How To Tell If He’s An Alpha Male

August 20, 2013  |  
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Every man has an alpha male living inside of him; it’s just the nature of the beast. Some, let their alpha traits and tendencies dominate their personalities, others completely suppress them, and others beautifully control them, being the perfect specimen of gentle and firm. We’d all love to find the latter; so here’s what to look for.


An alpha male is confident

He walks with his head held eye, he looks people in the eye when speaking to them, he stands as if he is proud to be in his body and he speaks with intention. He doesn’t hide his accomplishments or feign humility when complimented, nor does he seek out compliments, but accepts flattery graciously.


He doesn’t condescend

An alpha male who is truly confident doesn’t feel the need to make other men feel less than him. He doesn’t condescendingly pat other men on the back, or grab their elbow when shaking hands (an understood condescending act amongst men), or one-up a man who is speaking of his accomplishments. He feels secure in his masculinity and therefore doesn’t feel the need to emasculate other men.

Source: Shutterstock

Fear is not a factor

There’s always something to fear, if you let yourself. An alpha male could get arrested by sneaking you onto a private beach in the middle of the night to show you the stunning view, and he could be turned down when asking for a few extra complimentary bottles of champagne from a concierge. But when he does these things, it never seems to even occur to him that there is something to be afraid of. When there is something an alpha male wants to do, or have, he goes after it—it’s all he knows to do.


He is intelligent

An alpha male wants power, and he knows that in today’s world, intelligence equals power. An alpha male will be well read, will keep up with the news, will familiarize himself with the customs of other cultures and will often take classes, even after college, to continue to accumulate knowledge.



He takes risks

He makes big investments, he quits his day job to start his company, he takes on a position he knows nothing about but stays up all night to learn everything he can about it, rather than turning it down.

Source: Shutterstock


He accommodates others to a reasonable degree

If we constantly worried about whose toes we could be stepping on, or who else deserves something we’re getting, we wouldn’t get anywhere. The alpha male understands that. However, he doesn’t knowingly or intentionally harm another person on his way up the ladder. He takes into consideration the needs of others when he can, and when he knows it is his responsibility to do so. But he is no martyr. He is in it to win it.


Women are drawn to him

You’ll often see plenty of women surrounding an alpha male, even if they are just friends. Women are attracted to the alpha energy—an alpha male behaves as if he is someone worth knowing, and so others believe he is. He is also straightforward, which to women is edgy and exciting; you never know what the alpha male might say next.


But he doesn’t have to try hard

The alpha male doesn’t “hit on” women, or pay them tons of compliments. He knows that with his confidence, all he has to do is treat them with respect. The alpha male never worries that another more aggressive man will swoop in because he knows aggression is not the way to win over a woman. He shows interest, but never seems desperate. He buys you a drink because he knows you want him to; he doesn’t pause to ask if you’ll take it.


He is a trendsetter

The alpha male will be the first to like a music genre nobody else likes, and others will follow in his suit. He’ll be the first to put a hole-in-the-wall restaurant on the map. He has such conviction in his reviews of places/people/things that he even makes others see those places/people/things the way he does—whether they would have liked those things on their own is irrelevant. Their perception has now been colored by the opinion of the alpha male.



He is a leader

He’s the one organizing parties, finding the next thrill to chase from trips to concerts to activities. His friends, co-workers and family look to him for what to do next. He is the one receiving the phone calls and not making them.



He is calm

He doesn’t get worked up over a server spilling a drink on him, or a hostess losing a reservation, or a cocky gentleman trying to make him look bad in front of others. His emotions rarely fluctuate because he knows that it’s within those fluctuations that weakness lies and that remaining calm can only, as a result, calm others around him—whether they were bothering him, or nervous around him.


He is generous

An alpha male pays compliments, tells someone when they’ve done a good job, buys someone a drink if he spills theirs, laughs at a good joke, includes someone in the conversation who has otherwise been left out and in general keeps tabs on everyone, making sure they feel welcome and accepted.

Source: Shutterstock

He speaks slowly

An alpha male doesn’t question whether or not he will be listened to, so he doesn’t feel the need to speak loud or quickly. He speaks slowly, with intention. He also does not react quickly, but takes time to decide on the best plan of action should things go wrong.


He looks masculine

An alpha male just looks like all man. It’s not necessarily in the way he dresses, or how muscular he is, or how tall he is, but in the way he holds himself—plus a combination of the previous three traits.

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  • mas8baller

    An alpha is confident? Yet most “men” alpha or not can’t “ask” for directions or help. Seems to me that if someone’s confident alpha or not then they aren’t afraid to admit their wrong or ask for directions or something like that. Even if they think someone like another male might see it as weak. Which let’s face it is usually the reason males alpha type or not don’t do something that would normally make sense or seem easiest or quicker. Yet according to this article chances are most would say a man asking directions is weak or not confident. Driving up & down the same street repeatedly though make sense? Alpha is in the eye of the beholder but being male I think I’m bias as most men are since most always want & try to think we are all alphas even if we’re really the only one’s who think it. Because it’s become such a big marketing term that any deviation from the standard broad term of “alpha” would make us not remotely manish let alone alpha. Bottomline is each straight guy secretly hopes & wants to be seen by everyone else as alpha & yes their are some very alpha men from all walks of life & some very unAlpha men from all walks of life. We are all who we are better or worse. Why worry about it. Manning up and accepting this reality seems like it should define a truly alpha. Looks & appearance can be deceiving. There’s plenty of muscular “alpha” men who turn out to be anything but.

  • dave lister

    One thing that sucks is being confident, at peace with yourself, and not too worried about things – and that certain women can feel really threatened by you not “needing” them, as much as other less confident guys might. I’ve been out with girls that have been perfectly fine, but have been out with pathetic, insecure guys in the past and just don’t “get” that just because I don’t call them 10 times an hour, I can care about them a great deal.

    When it gets to the point of them saying “but you don’t care as much as X because you don’t do [insert awful needy stalker behavior of ex boyfriend]” it’s best to bail.

    It’s easy to romanticise “Alpha” behavior, but the truth is that it scares the hell out of a lot of girls.

  • Peter MP

    if you mad or don’t understand or believe this article YOUR NOT THE A ALPHA that’s why you confused/mad

  • Chris

    Why do every man in this trend are black…except for the ”he is intelligent”?

    • Estafador

      poor stereotypes I guess. She’s white washed and she doesnt know it?

  • Thedonjuan

    Great Article.

  • Esteban

    I don’t think the author actually knows what an alpha male is.

  • Natasha

    LMAO @ intelligence equal power!! Hahahaha, no, usually low self esteem and issues lead to desire for power and control. Who wrote this nonsense??

  • Dean Tasvil

    Does he speak slowly because he thinks you are a moron.

  • NO NO NO

    Black feminists are ruining the Alpha-male in Black men. If fear is not a factor, it sure doesn’t show when these damn Black feminists need to shut-up sometimes and pick better fights rather than trying to gain a better political position by making the Black man feel low.

  • rac4ara

    The perfect woman:
    Opposite of the alpha male I guess. I don’t agree with this article, everyone has different traits. I believe this is a very primitive article. One could say Bill Gates is not an Alpha Male, Warren Buffet is not an Alpha male, but that has nothing to do with their success and social status; this article presumes too much of the male population; and when men start to point out what they want in a perfect woman beautiful face, perfect body, smart, ambitious and self sufficient. Someone like Kate Upton, men are considered dogs???? This is a sad article, and puts on unrealistic expectations.

  • IknowYouknow

    I’m not sure how I landed on this old article, but I would state unequivocally that all these traits are present in most men in different proportions, and not peculiar to the so-called alpha male. What do you call a bold, assertive man who is also a jerk, loud, and picks on weaker people? There are a lot of those out there. Again, there are also many macho looking men, who do not possess half the courage or leadership abilities of less macho looking men.
    You would hardly find all these mentioned attributes perfectly rolled up in one supposed alpha male. Mr. Perfect is probably a beast in the bedroom too, with genius level IQ, right? Get real folks.

  • Quincy Alexander

    Please most people have never met a true alpha male. What is being described in this article is the stereotypical alpha displayed in movies and shows. The alpha male is basically the man who has mastered his masculine and feminine energies allowing them to work synergistically in their daily lives. That is why women are drawn to him. His feminine energies, although supplemental, have been mastered and the female sees this in him; but also they see the strong masculine exterior. An exterior that projects security, protection and stability. An alpha male will not allow his ego to stop the job from getting done. Also, the Alpha male, only when at rest, moves at his own pace. When the pressure is on, the alpha male kicks into action doing what is necessary to get the job done. You could b 6’5 230 pounds, built, etc and still not be an alpha. Not only are women drawn to him, men want to be him. Subconsciously, other males will start to exhibit traits of the alpha but never the way the alpha does it. The alpha male when he is self aware can be a inspiration to other males. And while these males will never measure up to the alpha, they still are able to make significant improvements in their character. The article was okay.. some true, some not so true. I will say this… when you meet the true alpha male; and once again I am referring the biological alpha male; the one destined from birth, not these manufactured alphas, you will never forget him… ever.

  • Descartes

    Fail so much fail women don’t want guys putting them on pedestal for perfection yet they want all this Alpha nonsense. The alpha male is a concept with no real definition to stand on.
    Anybody that subscribe to this alpha stuff are just old school traditional men and woman who are upset that people don’t act a certain way because of their genitals.

  • Male_RoleModel

    What in the hell is a woman doing posting about what makes a Man an Alpha?

    That is every bit as dumb as a Man trying to explain what makes a Real Woman.

    This is a very arrogant and ignorant article.

    • hollyw

      Really? You don’t see the irony and ignorance in being outraged that a woman writing about men lol? Get real.

  • stewie

    this is what you call femsplain.

    A true Alpha Male is someone who doesn’t need women or anyone else for that matter.

  • cryssi

    Why is the man in the calm photo giving creepy calm crazy eyes to the camera?

    & can we get a list for the alpha female?

  • Benita Marie Hannah

    Ok, Ima need the man in the “generous” photo to slather some lotion on those knuckes and in between his fingers because alpha males aren’t ashy!!!! Lol. No, but for real, this is a good list. I’m involved with an alpha male right now and his masculinity is a TOTAL turn on.

    • mizz new money 2u

      Ashy not cla$$y

    • Harry

      True… But my hands get ashy in winter. It’s a rough weather. My skin blossoms in Summer but looks a bit ashy and dry in winter. Given my own experience with ashy skin, I can safely say it is not always a person’s fault. I use ton of good quality lotion but the cold air dries my skin quickly. just a thought. 🙂

  • Battleofalma

    ‘Alpha Male’ is basically a marketing concept to sell cars, guns, beer, energy drinks etc to insecure men worried about their relative masculinity. Men shouldn’t buy into this, and women definitely shouldn’t.

    It doesn’t mention things like a sense of humour, empathy, caring for his family, being reliable or honest, good with money (not risking it all on some investment) and basically having a lot of the traits that make a guy a good friend, husband, or son.

    • Nope

      I agree with this as well. The Alpha Male thing largely just reinforces the “traditional” nonsense that a lot of women claim (…. whenever it’s convenitent for them…). Bu lets be real, there are a lot of pansy @ss dudes out there.

    • enlightenment

      This article was meant to be taken VERY lightly. Its not. that. serious!

    • GetFound

      Yea I was like mmmmmmmmmmmm IDK if I agree with what this article says is an ALPHA male. The attributes you named says way more about an ALPHA than what this article described.

  • Nope

    Nice article. The only catch is that most men like this don’t need you in their lives because they’re obviously doing just fine without you.

    • Estafador

      LMAO Nice

  • “Every man has an alpha male living inside of him.” FALSE, you are either a macho leader or you aren’t. Alpha males are what feminists want men to feel ashamed of being, they are the definition of maleness in it’s harshest and purest form. Most women of today (millennials) have never dated a true alpha male.

    • sammi_lu

      Agree! (except for your opinion on what feminists want)
      This list is pretty on point for someone who has not dated an alpha male but once you have dealt with a ‘true alpha male’, you know immediately when you come across another. Their essence and unspoken language can’t be denied.