Ask A Very Smart Brotha: “Am I D!ck Whooped, He Does Have A Monster?”

September 18, 2013  |  

Trena: Why do men feel the need to use woman especially good women who hold them down during the bad times and then when they get back on their feet they leave
DY: Some men are assholes, Wish I had a deeper answer for that, but it’s pretty much it.

Danielle: If a woman had an issue about another female friend in her man’s life (rightfully so because of previous events excluding infidelity) and expresses how she feels to him and he gets defensive. Is she wrong for being annoyed?
DY: No, she’s not. But, you have to ask why she’s staying in a relationship with someone who she doesn’t trust

Erica: How do you make sure that you’re not in a placeholder relationship?
DY: The best indicator is whether he has made concrete plans for the future with you. Men in placeholder relationships usually won’t commit to doing anything with you that isn’t more than a couple months away

Ebone: As me being a proud woman of color, this is hard to say. I have 4 wonderful men in my life. 1 my handsome man, 3 wonderful lil kings. How do I get over the hurt from the man that created me so I don’t become an Angry black woman.
DY: I’m glad to hear that you’ve been able to move past your issues with your father and have good relationships with your man and your sons. That said, if your feelings about your dad are still that strong after all these years, I’d suggest that you seek some form of therapy.

Joan: After getting caught cheating why do men think saying sorry will fix it?
DY: Because it does, sometimes. Maybe it doesn’t “fix” things, but it’s enough for some women to let them back.

Tameka: Honestly I’ve moved on from my previous relationship … half my life I was with him … turning 40 and falling in love with trust is what I want … thank you for your help.
DY: Having some trust issues is understandable, especially after getting out of a marriage that lasted for almost two decades. That said, there’s really no easy fix to that. Whether (and when) you decide to trust again is something that has to come from within. But, rest assured, you won’t be able to really move forward unless you do.

Raven: My bf told me I was the “love of his life” but he has been pretty distant lately? Was it too much too soon for him? I know he has a lot of things going on in his life right now (kids- his, bills, and home repairs). Is it the stress?
DY: You should be asking him that, not me.

Zakiyyah: I am a 33 year old woman that’s dating a 21 year old man and we have only known each other 11days and he is living with me. Yes he has a job but his 60 something year old Mama hates it. She was cool for the first 7 days then tripped out. She calls him tell him she will leave him alone and he has abandonment issues cuz she is really his Auntie. I’m confused do I really like him or am I dick whooped cuz he do have a monster give me some advice.
DY: You need to slow down. And by “slow down” I mean “slow the hell down, tell your boyfriend he needs a place of his own, and remember that the only title you should give someone you’ve only known for 11 days is “human.”

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  • Candacey Doris

    That last one…She needs to step back. 21? He’s a baby and definitely not in the same place she is. She better be careful that she doesn’t become the replacement mother for real.



  • Kristen

    That last, ok!!!

    But regarding your man having female friends, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Where it starts to cross lines imo is if the dude starts going to the friend for every issue going on in the relationship. Like, instead of talking problems over with the gf he continues to vent to the female friend about it. Or that his friend knows personal details about the relationship that the dude told her, and the girlfriend isn’t aware of how much the friend actually knows. I’ve had that happen to me before, not a good feeling. The whole “we’re friends” thing doesn’t mean its okay to tell all private business about who you’re dating.

    • If he’s already cheated he doesn’t get to have the trust of having women friends. He needs to be above reproach. Frankly I would just dump his a** and not be worried about which of his homegirls he’s knocking down. But that’s just me.

      • Kristen

        You’re right..somehow I skipped over that. If he’s cheated, I definitely wouldn’t be around to care who he’s friends with – male or female!

    • Mztisa

      The problem isn’t the female friend its the cheating. Any woman that aint family will be a problem to her.

      • Kristen

        Some how my dumb*ss skipped over the cheating part. If he cheated we’d be done, I wouldn’t care who his friends are.

        • No

          Take it easy on yourself. The letter states: excluding infidelity

  • FeelsGood

    That last story HAS to be made-up!

  • Sheena B

    WAIT A MINUTE! Youre dickmatized at 33?!?!?! No ma’am! If you were 21 then fine; a lot of us have been there and done that. At 33, you should know better than this. Y’ALL I SHANT!!!!

  • bluekissess

    33 and dumb. Step yo bars up.

    • OSHH

      So dangerous what she is doing on many levels!

      • bluekissess

        She shouldn’t have told that story. Smh

  • GirlSixx

    11 days and he now living with you??!! Damn girl when the last had some prior to him d’cking you down?? *FacePalm* you really need to slow all the way dowwnnnnnmmm before you end up pregnant and stressed out.

    • ScriptTease

      I know I could have a man tapping out right now. It has been a while, but I have no desire for sex without love, been there done all that and it’s not appealing to me anymore.

  • Tonyoardee

    11 days?? Yeah dude def put that monster on her and got her deep

  • Live_in_LDN

    Wow the last one…you are his surrogate mother and not his girlfriend. I bet after only 11 days you are supporting him financially and cleaning his dirty drawers too. This is shameful. Just step away and slow down. No one is anything to you after 11 days and shouldn’t be living with you.