Nice Things You Need To Stop Doing For Men

September 9, 2013  |  
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Nice Things You Need To Stop Doing For Men

Admit it: you probably spend most of your energy in your relationship making sure you’re not the quintessential girlfriend described in every men’s magazine article. But the truth is we can get so caught up in trying to not be a certain way that we can’t act natural! And usually, we end up going above and beyond the call of duty. Here are 14 way too nice things you probably do for the men you date, that just have to stop.

Leaving your weekend open for him

Leaving your weekend open for him

Yes, men are terrible at logistics. They don’t realize the weekend is a weekly thing and find themselves every Friday asking, “When did the weekend pop up again? What am I going to do for the next two days?” To make it easy on guys, you might leave your weekends totally clear, only giving your friends tentative answers to invites, in case your current man calls you up and asks to have dinner in thirty minutes. Stop it! You have a life: live it. And show him he needs to schedule in advance and respect your schedule. It’ll be bumpy at first, but once he realizes he doesn’t get to see you if he doesn’t give you at least 24 hours notice, he’ll sharpen up.

Inviting all of his friends

Inviting all of his friends

Any time you want to host a dinner party with your closest friends, you feel guilty that your guy won’t have any of his friends there, and before you know it you’ve also invited his five closest friends and are spending $100 more on food and cleaning 10 more plates. Look: he can survive a night with your friends. In fact, it’s important that he learn to. You’re not obligated to invite his crew everywhere.

Changing your plans for him

Changing your plans for him

Maybe you don’t leave your weekends empty but fill them up with plans with your friends, which you proceed to cancel at the last minute because your guy calls you to go out. This is worse than leaving your weekend free! Now you just ruined your friend’s nights, too. Remember: he needs to respect your time and book his plans with you in advance.

Paying every time

Paying every time

It might feel rude to not reach for your purse when a check arrives, but try not to reach for it every time. If your guy is letting you pay, it could either be because he thinks you’re a feminist who is offended at being paid for, OR you truly enjoy treating him, OR because he is a mooch…you don’t want it to be the last explanation, and you’ll never find out unless you stop reaching for that purse.

Doing his chores

Doing his chores

If you clean up all the dirty dishes you find in your guy’s kitchen every time you go over there, there’s a good chance he’ll start depending on you to clean his kitchen! Then you don’t know if there are dirty dishes because he’s just messy, or because he looked at them, considered washing them and thought, “Nah. My girlfriend is coming over.” Let him live in his own filth, or clean it up!

Making special deliveries

Making special deliveries

Does your guy call you with the sweetest, most irresistible voice and ask, “Baby…will you drive to insert name of ridiculously far away restaurant here and pick me up insert his favorite food here? I’m craving it. Pretty please!” And do you drop everything you are doing and take almost two hours out of your day to do it? Stop that! The fact that he even asks you do to such unnecessary and time consuming tasks says that he doesn’t think your time is as important as his. Remind him that you have work to do too. It’s fine to ask favors of a partner, but know the difference between a reasonable and unreasonable favor. This kind of big favor is okay occasionally, but if your guy asks it of you on a regular basis, you’re being taken advantage of.

Letting him finish too soon

Letting him finish too soon

How long has it been since your guy helped you achieve your peak in bed? You shouldn’t have to think about that for more than a couple of seconds. You probably tell yourself that your body is too complicated, or that you take too long to you know, so you just let him jump into the position that lets him finish in two seconds and pretend you’re happy. You’re not too complicated, you don’t take too long, and you deserve the same pleasure he does!

Making excuses for him to your friends

Making excuses for him to your friends

Maybe your guy is tired come the weekends and doesn’t feel like socializing, or he’s just not comfortable around your friends, so when you bring him out in a group, he doesn’t make an effort to talk to people. Well guess what? He has to. Don’t you make an effort with his friends? I bet you do. And you’re tired and out of your comfort zone too! Don’t make excuses to your friends for your guy when he acts antisocial. Tell your guy to clean up his act!

Being the designated driver all the time

Being the designated driver all the time

It’s that maternal instinct popping up: you see a helpless guy, stumbling around barely able to talk and you say, “I can help you! Let me drive you home!” Or, perhaps you don’t think it’s “ladylike” of you to get drunk in front of your guy, so you always DD. You’re just as entitled to a good time as he is! Stop taking the bullet and DD’ing every time. You’re not your boyfriend’s cab driver; you’re his girlfriend.

Catering to his dining desires

Catering to his dining desires

Even though you’re a vegetarian, you make steak for your guy every time he comes over (which is a lot) and then on the side make yourself a vegetarian meal. I’m just guessing he doesn’t make you a full on vegetarian meal when you’re at his place, but rather expects you to eat the lettuce and tomatoes he cut up for his burgers. He can accommodate your dining desires sometimes and eat vegetarian/gluten free/vegan/whatever you are. It’s too much work to make two meals every night.

Saying it’s okay, when it’s not

Saying it’s okay, when it’s not

You’re not a bossy girlfriend just because you have needs. And when your partner fails to meet those needs and lets you down, stop saying it’s okay! This doesn’t make you “chill” or “laid back”—it makes you a pushover who may never be happy. The less you make your partner do for you, the less he will do for you. Keep those standards high; if he cares about you, he’ll meet them.

Always sleeping at his place

Always sleeping at his place

You don’t want to make him drive over to your place, or sleep under your girly bed spread, or shower amongst all your flowery bath products—plus, you sleep well anywhere, so why not just stay at his place all the time, right? WRONG! You’re allowed to enjoy being in your home that you designed and love, and have your boyfriend there to enjoy it with. He can stop being such a baby who gets homesick during sleepovers.

Picking up his slack in his family

Picking up his slack in his family

Does your guy’s mom get mad whenever you two have dinner at their place, because he doesn’t help cook dinner, or clean up? So you secretly chop vegetables or rush-wash dishes while she isn’t looking, to make your guy look good? Stop that! He’s a grown man: he needs to learn how to be a responsible, respectful son. And you probably already chop enough vegetables and clean enough dishes in your life.

Letting him off the hook with events

Letting him off the hook with events

You would like your guy to come with you to your office holiday party, but you know he has a dozen other holiday parties to go to this season, and he’s had a long week, so you tell him, “Don’t come tonight baby. Stay home and rest.” And you secretly suffer alone at the party. Don’t torture yourself like this! If there’s a holiday party your guy should be skipping, it’s not his girlfriend’s! You probably accompany him to events all of the time even when you’re exhausted. You deserve the same courtesy.

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  • MR

    Author has no business trying to ruin the relations between men and women and just needs to stop talking about it.

  • Sunshine

    This is a good list. I do stuff for my man, but he doesn’t require it and he does just as much for me. I agree with the author, she is reminding women to be fair to themselves and stop doing the most unnecessarily. I would try to do some of this stuff on the list and my man would say no, thats not necessary. Whatever is meant to be will be, and women don’t need to do the most to try and keep a man, just be yourself and chill.

  • J

    I need to find some of these women!! Wow.

  • Samantha

    I dated a guy who would ask me to pick things up for him. But he did it often and had the attitude like he could get away with it even though he offered to pay me back. Honestly even after dating for a while I’d still be bothered if ask to do a food run. You should hesitate before you anyone to go out for you…That’s just my ettiquette unless I truly cared for them.

    Guy turned out to be mean, trust me.

  • Samantha

    I can see how all these are controlling and bad for either partner to “always” do but if done by taking turns, it’s ok

  • Samantha

    I agree with the one about scheduling ahead to a point. Depends on how far one always has to drive and also how often this short notice happens. Last minute plans are a little inconsiderate but also isn’t all the fault of the one asking to hang out. My bf does this but I rarely see him so it’s always a yes. My family tries to come up with reasons for me to stay but often cancels anyway so I choose my bf. But he is fine as long as I am fine and means well. He has also ditched plans with friends and family to be with me which I felt bad. But we both have said while talking about other people that we don’t like short notice. Funny enough

  • NaturalDiva

    I wish I would’ve read this back in 2009, I made all of these mistakes until I finally woke up two years later. Let’s just say, lesson learned.

  • Me

    I wish be proud because im woman…but i cant anymore..women think if they were born women should get in pregnant.First think that a woman should stop to do for a man or for herself is stop get in pregnant,be feminine and sensual preserve your body and the live the life as easy as a man does..

  • sad

    another moronic article on the interwebs, commented on by nobodies with nothing to say

  • Amanda Konesni

    Yeah, I was reading thinking….wow, what a *****. I was raised as a Southern woman. It may not be the norm, but in our family no matter if the woman has a job or not, we take care of our men. When my mother got a 3rd shift job, instead of my dad making dinner, she simply started having us eat earlier on days that she worked. With my boyfriend, I take pride in taking care of him, making those special lunch deliveries and things. I would NEVER tell my boyfriend he had to schedule time with me, or that he just had to wait if I was busy. Sure, love is compromise, but jeez. If I love someone, I want to be there for them and take care of them. If I listened to these things in this article, I wouldn’t have to ask “What happened!?!?!” after a breakup.

    • Cougar Age

      So you don’t love your friends? That’s one of two things I took away from your response…that and you like useless men if you need to TAKE CARE of them. Give and take is best. Not GIVE GIVE GIVE all the time. It’s not worth it to keep that loser guy if you have to do ALL the work. Maybe you get broken up with because you act like a servant rather than a partner.

  • Destiny Sun Child

    I Really like this article. Yes it sounds controversial. And yes there is a heavy group discussion about this and “it ain’t getting” too many good reviews. However, I believe the article is basically about women not compromising or lowering their standards. We (males and females) are supposed to be held accountable in relationships and yes, if either person, male or female is doing the most work and not getting anything in return, then that’s a serious issue. And I think, judging from the tone of the article, the author probably had first hand experience with these issues…LOL

  • David Manhart

    Nice things men should stop doing for women:

    Paying for dinner. (women can pay their own way)

    Watching love stories. (do not de-masculinze yourself)
    Giving foot massages. (do women do the same for men?)

    Yardwork. (women need to do their fair share of outdoor work just as men do their fare share of housework – plus they need to shed some of those extra pounds)
    Protecting women physically. (after all, women are equal to men)
    Buying women jewelry. (do women pay for ultra-expensive items for men?)
    Going to the gym (ok, this one might be flexible – you still want to look good for OTHER women in case you want to switch)
    Staying with an older women (why do that when their are more attractive younger women who see you as a catch)
    Providing emotional support (men don’t need it, why do it for women?)

    The list goes on. Equality is equality. Men should not “demean” themselves for women since women should not “demean” themselves for men.

    Take the advice of this article, and also give these tips to the man in your life. This will be fair to both women and men. This is a recipe for a happy, long-term relationship. No really, trust me.

  • bragnaminam.

    “Saying it’s okay, when it’s not.” YES. As a man, I would appreciate this. We are creatures who do not take hints well. If you are mad, please let me know. If I think everything’s cool, I’m going to continue doing whatever is ticking you off.

  • Trey

    The theme of this article is “dont date a lazy loser” If your relationship contains at most, HALF of these situations, you need to cut-bate and move on. There are too many good men that have been raised right and RESPECT and CARE for women that dealing with this kind of loser isnt worth it. If women keep dating these losers, why should they change?

  • Matt

    Clearly the author knows nothing about (real) men, and has been dating the wrong guys. Not all men are “terrible at logistics,” and not all men are caricatures of TV sitcom husbands.

  • plexico

    I thought you were going to say “Blowjobs.”

    I’m so relieved you didn’t!

  • Ja Tu

    I think the author is just saying stop being a doormat

  • sasha

    The first thing that a woman should stop doing for a man,is do not get in pregnant,most men thing a woman is just for this,so dont fallow the nature,do not become vulnerable

  • Guest

    Looks like there will be many, many single women with cats in the near future. If you never impress upon a man that you are a HUGE blessing to his life, he will never stay with you.

    Ladies, please ignore these destructive pieces of advice and treat your man like a king. Every time. You will see how he will go out of his way to make you feel like a queen. But if you treat him like a room mate, that is all you’re going to be to him. Maybe a room mate with benefits.

  • StellarJesus

    Wow, where are these women? I can’t remember the last time a woman made ANY attempt to pick up a tab or bring over food or some other treat?

    I do think it’s hot when a woman is clear what she wants in the bedroom. I will do what it takes to get her there. It’s always worth it in the end.

  • Manuela Toia

    The first thing that a woman should make is to stop make so many kids and try be more feminine and sensual and to live the life as easy as a man does.Many women think ,if they were born women they need to get in pregnant and make kids because there is nothing else to do in life,and follow the nature. A woman also should know soon as she get in pregnant become a part from men`s mentality who think “That is a woman for”and lose the power in this endless war between men and women.
    A woman should stop to sacrifice all her life for such things,being pregnant making kids….Nobody talk ,or try give a better education for young women generation,why they shouldn’t make kids.
    If a woman can do this…than all the rest things and problem in her life will much more easier.
    All my deeply admiration for childless women,i still respect women who choose to have maybe 1-2 kids,and all my disgusting for women who never stop to make kids

  • qusdis

    Wow, what a contrived list. Certainly these items seem like urban legends:
    – Woman reaching for the check every time
    – Woman sleeping over at the man’s place every time
    – Woman inviting all of a guy’s friends over all the time
    – “Making special deliveries”

    Sure, many men should take heat for the common criticisms – chores, weekend plans, “finishing too soon,” etc. But if ALL of these things are happening to a woman OR a man, they’re just dating a jerk – either a narcissist or an abuser. This article concocts a fantasy that most women are totally up front and never engage in manipulation or passive-aggressive behavior of their own.

    Most men want just as much fairness as women do regarding the items listed.

  • AugustineThomas

    This should be called “14 Ways to Stay a Miserable, Lonely, Leftist, Empowered Women!”

  • Eric Scott

    I usually like this authors articles but this one seems REALLY biased

  • Dennis Bond

    Never had a woman do these things for me…but have done them for a woman. Or, girl, I guess I should say, since she obviously wasn’t a woman. But really, the fact that one item was that his mom gets mad when having dinner at “their” place makes me say, huh? He lives with his momma but SHE has her own place? This is whack.

  • Mac

    A lot of these imo are simple respect issues and should not really even be an issue if you are dating a woman or a man as opposed to a boy or a girl. You have to step up and be accountable to some social and relationship responsibilities it is that simple. Do you need to do all of these all the time of course not, most of the time of course!

  • lilabing

    I don’t do any of this stuff for my hubs. I never did either. I think he’s treated great. I just can’t sacrifice my needs for his wants… and also, I am not going to do stuff I don’t wanna do. Marriage is a long haul. You can’t start out doing stuff that will annoy you later, just don’t do it. I always say it when I don’t want to do something. He won’t die. He’ll be fine. Plus, it got him ready for kids. They definitely don’t care about your needs… much less your wants!

  • Jeepo

    This is one of the most inane, sexist, and generally idiotic things I’ve read in a long while. Not only does it seem to imply that most men are confused, selfish, sloppy, anti-social, emotionally oblivious morons who expect a woman to cater to them in every imaginable way, but it suggests that the only reason anyone does anything nice for their significant other is because they want something in return. I do nice things for my girlfriend all the time because I love her, and she does the same for me. If you do something nice for someone then get immediately resentful, then you’re highly immature and most likely have no business in a grown up relationship. Every relationship is a give and take, yes, but the key is compromise, not bullying. Good luck to anyone who follows this advice. Your relationship will need it.

  • Sera Non

    This article is so lame I have no words for it. -_-

    Any woman who follows this article’s advice does not want to be in a relationship, they want to be single; if that’s the case, you should have the integrity to break it off instead of trying to play these stupid mind games.

    What if a guy took all the advice in this article and acted this way towards his girlfriend? You’d think he was the lord of all jerks. Your hypocrisy is astounding.

  • Daniel

    This is the most sexist thing I’ve ever read, haha. If you disagree, Just replace the pronouns.

  • redsongia

    Most of these things are ridiculous. Who has dinner parties anymore?

  • Zachary Simon

    “The less you make your partner do for you, the less he will do for you. Keep those standards high; if he cares about you, he’ll meet them.” This is good advice, but a man is reading the same advice now with ‘she’ in place of ‘he’ AND being told, often by girls, how much girls like ‘confidence.’ In the 21st century people need to be upfront about whether they’re looking for an actual partner, arm candy, or just an f-buddy. Until you can be clear about which you want this kind of dating 101 advice will be like a class on comparative literature before you’ve learned to read.

  • Sheila Moore

    How about this? Just be honest. I know, radical, right? But if you want to sleep at your place, say so. If you don’t want to pick up Chinese Food from three towns over, say so. If you’re not reaching your “peak,” say so! If you can’t have these conversations with a person, they are not your “boyfriend.” “Boyfriend” – and I really hate that term for adult women to use about adult men – should mean the person you can really communicate with.

    • ODWms

      I couldn’t agree more. You hit the nail on the head.

  • James

    Looks like I’m the women, I do all of these things for my BF (best friend) while her BF (boy friend) does zero except the happy ending part on Saturday night only. I told her I’m going to send her BF an itemized escort bill monthly and we are going back to hanging out just a couple nights per month..bonus savings $3,000 plus monthly. I am, and should feel embarrassed. Thank you for the reality check.

  • Kristen

    I didn’t take this list as a “never do these things ever again for your man” kind of list, but just “if you see yourself doing any one or more of these too much without him putting in just as much effort or truly being appreciative, then it’s time to break up” kind of list.

  • Barbara Codner

    This list sounds “bitchy” but it’s not. Doing nice things for your man isn’t going to automatically win his heart or make him fall in love with you so make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons. I don’t know how many times I see women doing these exact same
    things on this list & get angry when their man doesn’t reciprocate.

  • Guest

    Most of the list sounds like it was created for teenagers. Most real men over the age of 30 shouldn’t have most of these expectations and if they do, you need to dump him because he still has a lot of growing up to do and so do you!!!!

  • Ladybug94

    Some of these I will agree with as “some” men are so unappreciative of things that are done for them. On the flip side, you shouldn’t just do something because you are expecting something in return.

  • stewie

    simple; don’t do anything nice to your man, give nothing and expect everything….good lack with that. lol

    • hoppytoad79

      The author makes it clear what she’s talking about is when the woman is bending over backward for the guy all the time. If you missed that, you weren’t paying attention.


      I think she’s saying “don’t be a doormat”. Women are too nice. If it’s natural to you… do it, but if you are going to resent it later, don’t! It’s not natural to me, so I don’t. It doesn’t mean I am not nice or loving… just not overly so 🙂 I am not the kind of girl who will run to get you a glass of water, or cook all day for your friends who I don’t know. I am not trying to impress. I am just me, that should be enough.

      • qusdis

        “Women are too nice.” Yeah, not always.

      • AnotherCommenter

        Women are too nice?! How many women have you met?

        • ODWms

          The author does women no favors with this simplistic, “women are perpetual victims” diatribe. If anything, it seems this author has a couple of man bashing issues herself, trying to project them onto others. How about not being with a man who would take advantage of you and use you in the first place, so all the other stuff falls into place anyway?

  • dina

    Maybe women are doing it because they love their man and they are returning the favors for them or they are just nice enough? The author sounds like a beech.

    • hoppytoad79

      The author made it clear with words like ‘always’, ‘regularly’, ‘on a regular basis’, and ‘often’ that she’s not talking to women who do nice things for their guys or are returning favors, she’s talking to women who are doing these things as a matter of course.

      • Sera Non

        No, you are simply giving the author the benefit of the doubt.