Confessions Of A Retired Twerker

21 comments
September 11, 2013 ‐ By Dee Rene
black-woman-dancing1-276x414

Source: Thinkstock

Like any addiction, this one started young. I can trace it all the way back to my first 8th grade social dance. All week long my friends, who had already taken a hit or two, were talking about how they couldn’t wait for the dance. There would be ample opportunities to chase that high.

I joked and laughed, trying to keep up. Nobody likes to be an outcast. Atlanta was a hard city to grow up in and it seemed like everywhere I turned somebody was chasing that high. Either on TV, the radio, or right next to me on the school bus. It’s like the city had been taken over and it was destroying us one by one.

The dance came and I gave in. I finally gave in and tried to fit in with my friends. I fumbled and wasn’t really sure how to do it at first. They had hand-picked a guy for me, someone who would take it easy. I still remember how nervous we both were. I’d watched my friends do it before and I was confident that I could master this too. A few minutes in and it’s like something clicked. I put my hands up on my hips, and when I dipped, he dipped, WE dipped….

I’ve been twerking ever since.

My addiction to twerking started off innocent enough – a dance here and there, a battle with friends, or just mimicking the videos when no one was around.

I managed to keep it under control until college. No one really knew that I was a twerker behind all of this intellect and prestige. However, I soon learned college was a breeding ground for twerking addicts and we sought each other out like moths to flames.

I remember waking up some mornings not even knowing what song I danced to. After a while the song didn’t matter. All that mattered was the high I got from being able to bounce one cheek, two cheeks, now both cheeks. Bruises appeared from clapping my thighs just a bit too hard. I gave the doctor every excuse in the world as to what happened to my knee. How could I tell him Goodies came on and I lost my natural mind? The twerk team blew up on YouTube and now it was acceptable. We wore our addictions proud from the window, to the wall, and until the sweat dropped down our…well you know.

I just couldn’t stop. I was twerking in the kitchen, in the hallway, in Target, outside, at the club…EVERYwhere.

More from Styleblazer

More from Mommynoire

MadameNoire Video

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Brit

    #dead lmaooooooo this was too funny!

  • Gigi

    NOTE: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE. IF YOU ARE TAKING IT SERIOUSLY, PLEASE GO BUY A SENSE OF HUMOR.

  • http://Sassiegirlhairboutique.com/ Sassie

    Love this article pure comedy … a nice read in contrast to all ignorance i’ve been reading in relation to twerking

  • LaGayla McGahee

    hahaha. cute. (I”m SURE this is satire)

  • ressurrection

    This is an ignorant article. I mean it has to be one of the dumbest articles I’ve ever read. You do not have a twerking addiction. It sounds like there were some other things going on but certainly not an addiction to dancing. Twerking, a term from DC is culturally traced to West Indians, Africans etc… and it’s not called Twerking. Twerking is not new and it most certainly isn’t whatever the heck Miley Cyrus was doing on stage. She was definitely humping and high off something, but even she is not addicted to “twerking.” This is stupid.

  • ressurrection

    This is an ignorant article. I mean it has to be one of the dumbest articles I’ve ever read. You do not have a twerking addiction. It sounds like there were some other things going on but certainly not an addiction to dancing. Twerking, a term from DC is culturally traced to West Indians, Africans etc… and it’s not called Twerking. Twerking is not new and it most certainly isn’t whatever the heck Miley Cyrus was doing on stage. She was definitely humping and high off something, but even she is not addicted to “twerking.” This is stupid.

    • Michele DaCosta

      I agree with you! And as the article stated mainstream America believed that twerking is for “low income African American females.” That is an insult! But you still want to twerk?! Yet, mainstream America thinks it is okay for Miley Cyrus to do it!

      • Dee Rene

        That is a direct quote from the article published by the NY Times. Again, the article is satire. Thanks for reading!

        • Michele DaCosta

          Well, I hope you send it to NY Times and then tell them how you truly feel about their insulting, stereotypical, statement. Since we are only good for twerking! I guess Miley Cyrus has changed color and lives in the hood too!

    • Dee Rene

      The article is satire and not intended to be serious in anyway. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

    • sean

      um twerking is not from dc

      • ressurrection

        You clearly don’t read well. I did not say that twerking itself is from DC, I actually gave a bit of a history lesson. However, the “Twerk Team” and the word twerking did derive from DC, long before it hit any other city and became popular. Much of the twerking took place in Go-Go’s also from DC.

    • KnowsBetter

      It’s satire. Humor. You know, not meant to be taken seriously? SMH…

    • KnowsBetter

      It’s satire. Humor. You know, not meant to be taken seriously? SMH…

  • BadAzz Bee

    Omg!!!!! I’m in tears I love this article! My brother and I JUST had the same conversation (juvenile song and all) it’s just something bout that song !!!! Then I recently moved to New Orleans that song iS GAURUNTEED to get played at any and every bar, club, or local walmart.

    • hermosura721

      lol @ local walmart!!!

  • bluekissess

    Lol wow. This twerking thing has gotten out of hand.

  • Cocolicious

    Damn, girl! You twerked so hard you needed a chiropractor?

    lmao!

  • Tonyoardee

    My Goodies came on?? Y’all old up here, That was like 2004 when I was 14

  • thatonegirl

    I’m sorry but when you hear cash money taking over for the 99 and the 2000 the only thing you can do is twerk.

    • JMO

      LMBOOOO listen!! My old (almost 28), pregnant, and married butt will still get excited when I hear that line! LOL I don’t twerk like I used to but that intro will forever be the instant twerk line LOL

Get the MadameNoire
Newsletter
The best stories sent right to your inbox!
close [x]