Can’t Let It Bring You Down: Can Keeping Secrets Actually Affect You Physically?

September 7, 2013  |  


I remember talking to my father one day about all the little ailments that were plaguing me. I told him if it wasn’t lower back pain giving me grief, it was a migraine. Some days, I felt like I’d been hit by a truck to the point where the pain was unbearable and physically draining; so much so that I began to wonder if there is something deeper going on. Perhaps stress? I asked my dad what he thought and his answer surprised me. He asked if I’d been keeping secrets.


Excuse me? Did he just say “secrets?”

Yes, he did.

He said there was an old wives tale that states when someone is experiencing severe pain physically, it’s because they may be keeping secrets.

I’d never heard that before, but it got me thinking…hard. Was there anything I was hiding from people? Was I keeping any secrets that were physically harming me? Good question.

I couldn’t think of anything, but subconsciously, sometimes we may keep things to ourselves in order to protect ourselves – our hearts, minds and souls. I know we tend to bury hurtful memories or experiences as a way of emotional and mental survival. I don’t believe, at this point, I’m “actively” keeping a bunch of secrets that have wreaked havoc on my back, but who knows. Am I?

Keeping secrets is ultimately about trust, or lack thereof. If something is eating at you or you feel someone is keeping something from you, that can drain you of your energy, and make you question your ability to trust if you try to walk around it. It can make us overly suspicious, a little paranoid and give us disturbing gut feelings with no words to wrap around them – making us wonder if something is off and struggling to trust our intuition. One of the worst feelings in the world is not being able to trust the messages that are coming from within us, therefore making it even more difficult to trust someone else.

Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust, making relationships doomed never to experience true, long lasting intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. He or she is not so much concerned about the other person having sex with someone else, but more so about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets, and deception that make you crazy and drain you. Emotionally and physically. Trust is essential for any relationship to work, be it romantic, familial or friendship.

Now, as far as keeping secrets, I’m not saying that you should sit down with everyone you know and divulge the top 50 secrets of your illicit past. Everyone has the right to privacy, and we’re all capable of discerning the difference between being deceitful and being discreet. If you have resolved issues from your past that no longer affect the present or your future – i.e., you’ve forgiven yourself and learned from those behaviors – then they do not qualify as a pain causing secret that you must share with the world.

However, if in the course of trying to establish intimacy in your relationships you want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now, you can do so at your own pace. If you feel a secret is taking up room in your mind, heart and spirit, to the point where it’s literally making you sick, don’t let it hold you back from healing yourself and growing in the many stages of intimacy that lead to meaningful relationships. Talk to someone you trust or a professional and let it all go.

And if you feel someone is keeping something from you, let that person know that your intuition is sending you a message that something is wrong. Make them feel safe to share their secrets with you, be open, and listen without judgement. If your relationship, whatever that relationship is, is valuable to you, you will nurture it. In doing so, you’ll free up space in your heart to trust, release pain and stress from your body…and you’ll be free.

Has a secret ever weighed on you so hard that it took over your mind and spirit to the point where it made you ill?

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  • Paranoid are we?? ..

    No. If the secrets are keeping growth, enrichment and empowerment of a loved one suppressing it then goes into being imprisoned. being mentally abused later making it normal for physical abuse. its obvious the one whos doing the withholding has a few Insecurities and control issues. Using the lack there of to criticize riddicule or demean a mate is abusive. why contain your mate?? why keep a rift that will forever cause problems at home?? arguing and fighting everywhere not giving a fk is not a healthy relationship.

    • 1st class loser 101

      Its supposed to be both mutha fkka! doing me

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  • CrossWinds

    1 John 1:9
    If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

  • religh

    just too much glad i dont let simple things ruin me

  • L-Boogie

    Or people who think it is funny to play with your life…through keeping secrets from you. Funny how everything done in the dark comes to the light…in due time.

    • playing

      yep. look what he over here doing. playin. secrets aint yours and aint yours nor to keep if they involving someone else and who u gotta turn them over to. playin wit folks lives. aint no askung foe forgiveness if knowingly commits sin as happening duhmass

      • L-Boogie

        I am sorry. But what did you just say?

  • The Truth

    Everyone has secrets, some secrets that can be express to others despite the judgment that came along with “healing your body”. While I agree keeping things inside and not reveling what mite save your health, mind and body are unhealthy. Somethings are left unsaid, unknown and not to be discussed. I believe some secrets that we keep are experiences that we encountered that we out of our control. And yes we know the truth and the people involved do too. Something are left unsaid unknown for protection of our souls. Mind and body anyone can try to destroy that. But a beautiful soul thats reveal some secrets but not all can bear the weight of the mind and body trying to be destroyed. Its like a rose that grew through concrete. Just my opinion on this topic

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