15 Struggles Black Women In Interracial Relationships Can Understand

August 15, 2013  |  
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Dating is tough; and interracial relationships come with their own special type of drama. Whether you’re currently dating “outside the team” or just curious about what it’s like, we’ve got some gripes that sistas in this situation will probably understand.

His Friends

Sometimes social gatherings are awkward: “I can see why he likes you. You’re not like other black girls.” Not all of us get to our post-racial place at the same time. If this is the first time his friends have hung out with a black person, the interracial learning curve can be steep.

Your Friends

Sometimes your crew doesn’t do any better. Whether they’re instantly suspect or think he’s cool, he better prepare for some teasing. You wince every time they call him “the white boy” or ask why he likes chocolate, but you’ll just have to talk to them about that later.

Questions About The Sex

“Is it true what they say about white men/Indian Men/Chinese Men/Mexican Men?” Our advice? Dodge the question. He’s going to feel some sort of way if he finds out you’ve been spilling his tea in the street.

Questions About Everything

If you’re the first person they know in an interracial relationship, you’re sort of like an ambassador. Get ready to be the go-to person for questions about his race, your race and what happens when the two races get together. The number one question? “Why are you dating him?”

The Public Side-Eye

It’s 2013, but some people still have strong opinions about interracial relationships. Some people stare because they’re curious. Others look mad enough to have something to say. Just keep it moving. Their personal struggles have nothing to do with you.

He Thinks He’s Got a Black Card

It’s almost understandable. His girlfriend is black, he can’t be racist. So why not try out “N***a” in a rap song or join you when you complain about how “black people are always…” But even several years in, things can get awkward pretty quickly.

People Try to Take Away Your Black Card

“Yeah, but she’s dating a white dude”. Some people think that dating outside the team means that you’re less of a member.


You are a smart, attractive, well-educated black woman. You should really be dating a smart, attractive, well-educated black man. The thinking may be old-school but it can be hard to shake the feeling.

Educating Him

How can anyone not have seen “The Color Purple?” It’s time to pick out some Saturdays to introduce him to all the classics he’s missed like “Harlem Nights” and “Friday”. That’s not really a complaint. Movie nights can be a lot of fun.

Fear of the N-Bomb

It crosses everyone’s mind when you first start dating. What if an argument gets heated, things turn racial and he drops an n-bomb. What if you’re already married with kids? What if he says it to them? It sounds paranoid but it happens. Just ask Halle.

Mad Black Men

Sometimes brothers take it hard when they see you out with someone for the other team. Hearing “she thinks she’s too good for the brothers” or “he couldn’t possibly know what to do with that” can be par for the course. Sometimes you just have to roll your eyes and play through.

Lord, He Can’t Dance

Date a man without so much as a two-step and it puts a cramp in your clubbing days. Rhythm is tough to teach. It’s time to find something else to do on Friday night and save the clubbing for girls’ night.

“Jungle Fever”

Can we get a new anthem for interracial dating? If you’re just branching out into your own interracial relationship, get ready to be real sick of hearing people hum it, whistle it or ask you if you’ve seen it (for the 7th time).

Food Issues

Some people can’t tolerate tobasco but you put that on everything. Other people love mayonnaise in a way that you’ll never understand. Kitchen arguments and recipe modifications are just part of the bargain.

Finding Out He Has a

Sometimes love is color blind. Sometimes it only loves black women: their chocolate skin, their hair, how “sassy” they are… If he’s more into cooing about the color of your skin than getting to know you, he may love what you represent and not who you are.

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