7 “Flaws” You Either Will Or Won’t Be Able To Live With In A Partner

September 10, 2013  |  
1 of 15

"Black woman thinking"

When it comes to “flaws,” “quirks,” “weaknesses”—you name it—in a partner, it’s not about finding out what’s right or wrong; it’s about finding out what works for you. Here are 7 “flaws” in a partner you’ll find you either can live with, or simply can’t.



He’s a big flirt

One of your guy’s biggest joys in life is making women feel good about themselves. He has tons of female friends who he isn’t shy about telling that they look gorgeous. He hugs other women all the time, picks up rounds of drinks for girls just to make their night, and is overall adored by the opposite sex. But he never cheats.



Can you handle it?

Just because your guy never cheats, doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be comfortable with him doing everything but cheating. If your sense of jealousy gets provoked every time you see him flirting, you’ll have a turbulent relationship. But if all you need to know is that he’s faithful, and with that information you feel at peace, you can probably handle dating a big flirt.

"holiday party pf"

He loves to party

He’ll never miss a good party. He can go for a week on barely 9 hours of sleep if it means he gets to see and be seen at the hottest parties and clubs, and hang out with all of his friends, and capture three-dozen Facebook albums worth of awesome photos. Maybe once every few months he needs a relaxing weekend to recover, but relaxation is rare—not the norm.



Can you handle it?

A partier and a non-partier can work out, but the non-partier has to have a great deal of independence. You’ll need to enjoy a lot of time away from your partner, because you’ll get it. In order to hang with your guy, you’ll need to chug some Red Bulls and keep up, because he won’t slow down for you. If you’re okay with spending most weekends apart, and just enjoying down time during the week together, your relationship will thrive. But if to you, bonding means running errands, making dinner and watching movies together on the weekend, you’ll be left greatly unsatisfied.


He’s the constant social butterfly

Getting your guy alone is nearly impossible. His phone is constantly buzzing, if not with invites, then some hilarious text message thread he’s involved in with his friends, that’s been going on for a week.

Not being connected 24/7 to his social circle gives him anxiety. He’s always inviting people to join the dinner that was meant to be for two, and overall his home—or the one you share together—is the main hangout spot for his buddies.

Source: Shutterstock

Can you handle it?

You need to either love having people around all the time, or at least be indifferent to it, for this to work. You need to be majorly flexible because dinnertime will depend on 10 individual’s schedules and dietary needs—never just yours and your partner’s. People will be eating out of your fridge who you may or may not even know, and couples vacations will usually involve your guy looking up any and ALL of his buddies that he knows in your vacation destination to hang out. If you like a sort of “us against the world” relationship, you’ll be miserable.

couple with present

He likes to show his feelings, not tell them

When you ask your guy to tell you how he feels about you, he gets a look on his face like you just asked him to pull out one of his wisdom teeth with his bare hands. But, he shows you how he feels all the time either through gifts, or helping you around your home, or simply by spending lots of time with you and touching you.

Source: Shutterstock

Can you handle it?

If your main form of communication in love is verbal, this may start to get to you. But if you are a very observant individual, you’ll pick up on which actions are his way of saying he loves you, and you’ll feel gratification through those alone. But your eyes need to be constantly open with the non-verbal communicator, or else you could miss his gestures of love, and fail to know how much he cares about you.


He doesn’t believe in marriage

He is great about monogamy and likes the idea of living together—perhaps even having children together—but he doesn’t believe in the constitution of marriage. He says things like, “Why do we have to put a label on it?” or “Why do we have to involve the law in our love?”

"Couple moving in together pf"

Can you handle it?

For starters, if your family is extremely traditional or you have parents and grandparents who have been happily married for 30 years, it doesn’t matter how okay you are with not getting married: you’ll feel external pressure every day to jump the broom. If you can handle that, then it’s time to ask yourself if you need a certificate to feel confirmed in your love. Do you really believe your partner is committed to you? If so, is giving up a loving relationship worth it, just because you couldn’t lock down a piece of paper? If not, then the problem isn’t that your partner won’t marry you: it’s that you don’t feel he’s committed!


He doesn’t want you having male friends

He isn’t controlling or particularly jealous, but he’s stated he’d rather you didn’t cultivate male friendships. He thinks they only complicate things, and he doesn’t see why you need other close male relationships other than your relationship with him.

"Male and female friends pf"

Can you handle it?

If you already have five male best friends that you speak to weekly, if not daily, then you’re in for a headache; you have to explain to them, one by one, that your friendship is off the table. No relationship is worth giving up a handful of best friends so if that’s the boat you’re in, walk away from the guy. However, if you’re not a super social person to begin with, or didn’t have any close male friends but just some acquaintances, you can subtly distance yourself from those guys without them feeling slighted, and without you feeling you have to turn your life upside down. But always be on the lookout for controlling tendencies in a partner who doesn’t like you hanging with other men.

"man giving money pf"


Money doesn’t matter

Your guy is much more concerned with quality of life than money or status. He likes a simple life, time to spend with his family, minimal stress and just enough to live and eat. He has no plans to climb any corporate ladder or start his own company (unless it can be a simple one like a small pizzeria).

"couple-on-picnic PF"

Can you handle it?

Honestly, if you’ve found a man that realizes relationships are the most important thing in life, you’ve hit the jackpot! So long as he isn’t a deadbeat that can’t cover his own expenses, appreciate that he values simple, sustainable joys like being outdoors and being with family over pretentious, unstable joys like VIP memberships to yacht clubs. If extra luxuries are important to you, just make a little more money yourself.

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • SK

    I’m not a money/materialistic person…but I think the last issue can be put in the perspective of wanting a guy who has a passion and purpose in life. For example, you have a lot of men who work menial jobs to get a check. That’s fine. But distinct about a gentlemen who wants to find his true purpose and passion for life…having a career. That’s says a lot about determination and mindset. He may have started at the bottom but he understands that with hardwork and focus he can anything. In my opinion that’s an important relationship trait. Yes a man should care about the relationship but he should also care enough about himself to want to add value to himself AND the relationship.

  • Nope

    I think this was a good list and it gave practical advice on how to approach each item. I could relate to several on the list. Maybe I am/was a handful…