5 Reasons It’s Hard To Commit
Let’s face it: many people are afraid to make commitments when it comes to love and marriage. We live in a disposable world where it is easy to have one night stands and avoid devoting ourselves to those we fall in love with.
Yet, many people do fall in love and make a commitment to love through sickness and in health ’til death do they part — and mean it. Most who make this statement feel honor-bound by the commitments they make. But why are some people able to make the commitment to love someone for a lifetime, while others have so much trouble taking the leap?
Falling in love with another human being is easy, but making a commitment to love them forever is difficult for some. We like to use the term “up in the air” (like the movie) for a whole bunch of reasons, primarily because it aptly describes the struggles so many folks go through when it comes to a lifelong partnership.
Up in the Air certainly reminds us of the difficulty of buckling down with one person. Here is the question of the day: why do some find it so hard to make a commitment to love?
Happily married couples we have interviewed on all seven continents have shared many stories with us about their love for each other. They have described how they formed a commitment to their relationship, as well as how they decided, once and for all, how much they loved each other and that they would spend their lives together.
While some couples initially had trouble with the commitment issue, they found a way to get past it and enter into a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the one they love. The successfully married couples we interviewed talked about the five challenges that make commitment difficult for some:
1. Commitment requires reciprocal love. It is not enough to be deeply loved, as you must also reciprocate profound love before a lifetime of commitment can be made. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage,” said Lao Tzu, a Chinese philosopher. We think he has it right. Having strength without courage is much like the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz — only when he committed to being courageous could he use his strength effectively. Successful marriage is a lot like that.
2. A lifetime commitment can only be made to a best friend. Friedrich Nietzsche once posited the notion that unhappy marriages are not caused by a lack of love, but by a lack of friendship. Nothing truer has ever been spoken about successful marriage. You see, the person you commit to must, first and foremost, must be your best friend. You cannot make a lifetime commitment to someone you only love. These types of commitments are made to those we consider our best friends! When we ask successfully married couples who their best friend is, they almost always say the name of their spouse.
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