Babysitters, nannies, wet Nurses, teachers, educators and au pairs have made a career out of dealing with other people’s children. They understand the nuances of a child’s speech and expressions. They know when treats, verbal rewards and stickers should be given, as well as harsh tones, time-outs and verbal warnings. They know how to manage children, regulating a child’s time so that they achieve the optimum amount of fun, education and discipline. But for the rest of us who aren’t in that field, or even some of us who are, dealing with other people’s children is not a well-timed production– it’s a damn nightmare. Some of us struggle with wanting to curse a child out or lay hands on him/her, especially when that child is mouthy or even a little too touchy-feely themselves.
Some people have BAD kids, and they know this before they leave their children with you. They give you a brief, false perception about how their child will behave, perhaps saying that said child “gets a little energetic around lunchtime” and then hurry to leave. And as soon as the door shuts, the child comes alive like a Chucky incarnate, hell-bent on destroying the house and wrecking your nerves.
In my life I’ve had to deal with hundreds of children: nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors, and children I’ve worked with at camps, after-school programs and during tutoring. With all that said, I can still honestly say that I don’t completely know how to deal with some kids. Not even mentioning the countless children I’ve met with undiagnosed ADHD, Asperger’s, Dyslexia, OCD and other challenges, I’ve dealt with children who are so unbelievably difficult that it took me a great deal of time to understand what their issue was, let alone how to solve it. I once dealt with a child who would scream for an hour straight before I realized that he was an easily frustrated child who sometimes needed time away from others so he could write and process his feelings. I have also dealt with a child who would suddenly go limp and act helpless, for no apparent reason, doing this because he was seeking the attention that he wasn’t receiving at home.
Most children simply want people to listen to them, because they often feel that most adults only demand things and set rules in place. One good trick when dealing with some children is to give them options. If a child does not want to participate in an activity, simply give them a choice between doing said activity or sitting by themselves –or doing something less favorable. Also, try to have real conversations with them. Children respond well to being asked questions about their interests and opinions. And, it never hurts to find out things about what they are interested in so that you can talk those things over with them. You don’t know how many cool points I’ve received for knowing the names of all of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Also, if you’re punishing or reprimanding a child, explain to them why, restating their name throughout, so that you know that they are listening. Remind them of any rules set in place, why it’s important that they follow rules and listen, and ask them why they broke the rules.
Often, I speak to children about respect and responsibility. I explain that respect is about listening, and that if I respect them, then they need to respect me. That means that I expect them to listen to me, and if they don’t, then I won’t listen to them when they’re in need; for some children, that’s enough. Responsibility is explained by telling children that they have control over things that they say and do, and they can be responsible by practicing self-control. Also, I tell them that they show responsibility by keeping up with their things, and making sure never to bother other people’s things that don’t belong to them. The spiel about respect and responsibility is repeated so much that some of the students I work with know it by heart, and others groan in anticipation of it.
Essentially, knowing how to deal with some children is as simple as treating them like an employee (who can’t be fired). Give them instructions, assignments and tasks, but try not to be too upset when they make mistakes. If they behave well then they should be rewarded, and if they behave poorly then they should be reprimanded. Allow the child an opportunity to be creative whenever possible, and praise them when they’ve done something well. I find that when it comes to dealing with other people’s kids, treating them like more than just a child, or a bad child at that, goes a long way.
