Are You Emotionally Unavailable?

December 10th, 2010 - By Erica Renee

The term emotionally unavailable usually refers to those who create barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy. Relationships with emotionally unavailable people are often depressing and distressing, as their partners end up feeling neglected, unloved and unwanted.

As a result, you look and feel bitter and are unable to experience the benefits of love.

Who wants to be vulnerable? It’s fair to assume that no one likes feeling exposed, weak, or defenseless. Of course those of us who have been in love know that this sometimes comes with the territory. But after dealing with cheaters, liars, toppled with a bundle of heartbreak, some people bounce back into love while others are skeptical and left guarding their emotions. This is all fine if you don’t want to reap the experiences of a loving, healthy relationship; but if you do, chances are being unemotionally available will prevent you from the experience.

So how do you know if you are emotionally unavailable?

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  • I Said

    Melinda, that's real. It's called wooing for a reason. Adam where art thou?

  • Nette

    I admit that I was emotionally unavailable. I mean all 9 characteristics described me. I even realized that I was when I met this wonderful person. Unfortunately after being in a relationship with him for 2 yrs, I found out that he had some unresolved issues. As a result of this I have suffered a tremendous amount of pain because he was the one that I trusted to be a part of my life. I don't think that he is ready for a relationship even though he thinks he's ready to be married.The sad thing is that he really is a wonderful person and I really do believe that he loves me. Even though he wants to salvage our relationship, Im reluctant to do so. Truth is although Im still in love with him, Im petrified of being hurt again. So much that Im willing to walk away and miss out on something that could potentially be great… Through this experience I honestly can say that being emotionally unavailable worked for me…

  • Melinda

    Wow! Very interesting article. I never felt I was emotionally unavailable (just a bs detector and tired of the games some men play). I am pretty straight forward and I think everyone should be. IDK something to think about a work in progress.

    • Ms. MLA

      Right I am/can be emotionally unavailable but I’m also unavailable for stupid…

  • Amber

    This has nothing to do with the article at all but doesn't the first lady look like a mix between Angelina Jolie and Phaedra of RHOA?!

    Is it just me?!

  • Lisa

    This describes my male friend to a TEE! Wow! And like Shaye says, I was starting to think I was crazy.

    I also agree with Lydon too. My male friend has been through a lot of things and i assume he is going through some sort of PSD and doesn't realize it.

  • SHAYE

    CRAZZY, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW MY MAN OF 11 YRS IS……..WOW. THANKS I WAS START N TO THINK I WAS CRAZY. SCARED TO INTERACT

  • Lyndon

    This is called PTSD (post traumatic syndrome disorder)

  • Danielle

    Wow this is exactly how I am …kinda of scary…

  • Ms. Dixon

    WOW!!!!!6 out of 8 discribes me. I am unhappy and everyone I date is unhappy……..How do I overcome this?

  • briana

    This describes my kinda sorta x to the tee. But i knw its because he had a Very difficult child hood. Although we're not 2gether we're planning on getting back together but… idk cuz we do talk about marrige alot n i dont knw if i want someone who turns hes feelings off wenever we're having problems! I dont want to be married an misrable!

  • TashaB

    Wow. This really hits home. Something to think about.

  • Monica

    Great article!