especially for 6 Years! The long time girlfriend of the guy called her twice but I didn’t make a difference because she lied for him. The guy eventually married the young lady and started a family but on their wedding night, he was right in her bed again. Wife’s birthday, in her bed. After the birth of his daughter, her bed again. She has since stop seeing him but based on his pattern of behavior, I’m sure he’s cheating with someone else. Why? Beause he can. There will always be women who don’t mind being a man’s wh*re and he still has a his wife who is too happy with her title to love herself enough to leave.

    • Candy

      Tell your friend karma is something else. After he got married she still keep seeing him. That was a low blow on both of them.

      • lucy925

        Oh trust me I have. Her actions effected our relationship and we haven’t been close since then. She’s still unhappy with herself and is lonely just like she deserves to be.

  • realityhurts

    Wow I totally agree with this article. Yeah unless you know her than there really is no reason. And even if you do know her and you let her in on the fact you do know she is a triffling excuse for a woman, just leave it at that. There is nothing left to discuss at that point. The details will only make it worse for you. Trust me that was my issue. My husband let my supposed “best friend” give him a bj. I wanted to know who, what, where, when and everything else in between. All it did was make it worse for me. I recalled instances where I thought I was going crazy and I knew I wasnt. Let be honest, why call? If you see it for yourself and it is admitted…why put yourself through that? Focus on the fact that it happened and where to go from there.I didnt yell at her, fight or curse at her. I simply let her know that her partner in crime enlightened me on what happened and to let her know that even thought I had every right too, I was not going to stomp a mudhole on the back of her neck the next time I saw her. Why?? That was up to him to stop what was going on per our vows. Thirsty women gonna be thirsty women. Especially those with low self esteem issues who value their worth on who’s man they can “steal”. I see her from time to time and she speaks, it’s been 6 years since I left him hanging and he is still trying to get that old thing back. So not gonna happen:)

  • Athena

    U should be confronting your man!! Chances r he was lying to her also. How can a woman who knew nothing about you be to blame??

  • swtchocolatykizz

    I always find it interesting that these situations always excuse the other woman….who knows that she’s dealing with a man that’s married or living with someone. A single man that’s attainable to you is not meeting you in motels or he’s always @ your place( but you cannot go to his). You spend every holiday by yourself and blowing up his phone w/text messages. And he normally responds a few days later telling you that his phone was lost and the battery was dead. And you like a fool, fall for his antics for years(but you didn’t know). What about your girlfriend that saw him in the store with his very pregnant wife. You flipped out on her and told her she was jealous. So you haven’t spoken to her since….now you sit square in the middle of your living room floorholding vigil waiting for a man

  • DATRUTH101

    IF THE CHICK DIDN’T KNOW THEN NO IT’S NOT OKAY TO CONFRONT, BUT IF SHE BEING BLATANT THEN I WILL BLATANTLY KEEP FAWKING HIM AND SENDING HER PICS EVERYTIME I DO, BISH! (sorry, I just had a flashback, lol)

  • Growth

    I was cheated on and didn’t confront anybody. I simply told him to get the things he had in my apartment and leave. He asked why, I told him. He wanted to talk, I said if he wanted to talk he should’ve done that BEFORE he had sexual convo’s with the other person. (I saw IM convo’s from a person supposedly from Cali. We are in Nc. Don’t know if they ever met in real life or not.) Then I blocked his number. He showed up at my job a couple of weeks later with a different girl and started talking loudly about his ex(me). He finally left to take a call for “work” and the girl approached me to apologize for his loud behavior. So I told her who I was and she asked why we didn’t work. After I told her she went outside and cursed him up one side and down the other. That call from “work” was the same IM person. He had been telling her the guy was his boss.

  • cryssi

    Never been through this, but in my mind only if she is a close friend… Then it’s okay to check a chick.

  • akwgreenzbk

    I think you should always confront your man first. If he’s a real man he’ll tell you the truth. But if he’s not giving you str8 answers then yes confront the other woman. But remember it takes two and he’s the one your f*cking. So he’s the one you really need to dig into.

  • DarlingNicky Clyde

    Hmmm There is only one reason to confront the other woman:
    When she consistently ignores the sanctity of you and your husband’s marriage…especially if he’s told her repeatedly to back off. I would let my husband verbally set her straight (not cursing her out, but letting her know that he is not interested and to stop her advances). If that doesn’t work…then I will have a 1:1 with the girl. And trust…you don’t want ME to have a 1:1 with you so It would behoove her to take into consideration my husband’s first warning.

    Now…if he is a willing participant, then he would get it…not her. He has an agreement/promise to me. He was the one who went and broke the agreement.

  • DA LADY LUV

    I am involved with a married man. His wife is his problem. Nope dont care at all about wives. If you wives kept your husbands happy or maybe you do who knows they would not venture out to be with a mistress. I was a wife and I understand. So dont hate :)

    • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

      Well if his wife is the problem why doesn’t he just leave her? At least this way he can be with you as you desire. But also remember my dear, YOU will also be a problem at some point and then he will step out on you. If you are okay with that, good for you, but just remember what goes around definitely comes around.

      • DA LADY LUV

        His wife is HIS problem not mine. Yes I understand about karma. When I met him,did not know he was married. If I we ever move on from each other thats ok with me. If he steps out on me as you put it thats his choice. He choses to step out on his wife.

        • DeeLovely

          If you dont realize that you deserve so much more than to be someone’s side piece, I’m sad for you. is it that you just do not want to be in a committed relationship with a man of your own? Ive been that other woman before, and I realized one day that it was my low self esteem talking… a woman who truly loves herself would never settle for that…

          • DA LADY LUV

            I am good so dont be sad for me. I am single and dont NEED a man. I just like his company once in awhile. He is my side piece. I dont have time for a committed relationship, so he can control my life…..I dont think so. I am sorry that you had low self esteem…I dont at all. But hope you are better.

            • DeeLovely

              much better… and no judgement, I understand what you were saying… mine was different, becuase I realized I was in love with him, and even though I knew for a fact he wasnt happily married, I realized I wasnt happy with being a side chick. Before that though, I was the same way. I was like, should I stop calling you? Are you worried about your wife? maybe we should stop? and the answer I got every time was You Good. So if he said I was good, then shoot, I was good… some of these folks dont realize that they may have the paperwork, but they are the real side chicks in the relationship…

              • DA LADY LUV

                Thanks…for no judgement. So many are always ready to judge the mistress. I am not perfect and neither is he. I agree with you some folks dont get it having that paper doesnt mean alot, they are the sidechicks. Good luck too you :)

                • DeeLovely

                  Same to you!

              • Ayisha Carnival Queen

                HA HA HA HA ok!!

            • Hurt

              Da Lady Love … I feel you on that … totally.

              • DA LADY LUV

                Not sure what you mean? Share :)

                • Hurt

                  Da Lady Luv … what I mean is that I feel EXACTLY the same way you do (I am good and don’t be sad for me, etc.) … lol

          • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

            If she continued on with him after she knew he was married, being a sidepiece is exactly all she deserves.

        • brilliantfly

          It sounds like every man gets a turn.

          • DA LADY LUV

            No not at all. I am only with one man.

          • Chey

            LOL right! DA LADY LUV and DeeLovely are both some w****s.

            • DA LADY LUV

              Not sure what your problem is, but if you are a wife dont hate me. Look at yourself and ask why does my husband have a mistress ? He is cheating on you ! Stop hating the other women. You need to put your man n his place…..not me. W****S what is that ? really.

              • Chey

                You’re a dumb*** and a w***e.Oh don’t worry. I don’t hate you. You’ve got something coming to you that’s much worse than some stranger hating you.

                • DA LADY LUV

                  Not dumb at all. Iam smart and know what I want and dont want. You are a stranger so you have no clue, If your man has a mistress then sorry. He went looking for it. You need to put him in is place. Calling me dumb or any other names wont change the fact men cheat.

                  • Chey

                    I’m just telling you what any other right minded person would be thinking about you. You’re just as disgusting as he is. You went looking for this when you posted your comment, showing your a** about something that is clearly wrong.

                • Hurt

                  Why does she need to be all that? You express yourself like a woman who has been betrayed. I say that because I was you in the past. EVERYBODY has a part in a situation like this, and I speak from experience on BOTH ends. If people in “relationships” and “marriages” would act like they know what HONESTY and COMMUNICATION is, none of us would be posting here right now.

                  • Chey

                    Why? Because that’s exactly what she is.I’m not gonna sugar coat it. Betrayed? Not in the way you’re probably thinking. Besides, you don’t have to go through the ultimate betrayal to come to the conclusion that this chick (DA…) is everything i mentioned in my above comment.I express my self like a young woman who has common sense and morals.

              • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

                It’s not a woman’s responsibility to put her man “n his place” as you say. The only thing any one of us can control is our OWN actions, no one else’s. If a man takes a vow to love his wife, respect his wife, and commit to his wife, then HE is responsible for keeping himself in check. If a man feels his wife is doing something wrong in the marriage and he is not happy, he should at least try to make it work first before cheating and bringing an outsider in. That must be the ultimate betrayal for a woman, for the man who was supposed to love and protect her to carry on a relationship outside of the marriage. I will not judge you. I just don’t understand how as a WOMAN and a HUMAN BEING who should have compassion and love one another would be willing to sell yourself short and partake in disrespecting someone’s marriage and being a “side piece.” I’m not sure if you realize this, but karma can come in all ways. Ever seen snapped? You could be putting your life in jeopardy if his wife finds out about you, goes crazy and kills both of you. Just sayin’. Unfortunately it happens everyday. I’m sure this woman’s husband isn’t worth your life. My apologies for the book…I just wish women would respect each other more and men would respect their wives more. And vice versa for women who cheat on their men. I say leave if it’s THAT bad.

                • DA LADY LUV

                  What you said makes sense and has nothing to do with me. If your man is cheating figure out why and fix it….stop hating the other woman.

                  • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

                    I’m not in a relationship so therefore I can not be cheated on. I am focused on more important things than having a man (at this time.) I believe God will send the right man my way when the time is right for me; when I can be right for him as well. (I have no time commit to a man right now, and that’s no lie.) If you’ve read my other comments you’d know I wouldn’t deal with the other woman. The other woman would mean NOTHING to me. I’m the type of woman who just says bye. I’ve never been married, but I was cheated on and believe you me, God removed that man from my life for a good reason. He truly truly regretted cheating on me because he got the boot ASAP. But marriage is different and I just hope you’re prepared to reap what you sow. Have a good evening DA LADY LUV. Much luck to you.

                    • DA LADY LUV

                      Well Hope you get married one day and make sure you keep him happy. Because men cheat. I wont be the only person they will cheat with. So good luck.

                    • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

                      I’ll try my best to make him happy, but I would hope if I’m not making him happy he’d respect me enough to let me know I’m not making me happy and at least give me a chance to work on it. If not, I’d rather him leave and be with the woman he THINKS he wants to be with as opposed to betraying me and cheating. Life’s too short and I love myself waaaay too much to deal with that mess. I’d rather be single and surrounded by love of friends and family than lay next to a man every night that I can’t trust. But that’s just me.

                    • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

                      oops, not making HIM happy. I’m typing too fast and obviously typing too much. I need to go to bed.

                    • DA LADY LUV

                      Yep , I guess you are…..You need to make him happy so go to bed.

                    • DA LADY LUV

                      Men cheat because they want to and because they CAN. They will lie to your face. All I can say is good luck. I know all the lies and tricks they do/say So YOU as the woman have no clue.

                    • Anonymous

                      This is a dumb comment and it is hypocritical and if you feel so justified then why respond to every comment explaining yourself to people you don’t know. It is because you know that what you’re doing is wrong.

                    • DA LADY LUV

                      Its dumb comment to you. I never said what I was doing is right. I dont have to explain to you or anyone else. So whatever.

              • Anonymous

                You sound foolish, heartless, and selfish. Care about someone other than yourself. Irregardless of whether the wife is doing something wrong, how about we respect each other as humans or as women? You taking the mans world like it is gold, if he is a cheater then he is probably a liar. That woman could be breaking her back for that man but he just likes to stab out. Me personally, I believe that marriage is vow between the couple and GOD and I will have no part in assisting the destruction of that.

        • clwa0303

          I’m sure he has his own selfish reasons for staying with the wife. He’s probably just thinking about having his cake and eating it too. Everyone seems to think that him staying with the wife means he loves her more. That man love himself lol. Thinking about his own wants and needs. I hate to see women bash each other about the whole main chick side chick deal. He don’t care about neither, in most cases. My fiance’ did this to me and I trust me I didnt feel one bit like I was special or had the one up over his other women. He wronged us both. Many blessings to you all, and pray you all find the person of dreams:)

          • clwa0303

            EX FIANCE’ FORGOT THAT IMPORTANT PART, LOL!!!

          • DA LADY LUV

            Its not ok for women to bash each other at all but it happens all the time. Sorry your fiance’ did that to you. Hope you are happy now.

            • clwa0303

              Yeah you’re right all the time! Yes much happier!! Thank you! Wishing you much happiness in whatever decisions you make. Nobody can live your life only you:)

              • DA LADY LUV

                Never said I was right. lol.

                • clwa0303

                  Maybe I wasnt clear, I was saying you’re right that women bash has each other all the time and they shouldn’t.

                  • DA LADY LUV

                    You were clear. Just saying I am not right all the time. thats all. Yes women need to stop it. God Bless :)

          • Carrot

            Amen. I sincerely believe men cheat because they have issues. I’ve yet to meet a man with a high degree of self-respect who cheats. It’s always the dude with self-esteem issues, who constantly needs his ego stroked, or is afraid of rejection, that feels the need to cheat. He feels like sh!t and needs the attention of women to validate himself; he needs two (or more) women fight over him in order to feel like he’s worth something. The main/side chick are interchangeable and replaceable to this man; really, you could be any woman. There is nothing special about you, he only wants you around to get his feel-good on.

    • brilliantfly

      Especially when he’s look for a sexual deviant piece of trash to do what he would never ask of his wife.

      • DA LADY LUV

        Because you wont venture out and do something a little different in bed with your husband. Stop the name calling and try something new. Good Luck :)

        • Chey

          God bless you, sk**k.

          • DA LADY LUV

            grow up and stop the name calling.

            • Chey

              You stfu. S**ts don’t deserve to breathe.

              • DA LADY LUV

                I guess you cant…lol
                Stop hating and chase your cheating man/woman….

                • Chey

                  Go to hell b***h. Stop being a h*e and go find a single man.

                  • DA LADY LUV

                    You first ! Now go find your h*e of a man and move on.

                    • Chey

                      LOL that’s original. Keep going!

        • Hurt

          Da Lady Luv … I know that’s right.

          • DA LADY LUV

            lol, Gotta try something new….why is this so difficult ?

      • Hurt

        BOO to that one. How do you define “deviant” in this case? Role-playing? Bondage? Using toys? Positions other than doggy style or missionary? Doing it somewhere other than the bedroom all the time? Oral? Variety in your sex life is good. If the “wife” or “girlfriend” is not receptive to whatever her “husband” or “man” asks of her, she should be willing to work that out with the man … it’s known as active communication.

        • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

          That’s where both man and woman need to be on the same page when it comes to what pleases them in the bedroom. Communication is key. If a man likes to be forceful in the bedroom, he needs to find a woman who wants the same. If he falls in love with a woman who is not into what he’s into se*ually, then he needs to decide what he wants to do. Those urges don’t go away and you’re right, he will eventually find a woman who will. I agree with that.

    • Tinawina

      Not to pick on you, but coments like this is why it doens’t make sense to confront the other woman. She’s already crafted some rationale in her head to tell herself it’s okay. Whether it’s blaming you (so that you “deserve” it), or decding she should only be concerned about herself and the rest is not her problem… whatever.

      Half the time when people want to confront the other woman, they want to shame her or something, make her suffer. But most of the time its not going to happen that way, because she’s already framed this in her head some kind of way to absolve herself from blame. Either that or she thinks she’s in love and she’s prepared to fight you for him (which may involve saying whatever she has to say to drive you away – even if it’s a lie).

      Unless you really think she doesn’t know about you and you want to give her the heads up, I wouldnt bother. That chick is off in her own happy place in her head and you can’t penetrate her version of logic.

      Now if she comes at ME, all bets are off. LOL

      • DA LADY LUV

        No, your not picking on me at all. I am a grown woman and know he is married. I have never said its ok at all. Your are right, why confront me how is that going to help the situation. The fact is it wont. Not looking to absolve myself from any kind of blame. I just dont like the name calling from others…chey and brilliantfly. I am not perfect not ok with being with being with this married man he is married I am not. The truth is when wives pick a fight he comes to me. Its my choice to close the door in his face or not and I have. You are so right if she comes at you, all bets are off. I have only been with one married man and know I wont ever do it again. Good Luck :)

        • Tinawina

          Thanks! Good luck to you too. :) And for the record, I do agree that it really is between the wife (or girlfiriend) and the man beause HE is the one that made the commitment. No matter what the wife thinks of the other woman and her choices, she still didn’t promise you a damn thing.

          • DA LADY LUV

            I understand what you are saying but I am not the perfect person. I got caught up with a man who did not tell me he was married and now its my responsibility to move on from him. Thanks …..Your right His wife did not promise me anything.
            God Bless :)

            • Tinawina

              Huh? I must not have been clear. I was not saying the wife did not promise you anything, I was trying to say it the other way around. My apologies.

              In other words, if I’m a wife, no matter what I think of the character of the mistress, it’s pretty moot since I did not marry HER, I married HIM. He maid me promises, she didn’t.

              • DA LADY LUV

                No need for apologies. He made you a promise not me. Your right, your marriage is none of my business. Because its his problem and yours. I Got what you said.

        • Chey

          Oh boohoo. You’re a w***e, get over it. If you don’t like the label, don’t live that life. It’s as simple as that, Simpleton.

          • DA LADY LUV

            Aww let me guess your man is cheating on you ? What label ? I live the life I want and you have no say so. You are name calling and judging.

            • Chey

              Aww can’t take the heat? “You are name calling and judging.” Lol why is it judging because I disagree with your trifling lifestyle?

              • DA LADY LUV

                What heat are you talking about ? I have yet to call you a name or judge you. Your life is YOUR life. You dont have to agree with my life style. Its MY LIFE.

                • Chey

                  Stfu. I’ve already wasted enough of my life talking to you. You’re a waste of space. The end.

                  • DA LADY LUV

                    You wasted time….Go find your cheating man and focus on him …lol stop already and move on. The End.

                    • Anonymous

                      This girl is cray cray

      • CutieReppinNY

        I know right, how are you gonna shame somebody that’s shameless. This woman is knowingly sleeping with a married man, so do you think this is someone with character or virtue LMFAO It’s a waste of time, a ho is gonna be a ho regardless.

    • FromUR2UB

      You’ve been wife, so because someone likely did it to you, you feel you are justified in doing it to another woman? The belief that if a woman kept her husband happy he would never cheat doesn’t sound like something a woman who has been married would say. It doesn’t even sound mature, because grown women understand that most men cheat because the opportunities present themselves, not because they are unhappy at home. You, my dear, are just something to do, not a wife replacement. Not hatin’ because you sound like other silly women who don’t know that they’re only being used as tools. Tools are kept in the garage and used only when needed. They don’t stay in the house.

      • DA LADY LUV

        You are confused. Men cheat because they are not happy at home and because they just can. You my dear just dont get it. Its not about a garage or tools or a silly house.

        • FromUR2UB

          You poor thing. Women like you think you’re so smart. But you’re too stupid to realize that you’re getting used, and there will be nothing for you in the end. All you’re getting is old, by yourself. Unless the man is completely useless, at least a wife can get some benefits from his life if he drops dead. You may not even get notified of his death.

          • DA LADY LUV

            You are another bitter wife/GF…..lol I dont need him. He is my side piece. So not being used at all. Stop talking about what you have no clue about. Thats a morbid statement if he drops dead. …smh. Nothing poor about me at all. He is being used you dont seem to get that or too stupid to realize in the end I will be happy and yep a little older.

            • FromUR2UB

              Riiiiight. You’re using him. He has someone at home who probably cooks and washes his dirty drawers at least occasionally, and to have sex with, when he wants. But, I’m sure he has told you that he and his wife don’t sleep together. Classic! You’re using him, but you probably only see him, when he wants to see you. You know he’s not in your life when you want him to be, so that’s why you’re calling him YOUR side piece, even though you’ve said he’s the only man you’re seeing. Whatever you say.

              • DA LADY LUV

                His person at home is not my problem. He tells me alot. You are trying to figure out my relationship with this man I am seeing and you have no clue. Your are so wrong. Yep its whatever I say.

                • FromUR2UB

                  Eh. Don’t need to figure it out They don’t vary much.

                  • DA LADY LUV

                    Good now move on. I will :)

                    • FromUR2UB

                      But, not from the right situation.

                    • DA LADY LUV

                      Time will tell. My life, not yours.

                    • FromUR2UB

                      True.

                    • DA LADY LUV

                      I know right from wrong. Stop being so hateful and realize men are not always truthful. I agree TRUE! My choice.

                    • FromUR2UB

                      Agreed.

                    • DA LADY LUV

                      Wow. I am impressed. Take care and God Bless.

                • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

                  “He tells me a lot.” Honey he tells you what you “want” to hear to keep you on a leash. I bet he complains about his wife to you doesn’t he? Tells you how she doesn’t give it up and all she does is mitch and complain and how you are so much better than her. The fact that you are comfortable with sharing a man is disgusting. You need prayer and Jesus in your life. I know insecurities are easier to forget in bed but the day that karma comes around to bite you in the butt you are going to realize that none of it was worth it.

        • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

          Was that the excuse your man gave you when he cheated with her?

        • Carrot

          No, men cheat because they are not happy with THEMSELVES. A man who is confident and secure doesn’t need anyone to make him “happy,” he takes responsibility for his own happiness. And if his homelife if less than satisfactory, he either fixes or ends his marriage. He doesn’t cheat his way out.

          • DA LADY LUV

            No, men cheat because they can and just want to. They are happy and just want more. Well I agree if a man is not happy at home he should fix it or move on alot of men dont.

          • DA LADY LUV

            Your still confused…..smh

      • Hurt

        FromUR2UB You HAVE to know that what you just said is NOT always the case. I’ve been married and betrayed, and I’ve also been the other party in a “relationship” with another woman’s “boyfriend”, which I ended because he wouldn’t give me what I needed from him, aside from the fact that he’s a liar who doesn’t know what he wants. Men cheat because (a) they want to, and (b) it’s sometimes used as a way to get out of their unsatisfying “relationship” or “marriage (very cowardly move). Sometimes “boyfriends” or “husbands” DO leave the woman they live with for the other woman. I have seen cases where this sometimes works out, and also seen where it didn’t.

    • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

      Bet you think he’s going to leave his wife and marry you don’t ya? ^_-

      • DA LADY LUV

        Why are you so bitter ? Your man cheating on you ? No, Not leaving his wife for me and I would not want him at all. All men have a story about why they cheat so take your pick.

    • Ayisha Carnival Queen

      You sound so ignorant, just remember Karma is a B!!! What goes around comes around. You aren’t cute for being a side chic at all, you obviously have low self-esteem Period!

      • DA LADY LUV

        Nope my self esteem is all good. Read all the comments about karma and I am not ignorant or sound it according to you. Guess your man cheating on you too ?

    • Kath

      No one cause another to stray hun.. He/she does so on their own accord. Stop with this already. Call cheaters just what they are and allow them to take ownership.

      • DA LADY LUV

        Ok hun….He is a cheater. I did not make him cheat. He knows what he is. But I will remind him ….OK.

  • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

    If a man cheats on his wife and the woman he cheats with does not know about you, it’s not her fault the man cheated.

    If a man cheats on his wife and the woman he cheats with does know about you, it’s still not her fault the man cheated.

    If a man cheats on his wife and the woman he cheats on you has an idea about you but isn’t certain, it’s not her fault he cheated.

    Why isn’t her fault? Because the MAN, the HUSBAND, is the one who is responsible for being and staying committed to his marriage, wife and family. If the other woman knows about the wife and still continues the affair, it WILL come back to her but it shouldn’t come from the wife. The other woman obviously didn’t care about the wife in the first place otherwise she would have had enough respect to not engage in the affair with this married man. When the wife blames the other woman instead of the husband, the husband already knows he can cheat again because the mistress will get the blame. And I’m sure he will cheat again.

  • YoNess

    I don’t confront other women-I am not in a competition. My issue is always with him. I may not even ask either party questions; who needs the excuses when it is obviously over. I move on to the next one at times without even an explanation… I have a bad habit of disappearing! One guy told me that I break up like a “dude” would, just out and done.

    • blkrose

      I feel the exact same way…I know I can be an angry woman, but when it comes to that, why bother? For me, the relationship is over regardless of what’s going to be said, so talking to her or asking why is pretty much pointless.

  • Unpopular Opinion

    I understand the logic of what was said on this article…but I also know myself. When it comes to punishment/revenge/harsh words/a$$-kicking, I’m all about equal opportunity, haha. I love myself and my character, and don’t appreciate ANYone who decides to disrespect it, whether the connection is boyfriend-girlfriend, friend-friend, family-family, or even human-human.

    I’ve never been an advocate for “confronting the woman”…I’m the poster child for “everyone is getting dealt with.” I’d self-evaluate, and see if I did ANYthing to warrant the hurt. I’d dig into him for destroying our bond. And, depending on her action (knowing he was supposed to be committed) or reaction (not caring that she had a hand in him breaking his commitment), I’d dig into her too.

    The only reason I feel she can be confronted as well is because if it were me, I’d never get with a taken man to begin with, and if I found out he was taken, I’d be extremely apologetic to his woman, refuse to speak to him again, and deservedly take the confrontation if she wanted it. All about the respect…

  • D.D

    I depends on the situations alot of times the other women has no idea either and is being played to. I know one chick that got together with the other chick one they found out and called him out on it and threw all his clothes outside in the mud. They are still good friends to this day. Now if she know all about you then don’t bother she has already made it known that she does not care and I am a firm believer that nobody can steal your man he already walked away If the side chick is that serious. I would just end it if he is having a full blow relationship with someone else. Fitting for a relationship that is already over is pointless

  • L

    I have confronted the other woman. Why? Because she knew all about me. She knew he was “taken”, she knew he had a home with me, she knew we had been together since we were teenagers. because she was ballsy enough to “anonymously” contact me. When you knowingly participate in the destruction of a relationship, you are no better than the person who was cheating. So yes, she was fair game. Confronted him first, then her. After I was done with her, she was more upset than I was.

    • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

      Just curious, did you stay with your husband?

      • L

        I did, one incident isn’t always worth throwing away years and everything that has been built. You have to way out the pros and cons and I am a firm believer that most (definitely not all) men will cheat at least once (sometimes you find out other times you don’t). Now, had he been attempting to “leave” me for her or had there have been any feelings for her, or had there been more than one incident, I would have gladly said sayonara.

        • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

          Thank you for your response. I was just curious. I have not been in your shoes (married) so I could, and would never say what you should or shouldn’t have done. I can understand staying and wanting to make your marriage work, especially like you said, you have to weigh out the good and the bad. I pray he’s learned a lesson and doesn’t do it again. I also pray you still have trust in your husband, otherwise it would be hard to have a peaceful marriage. If your husband does what he’s supposed to do and not give into temptation, then I pray your have a long lasting marriage that made it through the storm.

          • Anonymous

            You have a good spirit

            • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

              Thank you so very much. Peace to you. :)

          • L

            Thank you. I took all things into consideration when making my decision including the strength of our marriage at that specific time. I was simply responding to the article but I might as well let it be known now that both of our mothers were battling illnesses at that time. Mine M.S that had greatly progressed over thirty years and caused her to be in the hospital and his mother breast cancer. So you have two people traveling to different parts of the country attempting to care for their parents all the while making sure their young children and home is taken care of. Calling that time period stressful would be an understatement. People (not you) should be careful of their judgemental words….they come back to haunt you in the worst of ways.

        • Kath

          OMG.. I read this after. Knew you would have stayed, LOLss! I say to all the cheating men, if you have a woman who is willing to accept you cheating, in any way or form, then cheat right on!

          • L

            There is a difference between acceptance and forgiveness. ..learn it

    • Hurt

      Your “man” was the catalyst for the “destruction” of your “relationship”. You obviously had a poor one if he was testing the waters elsewhere. As far as being “no better than the person who was cheating”, you don’t OWN your “man” and EVERYBODY has free will.

      • Anonymous

        Shut up

        • Hurt

          GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay Why are you telling me to shut up (lol)? I’m just expressing my opinion … and speaking truth.

          • Anonymous

            It is insensitive and unnecessary, “You obviously had a poor one if he was testing the waters elsewhere.”, really?

            • Kath

              You were so cheated and stayed, weren’t you? Now you’re bitter, as a way to justify staying. Nobody told you to stay, no one made your man cheat. Get over it.

          • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

            That wasn’t me. Disqus didn’t update and it showed my name instead of the correct name of the poster. That happens when multiple comments come through at the same time. It looks like it’s all the same poster. You are free to speak your mind. Amen for the 1st Amendment, at times. ;)

            • Anonymous

              It is fine, I just expressed my opinion about your opinion, I thought it was unnecessary but if it wasn’t you then my apologies.

      • L

        Did I ever say he wasn’t to blame? No. I said she was fully aware, you are right I don’t own anyone hence taken being in quotes.

    • Kath

      Bet a thousand dollars you remained with him? Lol.. The joke’s on you hun, and the man got the best of both worlds.

      • L

        Jokes on me because I chose not to rip apart my family over one incident? Alrighty then lol. The best of both worlds? I didn’t elaborate too much on the situation, so please tell me of these worlds?

  • CrossWinds

    Forget the other woman, and get rid of the man, as you would take out the garbage, when it begins to smell…….

    …….Ecclesiastes 8:11……..

    Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.

  • Candy

    Confronting the other woman is not what you do. Men lie so much and when they are caught more lies come. The other woman will either tell you the truth or what she wants you to hear. Now if its a family member or friend that’s trifling on both of their parts. That’s when you beat somebody a$$.

    • Mia

      Exactly!
      I dated a guy and didn’t know he was married until his wife called me. I was very cooperative and understanding towards her, so why she call me that same night cursing me out, saying I wasn’t going to get her man and harassed me and my family (who I don’t even live with) for a yr straight until I took legal action.
      The MAN is the problem!

      • Candy

        I had the situation happen to me. When the woman called me she was cursing calling me names. I never cursed or raised my voice. When she realized I wasn’t going to raise hell she calmed down. We talked like adults and I told her the truth. I told the guy to loose my number and they belonged together. She was hurt about what I told her but the truth hurts.

      • The Dyv

        Man! It’s terrible to find out that a guy that is pursuing you is in a relationship or married by a phone call from the girlfriend/wife. Especially when they are mad at you and you didn’t even know. SMH

  • bluekissess

    I’ve never understood confronting the other woman. I’ve never seen the point. But, if it’s a friend or family I would advise someone call 911, the White House, CIA, FBI and United Nations because it’s going down. Someone will get hurt.

    • MsQTpie24

      This is sooooo funny because the woman my husband cheated with is in the Dominican Republic so if I was going to confront her that is exactly who would be called. LMAO I’m stealing that!

      But she knows he’s married, he painted an awful picture of the marriage with him as the victim. When in fact he’s been verbally and emotionally abusive the entire marriage and unable/unwilling to support his family. Yet can fly over to the DR. And those are OUR problems not hers. The only thing I would need to tell her is thank you for opening the door so I can get my freedom and my life!!!

      • bluekissess

        I believe it’s necessary to cover all bases in the confrontation. You can steal it if you like. I’m glad you had enough strength and worth to get out of that situation. You can do waaaay better.

      • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

        MsQTPie, you are so right, however, the problems that were you and your husband’s also became the mistresses when he let her in. Once a man steps out of the marriage and allows an outsider (that could be his female co-worker, female “friend”, the MISTRESS) in, then he has made it their problem by sharing YOUR problems with them. The only persons he should have shared those problems with are you and God (presuming you believe in God). Men are so good for doing this, sharing their so-called problems they have in their marriage with another woman instead of trying to fix the problem with their wives through God. That’s the first step to the betrayal of a marriage, allowing insiders into a 3-way marriage (God, husband, wife.)

        • GodLove&CommitmentGoALongWay

          Sorry, I meant allowing outsiders into the marriage.

  • DoinMe

    In an ideal world and in most random cases of cheating, no, the woman shouldn’t be confronted. But the reality is that when a man cheats, often times, women want answers as to “why.” Of course, the man isn’t going to be upfront and honest about it, so the alternative is to go to the woman to seek answers to quiet the storm brewing inside of her.

    Then there are other cases where the other woman gets delusional and out of pocket and starts contacting the girlfriend/wife or doing things to let her know that she’s sleeping with her man. In these situations, a confrontation and possibly a beat down is most definitely warranted.

    • guest

      You are so right had the other woman call my job and ask for me by name. I told her she could have him cause if he cheats with you he will cheat on you. I put him out and divorced him and never looked back. It was his fault he was able to let his side piece get comfortable enough to think she could call me. But I don’t know what he was telling her and my problem was with him not her. Today he is a miserable piece of a man and I’m single and happy

    • Hurt

      Why are you calling the other woman “delusional” and “out of pocket” when she’s woman enough to let the girlfriend know what kind of man she’s living with? The man didn’t give a damn about his live in, so why would the other woman? He isn’t married to the girlfriend and even if he was, the MAN made the choice to step and there’s nothing you can do about that (except leave him). Most of the time his relationship with the other woman is based on sex anyway.

      • FromUR2UB

        Oh, please. Don’t try to make it seem like the OW contacts the wife or girlfriend for some altruistic reason. Like Da Lady Luv has said in her posts, repeatedly, OW who know about the wife/girlfriend don’t give a damn about her! The only reasons she does that is either for revenge because the guy has made her mad and she wants to create a little trouble for him at home, or because her jealousy of the wife/girlfriend is getting the best of her. She is not trying to be a friend to the woman. She’s just being a small and meanspirited person, that’s all.

        • Hurt

          Sometimes that’s exactly what the OW does … gets altruistic. We are all human and when the PAIN gets great enough, that’s when change comes about. As I’ve said repeatedly, I’ve been on both sides of this situation. The MAN doesn’t/didn’t give a damn about EITHER.

        • Sunny KinkyandKonfident Gibson

          Very true and another reason is that she hopes if you know that you will kick him out so she can play “clean-up woman.”

      • Sunny KinkyandKonfident Gibson

        The same way the wife shouldn’t contact the other woman, the other woman shouldn’t contact the wife…it’s not her place…so that’s why she would be delusional and out of pocket because if she calls YOU then she knows about YOU and YOUR status…

    • Jaye37

      I think women confront the other woman because they are hurt, they love their man so they can’t hurt him. I also think it’s an ego thing they want to prove they are the better chick and the baddest. In the end it does not solve anything, my husband side chick knew he was married and did not care, her exact words. In the end I think it’s best to turn your back on trash, unless they put their hands on you!!

  • nikki

    I love this article. I talk to the other woman and it was fruitless. She tell text him , call him and see him. You are right.. its the spouse that’s the problem. Going to leave him because he is a serial cheater.

  • Nicole

    I did called the woman my husband was having an affair with, I can’t say “confront” because it was not in a heated anger sort of way, I really wanted to know why she would do that when she knew 100% he was married with children. Then I proceeded to tell her husband. He was not shocked and figured something was going on with my husband. I guess I was the only one in true darkness. I then told her she can have him, but by the time my lawyers get done with him he will not own the shirt on his back (lol). Well that is what I was thinking at least (lol). The irony is her husband (which I did not know prior to that) and I became good friends after that.

    • Nicole

      Oh yeah I also confronted my husband, before tracking down the woman. He was confronted and asked to leave the same night I found out.

      • thelawofattraction

        I did something similar that same number called while we were getting ready and I answered it right in front of him… He reached at first and I gave him the look. I calmly s said I thought I spoke with you one before. I said you are such a nice person I can tell. I asked her did he tell you I was pregnant having his first soon and we are rummaged to be married. She kinda laughed and said no. I said sweetie he is always here I know what his bank account looks like because we’re building a life together. He’s home every night to rub my back. I told her I wasn’t more for you. Then I put him on blast. I said he’s right here do you want to speak him… She said no happily married today but there was still some things that we both needed to sit and talk about.

        • Reese

          You don’t have a clue. You didn’t win. You did her a favor and you married a cheating loser.

          • clwa0303

            Lmao, exactly!! She helped her out

          • Anonymous

            How dare you and how rude. Everybody don’t turn their back on their lives for one indiscretion so while you’re over there judging, where is your man?

            • Reese

              You should pipe down and not worry about my husband’s whereabouts.

              • Anonymous

                And you don’t worry about hers

                • calida

                  why you girls fighting… finish it…

                  M­A­X­52.c­o­m

                • Kath

                  One of those who gets cheated on daily huh? Lol.. go on with your delusions.

        • Kath

          It’s why men will continue to cheat, they always get a 2nd, 3rd and every other chance- except the only chance. Beats me..

        • Ladybug94

          He rubbed your back after he had sex with someone else. What’s to brag about. I don’t see how you can build a life with a cheater. This man disrespected you and rubbing your back means what? It doesn’t make him a man of integrity but you have to live with that.

    • Mia

      I don’t understand that. I’d be more concerned why my husband felt it was okay to step out.
      The mistress has already shown u that she doesn’t care so confronting her is moot. Why give her that satisfaction?
      I would never confront the ow unless I knew her.

      • YourNameHere

        The first instinct is to call the other woman, but why though? If it’s not her it would be someone else. He is the problem. I’m not wasting my time calling her.

      • HoneybLex

        I agree 100%. A woman should Never confront the other woman unless you know this woman has prior knowledge of your existence/marriage/relationship!! Your commitment and vows are with your husband/boyfriend and he is the one you should be confronting!!