It Ain’t Just Physical! Signs He Might Be Having An Emotional Affair

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September 21, 2013 ‐ By Brooke Dean

Not long ago, I wrote an article on whether or not heterosexual male/female relationships can truly be considered “platonic.” While some debated that they may not start off that way, most agreed that male/female friendships can, in fact, exist. Don’t get me wrong, having friends of the opposite sex is perfectly acceptable; however, for some, there is a thin line between a healthy, platonic friendship and an emotional affair. If one is not too careful, a close intimate relationship can evolve into something deeper and while it may not be a physical relationship, the emotional intimacy of the relationship can be just as damaging, if not more, than a physical one. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when your partner is developing an emotional connection with someone else, but there are usually signs that his “friendship” with the other woman is detracting from the intimacy that rightfully belongs to you and your relationship. When his connection with someone else starts to have a negative effect on your relationship, you will be able to tell when it has crossed the line into an emotional affair by looking out for these tell-tale signs.

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  • ReelTauk

    As someone who was in an emotional affair that I had no desire to be in, I started to give a long-drawn out explanation of how it came about. But I guess in the scheme of things, it’s immaterial. I had no desire to be in it because every aspect of him was wrong for me. He was married, my boss, and from a different race/culture. As a God-fearing woman, I never had the desire to be involved with someone that is married. As a self-respecting woman, I never wanted to be any man’s #2. Though the man was very easy on the eyes in a Richard Gere/young Clint Eastwood kind of way, I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. It was something that snuck on me. About six weeks or so into working with him, I realized I was thinking of him on my personal time away from the job. PROBLEM! I fought the thoughts and the feelings that eventually I had to acknowledge. And soon thereafter I realized that I wasn’t alone in that fight. He was there too.

    I’m writing because, though I agree with every single sign mentioned here, there’s an implication that an emotional affair indicates “doomsday”. For me, though there were times where it was extremely tempting to jump into another level, an emotional affair was all I could have because he was married. But though the temptation was there, he didn’t make it easy. Why? “Emotional Affairs” exist because the love and respect for the person (man/woman) at home- whether married or not- is so high, cheating is a very hard option for the person in the actual relationship. In this case, if that man was not married, we’d probably be together today.

    I say that to say, once you pick up the signs on an emotional affair, it’s a choice to get mad. It’s a choice to throw in the towel, wait for the other to go, or for you to walk away. But you can also use the signs as a signal to get out of “comfy” mode and be all the person you are that deserves that person’s love, affection. and respect. If your spouse or significant other (SO) starts dressing up daily and getting their hair done/cut for someone else, then you should start dressing up and staying sharp for your spouse/SO daily. Not only will it throw them off because as it makes them wonder who you’re dressing up for, it will also remind them how good you look when you’re not in “comfy” mode. If they are going to the gym, go with them– not only to block (let’s be real– that does need to be a part of the reason), but also to tune yourself up if you’re not already there. Have confidence that your best you will beat out anyone else on the outside and tune yourself up to give your best you. If you know they like a certain meal or certain things you do that you stopped doing over the years– break them out. Emotional affairs tend to come around because people get the attitude that once they have somebody, they shouldn’t have to do anything to keep them. They can relax. But the reality is that if a relationship becomes ‘stale’ enough for someone to emotionally connect to someone else, there is an opportunity to jumpstart/kickstart the relationship into gear again. Do more fun things. Be a safe place for the other to share their emotions and true thoughts. Even be a safe place for them to express their feelings for the other person. You’d be surprised how disarming it is to take the “illicit” out of the mix. When it’s no longer a secret, then it’s not as attractive. And if someone is no longer afraid that the person they love and respect is going to “snap off”, “explode”, or become super clingy, the person giving that emotional safety gets to experience a raise in their stock in the eyes of the person who is in the emotional affair. There’s no guarantees with those kind of things. But the odds are stronger with a person who is willing to fight for what is theirs when the signs point to the fact that a fight exists. Get them while it’s just “emotional” and perhaps you two can be stronger for it. Think about it!

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  • Nikki

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  • Starrr

    I do not believe that men and women can be JUST friends

  • more

    ugh! some women ignore everything this artical wont help them

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