Relationships don’t always work the way we expect them to work. However, in some ways when we think about relationships working we kind of expect the woman to be the one who compromises. That’s where the problem is because in most cases it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s not always going to be the woman who has to move, or who has to sacrifice her career. But how do you make that decision?
I think it’s simple. I think that most relationships work best when you remove pride from the equation. Pride is what prevents people from compromise. You’ll say to yourself, “I’m not willing to move for a woman, she should move for me,” as if that is a sound approach. Men often times want to get to a place in their lives where they feel like they can be confident in their ability to provide, but they don’t always offer that liberty to women. It’s like a man can be a work in progress, but a woman… she better come off the shelf as perfect as a 10.
And that doesn’t make much sense, does it?
I won’t lie, it’s hard and it’s not easy. I’ve been in a situation before where I would have to wait for a woman to be ready to completely invest in a relationship. Let me be clear, the whole “I’m focusing on my career right now and don’t have time for a relationship” line is complete bulls**t. I’m sorry, there’s no other way to put it. If you want to be in a relationship and you care about someone, there’s not much that can ever stand in your way from being together. That doesn’t mean that you have to be on top of one another, but it means that you agree to make each other a priority. The great couples realize that priorities range and while someone may be working on themselves, they still have much to offer in a relationship. Even if the only connection you have to a person is telling them, “Hey, I want to be with you. I may not have a ton of free time, but that free time is best spent with you,” it’s worth it.
Men don’t typically go for this approach. Men see themselves in a very selfish way most times. They think that once they have achieved success and wealth then a woman should just want to go along for the ride.
Ladies, men are silly sometimes. Accept it.
Here’s a story and a piece of advice:
I have a lady friend who is in the Foreign Service. Due to the nature of her job she moves all the time. Is there a way for her to be in a relationship with a man? Well, yes. She’s actually married. The way it works is that the man wasn’t so intent on getting her to fit into his life, but he saw it differently. Sometimes the man has to be man enough to let a woman star. I always considered her the franchise player or the star in their relationship. As a man, he’s got to be a husband and while head of a household is a strong term, it is what it is. He leads the household but he understands that the star of the relationship is his wife. This is an example where a man is okay taking a backseat to his wife. He has to move where she moves, adapt to the opportunities provided to him because of her life, and he never complains about this. This life isn’t easy and it’s not traditional, but it works. In his relationship, he’s found something special. He’s got a great woman. He’s not walking away from it because it doesn’t fit into his plan. He adapted his plan to let it include her.
So do men wait on women? Nope, they never will. They can, however, choose to be a part of a woman’s life and work on moving it forward. Drive man, drive. That’s what men should do and that’s what women ask us to do. When we don’t do that we fail as men, but moreover, we make women wonder… where are the real men at?
