Nice Things You Need To Stop Doing For Men
Admit it: you probably spend most of your energy in your relationship making sure you’re not the quintessential girlfriend described in every men’s magazine article. But the truth is we can get so caught up in trying to not be a certain way that we can’t act natural! And usually, we end up going above and beyond the call of duty. Here are 14 way too nice things you probably do for the men you date, that just have to stop.
Leaving your weekend open for him
Yes, men are terrible at logistics. They don’t realize the weekend is a weekly thing and find themselves every Friday asking, “When did the weekend pop up again? What am I going to do for the next two days?” To make it easy on guys, you might leave your weekends totally clear, only giving your friends tentative answers to invites, in case your current man calls you up and asks to have dinner in thirty minutes. Stop it! You have a life: live it. And show him he needs to schedule in advance and respect your schedule. It’ll be bumpy at first, but once he realizes he doesn’t get to see you if he doesn’t give you at least 24 hours notice, he’ll sharpen up.
Inviting all of his friends
Any time you want to host a dinner party with your closest friends, you feel guilty that your guy won’t have any of his friends there, and before you know it you’ve also invited his five closest friends and are spending $100 more on food and cleaning 10 more plates. Look: he can survive a night with your friends. In fact, it’s important that he learn to. You’re not obligated to invite his crew everywhere.
Changing your plans for him
Maybe you don’t leave your weekends empty but fill them up with plans with your friends, which you proceed to cancel at the last minute because your guy calls you to go out. This is worse than leaving your weekend free! Now you just ruined your friend’s nights, too. Remember: he needs to respect your time and book his plans with you in advance.
Paying every time
It might feel rude to not reach for your purse when a check arrives, but try not to reach for it every time. If your guy is letting you pay, it could either be because he thinks you’re a feminist who is offended at being paid for, OR you truly enjoy treating him, OR because he is a mooch…you don’t want it to be the last explanation, and you’ll never find out unless you stop reaching for that purse.
Doing his chores
If you clean up all the dirty dishes you find in your guy’s kitchen every time you go over there, there’s a good chance he’ll start depending on you to clean his kitchen! Then you don’t know if there are dirty dishes because he’s just messy, or because he looked at them, considered washing them and thought, “Nah. My girlfriend is coming over.” Let him live in his own filth, or clean it up!
Making special deliveries
Does your guy call you with the sweetest, most irresistible voice and ask, “Baby…will you drive to insert name of ridiculously far away restaurant here and pick me up insert his favorite food here? I’m craving it. Pretty please!” And do you drop everything you are doing and take almost two hours out of your day to do it? Stop that! The fact that he even asks you do to such unnecessary and time consuming tasks says that he doesn’t think your time is as important as his. Remind him that you have work to do too. It’s fine to ask favors of a partner, but know the difference between a reasonable and unreasonable favor. This kind of big favor is okay occasionally, but if your guy asks it of you on a regular basis, you’re being taken advantage of.
Letting him finish too soon
How long has it been since your guy helped you achieve your peak in bed? You shouldn’t have to think about that for more than a couple of seconds. You probably tell yourself that your body is too complicated, or that you take too long to you know, so you just let him jump into the position that lets him finish in two seconds and pretend you’re happy. You’re not too complicated, you don’t take too long, and you deserve the same pleasure he does!
Making excuses for him to your friends
Maybe your guy is tired come the weekends and doesn’t feel like socializing, or he’s just not comfortable around your friends, so when you bring him out in a group, he doesn’t make an effort to talk to people. Well guess what? He has to. Don’t you make an effort with his friends? I bet you do. And you’re tired and out of your comfort zone too! Don’t make excuses to your friends for your guy when he acts antisocial. Tell your guy to clean up his act!
Being the designated driver all the time
It’s that maternal instinct popping up: you see a helpless guy, stumbling around barely able to talk and you say, “I can help you! Let me drive you home!” Or, perhaps you don’t think it’s “ladylike” of you to get drunk in front of your guy, so you always DD. You’re just as entitled to a good time as he is! Stop taking the bullet and DD’ing every time. You’re not your boyfriend’s cab driver; you’re his girlfriend.
Catering to his dining desires
Even though you’re a vegetarian, you make steak for your guy every time he comes over (which is a lot) and then on the side make yourself a vegetarian meal. I’m just guessing he doesn’t make you a full on vegetarian meal when you’re at his place, but rather expects you to eat the lettuce and tomatoes he cut up for his burgers. He can accommodate your dining desires sometimes and eat vegetarian/gluten free/vegan/whatever you are. It’s too much work to make two meals every night.
Saying it’s okay, when it’s not
You’re not a bossy girlfriend just because you have needs. And when your partner fails to meet those needs and lets you down, stop saying it’s okay! This doesn’t make you “chill” or “laid back”—it makes you a pushover who may never be happy. The less you make your partner do for you, the less he will do for you. Keep those standards high; if he cares about you, he’ll meet them.
Always sleeping at his place
You don’t want to make him drive over to your place, or sleep under your girly bed spread, or shower amongst all your flowery bath products—plus, you sleep well anywhere, so why not just stay at his place all the time, right? WRONG! You’re allowed to enjoy being in your home that you designed and love, and have your boyfriend there to enjoy it with. He can stop being such a baby who gets homesick during sleepovers.
Picking up his slack in his family
Does your guy’s mom get mad whenever you two have dinner at their place, because he doesn’t help cook dinner, or clean up? So you secretly chop vegetables or rush-wash dishes while she isn’t looking, to make your guy look good? Stop that! He’s a grown man: he needs to learn how to be a responsible, respectful son. And you probably already chop enough vegetables and clean enough dishes in your life.
Letting him off the hook with events
You would like your guy to come with you to your office holiday party, but you know he has a dozen other holiday parties to go to this season, and he’s had a long week, so you tell him, “Don’t come tonight baby. Stay home and rest.” And you secretly suffer alone at the party. Don’t torture yourself like this! If there’s a holiday party your guy should be skipping, it’s not his girlfriend’s! You probably accompany him to events all of the time even when you’re exhausted. You deserve the same courtesy.