Somebody’s Sleeping In My Bed: Is Confronting the Other Woman Ever Okay?
Few things are more devastating than finding out your boyfriend or husband has been cheating on you. While most women would undoubtedly go ballistic on their man, other women also focus their anger on the other woman. Even though she isn’t the person that you’re in a committed relationship with, most women expect – or at least hope – that another woman would respect her relationship. Unfortunately, that’s giving the other woman too much credit. Assuming that this woman even knew that your significant other was in a relationship in the first place, it’s totally unrealistic nowadays to expect another woman to have respect for your relationship unless she’s one of two people: A relative or one of your friends. Maybe.
If the other woman is someone who you consider a close friend or, heaven forbid, your sister, that is the only time I would say that you have every right to confront her. After all, some woman that you don’t know is just a random chick who is screwing your man. But if she is a friend or a relative, she is someone you should expect to honor the trust that has been established in the relationship. Now, this doesn’t absolve him of any wrong doing either, but it’s almost worse when the betrayal occurs with someone in your inner circle. Him you can do away with, but it seems a little more difficult to get rid of someone you have to see at a family reunion.
So what to do if the woman isn’t a friend or relative? Let it go. I know it’s easier said than done, but confronting the other woman, in most cases, is pointless. There’s really nothing she can offer you except the sordid details of their affair and that will only serve to hurt you more. Sure, it may make you feel better to give her a piece of your mind, but that is only temporary. Your true wrath should be directed at him since he is the one who abused your trust. She doesn’t owe you anything, but he most certainly does.
Men who cheat do so willingly. They may give you every reason in the book for it happening, but those are simply excuses he uses to avoid taking responsibility for his infidelity. At the end of the day, confronting her is like saying he had no control over his actions and it gives her way more power than she deserves. She may even thrive on the knowledge that she “got” your man, so confronting her may give her a thrill, while you’re still stuck reeling from a heartbreak. Even if she feels ashamed after you confront her, there is probably some part of her that has rationalized that what she was doing was okay based on any lies or information that he fed her. I’m sure he didn’t paint a beautiful picture in which you were the perfect mate and he just wanted his cake so he could eat it too. There’s a pretty good chance that he made your relationship to look like that was the worst thing going on in his life at the moment they met; well, that’s if he told her he was even in a relationship.
At the end of the day, whatever reason she had for engaging with a taken man is none of your concern. Most women who cheat with unavailable men do so at their own esteem level, so don’t lower yours to theirs by confronting them over a lowlife that you’re not sure you’re going to stay with anyway. It’s not her job to respect your marriage or your relationship, so decide how you’re going to handle him. Blaming her – whether she’s someone you know or not – does nothing but make you look like a crazy person who refuses to acknowledge that her man is a cheater. It’s hard enough trying to decide if he’s worth keeping or not; and if you come to the conclusion that he isn’t, then a confrontation with her isn’t worth it.
Have you ever confronted the other woman (or shoot, the other man)? How did that work out for you?