Smashed the Homie? Signs Your Boyfriend And Your Bestie Are Too Close for Comfort

August 23, 2013  |  

boyfriend cheating with best friend

I was watching the movie Something Borrowed for the first time the other day and couldn’t believe a movie starring Kate Hudson could be so ratchet…yet so good.  Even though I feel like her and Katherine Heigl star in the same movies over and over, this one had me glued to the screen.  It’s about a woman who ends up falling for her best friend’s fiancé even though she was the one who initially hooked them up.  To this girl’s credit, the friend was an absolute jerk.  Still, I always think it’s awkward when your boo and your bestie had a close friendship that preceded your relationship, or when it seems he has more fun with her than you. These behaviors could make you uncomfortable, and might be a cause for concern, especially if your man and best friend are a little too close for your liking.

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1.  They have one too many “inside jokes”

I used to hate when people abused that “insider” hashtag on Facebook and Twitter.  If the joke is so personal, get the heck off Google Chrome and chuckle it up in person.  Now imagine, your boo and your best friend constantly giving each other side-eyes and getting their Def Comedy Jam on while you’re sitting there looking lost like, “What is so damn funny?” If your man cares about you, he won’t repeatedly risk your comfort level at the expense of a good punch line.  If you find yourself like Drake outside of the Miami Heat locker room and never in on the joke, there’s a chance that’s not the only thing you’re not in on.

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2.  She’s closer to his mom than you are.

Remember when Patti Labelle would guest star as Dwayne Wayne’s mama on A Different World, and constantly mention how much she would’ve loved to see him get with Kimberly Reece and not Whitley Gilbert?  You can’t control who his mom takes a liking to, but if they were friends long before he stopped his car in the middle of rush hour traffic to get your number, keep in mind that his mother’s opinion may matter more than you think and he could be affected by it. Be leery: His sandbox buddy may really be an unrequited crush waiting for her golden opportunity to get “chose.”

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3.  They repeatedly pull disappearing acts…at the same damn time.

There’s a scene in Something Borrowed where the bride-to-be is looking frantically for her missing fiancé, when the fact is he spent the night in her bestie’s bed. Maybe you just attract social butterflies with demanding social calendars, but if the two people who are closest to you constantly go MIA, at the same time nonetheless, it may be more than a coincidence.

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4.  She takes his side in arguments.

First off, homegirl is breaking all kinds of girl code if she starts taking up for your man in the midst of a heated argument (even if you are clearly wrong).  Any good friend will defend your honor before discreetly pulling you to the side to let you know you need to get it together.  If all of your disagreements turn into two against one, it could be because they’re joining forces and feelings for each other.

"black couple talking pf"

5.  He constantly compares the two of you.

If your man is constantly comparing you to any woman, he needs to stop playing and go get the woman he wants and stop trying to make you into her.  As much as it pains me to quote her, in the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

"Woman on laptop pf"

6. She’s his biggest fan on social media.

Your man can’t put up a picture of his plate from Sunday dinner without her liking, following and re-tweeting it to damn death.  The thirst is real, but it’s a sad day when your best friend is dehydrated (aka, thirsty). There is no reason why your girl should be spending her days memorizing your man’s page.

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7.  She sells herself when he’s around.

If she starts pimping herself when he’s in her presence, she’s either looking for validation or plotting on making him hers, and neither is a good situation. “I don’t understand why I can’t get a good man?  I work, I can cook and do you see how big my behind is getting?”  Sound familiar?  There’s no need for her to be selling anything if there are no shoppers in the room.

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8.  She relies on him to fulfill “boyfriend” responsibilities.

You ever had a friend who acts like once you get a man, she’s got one too?  “Is Sean around?  I need my battery jumped.”  “Does your man know how to put up dry wall?” “Do you think Sean can swing by my job and pick me up?”  Umm, no girl. These are perks to having a man, so until you get one, I’m going to need you to back up off mine.  Beware of the friend that believes she has a boyfriend by default, because she might be trying to give him boyfriend privileges as well.

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9.  She purposely omits chance encounters and conversations.

If your dude knows more about how your day went than you do because your girl rushed to break it down to him before you did, that’s a problem.  If she’s leaving out bumping into him “randomly” or random phone conversations, it could be because she feels guilty about their interactions.  And people only feel guilty when they’re doing something they know they have no business doing…

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10. They’re inappropriate.

Remember in Player’s Club when fast-behind Ebony was walking around in her drawls in front of her cousin Diamond’s boyfriend? I don’t care if your man has been coming around for decades, there have to be boundaries. That means no skipping around in towels fresh from the shower, sitting on laps, backing it up on him in the club, etc..

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a  passion for helping  young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health.  She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.  

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  • kayer713

    okay #9 she’s not omitting because she’s guilty. She’s being sneaky.

  • ❤♥BabyGirl♥❤

    I’m close to my best friend boyfriend only because he’s my cousin and we grew up together so he’s like my brother. As for my man, Monique did a stand up show one time saying to never leave your man around another woman. That’s how I am. Not my friends, cousins, sisters, mother lmao not that serious but I dont see why they would have or need such a close relationship anyway

  • Pingback: Smashed The Homie? Signs Your Boyfriend And Your Bestie Are Too Close For Comfort « Gossip Newsstand™ – Blog()

  • Gabie Aldrich

    Also in Something Borrowed Kate Hudson was also sleeping with her fiance’s best friend.

  • Mia

    I don’t believe in hanging around my friends man either, however when she confides to me abt their little tiffs I usually try to play devils advocate. Secretly no woman wants her friend to bash her man, she wants to hear as many positives as possible then she’ll be able to decide what she wants to do with a clear head instead of an angry one.
    That’s just my take on it.

  • NachoDiva

    Haha this article had me glued to my screen.

  • L-Boogie

    Stay single. Too much drama!

  • L-Boogie

    Stay single. Too much drama!

  • Guest

    I honestly don’t understand females that are close or even “friends” with their girlfriend’s boyfriend. As a woman, I wouldn’t even want to e friends with a girl’s bf because nothing good can come from it. The farthest I go is friendly acquaintances. Your girlfriend can accuse you of something even when you are innocent. In addition, I wouldn’t even date someone my friend hooked me up with or knew before me because you don’t know what history or feelings their may between them. Keep your social life away from your love life.

    • Kayla

      “Keep your social life away from your love life.” Couldn’t agree more. That is a rule I live by. I have heard too many horror stories of so-called friends secretly hooking up with each other’s men.