Things We Don’t Miss About Club Life
Sure, back in the day we were a proud card-carrying member of the club-hopping crew, but as we got older and more mature, we realized there was more to a Saturday night. Here are some things we don’t miss about club life.
Sweating Our Hair Out
The weekly or bi-weekly ritual that almost every woman does when it’s time to wash her hair can take hours. All of that time and hard work washing, setting, drying, curling, cutting, dying, sewing in and doing our hair quickly goes out of the window about a half an hour after we set foot into a hot and humid club. By the end of the night, your hair has completely sweated out and the cute style you walked in with is now a tightly coiled afro.
Waiting In Line
One of the worst things about getting all dolled up and heading out to the club is getting there only to realize everyone else in town had the same idea as you on how to spend your Friday night and the line to get in the club is around the block. Especially in the dead of winter. Bouncers at the door play the role St. Peter positioned at the front of the line using their discretion on who gets through the pearly white gates. It’s torture watching one person after the next selected to enter while you’re forced to stand there shivering in line.
Having To Do Coat Check
After standing in a line that snaked down the street and around the block for an hour or so, the first thing most people do once inside the club is head straight to coat check. The lines to hand over your coat so you could get your dance on without feeling bundled down are almost as long as the bathroom lines when you get in and even longer when it’s time to go. Because the club isn’t responsible for the property that gets checked in, the employees manning the coat check post have been known to be less than careful and accidentally hand the wrong items to club goers.
Men Grinding Up On Us Randomly
What gives men the right to randomly walk up to a female at the club and immediately start bumping and grinding on us without our consent? Just because we’re at the club and are dancing with a group of our female friends doesn’t mean we automatically want to dirty dance with a complete stranger without our permission. Guys, it may be hard to hear this but sometimes a woman’s night out at the club with her girlfriends is just that. Do yourselves and us a favor and wait for us to at least make eye contact before you start grinding your pelvis on your behinds.
Being Bumped Into By Strangers
Has this ever happened to you: the DJ at the club is playing your song and you’re really getting into it but someone walks by and bumps into you nearly knocking you over and completely throwing you off-beat and getting you out of the groove? Sometimes clubs get so packed, there’s barely elbowroom to walk, let alone tear up the dance floor, which is what you came to do in the first place. Packed clubs are the worst place to truly get your groove on.
Overly Priced Drinks
Part of enjoying a night at the clubs is enjoying the night slightly inebriated, but the drinks are so overpriced, you’d be better off pre-gaming before you get there. A popular tradition embraced by club goers across the country and world, pre-gaming is when you partake of liquid libation of the alcohol persuasion before you get to the club. With mixed drinks and top shelf liquor costing more than a decent meal for one, and then being watered down on top of that, more and more people waiting on the line to get in the club have pre-gamed before they arrived.
DJ Remixing and Scratching Our Favorite Song Too Much
One of the best parts of the night filled with clubbing is when our favorite song comes on. After hearing the first few seconds of the beat and immediately recognizing it, we automatically get in the zone, doing the dances that we’ve practiced in the bathroom mirror over and over at home. What sucks is how the DJ would scratch the song, repeating one line four or five times in a row then mixing it with another song that we may or may lot love just as much as the first song. Then, to our horror, instead of going back to the original song, the DJ moves on altogether playing something we’ve never heard of.
After taking over an hour to get your hair done just right, another hour to pick out the right outfit and get dressed, then another hour or so standing on line to get in, you’re finally at the brand new club downtown that you’ve been hearing so much about and less than ten minutes into the night there, an all-out brawl breaks out between several other club goers and there goes your night. Nothing can break up a good time faster than a fight.
Being On Your Feet The Whole Night
Sure we’ve been waiting for Friday night to come all week and when it does, we head straight to the club to get our party on, but after a few hours of dropping it low and twerking like a stripper, our feet are hurting us in our four-inch heels and all we want to do is sit down. Unfortunately, at most clubs, seats are few and far between. Most have been reserved for VIP ballers out there that night who are gladly plucking down hundreds of dollars for a bottle or two just for a table.
Using The Club’s Restroom
Outside of the long line to get in, the line for the restroom inside of the club is the longest line you’ll be on for the night. Because you spent the better part of the evening pre-gaming before you got there, against your better judgment, you’re now forced to use the bathroom at the club. After standing in line for forever when all you want to do is go back out on the dance floor, you finally reach one of the two stalls there and ignoring the strong stench of urine and other bodily fluids, you realize there’s no toilet paper anywhere.
The Cost To Get In
At the risk of sounding like our parents, remember the days you could get into a club for a five or ten dollar cover charge? The price to get into some of the trendier clubs now is more expensive than a trip to the amusement park and the lines are just as long. When you add in the costs of your outfit (because you just had to get those pair of shoes to wear for such an occasion), the price to get into the club, the cost of pre-gaming then buying a drink or two at the club and already you’re set back a couple hundred dollars. Sometimes a night out at the movies or bowling with your friends is just as fun and costs half as much.
When The Club Becomes Too Popular
Have you ever gone to a club where you’ve been hundreds of times before but as soon as you pull up, the place is so packed, you think you may have the wrong club? But then you realize last week Alicia Keys or Jay Z and Beyonce were photographed leaving out of the backdoor and now suddenly the place you go to hang out and blow off some steam is now the place to be on a Tuesday night. It’s nice being in the know on where to party, but when everybody knows, it takes all of the fun and uniqueness out of your favorite club.
Too Young Of A Crowd
No matter what you do, you cannot stop the hands of time. After minoring in clubbing while at college, once you get a full time job and join the real world in the nine-to-five rat race, hanging out on the weekends is no longer your number one priority. After a long hiatus away from the nightlife, you decide to reclaim your youth and go out. Only problem is the people at the club are still the same age as when you were going in college. No one wants to be the old auntie at the club grinding on a junior.
Dancing With The Wrong Person
So you’re out for a night on the town over the weekend and your friends take you to the trendiest club in town and as soon as you walk in, you make eye contact with a guy across the floor. While you’re dancing with your girls, you smile his way every now and again. Soon he’s up on you and the two of you immediately fall into a rhythm and the chemistry is obvious. There’s just one problem. He didn’t come to the club alone and now his girlfriend and her friends are throwing daggers at you with their eyes and you know you need move on before they start throwing something for real.
Men Stalking You For The Night
Gone are the days of a man buying a woman a drink and not expecting anything in return. Nowadays if a guy buys a female one simple cocktail at the club, he thinks he owns her for the night. Accepting a drink from a man at the club should come with a warning: if you don’t want to be ducking and dodging him, politely decline. Unless you’re interested in him or interested in joining the witness protection program while you’re at the club, you’re better off buying your own drinks.