How To Turn A Fling Into A Relationship – And Be Sure That’s What You Really Want

September 4, 2013  |  
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So you met this guy and the two of you hit it off really well immediately. You were sending each other all sorts of good vibes, the conversation was naturally flowing and you were both evenly physically attracted to each other. One thing lead to another and before you know it, the two of you hooked up one night, and that night has lead to many other fun nights. But, at the end of it all, you’ve found that you want more, and instead of a fling, you’re looking for a full blown relationship. Though this isn’t an easy task to achieve, here are 14 tips for turning a fling into a relationship.

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Know what you’re getting yourself into

Looking at the reality of your situation, it’s safe to say that the odds are not in your favor. It’s an extremely daunting task to successfully turn a fling into a relationship that lasts. Before you make any first moves or decisions, be sure that you know what you’re getting yourself into. You face all sorts of potentially negative outcomes, all of which could change your outlook on relationships and even men.

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Prepare for all possible outcomes

Sadly, there really is no way to know how this whole thing will turn out. On one hand you may find that things go really well and end up in a relationship, while on the other hand things can go completely bad and you may find that not only are you left single, but you’ve lost a man who you considered a friend, maybe even a friend with benefits. Go into this thinking positively, but prepare yourself for all of the possible outcomes, both good and bad.

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Figure out if he feels the same or not

Relationships require two people, and before you can talk to this man about turning this fling into a relationship, you’ll want to figure out whether or not he wants the same things you do. If he’s happily content with just having you as a friend with benefits on the weekend, you can’t expect him to want to date seriously. On the opposite end of things, you may find that he wants to take things further, just as you do.

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Determine why you’re looking to date him

What is making you want to date this guy? Is it because the sex is good? Is it because he makes you laugh and you two get along really well together? Don’t jump into any decisions before you know exactly why you want to date this man. If it’s because you’re lonely or because you just want to be able to say you have  a man, this probably isn’t the right time or the right guy to be in a relationship with.

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Love or lust?

Hooking up can cause all sorts of mixed emotions. One minute you may feel like you love this guy and the next minute you may think that you only like him because of your connection in the bedroom. Before attempting to turn a fling into a relationship, take a step back and really consider your feelings. Do you really like this guy, or are you just in lust with him and afraid of losing that feeling? Like, love, and lust are all different, but when hooking up is involved, these emotions can feel as though they’re interchangeable, even when they really aren’t.

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Is proximity causing your emotions?

Some women are known to become a bit emotionally clingy and bonded once sex is put into the picture. You have to admit that sex is one of those things that makes you feel extremely close to the man you’re with. The real and true emotions will come to surface when the hooking up becomes a bit more sporadic and it doesn’t happen as often. Do you still feel an urge to be around this man, or do those feelings fade when you no longer have him in your bed? Proximity can definitely cause you to feel certain emotions that seem to dissipate as time goes on.

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Take a chance

When you’re looking to turn a fling into a relationship, you have to be willing to take a chance. With so many blurred lines and crossed boundaries, you may find that it’s a lot harder to read his mind and really figure out what he’s looking for. Instead of hoping and praying that this fling will come to fruition and magically turn into a relationship, take a chance and be daring. Come out right and let him know how you feel and what you’re looking for. This leap may be all that you need.

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Give it time

Once you’ve made the decision to try to turn a fling into a relationship, one of the most important things that the two of you can do is give it time. Don’t rush into the relationship. Instead, allow things to blossom, even if the process is a bit slower than you’d like. Take the time to allow yourselves to connect on a deeper level. Allow some time for the two of you to learn more about each other. Spend more time together and do so more often.

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Make it known what you’re looking for

What good is it if you want a relationship but he has no idea? Nothing good can come out of this fling unless both parties are on the same page. If you’re truly and deeply looking to turn your fling into a relationship, make sure that your man knows this, ASAP! There’s no reason to put off telling him, and if you do, you risk running into the problem that at this point in time, he’s used to you being a friend with benefits and nothing more.

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Start casual

One of the best things you can do when you’re looking to turn a fling into a relationship is to let things start off casually. Spend more time together gradually, but don’t push the subject. Ask him to go out to dinner with you or to go see a movie. By spending more time together and doing things other than activities between the sheets, you’re able to open up a new avenue that may lead to a relationship. A slow and casual start is a good way to begin this new venture.

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Be proactive

Mentioning things to him one time isn’t enough. Instead, be proactive if you’re really looking to turn this fling into a relationship. Don’t sit back passively and hope that things will eventually progress into a relationship. Take charge of what you want and go for it. Be proactive. Ask him out on dates. Ask questions to learn more about him. Being proactive can definitely speed up the process.

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Don’t corner him

When you’re looking to turn a fling into a relationship, mentally and emotionally you’re going to feel a lot of pressure, and you’ll want answers as soon as you can get them. While it’s important to let him know what you want, make sure that you don’t throw the burden of interest onto his shoulders. Don’t outright ask him the dreaded “where do you see this going” question. Instead, let him know what you want and what you’re looking for, be direct, and give him time to determine if he’s on the same page as you or not.

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Don’t become clingy

Unless the two of you have decided that you’re both willing to turn the fling into a relationship, don’t start becoming overbearing and clingy. Even if you know deep in your heart that you want to date this man, that doesn’t give you any rights to start acting like you’re his woman. Becoming clingy and overbearing won’t do you any good. In fact, you may find yourself in a less desirable position. Let time do its job and try to stay as composed as possible.

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Mix up the status quo

Right now, the status quo of you two hooking up and being friends with benefits works. You’re both happy. You talk. You spend time together. But, before you decide to turn the fling into a relationship, start shaking things up a bit. Don’t have sex after tomorrow’s party, see if you still talk the next day. When you start taking things out of the equation and the relationship still remains, you’re more likely to have success in the possible relationship. If he still reaches out to talk to you and if you still miss him, even when there’s no sex involved, you may have a good shot at this.

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