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It had been on my mind and heart to reach out to an old friend for a few months. We were inseparable all four years of undergrad – taking classes together, partying together, breaking bread together, planning events together. There was rarely a tear I didn’t sit with Kara through or a heartbreak slump Kara didn’t pep talk me out of. When my hair looked ridiculous, she gently suggested another option in her sweet-spirited way. When she took crap from people, I volunteered to tell them off for her.

But more than anything, we inspired each other to be the better versions of ourselves. To be dignified while everyone else was showing their behinds – literally and figuratively. We motivated each other to get our work done, to step out on faith and do what seemed to be the impossible, to be leaders in our own right.

And then we graduated and barely spoke for reasons that mainly involved a falling out between a mutual friend and me. I fell off the grid. Distanced myself from everyone and anyone with whom I had been close.  Just in case. Eff all of them. People are untrustworthy and I’m over it. I’m done.

That was my hurt and childish mindset in 2008:

One person did me wrong so everybody must pay. Hell, they could be sitting with that person, talking smack about me right now! They probably are. Kara probably is. She doesn’t return my phone calls or texts. I’m done with her too.

I distanced myself so greatly, one would never have known that we were ever friends.

But after a few years of ups and downs a LOT of self-work, Kara stayed heavily on my spirit. I debated and talked myself out of contacting her each time the thought shimmied into my consciousness. Was it even possible to be as close as we were before? Would she even respond to my text?

Eff it. Closure, a new beginning, peace – I had to get past my pride if I was ever going to have any of the above.

What my invitation to dinner was met with was an ecstatic Kara, eager to meet up. I don’t know if I was shocked or touched. Maybe a little of both.

What came of that meeting was conversation between two old friends like no time had passed. Explanations of lapses in contact. Encouragement, life lessons learned over the past five years, hilarious anecdotes that made us laugh. Hard.

When she finally asked me why we didn’t stay as close as we thought we would have, I came clean about my “guilty by association” mindset back then. She was shocked.

“Ash, you should know I’m not like that. If two of my friends have beef I tell them to work it out like grown women. I don’t drop people because someone else has an issue with them.”

I felt dumb for having been so irrational. How many chances had we lost to celebrate triumphs together? How many times could we have been each other’s shoulder to lean on through tough times?

But we were here now. Five years later, many experiences wiser, more mature, able to embrace one another like no time had passed.

It was one of the most humbling experiences. I had so horribly misjudged someone with whom I had had a sisterhood. All because of a hurt I suffered at the hands of someone else. Clouded judgment caused me to miss out on years of friendship with one of the most genuine friends I had ever known. But actively humbling myself, reaching out and being real started a healing process.

I grew from that experience. I learned that people are much more gracious than I’ve given them credit for being. I was humbled with yet another example of how flawed I am. I learned all over again to leave assumptions at the door.

We’re human so we’re going to make mistakes, misjudge others, and mishandle situations. The key to forward movement, healing, and repair is to kick pride out of the way for a minute and admit our mistakes. Sometimes it’s not too little too late and we and we can begin again.

La Truly’s writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Check her out on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.

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