Straight From His Mouth: Does Forgiving A Cheater Give Him a Free Pass To Do It Again?

5 comments
August 26, 2013 ‐ By RealGoesRight
 Forgiving A Cheater

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This is a two-part question. 1) If you take a man back after he cheats, have you essentially given him a pass to do it again? And 2) Is leaving a man after he cheats the only consequence that makes him understand the gravity of what he did? The answer to both questions is…it depends.

Universal rules for relationships, despite what most say, are almost nonexistent. What won’t be acceptable to one person may be completely OK to another. The only people who need to be governing what happens in their relationships, are the two (or more if you’re into that kind of thing) people involved. I stress the aforementioned points because I want whoever reads this to understand that there is no real answer to this question of forgiving a cheater. It really does depend on who you are.

First, one must define what is considered cheating. Is it a kiss? Sexual intercourse? Time spent? Does emotional cheating weigh more than physical cheating? Or is it the actual act that is considered cheating and the intentions irrelevant? Once cheating is defined, one must acknowledge what they’re actually upset about. Is it the possibility of someone’s health being jeopardized? Is the threat of emotional cheating what really causes the anger? Does the fact a man considered leaving the relationship for another woman what hurts or is it a combination of all these things?

As adults, we all understand people will only do to you what you allow. There is a chance a man who has cheated and plead his way back into the relationship will feel as if he’s been given a free pass to act on it again. Particularly, in situations where he might’ve felt he didn’t really lose a woman during the process. He simply had to wait her out. On the other side of the spectrum, men are humans and humans make mistakes. Even if a man has made a conscious decision to cheat, it still counts as a mistake (though I’m positive this fact will likely change a woman’s perspective on the behavior). Once he’s been caught, it might be the reality check he needed to realize his woman is more important than the cheap thrills he can find in flings with other women. There’s no real way to be able to say what will happen objectively. The outcome is highly influenced by a number of factors which would have to be determined based on the people involved and what has actually taken place.

If a woman discovers she’s been cheated on, I would tell her to take a step back and assess the situation. Gather as many facts as possible. Take a long look at the man she’s with. Take a look at herself in the mirror. Evaluate the situation as a whole. If she believes there’s something that can be salvaged in the relationship and thinks herself strong enough to deal with a possible repeat offense, staying might be the best course of action. In contrast, if a woman believes there is no possible way she’ll ever have peace because of his actions, leaving would be my first suggestion. The objective in a relationship is to be happy with the person you’re with. I would tell anybody, man or woman, if there’s something telling you that you can’t be happy with that person, walk away.

If a woman can’t be happy with the person she’s with the relationship is bound for failure. She should cut her losses and move on.

Peace.

For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.

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  • Candace

    Cheating is an offense I won’t overlook. Cheat on me once and it is over!

  • Tia_Sunny

    I just want to know why men even cheat in the first place?

  • Nikia D-Shiznit

    Most people are opportunity cheaters. If you take him/her back, how do you know that they won’t so it again should the opportunity present itself again? Personally, I feel that the only person who benefit from being forgiven is the cheater- not only do they have their legitimate relationship, but they got to step out, get some on the side, and come home to the person they wronged.

    Some people use cheating as a way to get out of a relationship. Instead of saying they want out, they use cheating as a sure fire way to get the boot from the relationship and get caught on purpose. Personally, I could never forgive a cheater. I know that there are guys out there who won’t do it, and I won’t sell myself short for a pig who pokes any and everything.

  • Nikia D-Shiznit

    Most people are opportunity cheaters. If you take him/her back, how do you know that they won’t so it again should the opportunity present itself again? Personally, I feel that the only person who benefit from being forgiven is the cheater- not only do they have their legitimate relationship, but they got to step out, get some on the side, and come home to the person they wronged.

    Some people use cheating as a way to get out of a relationship. Instead of saying they want out, they use cheating as a sure fire way to get the boot from the relationship and get caught on purpose. Personally, I could never forgive a cheater. I know that there are guys out there who won’t do it, and I won’t sell myself short for a pig who pokes any and everything.

  • Heart2HeartTalk

    Interesting article, to each it’s own. You have to have a high level of self respect and confidence to walk away from a cheater. If you allow a man to cheat and accept him back chances are he will cheat again ( he already knows the outcome if he do it again.) If you know that you are an asset to the relationship and have something offer kick his behind to the curb and date a man who is ready to be in a monogamous relationship. There are good men in fact faithful men in this world you have to overcome “Settling syndrome” and “fictious Man Syndrome” aka “a man that doesn’t exist. Good luck!

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