How To Keep The Spark Alive When You’re Taking Things Slow

August 16, 2013  |  
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Daters today can be so impulsive. You go on one good date with a guy and he’s inviting you to his family’s summerhouse and asking you to drive him to this doctor’s appointment. But, if you don’t rush into things, how do you keep the excitement alive? It’s possible; you just have to watch your every step.

State what you want

Let the guy know from the beginning that you are looking for something serious. Otherwise, he could easily read your slow pace as disinterest. If you both state that you want to see where this can go, that shared goal and anticipation will keep you both tuned in.


Date in groups

Try to spend equal parts alone time, and equal parts around other people. You’ll both find one another more interesting, and get to know each other better, if you see how you react around other people—especially around each other’s friends. Plus, too much one on one time makes a relationship feel serious fast.

See each other at least once a week

Do make a point of seeing each other at least once a week. If you go longer than that, you’ll have trouble feeling attached to each other. You want to build up a momentum so that you’d at least notice if the other one disappeared suddenly! If you go too long without seeing one another, you won’t ever grow to miss them.


Fill him in on your life

Even though you don’t want the relationship to be serious yet, that doesn’t mean you have to pretend life is all daisies and sunshine. Fill your guy in on real things happening in your life—your stresses, your bad days, your own personal drama. He’s no dummy and if all you ever talk about is upbeat topics, he’ll know you’re holding back on him and think you don’t want to bond.

But don’t lean on him too much

While you are filling the guy in on your life, don’t lean on him too much. He’s not the person you should call after your boss pisses you off, or your sister makes you cry. The second he becomes your go-to person in the heat of tough moments the relationship becomes serious. You can fill him in on things, but wait until you’ve cooled off.


Diversify dates

Don’t just watch TV together or go to the same restaurant every week. That’s a fast track to feeling like a couple. Remember: you’re trying to get to know each other. Experiencing different scenarios, environments and activities together lets you do just that.

Do something romantic every few weeks

To keep you two from feeling like just friends, make sure you plan at least one romantic night every few weeks. This could be as simple as making him dinner to eat on your candle lit patio, or getting a hotel room for a one-night “staycation” in your town.

Go on a trip in a group

Going on a trip together bonds you, takes you out of your comfort zones together and shows that you’re really invested in each other. But an entire weekend of just the two of you could be too intense. Organize a trip with a group of friends to a fun (read: not romantic) destination.


Send a few cute/funny texts a week

To keep up communication, send a few funny or cute texts a week. You don’t need to talk every day—that’s couple status—but you should let him know you think about him when he’s not around.

Send flirty texts, not cheesy ones

To make sure you stay on his mind when you’re apart, send a flirty text every so often. Just make sure it’s sexay, and not cheesy, romantic or cutesy. A good, “I can’t wait to be unclothed with you again” text will make him excited for your next date for days.

Do simple acts of kindness

Don’t do anything overbearing like redecorating his apartment, but do simple, practical things that show you don’t just see him as a hookup buddy. If he mentioned he’s all out of food and won’t have time to shop for a week, next time you’re going over there anyways, bring a few of his favorite things from the grocery store.


Always have plans

Serious couples don’t need to know exactly when they’ll hang out next; they take for granted they’ll probably end up together almost every night somehow. But you’re taking things slow, meaning you have to continue to put your best foot forward. Make sure you and the guy always have fun things planned for at least a couple of weeks in the future. This keeps you from getting comfortable and lazy.

Let him see you in your element

Let him see you doing what you do best. If you’re a performer, or an athlete, or just hysterical when you get together with a certain friend, invite your guy to see you in this element. A person is never sexier than when they’re doing what they’re good at!

Don’t get physical very time you hang out

Sex is not the route to go if you’re not trying to get too serious too soon. You should probably keep all things in that arena to a minimum as well, if you know what we mean.  A few kisses won’t hurt, but too much physical interaction will put you on the fast track to a relationship quickly.

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